TITLE: [3/5]

Right off the bat, I read your title and was like "YAS ANGST" (I have a thing for angst. Really, I do) but when I read your story it was more fantasy and action, not as angst-y as I hoped it be (bless my high expectations). I took off points because of a few reasons:

1. Your title didn't relate to your story all that well. There was no mentions of runes at all.

2. It's kind of common and not super original

3. I really thought it was going to be 10/10, pure angst and asdshfdklfl (I really need some help with my angst obsession, sorry)

FOREWORD: [9/10]

The foreword was pretty good at hooking people into the story. I read it and was thinking, 'sounds like blood and war and gory fun'. I'm feeling pretty cynical today lmao. It reminded me a lot of Uprisings/Rebellion/Dystopian stories like The Hunger Games, Divergent, Matched, etc. so I got pretty exited for your story after reading the foreword. There was just one small thing I found in your otherwhise flawless foreword:

"All it took was a spark, to start." 

This is a really confusing sentence(?), it may even be a fragment but I'm not quite sure. I suggest changing it to something like this: 

"All it took was a small spark to provoke the start of an inferno, bigger than anyone could have imagined."

Something like that would not only sound better, but it also would ensure that you're not just putting a sentence fragment in there.

PLOT: [7/10]

The plot was something very fresh and new for me to read. I do love some good action and dystopian stories. The only problem I have with it is that it was kind of confusing. By chapter 16 I still didn't really understand the different goverments and stuff. Your plot is also paced out really weird (I'll explain more in flow). Basically at first everything happened so fast and I was kind of confused as to what was what. After that though it kind of got super slow and the plot took so long to build up. Aside from that though it was still very original.

CHARACTERIZATION: [12/20]

There are way too many characters in this story for readers to be able to connect with them all and for the writer to build a deep characterization on them. I didn't like Eunhyuk's character because there were literally no flaws and she seemed too perfect. Even for a fantasical story, there still should be realistic elements to a character, that means some flaws because no one is perfect. Also, some of the characters seem like they have no role in the plot, they're just there. For example: Minseok and Joonmyun. Why were they added? I don't see them having a major role in the story. Tao's character is kind of useless to me because all I know is that he's grumpy. Why? That would really build depth on his character. Aside from that, I liked your characterization for Mark though, I think he's my favorite character (coughsmaybeabitbiasedherebutcough). I also really like Jongin and Sehun's characters because they have depth to them, a sweet and childish side, and they have flaws. 

FLOW: [15/20]

Again, the flow really threw me off. At first it happened all so fast and I was a little lost. When I finally caught up and the story slowed down to a good pace I was like, 'ok, this is better',but it just kept slowing down. It made me loose interest a bit and I think you could definietly pick up the pace a bit more with the plot by cutting out scenes that aren't needed.

GRAMMAR: [15/20]

There really wasn't anything wrong with your grammar., I just noticed a few things that I think are worth mentioning.

1. Vocab: thought that maybe you could change up your vocabulary because I saw a lot of repeated words in your stories. I think I saw "ruffled my hair" the most. Use a thesaurus, look up some new words to you instead like: toussel, dishevel, messed up etc.

2. Romanization of Korean: I know a lot of people do this but whenever I read a fanfic with korean words in them like "Omma" "Appa" etc. it really really really makes me not want to read the story anymore. Personally, I am Korean myself and I am fluent in it (as a matter of fact, I'm in Korea right now). It's just kind of annoying to see overly used romanization that could be spelled so many ways. I don't know why, but I just don't like it. I know a lot of koreans who feel the same way. There isn't a specific reason why, it's just kind of annoying. I also think you should consider other people who may not know what it means and become confused with your story.

3. Random Japanese?: I don't speak japanese or understand japanese aside from a few words (mainly learned from anime and sushi ordering). It was very confusing and unnecassary. Again, please stick to one language and be considerate of those who don't speak the language.

IMPACT: [12/15]

All in all, I found your story enjoyable. Aside from the flow of the plot and how long we had to wait to finally get the introduction of Yifan, I think your story has potential to keep going and I'm looking forward for what's to come! Keep it up (-:

OVER-ALL: 74/100

REVIEWER'S NOTE: hi, I apologize for taking forever to review your story, I recently just got back from vacation. Again, sorry for the super long delay. I hope I helped you in some way and again, I can't say enough how sorry I am for your delay.

-reviewer: janus4ever