12.

Chapter 12

Gina

I looked at my surroundings. What kind of place is this? The landscape of the never ending beach is exquisite. Not to forget the tranquility, with only the sound of the waves crashing to and fro the shore, the wind blowing my skirt, and the soft, gentle sand absorbing my feet. Hand in hand, Yoongi and I walked along the shore, the peace letting us walk in silence as we both took in the panorama of this place. We stopped walking for a while and I stared at the sea. Just how perfect would it be for us to go on more dates like this? Spending quality time together without having to fork out our money

just to go shopping in the busy city. The sun was almost below the horizon, painting the sky a beautiful orange across the blue canvas.

And that's when I feel it.

I felt him letting go of my hands. I looked at my feet. They were no longer there, I was slowly disappearing. One by one part of my body started to evaporate into thin air and I wasn't able to hear anything he said despite him mouthing my name so many times. Slowly, my vision began to blur as more of my body parts started to disappear. Before I could even mouth an "I love you," everything turned white and physically, my whole body is gone. I have already evaporated into thin air, into molecules or even a bacteria which are not visible to a human's eye. Suddenly, I heard someone crying. I wasn't able to see, but I know it's Yoongi. His hysterical cries were so heartbreaking, I wanted to hug him so badly and tell him that I am fine, that I am still here with him, and that he need not worry.

All of a sudden, everything turned into white in a blink of a eye, followed by a source of light at the end of the white tunnel. I turned around to see what was happening. I saw everyone, my family, my one and only darling, Bangtan Boys, Exo, Jin, and everyone I know, dressed in black and white. Mom was sobbing so pathetically, I wanted to break down and cry as well. Dad was just standing at the side while Jongdae oppa tried comforting Mom. On the other side, Yoongi was being held by five other members, trying to escape from their grip. When they finally let him go, he just broke down onto the ground and cried so badly. The eye-bags below his eyes were so bad, his eyes were puffy, his complexion was bad and he looked like a wreck. Jin was being consoled by Jimin, and she couldn't help herself but burry her face into his chest, sobbing away like a child who lost her beloved toy. When I turned to my side, there was a mirror. I looked into the mirror. I was in a long white dress, with a daisy flower crown on my head, and I look extremely healthy, I wanted to just stare at my rosy cheeks and smile all the way.

Then, I noticed it. Wings. Wings started to appear at the back, a pair so white and clean, it looks so, magical and magnificent. It glowed so bright like a source of light in a dark room, and suddenly, the whole thing hits me.

I was dead. They were all crying because it was MY funeral. And I am gone. Gone forever from their lives. And the last moment of my life was with Yoongi at the beach.

Suddenly, I was afraid to walk towards the end of the tunnel. I became anxious. I am all alone now, in a place I don't know, going to a place which I don't know, without my family, friends, and my lover. As I carefully take a step forward, each of their faces appeared right in front of me. One by one. I felt burdened. Before I finally went out of the tunnel, Yoongi appeared, wearing all black, looking so smart, as healthy as ever, smiling at me. In his hands were a bouquet of Ixoras and daisies. He handed them to me and walked away.

"Rest in peace, Gina Kim."

He disappeared and the tunnel became black. My wings faded away.

I woke up and sat up straight in bed. Beads of sweats were trickled down my forehead as I take in deep breaths, calming myself down. Was that dream an omen? I have never dreamed such a nightmare before. I looked outside, the sun rays were prying through the binders and Yoongi was not in bed. I looked down to see myself wrapped in a jacket over my shirt. Looking at how bright the sun is, I assume that it is already noon. Time to get out of bed and face another ty day.

Carefully walking to the living room, I was surprised by a sudden back hug. Deep breaths could be felt at the nape of my neck, and I have never feel this way before. It's like as if, he was trying to make me go crazy. In a pretty good, and a bad way. Who knows what will happen if I turn around to just pounce on him when he was just, back hugging. I pry myself away from him, but his grip became tighter. Just what does he exactly wants from me? I turned around to face him, but he hung his head low. What on earth is happening?

"Can, can we just stay like this for a while more? I... I had a bad dream, and I need reassurance."

His voice was cracking, and I am pretty sure that it was a nightmare about someone he loves. What did he even dream about to make him affected like this? I didn't know what to do, so I just began to gently rub his back and draw circles at the same time. I remembered someone singing a tune to me when I am afraid, anxious, and when I had a bad dream. Maybe I shall try it on him.

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away'

I felt him calming down as he released the tensions in his muscles. I felt him lifting his arms and wrap them around me. Oh, how the warmth of his body is slowly killing me. His breath clearly felt at the nape of my neck. His fingers started trailing down my back. I froze.

He continued trailing his fingers through the permanent line, stopping at a few parts before redrawing at the bottom part a few times again and again repeatedly. Did he figure out about the scar at the back while I was sleeping last night? It's my turn to tense my muscles, heck- do I even have some to begin with?

He started humming. A continuation of the tune that I sang just now.

'The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamt I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I hung my head, and I cried'

I dropped my arms instantly. Flashes of last night's nightmare started appearing like snippets of a photoshoot. How we were happily together. Then, how I vanished into thin air. Next, how I grew wings and looked like a normal healthy human. Finally, how he handed me a bouquet of flowers and then disappeared. This is too real to begin with.

Is this really an omen that I should pay attention to?

He freed himself from hugging me before looking at me straight in the eye. His eyes were swollen, nose was red, and he looked like as if he had a bad sleep. Then, he pulled me by the arm and plopped ourselves on the sofa.

And that's when I saw it. A letter. A personal letter from overseas. Directed to me. And it wasn't sealed anymore. My insides started to do somersaults as I quivered from fear. Is that the letter from the hospital, or from Mom and Dad, or from any of my friends? Or from Jin, a close friend of mine whom I met while I was being treated in the hospital? Jin is the same age as Jimin, and she is from Singapore. She went to the States to further her studies on medicines and veterinary. Her fond love for cats aspired her to treat every sick cats she can before she dies. The last time I heard from her was when she told me that she was done studying and now opening a specialized cat nursing centre for abused, terminally ill and just, cats in general. Back to this, I wanted to scream at him for opening my personal letter addressed to me. I wanted to punch him in the face for invading my privacy because for a start, we are only best friends, and nothing more than that. Consider us as more than best friends, but we are nothing more than a couple. I wanted to rip off his face for doing that.

I was on the verge of doing all that, when suddenly, he took out the letter, and read it out loud.

'Dear Gina Kim,

It's the hospital team. We're here to inform you that we are not going to supply you with any medications and the usual prescriptions anymore.

It's already February and your death date is coming very soon. Please prepare yourself to leave this world naturally. Not on the hospital beds when your family member realize that you fainted on the floor and you don't wake up after a very long, unusual period of time.

We would also like to remind you beforehand that it is best to inform your loved ones about your passing earlier, so that they can prepare them selves as well. We would like to give your our outmost respects for being able to fight this battle despite trying to rebound the illness, but failed to do so.

We will miss you, Gina Kim. You were a great fighter.

With Love,

The Hospital Team.

P.S- it's time to gather family and friends together because it's too late.'

I felt myself shattering into pieces. I felt my world crumbling down. Maybe that was why I had that dream last night. To remind me that I am going to wilt soon. To tell me that hey, the death angel is going to take you forever from this world, away from your family, away from Bangtan Boys, away from Exo, away from Yoongi, away from my friends, away from everybody. I wanted to tell Yoongi that no, this was not true, this letter was sent to the wrong person. However, all I do is to cry and break into broken pieces. I can hear him breaking as well. How his voice cracked as he read the letter, how he had to pause many times before continue reading the whole letter, how he burst into tears once he was done reading the letter.

I want to pull him in my embrace, but I was afraid. What if he push me away? What if finds me disgusting, and leave me alone until I die, in agony? What if he went on to tell to his friends how much hope he had to actually start a new life with me, and it all have to come to an end before he can even start anything because I am going to die anyway? I can't take this anymore. It's too much for me. I ran away. I ran away from him, wearing my shoe as fast as I can, running to where my feet will lead me to. And fast enough, I'm stuck in the middle of the streets looking like a homeless person panting out of breath because she got chased by the authorities. I waned to just die. I cannot do this anymore, the traffic was red, but I proceeded to cross anyway. Who cares if there was a speeding vehicle anyway? I might as well die now and not be a burden to anyone. Then Jongdae can focus on looking at Kris ge and Lu ge's condition without having anyone to babysit me, Yoongi can focus on his studies, he and his friends can make it big, my parents need not worry about me, and my friends can continue with their lives.

I felt someone pulling me back. I wanted to let go, but he didn't loosen his grip. I wanted to break down and cry so badly, but I forced myself not to. You're strong, Gina. You're tough. If you are tough enough to fight this illness until you feel like giving up, this is nothing. Bawl all you want at home and don't make a scene here.

"Are you crazy? I just found you and now you want to leave me, again?"

I froze. I knew who that was, and I couldn't bear myself to even look at his face. I didn't want to hurt him like this, not in any way. He is too precious, and, seeing him break into tears honestly breaks my heart.

"You're not going anywhere. You're staying with me until your last breath. I don't know when. Maybe tomorrow, the next hour, minute, or second, maybe a fee weeks later, or a few months later. I'm not going to let you go easily. I'm going to make sure you live every single minute of your life meaningfully, and you're going to be happy, with me, until I'm ready to let you go. We're going to celebrate our birthday together this year. You're going to watch me graduate this year. You're going to watch me perform and make it big at the same time with BTS this year. We're going to get married, this year."

He spun me around to make myself look at him. He tilted my head to make me look at his face. Despite the tears in his eyes, he had the most wonderful smile plastered on his face, and he looked so determined to complete every single thing that he had just said.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi... For n-not telling you earlier... I- I had to leave 18 years ago because of t-this a-and I..."

"It's okay, it's okay sweetheart. I will still love you, like how I always did, when you were around, when I was missing you, when you are still here, and even when... When you are gone."

I couldn't take it anymore, I just broke down right there. In front of the gathering crowd. In front of people. In public. That, was how much he actually loves me. That, was how much he missed me. And that, was how much he would do for me so that I can eventually leave with good memories. That, was how much he can actually sacrifice for me.

He suddenly lifted me up. And now his arms are wrapped around my thighs and my arms are around his neck. Like nobody's business he just spun around and laughed like there is no tomorrow in the open space. I couldn't help but giggle as well. We all came to a halt. And that's when we kissed. It was more than ever, even more than when he first found out who I was. It was utter bliss. Who cares about the people looking, the world now revolves around him, and I. Just the two of us. And I have never felt such feelings before. My head spinning with constant butterflies forming in my stomach. I felt him smile in the middle of the kiss and I couldn't help but smile as well.

If this is what my last few moments of life can give me, I'd be more than willing to fight for what is mine. So that I can be with him as long as I want. So that I can really experience what love is really like.

So that I don't need to die so soon, and be happy together with him, forever.