❝Fin; 
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3 months , 3 months without him and i feel empty , empty and useless. I'm not myself for the past 3 months , i cry , i beg , i cut myself . Jongin has been taking care of me since then , giving me enough food to eat , treating the bruises on me , on my head and making sure i'm fine but i'm not . i may look better on the outside but i'm actually not , i'm crying i'm screaming for Taemin in me . 

"Jinri , you have to move on" i heard him murmured at the back ,

I was looking outside the window , crying as that's what i always do . I can't believe i've lost him , after 8 years , it's gone just like that. 

"it's not easy Jongin" i said and look back to him. 

"8 years.. 8 years is not nothing Jongin , you have to understand me" i beg and he came in to sit on the bed in front of me. 

"it's not easy to forget him , i've known him my whole life , he's my everything.." i look down to my hands before looking back to him 

"but .." he stops and i saw him hiding something behind him . 

"what's that?" i asked but he shake his head no and said it was nothing . 

"that's not nothing Jongin , i saw a thing!" i tried to reach out the thing . 

"Jinri it's nothing!" he got on his feet and was about to leave , 

I saw it , i saw what is was .. "is that.. " he stops 

"wedding invitation card?" i run to him and snatched the card from his hands , I see the look he gave me when i open the envelope. 

"someone gave me this in the office.. i wanted to tell you but .." he didn't finish up his words and i know what he wanted to say. i have tears in my eyes when i read the card 

Lee Taemin ♡ Son Naeun 

10th October 

Its tomorrow.. 

"i-it's tomorrow.." i murmured and look up to Jongin , he nods . 

"you don't have to go Jinri.." he murmured as he lean on the door frame , but i look up to him and say 

"i wanted to" 

I was in the dress that i wore during the night we had our dinner date for my birthday celebration. the one that he picked for me. Jongin's driving to the wedding venue which is in a park . I can't believe my eyes and i can't believe that its finally over .. he will never turn back to me again , to look at me like he used to . to give me the love that he always do. 

I look healthier , i do but i'm not on the inside . Jongin had took care of me really well that i couldn't say how much i thank him for this. i've given him the hardest work but he never complain , he never say a thing and keeps on helping me. from the day i couldn't walk because i was too weak to the day i'm getting healthy and strong. I bit my lips as i look surrounding us , i know we're getting nearer . 

The park is full with people , balloons and flowers as the decorations and i was imagining it was my wedding instead. Jongin parked somewhere far from other people because i asked him to , i don't want any of them see me , especially Naeun. 

"are you sure you're going to be fine?" he asked as he look at me ,

I look around myself to see people smiling , gifts in their hands as they all walk to the wedding place . i let out a long sigh before nodding my head yes. I honestly think people would misunderstood me as the bride because of the dress i'm wearing and the hair i did for myself.

The dress that Taemin picked for me before is a peach almost white coloured lacey dress that cover all of my body til my neck but didn't go to my arms as it is a sleeveless kind of dress . 

I have my purse in my hand and walk together with Jongin next to me , people were looking at us , probably mistaken us as a couple . I look away , feeling uncomfortable of them looking at me . I saw a tent nearby and i saw Taemin just got inside it .

"J-jongin" i stop him and he look back at me "hm?" 

I'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing but i want to meet him , one last time . 

"you go first , i need to go to the loo" he nods and i left to the left side , walking towards his tent . 

Quickly hide when some of guys came out from his tent . i look back and hoping he's alone in there. Taking a deep breath , i walk inside and i saw him standing right in front of the mirror in a tuxedo. the look that i always wanted to see , unfortunately it's not for me ..

He saw me and quickly turn around . he didn't utter a word , in fact he looked surprised to see me standing before him , in a nice white dress and i look healthier than before . 

"before you get to say something" i said and walk forward towards him 

"i have something to tell you . i don't need your answer and i don't need you to speak up. just listen to my words , listen to every bits i say" surprisingly he nods .

It took me a while to say the next words when my eyes were looking straight to his eyes , those shimmering eyes , the lips that always make me smile when it touches mine. 

"i know you're not mine anymore and i know i'm not yours either . but there's something i wanted to tell you , something that i think you should know before you go out there and marry the woman that you love.. I've known this one guy since i was younger , i was just an ordinary girl , a new girl in his school and made everyone looked at me as if i was a clown , i have nobody by my side , and he has a lot of fans and friends by his side . i have few friends and he has tons . he's the popular guy in school and i'm just a girl who sits at the back of the  school canteen during lunch whilst he's having his lunch in a fancy table with his lads. 

But there's a day when he suddenly approach me when i was alone after the basketball match , sitting at the top back where nobody would sit there to enjoy the match. but he came towards me , giving me a simple smile before saying hi . I was scared when i see all the girls looking at us and him sitting next to me , he noticed that i'm not comfortable because of the death glare the girls gave me and he said 'its fine , they're not mad at you. its me' that eases me , like a lot . and he gave me the sweetest smile that i've ever seen , i've already know his name , because he's the popular guy in school , i don't need him to tell me. but he asked about myself , i told him my name and he smiled saying that it's cute. 

He spend more of his time in school with me which i didn't expect him to do , the guy from the basketball team hang out with me , it was truly amazing. He was in his senior year and i'm still stuck in school , i told him that i'll be alone when he left the school but he told me to not worry and he asked me to be his girlfriend that night during our senior year prom. 

I've lost my parents when i turn 19 , and he was the only one there for me , i couldn't say how much i loved him for protecting me , taking care of me when i was suffering alone. he showers me with lots of love , making sure i can feel them because i was desperately in need of love from my parents , he did everything he could for me and i truly felt bad because of me , a selfish side of me made him suffer but he never complain about it. 

He proposed to me when were celebrating his 21st birthday. I couldn't say no because he has done so much for me and i love him for everything he did , i gladly accept him to be in my life forever. we were so in love that we would give each other kisses before we go to sleep because we were afraid that if one of us die the next morning , we didn't get to give the last kiss. 

I love every single bits of him and i even thought i didn't give enough love towards him , and i'm blaming myself for letting him feel that way , because he left me for another girl , the girl who's .. the girl who's better than me , prettier than me and most importantly , giving the love more than i should give .. I'm sorry for making him disappoint in me , i hope i can see him , the real him again , begging for forgiveness.. and the guy that i was talking about is standing right in front of me , in this dashing looking tuxedo , ready for the marriage vow. 

I know the Taemin that loves me is still in there , but it seems like i can't do anything about it and accept the fact that he's marrying another woman .. and the woman is not me , the lover of his life for 8 years... I may not say anything about it , but i'm hurt Taemin .. so much" 

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