I was sitting alone in the restaurant waiting for Hyukjae who took pretty long time at the toilet. I even started wondering if I didn´t accidently hurt the blonde. But he said so himself that he was fine with being just friends as long as we don´t part. I´m thinking too much, he just drank too much cola.

“Sorry for the wait,” my best friend was finally back but his smile looked very forced. It was so bad that even I, social idiot, noticed.

“Did I say something wrong, Hyuk?” I had no shame and asked directly. Hyukjae just shook his head but the smile was still awkward. I get it now; I ruined the date, didn´t I?

“Let´s go, Donghae,” the suddenly distressed blonde announced and stood up. Well, that´s strange. Why does he look so stressed? Maybe it wasn´t my fault that Hyukjae isn´t feeling alright.

We left the restaurant and Hyukjae set up a pretty fast pace. I was skipping behind him trying to catch up to him. We continued like this to the bus stop and there we stopped. Hyukjae was deep in thoughts and I didn´t know how to start a talk with him. More like I didn´t know if I was allowed to speak with him right now. The bus arrived in a few minutes and we sat at the back with Hyukjae next to the window. We still weren´t talking and I was becoming uncomfortable. It´s been a while since I felt this way with Hyukjae. I grew accustomed to his presence and as I said before, I felt safe and peaceful thanks to him.

Hyukjae was leaning against the window with his eyes closed and was still in his own monochrome world. I need to do something or we might end up being awkward with each other for the rest of the time. Today was fun and I don´t want it to end it in this manner. I gulped and closed my eyes.

Slowly I leaned my head to the side and put it on Hyukjae´s shoulder. The blonde jerked in surprise and I felt his eyes on me. It was like that for some time with only the bus´ loud humming and ruckus out on the street when the doors opened once in a while. Then I felt him shift in his place and familiar blonde banks mixed with my own brown mop. Hyukjae leaned his head on mine and for the second time today we connected our hands. I allowed him to take my hand and was surprised to feel his fingers shake slightly. I was worried but apart from holding his hand, I didn´t have any idea what to do.

The bus came to a halt at our stop and I pulled Hyukjae from his seat and outside. I didn´t let go of his hand still since his long fingers didn´t stop shaking. Before I knew it we arrived to the park between our houses and soon we would have to part ways.

“Donghae?” Hyukjae finally opened his mouth and I turned to look at him. He was looking at our intertwined hands and it seemed that the thing he was about to say might be a very difficult issue from his side. I was nervous.

“Do you remember when you said you would want to protect me instead of being protected?” I nodded my head. “I think it will be sooner than I expected. Can I count on you?” His eyes left the hands and locked with mine.

“Is something going on?” I inquired worried.

“Maybe, I don´t know for sure yet but there´s someone who doesn´t really like me.”

“Who is it? Someone wants to hurt you?” I was incredibly scared.

“I won´t tell you know but I don´t have a good feeling, Donghae,” Hyukjae pouted and I wanted to squeeze him at that moment and tell him that everything will be alright. I wanted to embrace him and bury my nose in his hair and whisper calming words to him. And what I wanted the most was to wipe those unshed tears that suddenly appeared in his eyes. I didn´t do any of that, though.

“I´ll always be here,” I said awkwardly. It was the only thing I managed to do to ensure the blonde about my loyalty. But it seemed to be enough because Hyukjae started laughing.

“You are really cute, Donghae,” Hyukjae was smiling and wiping the tears that came out thanks to his laugh. We weren´t holding hands anymore but the bond was still there. We stayed connected and parted with a smile on our face. I was feeling slightly worried for the blonde but I was sure that everything would be fine because we are special. Not lovers or friends, simply special.

________________

Although the weekend was awesome I had to wake up early because another Monday was here. But after arriving to school I found out that my new role was that of a celebrity. The guy who asked Lee Hyukjae, Kim Heechul´s favourite dongsaeng, out on a date in front of the whole class. No more harsh words or hits were awaiting me, but this new treatment wasn´t any better.

“Hey Hyukjae, your boyfriend is here!” That was the first thing I heard when entering my classroom. All eyes were on me and then a white head poked out of the crowd around his desk.

“Hi, Donghae,” Hyukjae simply said and then was back to his previous talk with a friend. At least here is everything the same.

But when I sat on my seat, something unusual happened. A few kids came to my desk and sat around me. They didn´t look like they wanted to bully me or laugh at me so I let them be.

“So how did the date go? I heard you went to the aquarium,” one of the guys asked and I was taken aback. Is he for real? Do they really want to talk to me now that I´m Hyukjae´s ´boyfriend´?

“Um, you came to ask me?” I didn´t like the fake attention.

“Hyukjae already told us but we want to hear from you too,” he said but I wasn´t convinced.

“I don´t want to. Hyuk is better talker anyway,” I tried to shoo them away.

“Don´t be like that, Donghae. If Hyukjae says you are a good guy, then we can´t help but want to befriend you too,” the guy told me and another one added, “Besides we were ignoring you for way too long, don´t you think? Let´s start over,” he asked. No way!

“Stop being grumpy, Donghae. They know that if they messed up with you, they would have Heechul on their backs. I would say that these guys are quite brave so why don´t you give them a chance? I´ll take responsibility if something goes wrong, neh?” Hyukjae appeared out of nowhere and pleaded. Ugh, now I have no other choice.

“It was nice,” I said quietly. They looked at me not understanding. “The date was nice,” I muttered again and Hyukjae laughed. After that he left me there. Bastard! What do I do now? I haven´t talked to them for years!

“I didn´t know you were such a heartbreaker, Donghae. Hyukjae fell for you so hard,” Someone spoke up again.

“You think he fell for me?” I couldn´t help but ask. So much for staying quiet.

“Of course! He talks about you all the time,” a girl giggled and I blushed, “so cute,” the same girl then added. Strange how different it sounds when Hyukjae calls me that.

“You have pretty nice chances with him. Ugh, I can´t believe I´m saying this about guy,” the most talkative guy said again.

“That´s because Hyukjae is so strange. It feels so natural when he dates a guy. But it´s still a pity, I wanted to ask him out too at the end of the year,” the girl then spoke up and I blushed again. But for some reason I felt slightly angry. But Hyukjae isn´t yours, Donghae. He can date anyone he wants. And when he does, you´ll go and congratulate him happily.

“Why are you frowning, jealous?” Someone joked and I hurried to control my expression. Wait, I´m not jealous, am I?

Before I could get into some serious trouble, the bell rang and everyone hurried back to their seats. I´m safe. Our math teacher is back too so no more Siwon, this week is getting better and better.

It didn´t take me as long as I expected to get used to the positive attention. Not everyone spoke to me but a few brave kids. It was okay since I felt like they are more sincere in becoming friends. I was still keeping some distance but I was doing good for someone who hadn´t really had any friends for most of the time of his life. The bullying stopped completely and although Kim Heechul kept shooting me warning looks on the hallway, I knew he only thinks of Hyukjae´s feelings.

Speaking of Hyukjae, in the end we stayed only best friends but our everyday interaction seemed very intimate to the people around, who have never seen me act friendly to anyone. Hyukjae and I would eat together and leave school to hang out in the café in the afternoon. But for some reason I felt like Hyukjae was becoming quieter and maybe submissive? He started spacing out a lot and I heard him laugh aloud rarely nowadays. Is it because I´m more independent now that he doesn´t need to take care of me all the time? Hyukjae´s original character has always been a mystery after all. Or does it have anything to do with our conversation after the aquarium date? I don´t know but I feel like I need to keep an eye on the blonde.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Hyukjae was sipping from his ice-choco looking at me quizzically.

“I wasn´t looking at you, I was just thinking,” I lied.

“Hm, then why were you thinking about me?” Hyukjae asked again.

“Because you-,” I stopped myself, “I-I wasn´t thinking of you!” Gosh, he got me here! Stupid Hyukjae and his mind reading techniques.

“Whatever,” the blonde chuckled leaving the topic. He´s doing it again. Whenever it seems like I might get upset or we might fight, even if it´s just fun, he suddenly stops and lets me win. Where has the daring Hyukjae go? The one who spills strawberry milk and jokes with strangers?

“Are you alright, Hyuk?” I asked again although he never answers truthfully when I do.

“Mmm,” he hummed and continued with his sweet treat. See? I told you he won´t answer.

Suddenly the doors to the café opened harshly and a tall very handsome man entered. Hyukjae turned to see in his seat, the waiter´s habit, but suddenly coughed. I would yell at him for spitting all the chocolate he had in his mouth on my shirt, if the blonde didn´t look utterly terrified by seeing the handsome guy.

“Hyuk, are you alright?” I felt like an old tape repeating the same sentence all over.

“,” the blonde spat and I was surprised by his foul language. Hyukjae turned back to me and it seemed as if he wanted to hide. But the battle was already lost. How can someone with white hair, fancy clothes and beaming silver shoes hide in a small café like this? It´s not like the blondes are known for their quick wits anyway. So who is the guy? He looks slightly younger than Hyukjae.

“Aigoo, didn´t I tell you I would find you?” The tall boy sing-songed.

“Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae muttered looking down into his lap. Something felt horribly wrong and no matter how hard I tried to suppress it, I couldn´t shake off the bad feeling.

“And who are you? His new puppy?” The called Kyuhyun smirked and started checking me out. “Not bad, Hyukkie. I approve but don´t you think you´re a bit too early for that? I´m not finished with you yet.”

“Kyuhyun, please,” Hyukjae pleaded softly but didn´t dare to raise his head. Just who in the world is this tall bastard that makes Hyukjae beg like a small child?!

“Shut up, Hyukkie, I´m talking to this little ,” Kyuhyun spat and I didn´t know whether I was angrier at the fact that he called me in such a vulgar way or that he was rude to Hyukjae. No I was definitely more agitated because of the way he was treating my friend. I successfully ignored the fact he was also calling the blonde with such an annoying endearment.

“And you are?” I asked daringly in as much annoyed as I managed.

“Ow, fierce. Nevermind, I´m Cho Kyuhyun, Hyukjae´s boyfriend." Well, that was unexpected and uncalled for. I didn´t know, Hyukjae had a boyfriend and especially such an . Nevertheless I was left speechless and only after a while I took a glance at Hyukjae. I was waiting for his reaction but the boy was completely frozen on his seat.

“I can tell you know nothing about my Hyukkie,” Kyuhyun smirked, “good for you.” Was the last thing he said and without waiting for any kind of reaction from us, he left. Really, I didn´t know what to say when we were left awkwardly sitting in the café. Hyukjae was still too paralyzed to even move and I myself didn´t know how to start. Am I even supposed to ask him about that now? I didn´t know. Blame the lack of social skills on my part. And so as expected I stayed quiet and as always waited for Hyukjae to make the first move.

What I didn´t expect, though, was that this time Hyukjae won´t make any attempt to ease the atmosphere. He stayed loyal to his new horrible character and didn´t utter a single word. Just a simple smile would be enough at this moment but what welcomed me was only poker face, paler than usual.

“My shift is starting, bye,” just when I was about to say something, Hyukjae silenced me with this short sentence. The blonde stood up and walked away.

And I started thinking about what Kyuhyun said. That I knew nothing about Lee Hyukjae which was right. Hyukjae was the best at keeping his mysterious image or how you want to call it. As I said before, his true character was still a mystery and never before I´ve wanted to know it as much as right now. It can be even possible that Hyukjae himself has already forgotten. Who was the original Lee Hyukjae? The joking blonde, sweet and smooth talker, calm and reliable friend, cute klutz or this depressing shadow? That Kyuhyun guy might know, it seems like they know each other for a long time. It´s his boyfriend.

Is it really his boyfriend, though? I´ve never heard Hyukjae talk about him, not like he really talked about himself much. And then I suddenly realised something. The strange happening after our aquarium date. Something that day triggered Hyukjae´s submissive behaviour. Could Cho Kyuhyun be that person, who dislikes Hyukjae? But he was calling him Hyukkie and even claimed to be his boyfriend, it didn´t sound like a hate. Or maybe it did but as always I overlooked something. Some kind of signal from Hyuk, call for help maybe. I would never be able to live with myself if this was true. Was Hyukjae seeking shelter and protection? Could I give it to him? What am I thinking, I have to!

“Hyuk!” I stood all of a sudden and the chair fell on the ground. Everyone in the small café turned to look at me and the blonde came rushing from the kitchen.

“Donghae?” Hyukjae´s expression was confused and worried. I couldn´t help but notice how sad he looked right now. The stress, which I selfishly ignored, take a tool on him. He lost some weight and his complexion became paler. His lips were swollen from his never-ending nervous biting and his eyes lost that calmness and playful glint they always had. How could I not notice? I´m a bastard, worse than that evil Kyuhyun.

“Hyuk!” I exclaimed once more and made a few quick steps towards him. Hyukjae was surprised and on instinct moved backwards. It was futile because it took me less than three seconds to pull him into the tightest hug he has ever experienced. My arms rounded his lithe body in an attempt to never let go. Despite not being invited I let my head snuggle into the crook of his neck and inhale the sweet scent. Hyukaje has always smelled nice.

“D-Donghae?” Hyukjae stuttered and once again I made him lose his pace. “What are you doing?”

“He was lying, right? He isn´t your boyfriend,” I mumbled incoherently into his neck and hoped that he would understand my new language. Hyukjae did and the affirming nod of his head proved that. “I won´t let him hurt you, Hyuk. I swear!” I spoke in my alien language again and tightened the hold around him, if it was even possible.

“Really?” Hyukjae breathed out quietly and I wouldn´t have even heard it if I didn´t have my ear on his adam´s apple.

“Totally!” I exclaimed childishly and maybe in a poor try to make the blonde feel more relaxed, I lifted him slightly into the air.

“That´s the best thing I´ve ever heard, Donghae,” Hyukjae told me when I put him on the ground again.

“No, the best is that whether you like it or not, you are now mine. Only I can hold your hand and take you on dates, get it?!” I pushed Hyukjae slightly away from me so I could look into his eyes; I pulled down my shades so he knew how serious I was.

Because do you know what? It´s true! I´m jealous! I admit it to you all now, I like Hyukjae and I can´t take it when someone treats him bad or even way too nice for my liking. I´ve never dated anyone in my life and I´m bound to mess up many times but if I´m correct, the real Lee Hyukjae can put up with me. He is patient and understanding, he´s smart and fun and he likes me the best. Childish? You bet!

“Yours? Aren´t you being overly confident?” Hyukjae suddenly asked throwing me totally out of character. My eyes went wide and I started stuttering before I finally notice that huge grin on his face. Hyukjae was smiling, more like beaming, and revealing all those perfect teeth, pink gums and cute wrinkles.

“I´m perfectly sure, you won´t say no to someone as great as me,” I started playing along with the blonde.

“Hm,” Hyukjae put finger on his chin and pretended to be thinking. I wanted to say something when his face appeared in front of me all of a sudden and those swollen red lips left a loud smack after pecking mine quickly. I lost my breath for a moment and Hyukjae used this chance to add his final blow before retreating fast back to the kitchen red and embarrassed.

“I think I will let you know my colour then.”

Gray is trying to protect itself from the chaotic outside world, even to the point of isolating from others, being left with the feeling that it doesn´t really fit in or belong anywhere. Colour gray will be restrained in its actions, often putting a pessimistic slant on things. Gray likes to be in control of emotions and avoid experiencing emotional pain by shutting off from those emotions. Deepest need is to create balance in all areas of life, to be respected for who you are and to find your place in the world with a deep feeling of belonging.

For the first time I put some hint of what might be going around in Hyukjae´s head. The colour gray sympolizes HYukjae´s state of mind and behaviour at the moment. He´s lucky that Donghae finally managed to crack his shell and let´s see how it ends. With asocial like Donghae, who knows what might happen. The next colour will be the last. I´m sorry for making Kyuhyun the bad one but it´s kinda funny. Whenever I read some Kyuhyuk, I wonder why their relationship is always so scary. Now I did it myself, aigooo. Thank you for all your support and messages, I love you! - PandaHero