the primary, the secondary

TITLE: [4/5]

Your title relates to your story, but it's kind of lengthy and too boring for a title. You could make it something like Regrets or something flashier. 

FOREWORD: [8/10]

I liked the layout of your forward, it's simple and neat. The forward is pretty angst-y which makes me kind of curious as to what is going to happen. The only reason I took points off was because a small grammar issue which will be explained later and because it's not perfect yet, you could add more if you wanted.

PLOT: [7/10]

The plot is somewhat interesting, it's not overused but it's not one of the best ones I have ever seen. What I took points off for was that it's too dark and mysterious for me, it's good to have an element of the unknown in your writing but sometimes it can get too confusing. I don't understand what Jessica did or why Kai left for three years. What happened? 

CHARACTERIZATION: [11/20]

To be honest, I think Kai is the most interesting character. He's dark and shady. I'm really confused as to what happened to him though. Why did he leave? He has some realistic elements to him. Baekhyun is just that cheesy and typical nice guy that we see in every movie, drama, story, etc. He seems to be just a side character and if you want him as a main character, you need more depth to him. Jessica has characterization, but it's kind of unrealistic. She's cold and depressed, but realistically, would anyone trying to become a doctor have mental and health problems? Wouldn't they be kicked out? It's strange for her to switch from a mean sister to one who is constantly depressed about what she did.

FLOW: [13/20]

Your flow is pretty good until the ending which was really abrupt and harsh. The grammar also made it harder to read for me.

GRAMMAR: [8/20]

You overused elipses (...) in your story a lot. You could re-write sentences without them or emphasize a pause with actual words.

Original: "Krystal..that must be her..."

Fixed: "Kyrstal," I said out loud. "That must be her," I trailed off, wondering why she would call me at this time.

There are a few spelling errors and a lot of places where you mixed up past and present tense. You also mixed up the imperfect and perfect past tenses which made me twitch as I read your story. Re-read and run spell check to find those errors. Make sure everything is in the write tense PLEASE.

IMPACT: [9/15]

All in all, your story is alright. I'm not sure if it's completed or not but you should add more because I'm very confused as to what happened to Kai. 

OVER-ALL: 60/100

REVIEWER'S NOTE: I hope you take some of the things metioned into mind and keep up the writing!

-reviewer: janus4ever