A/N: hello lovelies! finally updating, yoohooo!!! :D so, i know i haven't updated in a bit long time (but i've done worse trust me lolol) i hope you guys will like this chapter, i know i should write longer chapters because these are small BUT i don't things to get a bit too fast and considering it's supposed to be a short fanfic....yeah, okay... so yeah :s   college has started again so i will have less time to myself to write, but i won't ever forget you hehehe, i also have to update my scenario blog so yeah^^ have a good day/night/whatevzz    again i'd like to mention self-abuse in this chapter so be careful if you're sensible to this :)    have fun reading!! <33    

 

    Minseok knows that there will always have a grey shadow, hovering over his cheerful - but quiet - attitude, a reminder of the darknesses of his soul, his years of fight against a scourge that had broken his whole self for few years. He had understood, by the end of his therapy, that even if he recovered from all the troubles he had, there will always this dismal side of him, which would never leave.   And he had learned to bear with it, he knew he couldn't escape it anyway. It, however, never stopped him from fighting it, something he did through those long four years.    Like a striking flashback, he could easily picture those times a familiar thing had pierced his skin, a result of regular insults, shouts thrown at me. He could easily remember the number of nights he was restless.   He believes that it must be the reason of his rationalitly, when being congratuled for his good grades, when being complimented about his looks. He remembers he wasn't always this loved and he likes to remind himself how hard he still needs to work - it was never enough anyway.       November, the 17th.       Minseok thinks then that it is totally unfair of Luhan to be mad at him, because 1) Minseok never choose to be the new captain, 2) he wasn't responsible of Luhan's inability and injury 3) he wanted nothing but to help the Chinese boy. Minseok thinks it is fair of him to be upset about Luhan's behavior, when the older boy had invited over a only-soccer-players party to which Luhan had only scoffed and turned away.      "You like him," Jongdae says with a big smirk, only yearning a scoff from the new soccer captain. He shruggs his shoulder, rolls his eyes and shakes his head.    "No," Minseok starts only for Jongdae to raise an eyebrow in disbelief," My interest for him is purely soccer related and-, he says only to see Jongdae's wide smile." Oh shut up." he hisses, causing Jongdae to laugh widely - like he could laugh quietly, thinks Minseok.           November, the 20th.         Minseok has been thinking over the past - and only - two days, considering every single possibility he could think of to get closer to