Hi everyone, those that remain at least? I'll be replying comments at a later time, like now and then during my breaks from work beacuse it's late and editing this was ridic. (and funny)  

Part Twenty-Two

Everything was eerily silent. The streets seemed foreign, but then there was still a tinge of familiarity to everything. Shops, houses, schools, parks. All distorted but somewhat recognisable.  Jessica moved her feet hesitantly, dread fogging around her but something compelled her to go on. Forward, even if they were small steps.

Suddenly, a small figure knocked into her and Jessica stumbled backwards, almost losing balance.

“Hey!”

Jessica steadied the child and then, upon a closer glimpse, she realised who that was.

Babysis.

“Wha-”

Why was she eye to eye with her sister even without needing to bend down?

She was startled as she looked down her body at her legs. She had shrunk, apparently, and was her younger self again. This very realisation had her holding hands with her baby sister immediately. Almost desperately.   

“Did mom leave you alone again?”

A gigantic rainbow-coloured ball rolled down the road lethargically, dwarfing everything else, but the pair paid it no mind. However, the younger of the two remained unresponsive, ignoring Jessica, the same way they were ignoring the ball.

“Why aren’t you replying me?” Jessica asked, slightly frustrated, but all that the younger girl did was to smile, and grip Jessica’s hand tighter.

“Talk to me, hey?”

Silence.

“Talk to me, please…” Jessica felt awful, throat parched and breathing laboured. It was as if the whole world was against her.

Jessica woke up with a start.

The streets were gone. And so was baby sister.

Dream. A terrible dream.

Her surroundings were dark, save for the dim bedside lamp and the light that the phone beside her was emitting.  She took in her surroundings and the person beside her in bed too.

Yuri?

Stunned, Jessica closed her eyes on reflex and froze. Her brain went into overdrive, shaking off the remnants of sleep to process what she saw. Why was Yuri here, in her bed?

Jessica peeked through half-lidded eyes and took in  Yuri’s topless form, in nothing but her bra. Her eyes widened and she had to suppress the gasp that threatened to escape her lips when she met the other girl’s eyes. Snippets of earlier events flashed across Jessica’s mind and she averted her gaze.

Drunk.

Lots of crying.

The… Kiss.

And what else?

Jessica searched her memory, but drew blanks.

“You’re awake.” Yuri tilted her head to Jessica while setting her phone on the bed. And in the soft glow of lighting, the concern shining on her face was clear to the eye. “You were gripping my arm really tightly the whole time. Nightmare?”

Jessica nodded, her eyes automatically travelling to the deep fingernail markings she had left on Yuri’s flesh, prominent despite the faint lights, painfully so. She’d almost drawn blood, and for a second, she wanted to apologise. But the realisation that that was probably why Yuri couldn’t put her clothes back on had Jessica holding back on the apology.

It was too hard, she couldn’t place the ‘sorry’ at the right space.

“Do you feel hungover? Headache? Hungry? Thirsty?”

With every word, guilt mounted. The show of concern only seemed to amplify Yuri’s position.

Convenient.

Yuri had always caught her when the ground beneath her was collapsing, without asking for anything in return. It was impossible to ignore this, yet, Jessica had nothing to reciprocate it with.  

“Sorry.” Jessica looked away, shaken from both the nightmare and Yuri’s presence. “For earlier, too. For everything. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Maybe you weren’t,” Yuri answered and smiled good-naturedly. “It’s a good thing, sometimes.”

Jessica flinched. It was such an easy answer but having to handle all those breakdowns she had was anything but that. She had hurled so much at Yuri and received acceptance instead.

Selfish.

Flashbacks of Yuri being jerked around by her and Yoona lying in the hospital bed whipped her conscience. Jessica breathed heavily and her eyes landed on the floor.

Selfish.

She recalled the nightmare. Books were sprawled across the tiles. An empty wine bottle, toppled over, lying on top of what looked like Yuri’s tee shirt.

She snuffed out the voice before another whisper of ‘selfish’ could mess with her head.

“My memory isn’t working. Did I pass out?”

Yuri chuckled and Jessica casted a quick glance over. The faint amusement lacing her laugh was pretty unsettling. Too at ease, really.

“Yeah, you did. And you were crying, totally uncontrollably,” Yuri paused, and Jessica held her breath for some terrible revelation. “Bawling on my thighs.”

“Wh-”

“Good news is, I’ve strong thighs, so no damage done.”

It was unexpected and Jessica couldn’t digest what was said immediately. When she finally managed a weak smile, Yuri gave her arm a small squeeze. That quick action felt intimate, but maybe because it was Yuri.

“How’s Yoona?” Jessica’s voice wavered, the uncertainty seeping out. “I didn’t have the chance to… see the extent of things.”

“She’s fine, a broken left leg and very mild concussion.”

“Who’s the doctor overseeing her condition?”

“I don’t know, she sent me here five minutes after I stepped into her room.”

Jessica’s eyes fell back to the books on the floor. While she had an immense desire to grab everything and stuff them back to where they belonged, she didn’t want to move just yet.  

“Sica, I know this is the last thing you want, and I know I’ve given you my word,” Yuri began and Jessica knew what was coming. She almost wanted to cup Yuri’s mouth and force the words back into her. “You should tell Yoona the truth. It’s too hard on both of you. I don’t like this.”

“You make it sound too easy, Yul.” Jessica’s eyes refused to leave the books and, with a hint of desperation, she tried to find Mr. Happy in that mess.

But no. He was hiding, evading Jessica. Definitely.

Those books had once held happy and precious memories. Now, they were a sad fragment of the past that she couldn’t let go of.

“Maybe you’re just making things too hard for yourself.”

Yuri made sense. Jessica knew it well enough but how could she live in a carefree way?

There was so, so much guilt and so many ‘if only’s.

Jessica breathed out shakily.

“The books were the only things I managed to salvage.”

The words slipped out of her, and Yuri was once again an empty vessel to be filled with Jessica’s sudden bursts of emotions.

“Dad-” Jessica’s breath hitched. Her voice was a lot weaker than she wanted. “-threw out every single thing we had of her. Made it seem like she didn’t exist.”

Jessica heard herself croak and found Yuri’s eyes fixed on the ground adamantly, relieving her of having to keep eye contact. Yuri was perfect at knowing when to look and when not to and above everything else, she felt comfortable enough to tell the younger girl things.

There could be many reasons behind it, but it had to be shelved away for now.

“Mom was just crying over her things, everyday. Sometimes she would lock herself up, and then one day, she snapped mentally. Totally depressed. Dad went bonkers in another way. His way.”

Jessica's back sank deep into the pillow.

“You?”

“I kept silent. Numbed, maybe. I chose that, I don’t know.” Jessica closed her eyes, as though she were shutting out the past. “A part of me went… with her.”

The room was engulfed in silence after Jessica spoke, and that was a perfect replica of how she was during that agonising part of her life.

“I wanted to have something of hers. Something to remind me of her. Something, I know it’s dumb, I’m supposed to move on. I managed to keep those but- I don’t know. Maybe Dad was right, it’s pointless to hang on to those things because…” Jessica swallowed a sob with much difficulty. “Because the person attached to them is no longer with us. They are just inanimate objects, physical manifestations of our pain and sadness. “

Tears fell. Jessica had controlled her voice, but couldn’t do the same with those tears. She could speak, but the emotions leaking out in the tears spoke in bigger volumes.

“I wish I’ve got a recording of her voice. I’ve forgotten how she sounds like.” Her voice cracked, and unable to continue anymore, she buried her face into the blanket.

The break in conversation was stifling.

Jessica could never come to terms with forgetting her voice, even though so many years had gone by since. And sometimes, when she thought about it and a voice that possibly resembled that of her baby sister echoed in her head, she would cry. Cry, silently, out of thankfulness and out of guilt. Tears would drip endlessly until she was too tired to open her eyes.

“It’s okay to forget…”

“It’s not!” Jessica sobbed, her voice raised to the loudest that she could muster. “You’ll never understand this. But it’s not.”

“I won’t, you’re right,“ Yuri sighed. “Just cry it out , then.”

A comforting arm on Jessica was the best Yuri could do.

“It’s not okay, it’s not okay to forget her.”

Yuri hummed and hugged Jessica around the shoulders lightly.

“Yoona, sometimes I love Yoona so much that I hate myself for it. Betrayal, it’s a betrayal. Do you get it?” Jessica was rocking back and forth. “I shouldn’t love Yoona so much.”

“Sica, it’s okay. All you’ve got is Yoona, you- don’t blame yourself. Please.”

“Yoona… We’ve spent so many years together and sometimes… Sometimes I think maybe it could have been her. My sister. Could’ve been her, right?”

Jessica kept rocking, as a strangled sob cut through the air that was soaked in heartbreak.  

“I love her too much. It isn’t right. It isn’t. I love Yoona too much. She numbed the pain and helped me continue my life, but what now?”

And Jessica descended into a mess of weeping incoherence once more, mumbling repeatedly until she drifted back to slumber.

What now, what now?

Seeing Jessica asleep and still pressing against her closely, Yuri sighed.

“You know, Yoona loves you too. Not in the sisterly way but romantically.” Yuri let the words settle, and when Jessica didn’t stir, she continued dispiritedly, “But it’s not my place to tell you that. You should hear it from Yoona.”

Taking one last glance, Yuri moved to get out of bed. She was terribly tired and emotionally exhausted, and as much as she’d like to, it was impossible to stay awake, warding those inner demons away from Jessica.

One of her feet touched the floor. She’d have to impose on Yoona’s room for the night.

But as soon as she shifted a little more, a hand latched onto her arm.

“Don’t go.”

The muffled words were so soft, so feathery-light that Yuri thought she’d imagined them. But Jessica’s fingers were closed around her arm.

“I’m just getting something to change into.” Yuri glanced behind her. Jessica still looked absolutely deep in sleep. “I’ll be back, promise.”

And like a charm, Jessica released her grip for Yuri to scramble past her stained top and into Yoona’s room. Without much thought, she