It was the 23rd days since a year has passed and the snow was way too thick outside. I was too lazy to come out but today, I had some schedules on campus and it was the time to visit mom and also Jongwoon’s parents. I sighed when I looked at the watch. It was almost 8 and needed to get hurry. I grabbed my dark purple sweater, beanie, gloves and bag. I took the nearest alley to give me an easy access to the big road and stopped for the bus.

I arrived at the campus at 8.44 and then I straight to the class cause I had a class at 9. Then after this class, I would have another one till 12.30. So I was there, staying till everything was done. I did my brunch at the canteen with my friends like usual since the day I was moved here. We talked about everything and also the preparation for internship in any companies to earn some experiences before we make our thesis next year.

♥ Y E W O O K ♥

I exited myself from my friends after I told them I need to go and took a bus to visit Jongwoon’s parents. Within a year I made my visits, I haven’t met Jongwoon even for once. I wonder how he is now and where he is. I wonder about his life, his days or his condition after I left. Because here I was, suffering enough without him beside me. No one embraced me the way he did, no more kisses, no more hugs or even a voice to warned me to be careful or telling me to eat. I missed every single thing. But like what I already decided, it was the best choice for Jongwoon’s future life. I needed to make myself disappear.

During the earlier days, weeks and months without Jongwoon, I couldn’t do anything. I decided to continue my college after I took some off just to get concern to the bookstore. Dad was happy knowing my decision so he helped to re-enter to Incheon University. Dad was also the one who accompanied me when I cried, lost and felt alone. Even dad wanted to look for Jongwoon and blamed me after I left him. My thoughts went to Jongwoon. “Did he suffer the way I do? Or has he moves on with his life?” these question lingered in my mind everyday.

I was openly gay to the world around me. So many guys wanted me but I didn’t give any attentions to them. One or two guys were asked me to go out straightly at the campus. I rejected them. Even dad told me to start having a relationship with someone, but if I still can’t push Jongwoon out of my heart, I won’t date someone. Even I believed Jongwoon already be with someone, I still have feelings for my first love.

♥ Y E W O O K ♥

The bus was suddenly stopped when the break was singing louder. It crushed my thoughts about what happened to me within a year. As soon as I stepped out of the bus, I went to a bouquet store to buy some for Mr. and Mrs. Kim. I was wondering whether Jongwoon found my bouquets so far or not. But since I never met him so far, I believed the guard of the cemetery brought them to the garbage can when he cleaned all the graves.

“hi, Ryeowook! you’ll make another visit again?” the ahjumma who sell the bouquets asked me.

“yeah, ahjumma. I should do it a week ago but I’ve been busy with some assignments. So I can do it right now.”

“Your parents must be proud of you. You still have times to remember them even after they left you alone.”

I smiled when I heard what she said. I never told her that Mr. and Mrs. Kim weren’t my parents but I already consider that both of them were my parents as well.

“Thanks, ahjumma. I hope I make them proud to have a son like me.”

“I believe they do.”

After some little talks, I excused myself and entered the cemetery. Some snow were covering the graves and but still clean as usual. I went directly to where I should go. I placed the bouquets covered the names as soon as I fell on my knees. I prayed for them, wishing them in a good place. And as always, I ended up my visit with “thank you for having Jongwoon to be happening to this world.”

After spent half an hour at the graveyard, I made myself out. I fixed my sweater and gloves because it was freeze to death. I walked to the nearest bus station and waited for the red bus which would take me to the south of Seoul, to where my mom lied in this earth.

♥ Y E W O O K ♥

I took out my headphone to hear some songs. I was fall in love with a song I heard on the radio couple weeks ago. The title was Happy Together and the lyrics were beautiful. I enjoyed the song over and over till the bus made its way across the city. The humid air helped me to relax as the song kept on playing in my ears. I was enjoying everything.

I did exactly the same thing as soon as I arrived in front of the graveyard. I bought another bouquet for my mom. I choose the pink one since it was her favorite color. I smiled and walked slowly to enter the gate. I was stop when a hand pulled me back. As my lips opened, I turned my body back to found out who it was. It was Sungmin.

“you always come around to visit your mom?” he looked surprise.

“ SUNGMIIIIIIIIN!!!!! Sure! She is my mom. I should be the one who always come here, right? Why you seem so surprise?”

“ah… yes.. no.. its okay. Its just hard to believe.”

I smiled