It's a game of truth or dare.  We were bunch of elementary kids then, nothing really matters.  It was the time that you'd rather do a dare and humiliate yourself rather than admit to your "crush" that you like him/her. It was just a game, no malice, no bad intention it's just for us to have fun. 

"Your turn!"

"Dare" 

"Kiss the person next to you." 

Back then a kiss was just a kiss. Nothing to it but a common gesture shared by friends. We usually kiss each other on the cheek, that's the farthest an elementary kid could go. Savoring the precious first kiss for someone you love, that's what we believed in. 

I shrugged my shoulder and leaned beside me to kiss her cheek. 

"Fany!" Someone called her at the same time.

You looked over while I was leaning over, your lips briefly touched mine.  

It was just nothing to everyone; just a simple miscalculation, nothing else. 

I was surprised when I saw most of my friends are still in the same class in high school. Things weren't easy but together we all easily adjusted together. 

It's almost half of the school year, and like everyday, I am sitting with my attention nowhere near to the lecturer. 

I felt a hand take mine, placed it on her desk and started to write random things on it. 

"Stop!" I hissed but you refused to let go.

"I'm bored!"

"Fany! We'll get caught and you know we'll both be in trouble" I whispered. 

She sighed but did not let go of my hand.  She intertwined hers to mine and let it dangle on our sides. 

We used to do this, I mean we're friends and all, but this time, it was different.  I froze and I felt my face burn up.  I tried to squirm and let go of her hand but she wouldn't let me. I've no choice but just let her be, we stayed like that until the class ended.  I learned to relax few minutes later knowing she wouldn’t really let go and knowing that no one will see us since we were seated at the back of the classroom. 

Our whole year was spent beside each other (during classes) and together (outside of classes).  It's safe to safe that our whole year was spent together of course with our friends.  But what’s this longing I felt when you were away for days? 

I received a text from you that day saying you were hospitalized because of a flu.  I fidgeted the whole English class, I couldn't wait to call and talk to you. 

As soon as the bell rang, I sprinted out of the room and reached for my phone. 

I called several times but no answer. 

"Hey! Calm down! She’ll be okay" 

I looked at our friends trying to hide my anxiousness.

"What are you talking about?" I pretended.

"Psssh! as if! She'll be okay!" 

Then they rushed off to the canteen.  I didn't question how they knew why I was acting out like that, oh well they're my friends anyway.

I do not know when, why and how but I suddenly started writing: poems, stories and never have I imagined I could write a song. 

It wasn't until I saw you with so close with our friend, too close, that I started I write with sorrow, pain and hurt. 

That's when I realized, while I was writing all these, you were the inspiration, you were the one I was thinking of.

I started to distance myself knowing full well what I am feeling and I know is not right. 

Cooking class, we were in the same group.  I tried my best to avoid you, I did. But you came to my side with a plate of food. 

"Been looking for you, let's eat!" 

You told me, placing the spoon I front of my mouth. 

"No it's okay, I'll get mine." I said awkwardly pointing at my plate. 

"No need to I got us enough, just the way you used to." she insisted.

Yeah, the way I used to. I used to platonically share plate and feed her or vise versa with her, but what I'm doing is wrong, I know it.  But why am I doing this? 

She saw me scribbling in my notebook the next day, writing another poem about her. She sat next to me, her usual seat, and pried at my notebook. 

"Poem?" I looked terrified when I heard that.

I shook my head vigorously trying to deny it. 

"Don't hide it. I know"

"But how...?" 

"I can read few lines from here" she said easily.

"So can I read?" 

I shook my head again and hid my notebook immediately.

"In love? 

"Nope" 

"Come on! You can tell me!" 

"No" 

"Oh please?" 

"Tell me yours first?" 

I compromised knowing she'd just drop the topic she's been avoiding.  I know she's in love with someone else and I've got a pretty good idea who the person is but I want to hear it from her own mouth. 

"Alright then, you know." she trailed of.

"I'm waiting." 

"You can't tell anyone okay?" 

"Like, duh?" 

"Alright! It's TaeYeon." I'm right. I did not even try to look surprised anymore. But then I was still left speechless. Unsure why. But I feel tightness in my chest. I've never felt this before but it's hurting me. I'm trying to breathe normally, but it's just too much. I don't understand why I reacted this way. 

"Hey!" she nudged my shoulder "you’re jealous, right?" she asked me smirking. 

"Why would I be jealous?" I asked defensively. 

"So who's yours?"  she asked again.  I was half relief that she drompped the “jealousy” subject.

"No one" I faked a smile and run off like a child. I ran as fast as I could and I can hear her calling my name, and I looked back at her gave her a wide smile and a laugh that could be heard around the corridor but I didn't stop, I can't stop.  

I locked myself in the girl’s toilet and that's when I realize I was crying. I hope she didn't see me with these tears when I looked at her. She didn't, did she? 

After few minutes of letting it all out, I was able to breathe again, looking at my watch, my class will be starting soon, so I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror.  I smiled; the one I've been putting up in front of everyone else for the past few months when she's with TaeYeon. Now I realize what this is, I've been jealous all along. 

I walked back to the class pretending that something was just in my eyes. They may seem to believe so I continue to fake it.  I sighed when the teacher came in because I had to sit beside her again, I had no choice. 

She then wrapped her arm around my shoulder, it caught me by surprise once again.

"What are you doing?" I hissed 

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm not. Get your hand off, the teacher will see us." 

"Nope. Not until you tell me." she grinned widely at me and rested her head on my shoulder (technically on her arm since it's still wrapped around my shoulders). 

The class drag along removing her hand occasionally then will just put it back on my shoulder. I couldn't protest, this is how we've been. It's just me who have been feeling weird about t