Chapter Nine

The drive to my house from the hospital seems like the longest I’ve ever taken. Maybe it’s because I’m nervous about bringing Luhan home to see my parents, or  maybe it’s the fact that he is next to me singing every single song that comes on the radio, and I want that moment to last forever. It’s probably a little bit of both.

I still can’t decide if my mum’s invitation is a good thing or a bad. I’m hoping that my parents are finally beginning to understand, and that they will learn to accept us. But a very tiny part of me is paranoid that the only reason they want Luhan to be here is so that they can personally tell him off.

“You’re the first person I know who’s nervous about going back to their own house,” Luhan comments as I struggle to find the correct key for the door lock. In the end, he has to do it for me because my hands are shaking too much. “Ready?” he asks, one hand poised on the door handle.

I nod, and we head inside. My mother is sitting in the living room, watching the television. She looks at us and smiles. “Hi, dear. Welcome home. You too, Luhan.”

“Thanks for inviting me, Mrs Oh.”

“Well, make yourself at home,” she says to Luhan, and to me, she says, “I’ll need your help in the kitchen to make some finishing touches.”

I cast a worried look in his direction. My mum doesn’t notice because she’s already making her way to the kitchen, but Luhan does. “I’ll just entertain myself by watching TV,” he says. “Don’t worry. Go ahead and help your mum.”

I’m still worried. What if my dad comes and gives him a hard time? He’s known to give his workers and colleague a hard time. “Where’s dad?” I ask my mum when I step into the kitchen.

“He’s out to buy something, but he’ll be home for dinner,” she answers. “Can you grate the carrots for me?”

I grab the grater and set to work. We carry on without talking and occasionally, I will sneak glances at her, trying to guess what is on her mind. She seems so calm that I almost ask her if something really is wrong.

She’s the first to break the 10-minute silence. “How’s Luhan doing?”

I haven’t spoken to her properly for so long that it becomes hard to answer even a simple question like that. “He’s okay,” I mutter, but neither of us believe it.

“Sehun.” She sighs at the orangey mess I made and comes to sit next to me at the counter. “I’m sorry about the way we acted before. Your father and I are both very sorry.”

“Okay,” I simply say. I hear the door open and close, and Luhan greeting my dad who just got home.

“Just remember that we’re here for you if you need someone to talk to.”

I nod and say ‘okay’ again, but I’m suddenly reminded that it’s not really okay. Despite how hard Luhan tries to be strong, he’s not okay. I’m not okay. Everything is not okay.

Finally, I stop trying to hold my tears back. When I’m sure Luhan is too absorbed in his conversation with my father about yesterday’s soccer match to hear, I let it out. My mum wraps her arms around me and pats my head.

“There, there. I’m right here,” she says softly.

“Luhan is dying, mum,” I sob, drenching her shirt with my tears. “He’s dying and I can’t do anything about it. I feel so useless.”

I pour everything out to her, but I’m not expecting her to make it better, because truth is, she can’t. No one can. And though her ‘it’s alright’ and ‘everything will be fine’ are not what I wanted to hear, I’m glad she tried. I’m glad I finally talked to her about it.

“Your mother is a great cook,” Luhan says. It’s the exact same sentence he told my mother earlier after he took his first sip of the pork and kimchi stew. Speaking of which – the dinner went surprisingly well. Luhan was ever so friendly with my parents that it probably made it extra hard for them to be mean or condescending so they ended up being nice in return. They asked him a bit about his sickness and he answered accordingly but didn’t elaborate. It wasn’t awkward at all, which was what I feared.

I stop looking at the road and glance at him. The moon lights up his face and makes his dark hair looks more like the color of beach sand. “I don’t know how stay so thin when you get to eat so much yummy food every day,” he continues.

“It’s a mystery,” I agree. “I guess it’s one of the good things about having a lousy digestion system.”

The road ahead branches out into two ways. One leads to his house, another to the shop lots by the main street, and I’m not sure about the other on the far right because I’ve never taken it before. When we reach the fork, I stop and hesitate.

Luhan turns and looks at me quizzically. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not quite ready to bring you home yet,” I say, brushing his hair away from his forehead. “Let’s walk around some more.”

We take the road on the right. It has no street lights and is mainly illuminated by the glow from the moon. The twisting pathway is narrower, with stray rocks sprinkled all along to trick unknowing pedestrians. We walk on, holding hands, in silence, until eventually, it leads to a bigger road – the one we usually take – and we see his house down the path.

It reminds me a little of life. How there are more than one way to do certain things, and people always stick to one because the others may pose more challenge, but in the end, they all lead to the same outcome. Like love – there’s no law governing how to love, or who to love. Just because we’re different, doesn’t mean it’s not love.

Luhan sits on the steps leading up to the door. I can tell he’s getting worn out by the long walk, but he hides it with a smile so I won’t worry. “Well, we’re here. Does the extra ten minutes help you become ready?”

I shake my head. My heart suddenly feels a lot heavier. “No. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to see you go.”

“Something tells me you’re not referring to me going home.” His gaze follows me as I join him on the wooden steps. I manage a half-smile. “You okay?”

I shake my head again. And again. And again. Until my vision blurs and I hear the sound of water droplets pitter-pattering on the porch and I realize that once more, I’ve let myself cry despite the fight I put up. “I just don’t want you to go,” I weep. “Please don’t leave me.”

He smiles sadly and reaches forward to wipe away my tears. “I’ll try, Sehun. I’ll try,” he whispers. “But you have to be strong. I can’t look at you every time and be reminded of how devastated you would be if something happens to me. I need to know that no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. That you can still smile. Can you promise me that?”

Truthfully speaking, I can’t. I know I won’t be able to do it, and I don’t want to break another promise. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep my word.”

Luhan rests his head on my shoulder and sighs. “You can try, can’t you? That’s good enough for me.”

I nod. “Okay.” I will do anything for you. “I promise.”

“Good.”

“Luhan.” I tilt his head up and gently press mine against his – forehead to forehead. He’s so beautiful. So perfect. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know that.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You’ve never bother to ask before.”

I’m not very good when it comes to birthdays. My own family hardly celebrates it; never going beyond the standard ‘happy birthday’ song. Kai in his six years of friendship with me has never even gotten a proper gift from me for his birthdays. He’s always whining about it, but it’s not like I’ve received any from him either.

“That’s because you always said you don’t know what you want every time I tried to ask you about it,” he pointed out in his defense. “I would definitely get your presents if only you’d been more decisive about what you want.”

I don’t really particularly agree with him on that. When it comes to giving someone presents, I think sincerity is most important. If he at least tried to come up with something, I’d be grateful regardless of how stupid it is, or if it’s something I like.

But with Luhan’s birthday just around the corner, I find myself in the exact same situation as Kai, and whoever else that once bothered to ask me what I want, only to receive a lousy response in return.

“You don’t have to get me anything,” he says.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” I reply, adding emphasis on the slight difference. “So, come on, tell me. What do you want for your birthday?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought at all.”

“Then think about it now.”

“Okay, give me five seconds… Alright, done.”

“So what do you want?”

“I want you to spend the entire day with me.”

“I mean besides that.”

“Nothing.”

“Ugh!”

Now I’m beginning to see what Kai meant. It really can be frustrating, especially since I want nothing more than to give him the best birthday present ever. I don’t know if that’s the key to being a good boyfriend, but how Kai always seems to panic whenever his girlfriend’s big day is near, he certainly seems to think so.

“Help me out here, Luhan. I’m trying to find out what you really, really want.”

“Believe me, Sehun. I told you; I want to spend the day with you. That’s all. No need to give me anything else.”

“But I’ve never given you anything for the past two years,” I say, sighing sadly when I realize what a bad boyfriend I was. “I’m kinda hoping I can make it up to you this time round.”

But he insists that I shouldn’t get him anything. “Plus, you gave me that tiny brown bear at the carnival, remember? That’s something.”

“I don’t even know if I actually won it.”

“That doesn’t matter. It’s the thought that counts.”

Giving up, I decide that I would wait until later to decide on something. I thought about folding jars of paper hearts, but every Adam and Eve does that. It would seem too much like I’m copying others if I do it too, and to make matters worse, I sort of at origami art.

Kai is less than understanding when I tell him about my plight. “Well, worry not, Sehun. Like you said, it’s the thought that counts. So who cares if your paper cranes look more like crocodiles? Luhan will love them as long as they’re from you. And I’m not being sarcastic.”

He suggests that I search online for ideas and inspirations. That turns out to be a mistake because reading about the overly exaggerated and super romantic presents only makes me feel like a worse boyfriend.

Then at long last, an inspiration finally hit me. Instead of thinking about what to give him, I could focus on where to bring him so we would have the most unforgettable date in human history.

Things are starting to come together perfectly.

“Happy birthday!!”

Luhan startles and sits upright on the bed. He rubs his eyes to make sure it’s really me he’s seeing, and not some robber who looks exactly like me. “Gee, thank you. But how did you get in here?” He picks up the alarm clock from his bedside table and yawns. “It’s so early.”

“Your parents let me in,” I explain. “They also let me use the kitchen so I can make you breakfast. Just a word of warning though; I may not have inherited my mum’s cooking skills.”

He chuckles as he admires the plate I put in front of him. It has a piece of toasted bread smothered in frosting, drizzled with honey, with a lit blue and white striped candle stuck onto it. I was going to get him a cake, but none of us really like it, so I scrap the idea and thought of something else instead.

“It looks pretty. I’m going to enjoy this, but first…” He takes off the oxygen tube that he wears at night to help facilitate breathing, and leans in to kiss me on the cheek. “T