[Junmyeon POV]

The chair creaks as I lean back into my seat, resting my aching back muscles and relaxing for a bit. Being a doctor, I’m glad to be able to help a lot of people. But in the oncology department, it’s just too stressful.

Every time you have to tell your patient, “it’s ok”, when actually it’s not.  Everyday when you have to walk around, witnessing death and deterioration, and to smile amidst that. Every moment when you have to walk in your office and convince yourself that they will be cured.

I’m human too.

I don’t want to treat my patients like animals. But I also don’t want to be too close. That’s why I never give out my number to my patients. Friendship with a patient just ends up in grief.  One moment, they thing you’re god sent, and the next they curse you to hell. The only one to be hurt with that kind of relationship will always be me. Besides, I don’t want to pretend outside the hospital.

Thankfully though, my mask isn’t kept on forever.

I pack up quickly and wave goodbye to my secretary. Driving back home always seemed to take forever, specially since I always want to hurry home. There, I can finally take off my stuffy mask and be myself. At home, I never need to worry about anything much. I am totally, completely relaxed at home, where ‘he’ will be there to welcome me at the door, to ask about my day, to cook and take care of me. He’s not my wife, no, we’re not involved like that.

He’s my cute room mate, Do Kyungsoo.

We’ve been room mates for 8 years now, ever since college, till med school up to now. We were classmates who hit it up looking for a cheap apartment, and I guess we’ve been inseperable since. Kyungsoo is the caring kind, and I really like that about him. It’s a comfortable dynamic, what we’ve got, and I don’t want to let it go.

Kyungsoo has yet to advance in medicine though. He got into an accident in and filed for leave at med school. His right hand had gone through a major surgery and was experiencing complications. The doctors said that he won’t be suitable to do surgeries with a hand like that. And with his problem, Kyungsoo kind of broke down.

But he’s fine now. He’s got a bakeshop down the street. He’s always been interested in things like baking and cooking and truthfully, I think it suits him. He says though, that he’s planning to go back into med in a while.

I think that’s good. Hopefully he goes back into medicine, graduates, and maybe even work at the same hospital where I am. He’d move in to my office space, of course, I’d share that with him, we’ll go to lunch together, do seminars together, he could help me with differentials, and I would help him. He would probably bring in plants or stuff into the office, not that I mind, but he’d be cute like that. I’d probably have to buy matching coffee mugs with him, and maybe we can do some things about the interior.

I park my car at the basement of our apartment complex and hum as I happily enter the elevator. The door closes and I see my reflection in the metal doors, laughing to myself because I was unconsciously smiling. Silly me. I seriously can’t help smiling at the prospect of having Kyungsoo together with me in the future.

I take out my keys and unlock the door, waiting to smell whatever he’s cooked for the day. Recently, he’s been cooking pasta, and truthfully, I’m a bit sick of it. Not that I don’t like it! Because I like everything that he cooks! He’s probably already at the couch watching his TV dramas or something. Waiting for me there, smiling for me.

For me.

I leave my shoes at the foyer, entering a dark room. My eyes widen in realization and again, I laugh at myself.

It’s Friday today.

No delicious scent of food waiting for me, no warm couch, no tv noise, and no Do Kyungsoo.

That’s right, since a few weeks ago, he’s been going out on Friday nights. And I’m left here, alone, in this cold and unusually dark apartment.

I sit down on the sofa, tired. Suddenly, I don’t know what to do when he’s not here. All my previous excitement washed away by the silence. And I sit here, on this cold sofa, where we usually watch TV, where I admire his expressions as he reacts to the shows, and feel a sudden pang of loneliness.

I hate Fridays.

In my mind, there’s always the two of us. It’s just comfortable like that. I’ve never thought of a future without him beside me. But maybe, it’s not like that for him.

I’m just his class mate, his room mate, his friend. Nothing more. Never anything more.

And when he comes back, tired, weary and reeks of alcohol, I simply lay him back at the sofa, give him some water, and never ask.

Saturday comes and we’d go back to our usual routine. He would once again smile at me, those cute plump lips forming a heart shape, saying “Good Morning”, and I’d reply back. He’d tell me about his day yesterday and I would to him. He never says anything about Friday nights though, and that’s ok.

Because as we sit on the sofa and watch movies, we never cuddle. We touch each other at times but those touches never linger. We stay together like this, but that’s just about it. Kyungsoo is comfortable and that’s fine with me.

Even if I never get to feel him, that’s ok. As long as he’s here, this comfortable space won’t shatter.

I won’t let it. Even if I have to keep a mask on, even at home. Even If I have to bottle up all these feelings and throw away, I will.

Then Friday comes again, and I bite back a sob.

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A/N: Thank you so much to all the readers and subscribers! Specially those who left comments, thank you so much! :)