TITLE: [4/5]

Your title was very nice and looked appealing, it made me wonder what is the story is all about. After seeing the title I thought I was going to read a fantasy fic but I was wrong. Kudos for having a unique story title and keeping it connected to the story.

FOREWORD: [7/10]

The foreword was all about the legend which has a quite important role in the story. Putting it in the foreword kind of gave it away, nonetheless, it made me curious about the story.

PLOT: [8/10]

The plot is neither original nor cliché, it is just right. There are scenes in your story that definitely stand out from others. 

CHARACTERIZATION: [17/20]

It would be nice if the other characters' personalites were more displayed throughout the story as this will also help develop the story. Despite that, you did a good job on Kai's personality, the reason he was against in socializing with other people. Yet, I felt that Sehun and Luhan had easily approached Kai. Since he was confined in a mental institute and have experienced cases that could trigger mental disabilities, I expected that the two would take a hard time reaching out to Kai before they could confront him.

FLOW: [16/20]

The story was not balanced out well. It was a bit too focused on Kai that some things were left behind. For example, D.O's side should have been given emphasize more. The part where his uncle tried to kill him and where he saved the puppy; it is part of the plot. Also, it made me confused as to why the doctors in the hopsital kept telling it was D.O who saved him when D.O himself said it was the angels?

GRAMMAR: [17/20]

Take notice of what is the subject of your sentence (Is it singular or plural?) and the tenses your sentences are in (Is it in past, present, future, or perfect future?) I recommend you to go over your work after you are done as you may be able to see errors you have overlooked.

A duo briskly walked passed them

It should be: A duo walked past them.

Also, the excessive use of ellipsis (...) It is not really needed at the end of a sentence and in description. It makes it look untidy. If you want to write that your character takes a pause in his sentence, you can just do this: "They call me evil maknae" Kyuhyun paused, "Because I tease the other members a lot" 

"B-but... where should I start? So much has happened... so, so much..."

It should be: "B-but I don't know... where I should start? So much has happened... so, so much"

No one spoke and the only sound heard were the clicking of shoes against the tiled floor.

It can also be: No one spoke. The only sound that was heard was the clicking of shoes against the tiled floor.

You see there, I rephrased some sentences from your story. Don't get me wrong, they aren't really needed to be changed and there are no errors on those sentences. But, sometimes mixing up and experimenting with the structures of your sentences can hone your writing skills and build better sentences. Aside from several terms that you might have been confused with and spelling errors, your grammar is fine.

MPACT: [12/15]

I enjoyed reading your story, especially, the part where Sehun had to take away Luhan before he can do something to the people gossiping. The ending was quite a plot twist, It almost gave me goosebumps! I know, it is not a thriller fic or anything that falls into that kind of genre but when Kai knew it was really D.O who he kept seeing. It is both sad and somewhat creepy! 

OVER-ALL: 81/100

REVIEWER'S NOTE: hi, I apologize if I sounded rude. I hope you don't see this as a way of discourgement but rather an advise to help you improve (kick me, if you want. it's ok) I see this is an entry for a contest, my advise would be work out and try to balance the plot, see what I wrote on the 'flow' and pay attention to the small details of your story because it can ruin or do the trick for you. Lastly, go over your story and hunt down those errors you might did not see earlier. Keep writing! (I really liked Sehun's comments on the story btw)

-reviewer: ohsians