I lost him - 1st September 2016

"Drenched in my pain,
Becoming who we are,
As my memory rest,
I’ll never forget what I lost,
Wake me up when September ends."

It was ‘Wake Me up When September Ends’ by Green Day. It was a favorite song of Sehun.  Yes, was his favorite before the song cursed him. The song was totally into him, telling the world how much he hated September and how he wished September to just go away. He might let his lover gone, buried under the earth in the coffin, maybe the body was already rotten if it was not waxed. But he will never forget that he had lost him, but the story of his unhealed broken heart was never ending.

*  *  *

The wind sizzles and embraces his cheeks, the smooth breeze blowing his hair following the rhythm of the nature. The brown pallor leaves blew following the winding path and drops in front of him when the wind stopped. He stares at those leaves, they are so dry like his feeling right now. His mind recalled what happened to in the past year until he had been so dumb.

Maybe it was not a Romeo and Juliet story or the Prince and the Princess but it was a story of him. A story of how he had to live his life without a person he had been depending on so far.

Sehun sits on a big rock right under a bushy tree, staring deep into the sea, letting a sigh sometimes. He hopes Luhan will come back. Even he saw the cold breathless in the blue form with his own eyes, he still believes in his faith. Until the day comes, he will patiently wait.

*  *  *

Sehun’s POV

Today is 1st September. As always I won't be in the dorm. Usually I will go visit him, my baby deer, Luhan. But not today. Luckily, there is no event coming up as my manager already knew, I will even skip the event even it is going to be a big event. It is not like I want to make my other members or my manager worry about me, but yeah, I do and I apologize for my trouble, I am such a troublemaker maknae. It is not like the other members didn’t stop me, but with my stubbornness, they can’t help it but let me do whatever I want.

It is hard for me to move on; yea, he left me, but doesn’t mean I have to forget him, and also, doesn’t mean I have to walk through this misery alone.

The accident gave me the biggest impact on my life, it is like the world is hitting me straight to my face, I’m not ready, yet..

I am not ready yet, to lose him..

For three years I have come here alone, how I want him to accompany me, clinging onto me, give me the sweetest smile he had, those beautiful laugh he used to let it out, but. There is no more, no more smiles, no more laughs..

For the last time I saw you, you were so cold in the wooden coffin wearing the tuxedo with a red bow as you wished once, your eyes were closed, you were silent like a mannequin, but your face showed a lively feel and calmed, it was like you were saying that you were happy up there.

But Luhan, I’m not strong as you are, I can’t help it, but my tears kept falling down wetting my cheeks, how can I accept the reality? There will be no more gentle fingers wiping my tears away.

There will be no more serene voice comforting me. There are ten other members, but they’re not as what you were, you are my lover, my only baby Lu. How can I not cry seeing you in a body with no heart beat inside of you?!

How?!

I tried.. I tried to act natural in front of the cameras and our fan, maybe I can fool them. But I can’t fool myself and fool my Hyung, our members.

I always tried not to let a sigh at the back of the stage; I tried to look lively when we’re practicing the dance. But how can I do that without you?

Three years. You left me for three years already but the unhealed wound still here, bruises on my bleeding heart still can be seen either by me or by the people surrounds me. God, why did you take him? Instead of me?

Huhh..

They were right, if God took me instead of you; can you even do well without me?

You may be older than me, you might look stronger than me, but deep inside, you were so fragile. For the first time I saw you, I was afraid to touch you as if I was going to break you into pieces. You were the Hyung but you had a smaller body with a pure innocence face you have, it was so beautiful, it was shining every time you smiled. Your sparkling eyes attracted me the most; it was full of joy, the stars of my heart. It was scintillating. I can’t be selfish, but God, can you give him back to me?

Without realizing a drop of crystallize liquid roll down my cheeks, without wiping it away, I hold my head up and gaze at the blue sky. Seem like the weather is quite nice and bright from the sun rays. It is so warm, I can feel you are hugging me.

‘Are you happy up there?’

I feel like he’s smiling to me on this bright day, as he wants me to smile too. I twitch my lips and carve a smile for him.

‘I smile for you baby.’

As if you are listening, please listen.. Xiao Lu, I don’t believe in my own eyes, the eyes do lie right?

No matter what they said, I believe that you’ll come back to me as you promised me once. You never broke your promises and I hold your trust with a full-hearted. I know you will come back to me sooner. I open my arms for you to come into my embrace, only for you.

“I promise that I won’t leave you. Like forever and ever. Sehunnie, even if I die, I’ll ask God to bring me back to life just for you.”

Luhan’s voice was whispering into his ears, haunting him.

“I’ll let the September past by it's own. Then I’ll wake up wide looking for your sight. Promise me I’ll see you right away as I open my eyes..”

The sky starts to cry, a light drop of rain falls on my head, sooner to be a heavy rain. I don’t move, instead I let the drizzle drench me. Let it be.

Raindrops keep falling on my head,
 

But that doesn’t mean my eyes,

Soon be turning red,

Crying is not for me.

/sniff/ Sadly to express, that this is the last chapter :(
so how was it? It was merely 1.3k+ words only.
I really appreciate if you leave your last thought in the comment box below.

So for now, bye bye!
Thank you so much for silent readers, commenters, subscribers and upvoters!
You olls make my day :’) /sob/
/throw a lot of loves/

xoxo, Jae.

But not too sad, I decided to write a sequel for this story! It will be chaptered too!
Happy or not? :D
So, please stay tune and I’ll post the sequel maybe tomorrow. And I’ll give you the link in the next chapter.

NEED HELP FOR THE TITLE!
Choose one of these and comment below; (pweaaasheeeee pwettey pweaaasheeeee!)
1. Actualize
2. Reachable star
3. Bearable sorrow

Link to my other stories:

My_deardiary’s