Chapter Eight

When Baekhyun called to ask if I’m free to hang out, I had wanted to say no. I’m supposed to go to the river park with Luhan that same morning, but when I tell Luhan about the invitation, he wants me to go.

“You should hang out with your friends more,” he says. “Go ahead. Don’t keep them waiting.”

I nuzzle my nose in his hair. “I’d honestly much rather spend the day with you. We have a date, remember?”

“We can always go in the evening. It’s not like the river is going to dry up.”

He’s right, of course. Sighing, I call Baekhyun and let him know I’ll be coming, much to Luhan’s delight. I don’t know what he’s so happy about.

“Glad you could make it,” Baekhyun says when I arrive at the restaurant. The others are already there. Remembering what I promised Luhan before I left, I try my best to not sound like I totally do not want to be there. I smile and thank them for inviting me. “Of course. We’re friends. How’s your break so far?”

I reply that it’s definitely been interesting and we chat for a bit. None of us mention anything about Luhan, although I’d previously bumped into them a few times the last week while hanging out with him.

“Oh, uh,” Kyungsoo stammers. He looks at me worriedly. “Chanyeol says he’s coming over in a few minutes.”

“Who invited him?” Kai hisses. I just keep my head down without saying anything.

“I don’t think he should. In case he makes a scene, again,” Baekhyun says, glancing over at me as if waiting for my permission.

I don’t think he should, either. I’ve been avoiding him at school, but I know I can’t hide forever. In fact, I shouldn’t have to be so afraid of him, as Kai said, although I’ve insisted that I’m not.

“Whatever. I don’t mind.”

Kai looks at me like you would a crazy person. He’s about to say something when he suddenly decides not to and turns away, muttering what I assume to be curses under his breath.

“You sure?” Junmyeon asks.

“He’s probably already on his way,” I merely say.

Kai leans in to my ear and whispers, although it’s still rather loud, “If he tries to pull any stunts, I will make sure he ends up in an ambulance.”

Chanyeol arrives in less than five minutes. He does a double take when he sees me sitting at the table, and I presume he isn’t expecting me to be around after he announces that he is coming. “Hey, Sehun.” He makes my name sound like a bad word. “What a surprise seeing you here today. I thought you’d be spending time with your boyfriend right now.”

I step on Kai’s foot to keep him seated. He glares at me.

“Are you still with him?” Kyungsoo wants to know.

“Yeah. I just saw them together yesterday,” Chanyeol cuts in.

“No one is asking you,” Kai growls, to which the taller shrugs lazily in reply.

I decide that I should say something.

“Actually, Chanyeol’s right. I’m still together with him.” They exchange glances, while Chanyeol grins smugly and Kai stares at me with wide eyes. He probably isn’t expecting me to admit to it seeing how the plan is going to end in one day, but I realize I don’t want to hide anymore. I should have done this earlier.

“His name is Luhan, and we’re happy. Happily in love.” I stare pointedly at Chanyeol, who stares back even though I could tell he is taken aback by my courage to openly admit to my relationship. “You can think it’s weird or wrong or whatever. I don’t really care. What you think is not important. What is important is that I’m blessed to be with him. We’re in love. And there is nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. He smiles.

“Yeah.”

“Congratulations on finding your true love.”

“Do you think I smell horrid? Is that why the hummingbirds steer clear of me?” I ask aloud. Luhan chuckles next to me and sniffs my shirt.

“Nah, you’re good,” he announces. “Besides, I don’t think they mind even if you smell.”

“But how come I never see even one? Am I not special enough?”

He tugs my arm. “I think you’re special.”

“You alone. That’s enough.” I smile and hold his hand tightly. Today is day nine. Tomorrow is the last day. My heart aches and it makes me choke up on my own tears. “I’m sorry,” I weep.

He catches a tear drop with his hand. “Why do you keep saying you’re sorry?”

“Because I am. I really am.”

“What for?”

What for? I’m sorry for so many things I don’t even know where to begin. “Everything,” I say in between soft sobs. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I broke your heart and hurt you so deeply. I’m sorry I didn’t care enough for the only thing that matters to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t as committed as you are. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I was such a coward.” The sobs grow louder, but now that I’ve let them out I can’t stop. “I am so sorry.”

Luhan pulls his hand away to wipe my tears, but he couldn’t clear them fast enough before a new wave comes in and eventually gives up. “Gosh, Sehun. Help me out here. I left the tissues in the car.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop it. Stop saying you’re sorry,” he sighs. “I already know you are. You’ve told me before.”

“I can’t forgive myself.”

“You should. I’ve already forgiven you.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “You’re probably just saying that so I won’t hate myself so much.”

“No, I mean it. I’ve stopped being mad at you. It’s not your fault. I understand why you gave us up,” Luhan says sadly. “You have big dreams for your future. I don’t. I can see why you care so much about what others think. But Sehun, always remember that this is your own life. You don’t get to live it your way if you think too much about everyone else. You can never please everyone, I understand that you want to try anyway, but you’ll just end up feeling like you fail yourself and all the people around you when you haven’t done anything wrong at all.

It’s not about how people look at us, but how we see the world. Everything can be perfect if you take on a different perspective.”

I nod. I was so blind. “I’m sorry.”

“You say that one more time and I’m going to be really mad.”

I pull him into a hug. “That’s the last time I’ll say it. I promise.” I feel him nodding against my chest, then I hear his muffled voice.

“Gee, this is your way of avoiding being dumped, huh? Smart guy.”

“So, what do you want to do tomorrow?” I ask as we make our way home, hand in hand. The sun is just beginning to set, casting a dark golden yellow glow across the horizon.

“I don’t –“ he stops and turns away to cough. “I don’t know.”

I try to think of something interesting. I can’t list down anything that we’ve not done yet. At least at the current moment. My brain never seems to work properly whenever I’m around Luhan. “Do you want to go to the beach?”

He coughs again. “Yeah. Okay,” he wheezes.

“Are you alright?” I grab him by the arm, afraid that he would collapse. He suddenly looks so fragile, coughing every two seconds. I don’t think I’ve seen him cough so badly before. I pull him to a nearby bench and sit him down. “Here. Catch your breath. Do you want some water?”

He nods, but couldn’t get a word out without launching into a violent coughing fit. He drinks from the bottle as soon as I pass it to him. A water droplet falls onto his arm. I freeze as soon as I see it.

It’s tinted red.

“Luhan… what –“

He holds the bottle away from his lips, and I stare in horror at the red liquid it contains. Oh my God.

“Sehun! What a coincidence!”

I turn to see Baekhyun walking down the street towards us. By the time he steps right next to us, Luhan is still coughing profusely. “Is he okay?” Baekhyun asks, digging into his jeans pocket and producing a few pieces of tissues. He hands them to Luhan.

“Something’s wrong,” I say, my voice shaky. Baekhyun gasps aloud and for a moment, I thought he was looking at the bottle in my hands. Then I realize he’s staring in horror at the tissue Luhan is holding.

It’s stained red.

“Oh God…”

“How fast can you drive?”

I’m pretty sure Baekhyun broke a few traffic rules as he rushed to the hospital with Luhan and me in the backseat. He didn’t cough as much along the journey, but that was because he was slipping in and out of consciousness. I held his hands tight and prayed hard, telling him that he would be okay. He has to be.

As soon as he was sent to the ER, we couldn’t go in with him, so Baekhyun and I wait outside in the waiting room. What the hell is happening? He was so well just a moment ago. We were talking and laughing. He was fine.

Baekhyun tries to reassure me that he will be alright. “Don’t think too much, Sehun.”

I nod, but I can’t stop myself from jittering. I distract myself by looking at Baekhyun instead. “Thanks, by the way. Thanks for driving us here.”

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