Gravity seems to be my friend at the moment as it pulls my feet hard on the ground keeping me from taking another step forward. As a matter of fact, I would be more thankful if gravity would just reel me strong enough that my whole being would be buried in the depths of the earth. But as if half-mocking and half-helping me, I’m still able to slowly make my way towards my destination, which I believe is my very own… death sentence.

As if the skies above can feel the dread that I’m feeling, the clouds have that ominous color of grey, and the merry chirping of the birds cannot be heard. Even the street that I’m walking at which has always been very busy and crowded, is awfully quiet, lacking that usual buzz that I’ve grown accustomed to.

Also, I can’t help but feel like the few pedestrians that pass by are giving me that judging look as if I’m covered with this black hazy aura in a scene that is very alive with colors. Can they sense how my life is about to turn once I get to my destination? Can they see the future where this girl walking lifelessly will be further out of the remaining life that’s left in her?

I was drowned too much in my own agonizing thoughts that I didn’t realize that I was already in front of the establishment where I was headed to until I heard the wind chimes cling with each other as someone came out of the door, who I greeted with a small nod and the biggest smile that I could muster (which hardly could pass for a smile) since he’s a friend.

“What are doing standing out here?” My friend slash regular customer, Eunhyuk asked with a laugh.

“I was just thinking about something.” I answered honestly.

“Well you can come in you know? After all, this is your restaurant.”

Yeah. This is my restaurant and I should’ve been inside the kitchen with my toque on my head cooking for my customers since 2 hours ago. So what am I doing out here in the cold as if hesitating to come in? The answer is simple. I am hesitating to enter. I’m not sure if I’m as ready to execute the greatest act and lie of my life as I made myself believe.

“Thanks for reminding me that crucial information Hyuk.” I joked.

“My pleasure Yoong.”

With a salute, he left me alone as I ponder if I should go in or not. “I have to do this.” I whispered to myself as I exhaled the breath that I was unconsciously holding in.

Gently, as if a thief in the night, I entered the premises and there they are. Seated at the best table in the house with the most magnificent view of the Seoul district, which I strictly instructed the receptionist to reserve only for them, are the most important persons in my life.

“Jessica Unnie and Jiyong Oppa.”

Facing each other in a table set for two, they look like one perfect good looking couple out on a romantic date and I would also think like that about them if only I didn’t know them any better. I can sense the awkward atmosphere between the two of them, as if questioning each other’s presence.

Their unease is quiet obvious though. My sister is trying really hard to look at anything besides him. She is also starting to fidget with the hem of her white blouse and she’s also biting the small part of her lower lip as sign of her getting nervous.

On the other hand, Jiyong Oppa has his head down as he stares at his lap. A little pout has also formed on those soft lips of his. He’s also simultaneously tapping his fingers on the edge of the table, something that he always does when he’s in deep thought.

If it was any other situation, I would have laughed my head off seeing 2 of the calmest and coolest persons that I know acting in this manner. But the truth is I’m not and laughing might just ruin the sole purpose why all of these are happening.

Before I end up backing out and running away from this reality, I willed myself to approach their table. Putting on the mask of happiness…

Here it goes; the best acting performance of Im Yoona.

Lights.

Camera.

Action.

“Anyeong!” I greeted with so much fake enthusiasm.

They were rattled at my introduction and faced me at the same time with a confused expression etched on their faces.

“Are you two just going to stare at me all day?” I forced a laugh.

With that, they seemed to have been woken up from their earlier trance and started acting like they should. I saw Jiyong Oppa quickly standing up from his chair and gave me a short yet sweet peck on the lips that almost made me melt on the spot. 

“Hi hon. I missed you.” He said in that low and sultry voice that never failed to make me swoon. “Where have you been?”

“Oh you know, just strolling around, trying to spot some hunks.”

I laughed heartily when I saw him crease his brows as I .

“Hon, why do you even have to look for hunks when you already have me?” Really Ji, do I have you?

“You should’ve just called me and you’ll have the hottest man alive at your doorsteps in a blink of an eye.” He declared as he enveloped me in his arms and placed mine over his neck.

“But having the same old hottie is getting boring.” I teased further and he began to pout like a little kid. Seeing him like this, I can’t help but give in and just give him a kiss. “There. Stop sulking now. Sica Unnie is with us if you don’t remember.” I tapped the tip of his nose playfully and let go of the hug.

“Unnie.” I reached out for a hug and she did the same.

“Yoongie.” She said as she embraced me tightly. “Where did you really go huh? How can you leave your restaurant without its owner and head chef?” Holding my shoulders while giving me that ‘you’re-still-a-choding-look’ she nagged.

I jokingly rolled my eyes at her and answered. “I own and cook for 4 other restaurants but I’m not always there and look at all 4.”

“You’re getting pretty cocky little kid.” She said with a laugh.

“It’s not being cocky Unnie. It’s called being honest.”

“Yeah right!” she flicked my forehead which by the way stings.

I was about to yell at her but Jiyong Oppa was quick to turn me around to face him and coaxed me with a kiss on the spot where Unnie hit me. “Is it all better now?”

He has always been the sweet and caring boyfriend but my heartbeat still races whenever he does something like that. No words can come out of my mouth that’s why I just gave him a meek nod.

Then I heard a soft chuckle coming from my sister. “You know Jiyong, you shouldn’t baby her that much. She’ll end up getting used to it. Look at what happened to me. She’s always turns into a choding when I’m around.”

“Well I have no problem with that. I’ll do this all day of everyday of my life if it means I get to be with her.”

I’m sure that it sounded like I was the receiving end of that line that he just smoothly said, but I know better than to believe that. My heart knows better. And I was right, because as I stand there looking at Jiyong, his eyes were not directed at me. Same goes with that smile of his that I have never seen as sincere as it is now. I would love to believe that his words and his smile were meant for me, but I should stop lying to myself. I have to start facing the reality that all of it is solely for my sister, Jessica Unnie.  

Looking away from the man I love and had thought was mine, I fixed my gaze to the only family that I have left and it broke my heart to see sadness in her eyes as she’s looking at Jiyong Oppa. I hate myself for not knowing sooner that I was causing my dearest sister pain. But that’s why the 3 of us are here. I want to make things right. To put everything back to where they should be. I have to return what was never mine from the beginning. I’m giving them their happy ending.

I coughed to get their attention that seems to be glued towards each other and surprisingly, I just have to do one fake cough to do so. Once I have their eyes on me, I told them to take their seats. And since it was a table for 2 alone, I signalled one of my waiters to get me a chair.

“Excuse me Jungsu.”

“Yes Yoona-ssi.” Yes, I let them call me by my name. I sound like an ahjumma when they call me ma’am or miss or whatever they should call a boss so I asked or more like ordered for them to call me Yoona.

“Can you get me a chair and please bring out the meal that I asked to be prepared for this day.”

“Is that all Yoona-ssi?”

“Uhm, there’s one more thing. Would you remind chef Sooyoung to call the girls for our trip later? Thank you, that’s all Jungsu.” I gave him a small smile and then he left.

As I returned my attention on the people at the table, I heard Jiyong Oppa ask. “Hon are you going on a trip later?”

“Yes hon. It was something that just came up.”

“Where are you going?”

“Oh, we’re just going to Busan.” Wait. When did England become Busan? I sighed as I realized how much of a liar I have become.

“Wow! That’s nice! You should have told me earlier so that I could have packed my bags.”

“You’re not coming Oppa.”

His smile from the excitement was replaced with a small frown.

“Hon, why can’t I come? We always travelled together. Why the sudden change of heart?”

I’ve never heard his voice sound so disappointed but I need to act tough, like I don’t care at all.

“Who would carry your luggage? What if you get in trouble? Who will protect you? You know how much I worry for you right? I won’t be able to sleep knowing you’re out there and I’m not there to protect you.”

He was holding my hand tightly as he looked into my eyes full of concern. I retracted my hand away from him and looked out on the glass wall taking in the beauty of the busy streets of Seoul rather than at Jiyong Oppa to keep my heartbeat at pace.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I said without looking at anyone of the two.

“Excuse me Yoongie. I think you two needs to talk about this privately. I’ll just call you later.” Jessica Unnie bidded goodbye but I stopped her.

“No Unnie. You should stay.” I said still looking outside and with nothing but seriousness in my tone and that’s saying something coming from a choding like me. “You have to be here for this.”

“Me? But why?”

Confusion and surprise is clearly evident in her voice but I’m pretty sure it’s not because she doesn’t know the real reason but because she doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do. After all, she was the one that revealed everything to me.

“Just get back to your seat Unnie.”

“Hon, what’s this all about? Why are you being so serious?”

I felt his hand reaching out to hold mine which are on the table but I dodged it and placed my hand on my lap. Yes, I want nothing but to hold his hand and ask for strength to continue what I have to do but I’m afraid I will not be able to finish what I have started if I do so. I’m afraid I won’t be able to let go.

“Hon? Is there a problem?”

My emotions are threatening to burst out and my thoughts are becoming really jumbled that I had to keep quiet to compose myself. My silence expanded to the two of them and none of us dared to speak. The clattering of silverwares and the hum like conversations from other customers and the classical music resonating in the whole dining hall is all that we hear until Jungsu came with a cart full of dishes that I personally requested from my friend and co-chef Sooyoung.

“Yoona-ssi. Here is some Chardonnay that chef Sooyoung recommended us to serve to you.”

“Since it’s Sooyoung who recommended it I’m sure it would taste great. Thank you Jungsu and please extend my thanks to Soo.” I said as I raised my glass.

After pouring each of us some wine, he lifted the silver covering on top of the cart revealing a plate of Aglio olio pasta for Jiyong Oppa, a plate of Garden Salad with lemon vinaigrette for Jessica Unnie and a plate of butter and toast for me. I chose Jiyong Oppa’s favourite for him and since Sica Unnie always tells me she’s on a strict diet I ordered something healthy for her while I kept mine as light as possible because I’m sure I won’t be able to eat or better yet, my body will refuse to take in anything after what I’m going to do.

“Enjoy your meal Yoona-ssi. Please do call me if you need anything else.”

Jungsu left the three of us and we were once again covered with silence.

“Please help yourself. We can talk while eating.” I started but the both of them are still not moving an inch. I kept my nonchalant face and ignored their silence as I reached for the silver bread knife and spread some butter on my toast.

“Let’s break up Oppa.” I’m amazed at how my voice didn’t crack or how quietly my own heart is breaking as I said this.

“Hon!”

“Yoongie!”

I chuckled when I heard the both of them react at the same time. They really are a match made in heaven. “Relax will you. And please, don’t shout. We don’t want to create a scene here do we?”

“How do you expect me to relax when my girlfriend just told me to break up?!”

“Yoongie, don’t do this.” Sica Unnie pleads.

I can see that Sica Unnie feels guilty for my decision but she shouldn’t. As a matter of fact, I should be the one feeling guilty and not her. It was me who got in the way. It was me who is stopping them from getting their happiness. Thus, it should be me to do something about it even if it’s killing me inside.

As I took a bite of my toast, I gave them a small smile. “I’ve already thought about this a million times now Unnie. So many times already that barely got any sleep in the past month after learning of what I found out.”

“Found out? You found what?” Jiyong Oppa is really worked up now, but I have to keep myself calm to push this through. I kept repeating in my head, “This is for them. This is for their happiness.”

“I found out that I’m not the one for you Oppa.” I smiled at him. “There is someone that can take better care of you. Someone that can probably love you more than I do. Someone that wants another chance.”

This time, I didn’t stop myself from looking at him and holding his face. I caressed his face with my thumb as I try to make him understand what I’m doing.

“Yoona, please we can work this out. You love me right? Right?” His eyes were full of tenderness and questions.

“I don’t think that question is for me.” Letting go of his face I enclosed his hands in mine.  “Think about it Oppa. Do you really love me?” I sighed and smiled as I asked the question that would most likely finish everything. “Is it really me that you love?”

We were staring at each other but as soon as I asked that final question, his eyes started to waver and in the end, he closed his eyes and looked away. Without even hearing his answer, I already know it. As a matter of fact, I didn’t have to ask because I already know but being the masochist that I am, I just had to rub salt to my already bleeding heart.

This time, I looked at Sica Unnie who’s now crying really hard like a little kid. Sometimes I’m really not sure of who is the younger one. Maybe that’s why I have always had that urge to protect my older sister and only give her happiness. That’s the reason for all of this. She needs Jiyong Oppa more than I do and she’d be the happiest only with him. Just like what our parents always told us to be before they died, I’m being the bigger person Unnie.

Carefully, as if it was something very fragile, I lifted Jiyong Oppa’s hands and placed it on top of Jessica Unnie’s.

“Unnie.” I forced a smile. “I’m giving him back to you. I know how much the two of you loved and still love each other and I’m sorry for not doing this sooner.”

“Yoongie, I never asked you to do this. I can’t let you do this to yourself!”

“You didn’t have to ask Unnie. I’ll do it no matter what because that’s the right thing to do. Jiyong Oppa was never mine. It may seem like what we had been real, but if you will look at what happened, I was just there at the right place and the right time not for the two of us to be together, but for the two of you to find your way back to each other.” I explained and it looks like it worked and that they understood my piece because after what I said they slowly looked at each other and even I, as a third party, can feel the spark that ignited with just their eyes locking.

Witnessing that made me feel like I have succeeded with my goal. Though I hate to disturb their precious moment, I can’t stay any longer. So without any warning I encircled them in my embrace and whispered, “I’m glad to have served as your way back into each other’s arms. I love you two.”

I gave them each a kiss on the cheek and stood up. “Goodbye. Love each other. Unnie, don’t ever leave Oppa again. And Oppa I know where you live and where you work so don’t even dare to break my Unnie’s heart!”

“I do love you Yoong.”

“I know Oppa. Just not in the way that a lover should. Maybe that’s a feeling of loving you future sister-in-law and you and I just mistook it for something more.”

I smiled and laughed because that’s the only way to cover the screams and tears that my heart is doing.

“By the way, please do enjoy your meal and if you want anything else just ask the waiters and they’ll give it to you. Don’t worry. It’s all on me.”

Taking the last piece of toast to my mouth and a last sip of my wine, I gave them a big smile and I turned around to leave. That’s when I heard the director yelling, “CUT!” and ironically, that’s when the tears started flowing down my face.