Love -- bittersweet, irrepressible -- loosens my limbs and I tremble.

SAPPHO, "To Atthis"

Step 3 : Learn from the Past

UNDER THE MOON CHATROOM

Yue Lao Wannabe:

You’re a serial stalker...

Handsome Manly China Man:

Ya! You’re getting offensive...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

Harshness is necessary to gain wisdom

Handsome Manly China Man:

O.O?

Yue Lao Wannabe:

Anyway...

I believe you are aware that you’re a repeat offender

when it comes to being clingy...

Handsome Manly China Man:

Who told you that?

Yue Lao Wannabe:

I have my ways..

But that’s not the point...

You need to stop

Handsome Manly China Man:

I know...

                Lu Han knows that he’s guilty of the things that Yue Lao Wannabe has pointed out.it feels like a habit, it’s hard to get rid of.

                He was in high school when he first understood love. By that time he knows he’s far from conventional. While most of his friends are busy ogling their female classmates, he was intently looking at the sign up sheet for the soccer team. Yes, he is interested in playing soccer though befriending the team captain was the top priority.

                He also learns the same day that the captain wasn’t interested. He went home with a broken heart and a bleeding lip. By then he has decided that he won’t give up on love regardless. If that person doesn’t like him, then he just needs to try his best to be liked back. He knows that the type of relationship he wanted isn’t easy being in a close minded society, but he’ll manage. They’ll manage if they really like.

                After a few disappointing attempts, Lu Han finally finds someone who reciprocates his feelings during his senior year in high school. His happiness was over flowing that he felt like he was walking on air the entire duration of the relationship. And maybe that’s where his mistake started. Without realizing, he was investing too much in the relationship, burning out the other and disappointing himself. Even though he told himself repeatedly that it doesn’t matter who gave more. It still bothers him when he feels neglected and the other doesn’t seem to want to invest just as much. It happened with the next relationship (and the next and the next) but Lu Han doesn’t give up. Because he likes the feeling of being in love and he hopes that maybe someday, he’ll find that someone that reciprocates his feelings with the same intensity.

Yue Lao Wannabe:

Ya! Are you still there?

Handsome Manly China Man:

Yeah...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

Well...

I mean...

I’m glad you’re...

Very dedicated...

Handsome Manly China Man:

I’ll try...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

Huh?

Handsome Manly China Man:

I’ll tame it down...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

You will?

Handsome Manly China Man:

I’m afraid of losing Min Seok this time...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

I’m smiling for the first time since we started these conversations...

Handsome Manly China Man:

Yeah, it’s the first time that I don’t feel annoyed with you

Yue Lao Wannabe:

-.-

Handsome Manly China Man:

I’m being generous...

I need to go

I have a date today...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

You’re no longer sulky?

Handsome Manly China Man:

I’ll find out after this date...

Wait...

I wasn’t sulky...

I’m a manly man...

I don’t do sulky...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

You just did...

Handsome Manly China Man:

I do not.

Yue Lao Wannabe:

You’re frustrating...

Handsome Manly China Man:

I know...

And so are you...

Yue Lao Wannabe:

I’ll—

Handsome Manly Man logged out of the chatroom

                Today is date # 3, of course Lu Han is counting. No one should even be surprised by it by now. He’s half enthusiastic half dreading this meeting. At the end of the game date, Min Seok has expressly told him that he would like to start out as friends first. It’s hard when he perfectly know that Lu Han has less than friendly intentions. What Min Seok would say today makes him anxious.

                They decided to meet at the soccer field close to their apartments. It would’ve been nice to play but the weather has been erratic these days and he really isn’t in the mood. Soccer’s still a bit traumatic.

                Min Seok arrives a few minutes after Lu Han. Looking cuter than ever, how can someone wearing a little boy blue outfit be this charming?

                “I’m sorry about the ermmm... overalls. I was invited to a children’s party... there was a dress code...” Min Seok looks shy and that makes him more adorable. Lu Han wants to coo and just squish him until the other is breathless.

                “It’s okay... You look... really... appropriate. It suites you...” he teased. Min Seok’s reaction is so precious. He’s minutes away from putting him in his pocket.

                “I’d punch you right now but then again there would be a lot of witness...”

                Lu Han smiles, not the creepy smile that he’s always worn when he’s around Min Seok. This time it’s calmer.

                “You look better that way... It makes me less scared of you...”

                “You’re scared of me?” The last thing Lu Han wanted is for Min Seok to be scared of him.

                “You’re face just... It just... shows everything. Sometimes I feel scared looking at you coz I’m not sure if I would be able to give the same back...”

                Lu Han somehow (weirdly) felt relieved. It wasn’t the rejection he was dreading. It wasn’t actually a confession but if Min Seok is thinking along those lines, then maybe there’s still possibility.

                “I’ve been in a very one-sided relationship before. And it was a bit of a traumatic experience for me. You looking at me like that make me feel weird.” Kim Min Seok watches as Lu Han’s face shifts to a frown.”I mean weird in a good way... I’m not used to your kind of attention...”

                There was a lull in the conversation as Lu Han let’s everything Min Seok say sink in.

                “So... you’ve been with me in quite a few lifetime’s huh?”

                “Yeah...”

                “What were we like...”

                “We used to be in an idol group, you know... They have like a website for us. Xiu Han or LuMin or whatever... we were quite big. They like us together...”

                “Did we end up together?”

                Lu Han shakes his head. “No... I left... Went back  to Beijing to go solo...”

                “Oh...” There's a hint of disappouintment in Mins Seok's statement. Lu Han decides that maybe this time it’s good to take it one step at a time, see where this will end.