Part Twenty-One

Dread ate away at Jessica throughout the entirety of her shift.

Pressure brewed, deep in her skull. Her mind had been extra jumpy every since that little sentence from Professor Jang.

There’s a thin line between being attentive and being uptight.

Jessica repeatedly told herself that it was just advice, criticism, nothing more. Anyone would react the way she did, surely. She tried and realised that she couldn’t convince nor lie to herself. Mentally, she wasn’t strong enough. Not yet.

Sick kids everywhere. Some, fighting for their lives.

Jessica was supposed to save them, theoretically. But it was painful just being there. Like now, unfounded unease poured into her.

Her eyelids twitched; supposedly a bad sign. Though rationally, she knew that it was only a silly superstition.  

Halfway through this particularly busy day, Jessica decidedly cleared her head and pushed away the haunting thoughts.

She was where she wanted to be. No matter how unsettled it made her.

Steeling herself,  Jessica ploughed through her shift with determination, missing all the messages that swarmed her phone for a few hours.

“Bye.” Jessica waved tiredly at her colleagues, drained from the hectic work of the day, and dug out her phone.

A whole bunch of messages from Yoona awaited her. Like ticking time bombs, patiently waiting for her to set them off.  

Jessica’s brows furrowed in confusion as she took in the large number of texts received and suddenly, she was hesitant about reading them. As she put a thumb on the screen, she let it linger, tentative and in all honesty, scared.

No, get a grip. Nothing’s wrong, she’s probably just whining about mosquitoes.

Dragging her finger to the right - dread trickling through her - she opened the latest message.

OMG YOONA DON’T DIE.

“What the ?” Jessica gasped in the locker room, blood draining from her face as she crumbled to the floor.

It was a joke. It must be.

With trembling fingers, she scrolled up quickly, desperate to find proof, any at all, that would reassure herself that the message was only a cruel and nasty prank of sorts.

“Sooyeon-ssi, are you okay?” Jessica heard a voice ask, but her vision was already blurring. She nodded weakly, not trusting herself to speak without breaking down.

Nana here! Yoona got into an accident, . Oh . Help!

Omg Unnie, she’s bleeding a lot! what do we do????

Called the ambulance, omfg unnie she’s not waking up!

WHERE’S THE AMBULANCE FFS.

Omg omg omg, I’m so scared.

It wasn’t a joke.

The realisation hit Jessica as she scrolled through Nana’s panic.

OMG YOONA DON’T DIE.

The very first message replayed over and over in her head, unyieldingly, and suddenly she felt as though her life was being torn apart. Again.

No no no. This. Can't. NO.

She couldn’t even scream out loud. Her voice was gone, her body cold, shivering. It was then, that the four letters camouflaged in the panicky messages caught her eyes.

SNUH.

Seoul National University Hospital.

A burst of newfound energy flooded her. Adrenaline coursed through her veins. She sprang to her feet and took off for the Emergency centre, sprinting faster than she ever had in her life. Her colleagues were shouting behind her. She hadn’t changed out of her work outfit. That shiny ‘Jung Sooyeon’ nametag was still pinned to her coat.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

Except Yoona.

Flashing her access card, she took all the available shortcuts to her destinations, narrowly avoiding colleagues and patients along the way in her blinding desperation.

When she finally screeched to a stop in front of the information counter at the Emergency centre, she was panting heavily, her lungs burned and words refused to form.

“Sooyeon-ssi?”

Jessica gasped for air.

Focus. Jung Sooyeon.

The staff at the counter was someone she knew through her rotation, a Mrs. Kim.

“What’s wrong?”

Shaking her hand, she choked out the words desperately.

“Yoona. Im Yoona.”

The urgency ringing clear in Jessica’s voice and the distressed plea in her eyes weren’t lost on Mrs. Kim and she muttered a quick apology to the next person in queue before punching in the name.

“Nineteen years of age, admitted two hours ago, Im Yoona?”

“Y-yes.”

“Wing B, Ward 12.”

“Thanks!”

Jessica was just about to propel herself to the location again but then it hit her.

Wing B, ward 12.

That was a perfectly normal ward, a private one and definitely not for dying patients.

“Huh, not surgery? Or…?”

“No.” Ms. Kim replied with a straight face, and nodded to the next person in queue. “She had a screaming friend with her, I remember. I’ve to attend to others, Sooyeon-ssi. You’d better leave before they accuse you of jumping the queue.”

Yoona’s… fine? Not dying?

Jessica bowed, a little embarrassed, before briskly making her way over to Wing B. Her tears were drying along with the hysteria as she calmed herself. While she was extremely relieved that Yoona wasn’t actually bordering the edges of life and death, battling to stay alive, the worry and questions remained.

What the actual happened?

***

When Jessica threw open the door, Yoona was propped up against white pillows on the bed. She was digging her spoon into some bland-looking hospital jelly, looking far too nonchalant for someone with a casted leg hanging mid-air. Her eyes lit up, but Jessica stopped at the doorway, doused in confusion.

“Unnie!”

“Im Yoona!”

The way Jessica ground out her name and stalked over scared Yoona. The thought that she had woken up a sleeping lion - abruptly, violently - flashed like a red alert. Jessica looked dreadful. Ashen face and bloodshot eyes. She had been crying, definitely.

Guilt slammed into Yoona. She’d be alright if Jessica was purely angry, but no, she had caused the other girl so much worry. She’d made Jessica cry. That alone was a thought that she couldn’t bear without cringing, and even withering inside.

“Wow, unnie, did someone splash you with white paint on the way here? Your face is whiter than whitewash.” Mustering up a huge grin, Yoona hoped that her humour would be enough to ease Jessica’s worry.

The effect of those words, though, were far from what she had wanted or expected.

“Is it funny? Do you think this is funny?” Jessica gestured wildly, the control she usually prided herself on slipping rapidly. “It isn’t! You lying on the ing hospital bed isn’t the least bit funny to me.”

“Um, unnie, I-” Yoona rubbed the back of her neck in discomfort, but no words came to her. Of all the years they had spent together, this was the first time Jessica had flared up so intensely at her.

Yoona looked to her parents pleadingly and her father opened his mouth, presumably to interject, but Mrs. Im rested her arm on his and shook her head slightly. No.

Lifeline gone, she was left to face Jessica’s wrath on her own.

“Un-”

“No, you listen to me. Do you know how I felt when I saw those damn messages your friend sent? Do you even know what the first message I saw was?!”

“Um,” Yoona mumbled timidly, fingers fidgeting with unease. “Nana said she contacted you, that’s all I-”

“It said you’re dying! You were ing dying, Im Yoona! You tell me, how was I supposed to feel?!” Emotions held her mind hostage. All logic had been abandoned, and there wasn’t a single way to stop herself. Her fists were clenched so tightly that the skin stretched over her knuckles turned white. Too far gone, now.  

“I’m sorry…” Yoona dipped her head, unable, unwilling to meet the agony flashing in Jessica’s eyes.

“How could you-” Jessica choked, and started pacing, “-actually brush this off? I thought you were dead! I thought I was gonna see your body! I thought maybe I should be heading off to the goddamn morgue instead! Do you even understand?!”

Yoona’s mind shut down and blanked out with a buzz. Jessica’s distress was affecting her. Her heart screamed for her to comfort and assure Jessica, but her brain wouldn’t cooperate. Too surprised by the scale of her reaction, Yoona could only bite her lips.

“I-”

Yoona’s mouth clamped shut again. She couldn’t think of a single word to say that would comfort Jessica right now and there seemed to be little left that she could do. But, maybe, the simplest act would be the best

“What the hell are you doing?” Jessica demanded, rushing to the bedside when Yoona struggled to sit straight up.

“Getting up to hug you…?”

“What?!”

“Unnie, it’s alright now. I’m alive.” Yoona held out her arms, the tears slowly finding their way into her eyes. “Feel me, I’m alive. It’s alright.”

Time seemed to stand still as Jessica froze, unmoving, unblinking, inches away from Yoona’s outstretched arms.

Yoona smiled. Only this time, there was not a trace of playful cheeriness on her lips, only comfort and assurance.

Everything’s fine now.

Trembling fingers reached forward hesitantly. Insecurity swallowed her whole, as though this wasn’t real.

Just a split second of contact was too much for Jessica. She jerked away, wide-eyed. “I can’t deal with this, Yoona,” she whispered, looking almost afraid. “Not now. Not ever. I can’t.”

And before Yoona could say another word, Jessica bolted out of the room. Leaving Yoona bewildered and surrounded by a deafening silence.

An awkward low cough eventually eased the tension.

“What was that about, Yoona?”

Yoona shrugged at her father’s question, her face grim. The uncharacteristic behaviour put up by Jessica was probably more of a shock to her than it was to her father. Though the entire episode barely lasted a full fifteen minutes, Yoona was introduced to sides of Jessica that she had no idea even existed.

“You’d be as hysterical if the hospital called and said those stuff,” Mrs. Im said, leaning forward and patting Yoona on the shoulder, ignoring her husband’s muffled rebuttal. “Yoona, check if Sooyeon’s okay in a bit, alright?”

Yoona murmured her agreement, but she just couldn’t get the image of J