When he woke up, the first thing Seungri became aware of was the splitting pain in his head, enough so that it made him think it was about to explode. Groaning, he rolled over in bed, memories of the night before slowly creeping up on him. He remembered alcohol, lots of alcohol. And weed, and maybe some pills? Whatever the he’d taken he was now regretting. , his head was defiantly going to blow and splatter his brain everywhere.

Thankfully no lights were on, and the curtains seemed to be drawn, which were small mercies. But his head was splitting, his mouth tasted like he’d left a dead rodent rotting in it for a month, and he felt too hot and too cold and to awake and too sleepy at the same damn time.

Warily, he slowly peeked out of his covers, looking around his bedroom. His eyes blessedly landed on a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water, and as fast as his throbbing head would allow he reached for them like a drowning man spotting land.

He wasn’t sure how many pills were recommended - two maybe? But he quickly downed four with a gulp of water before collapsing back onto his bed.

Slowly, ever so slowly, his head began to clear, and he tried to remember exactly what had happened last night.

He remembered helping Bom and Dae Sung set up for their barbeque, then leaving when Seung Hyun made it very clear he and his problems wasn’t wanted, and then what?

Those older kids from school; the delinquents. Jae Hyuk, he’d given him a scrap of paper that day with his mobile number. Seungri remembered phoning him after leaving Bom and Dae Sung’s place. Someone picked him up, took him to a house. There were a few people there; alcohol and drugs and girls half , and it was all sort of blurry, really.

He only remembered snippets; somebody throwing an arm over his shoulder as he took a swag of cheap beer, long black hair and red cloth, somebody placing something small and round in his palm, the smell of perfume, warmth and wet and skin, staggering down a street, a flickering streetlight.

Straining to think was just making him feel worse, so he gave up and buried back under the covers. Whatever, he knew enough. He got faced, ed some stranger, and somehow managed to make it back to Palace. How much more did he need to know?

Deciding it’d be best to sleep off the hangover, he closed his eyes again and got as comfy as possible while still in pain. However, just as he was beginning to drift the door flew open and an obnoxious voice was asking him, “Are you awake?” The , arse , midget bastard clearly didn’t care about waking him up.

, what an annoying whiney voice to hear when experiencing a hangover.

Seungri scowled when the er actually said he needed a goddamn babysitter. He’s fifteen ing years old, he doesn’t need somebody to watch him.

… Wait, the two poofs are going out? So Seungri wouldn’t have to deal with their ? Small ing mercies indeed.

He changed his mind when the quilt came flying off him. If he was in any state to get up, he’d have knocked that bastard out. As it was, however, he wasn’t sure he could even stand yet. All he could do was give a scathing reply.

By the time faggy #1 was gone, leaving his bedroom door open the pansy arsed prick, Seungri determinedly closed his eyes again with no plans of leaving his bed for at least the next three days.

Just as he was once again beginning to drift into sleep, someone came in again, and Seungri was ready to unleash Hell, but for some reason when he heard the words ‘are you asleep’ this time, in a much softer, quieter tone as if the speaker really did care about accidently waking him, he froze, words leaving his brain empty. He didn’t know why, but he had no words, and so he just stayed as he was, eyes closed and feigning sleep until Seung Hyun left, gently closing the door behind him.

Still not moving, not even breathing heavily, Seungri just listened to the sounds of the two men moving about for the next few minutes, until the unmistakable sound of the front door opening and closing and a car engine.

It wasn’t until the sound of the car faded away that Seungri remembered Seung Hyun had called him damaged, a ing burden, and that soon these hypocrites would be throwing him away like an outgrown toy as well.

Suddenly furious, he grabbed the glass of water and threw it as hard as he could across the room, feeling no satisfaction when it smashed into a thousand little pieces.

~*~

“Seung Hyun! Seung Hyun!” A voice shouted, and a little boy startled awake, sitting up in his bed, the quilt pooling at his lap. “Seung Hyun, come out here an’ help mummy.”

The little boy blinked, still partly asleep and dazed, but then the voice registered in his foggy mind and he quickly jumped into motion, throwing the warm covers from his body, saying goodbye to his teddy bear and promising to be back soon, then climbing out of bed; his socked feet softly pattering across his bedroom. He stretched up on his tippy-toes for the doorknob, fitting his small hand over it as best he could, and turned it with all his might.

The door opened, and the little boy slipped through it, quietly padding his way out to the living room.

His mummy was sat on the sofa, eyes glazed over as she stared blankly at the TV. That was okay though, the little boy wasn’t worried; his mummy did this all the time. She said she liked to think about stuff, and when she did she forgot to do things, like eat or make him something to eat. But that was fine too because he was a big boy; he knew how to make sandwiches.

He watched as his mummy took a drink from the bottle, an anti-depressant she called it, and he wasn’t really sure what that meant (it was a big word!), but he did know that he didn’t like that funny smelling liquid. She often shouted or hit him when she drank it. Daddy did too, but he wasn’t around as much.

She hadn’t noticed him yet, so his carefully stepped over and pattered at her arm, “Mummy.”

“Oh, Seung Hyun,” she said, finally looking down at him, a small frown on her face. “Took you long enough, kid.”

“Sorry,” Seung Hyun said, guiltily looking down. He hated disappointing his mummy.

“Whatever, just pass mummy another bottle, hmm?” She said, and Seung Hyun nodded dutifully, plodding off to the kitchen where the anti-depressants were kept. With a huge tug, he was able to pull open the fridge door. He then took hold of a rickety old chair from the kitchen table and began to drag it across the floor. It was too heavy and too big to pick up, but he was able to hold it by a leg and slowly bring it to the fridge. Once it was in place he climbed on top of it – only slipping slightly, careful to go slow so it didn’t tip over, and once stood on it, he was able to reach out for a bottle.

Taking his mummy’s prize in hand, he placed it on the chair, climbed down just as carefully as he’d climbed up, moved the bottle to the floor and then dragged the chair back after closing the fridge. It was a lot of hard work, and Seung Hyun was panting just a little by the time he picked up the drink again and headed back for his mummy.

She seemed to have forgotten about him again, her glazed eyes back staring blankly at the TV, so Seung Hyun gave her hand a gentle tug and she snapped out of it. He noticed that her eyes seemed red, and he wondered if she’d banged them. Seung Hyun banged his eye a few weeks ago and it went red for a few days. He’d liked it; he pretended to be a big scary vampire.

He held the anti-depressant up for her, which she took with just a grunt of appreciation. Tried, Seung Hyun sleepily yawned and rubbed at his eyes, deciding to go back to bed. “Night, mummy.”

“Wait,” the woman said, and the little boy paused, looking back up at her curiously. “Get mummy her tablets before you go. You know I have difficulty sleeping without them.”

Seung Hyun liked the sleeping tablets less than the anti-depressants. He thinks the man who comes round and sells them to her is a big fat liar. They never make her sleep; instead she gets loud and manic. Seung Hyun doesn’t like it very much, because it keeps him awake. And when she calms down she’s always super angry. Not as angry as Daddy, but he’s out a lot, so he doesn’t have to worry about that so much. Seung Hyun always had a bad night when his mummy or daddy would take the sleeping pills, but the next morning he’d count up the bruises and make up stories about how he’d gotten each one; saving a princess from a big scary dragon, fighting off an alien invasion or becoming a superhero and fighting crime.

Still, Seung Hyun wants to be a good boy and make his mummy happy, so he goes to fetch the pills.

Seungri wakes with a jerk, and for a split second he thinks it’s his mum calling for him again, wanting drugs and alcohol. Confused, half expecting to look around and see his old bedroom, his eyes land on the familiar figure of Dae Sung, and after a few more seconds of kick starting his brain into working order he remembers where exactly he is and settles back down.

Right, Dae Sung had come over not long after the fags had left and coaxed him downstairs to watch a movie. He must have fallen asleep.

“Sorry for waking you,” Dae Sung said apologetically. “I accidently sat on the remote and turned the sound up.”

Seungri glanced at the TV to see some movie he didn’t recognise playing, and shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”

Secretly, he was glad Dae Sung woke him. He didn’t want to dream his memories. He’d thought he was over it; it had been seven months since he’d last had a dream like that.

Sighing, he sat back up properly on the sofa, rubbing at his eyes as Dae Sung lowed the volume to a reasonable level. He still had a slight headache, but it was only a dull throb. It made him think of waking up to painkillers and water, and with a start he remembered more; brief flashes of water and hurt and warmth and tears and Choi ing Seung Hyun.

Suddenly, inexplicably, Seungri felt such a powerful jolt of desperate, acute loneliness that it stole his breath, and he was forced to gasp air into his lungs. Just as fast as it came it was gone, and Seungri was left just sitting there in confusion. What had that been? , what the hell was wrong with him? He had one stupid dream and suddenly he’s turning into some sort of ing 6 year old girl? , maybe living with a pair of es was turning him into some effeminate too.

Pissed off, he pulled out his mobile, and without really thinking about it he scrolled down to a name he had no idea why he hadn’t deleted the moment he’d got it.

His fingers worked over the keypad, and he’d hit send before he’d even absorbed the words himself. Message sent, he looked down at his text and felt his stomach twist.

breath, you know ing off and leaving me with the neighbours’ so you can have disgusting is bad parenting, right?

It was supposed to be insulting, it was insulting; so when he looked at it… why did he feel so uneasy?

Bad parenting, why did he choose those words? Looking at it, it was like he recognised that ing push over as something like a parent figure. What the hell was wrong with him? Was he still hung-over? It was the only thing at made sense.

Whatever, the dumb was probably too dense to see anything off with the text, so Seungri turned off his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. He turned his attention to the movie Dae Sung had on, trying his damndest to concentrate on it rather than that loneliness trying to creep back over him.

~*~

The two queens came back about 10am. Seungri heard them enter and Dae Sung leave with cheerful words, but he didn’t leave his bedroom. Sat on his bed, legs crossed, he continued to just relax as Seung Hyung and Ji Yong made noise downstairs.

He didn’t want to see them. Ji Yong was a ing wanker he wanted nothing to do with, and he wasn’t sure why he felt really ing angry with Seung Hyun (other than the fact he was a failed attempt at a man), but he was madder with him than he’d ever been before. He’d even rather have ing Ji Yong in his room than Seung Hyun right now.

Unthinkingly, Seungri’s eyes drifted to the chair on the other side of the room, and he remembered dripping water, a chill, and warm hands. Shaking his head, he threw the distorted thought from his mind. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted to concentrate on that anger and forget – ignore – everything else.

He reached over for his iPod on the bedside table, put in the ear buds, and happened to look across the room as he the music. The broken glass was still laying there. He vaguely thought about cleaning it up, but shrugged and just laid back, turning up the volume.

The morning drifted by like that; Seungri caught up in his music, content to just ignore the world and let it go by without him for a while. By the time 2 o’Clock rolled by he was feeling much better; his head no longer felt like a ticking bomb (though it was a little heavier than usual) and he was starting to get hungry. Pulling out his ear buds, he placed his iPod to the side and made for his door, heading downstairs and in the direction of the kitchen.

It was empty, but he could hear the TV on in the living-room, so he just helped himself to whatever he pleased. He pulled out a few packets of food and pocketed them to add to his stash for when he leaved this dump, and for now just put on a pot of water to boil. He clumsily ripped open a packet of ramen and poured it into the water, leaning against the counter as he waited for it to cook.

He couldn’t be bothered with much today, so once it was done he just thinly sliced up a bit of cheese, added it to his ramen and headed for the fridge to grab a beer. Right before reaching for one, he considered grabbing a bottle of water instead given that he’d just gotten over a bad hangover. However, he simply shrugged, thought it and grabbed the beer, not bothering to shut the fridge door as he picked up his bowl and chopsticks and headed back to his room to eat.

As he stepped out into the hallway, however, the door to the living-room opened and Ji Yong walked out. Seungri groaned at his luck and tried heading for the stairs, but he didn’t make it past the second step when a hand took hold of his t-shirt and yanked him back. Almost tumbling over, Seungri somehow managed to right himself even with both hands occupied before he fell back and probably smashed his head on the floor.

“What the !” He shouted in indignation, rounding on the bastard. Before he even gave it much thought, he pushed Ji Yong hard, enough to make him stumble back into a wall. “Don’t ing touch me and pass on your germs, you poncy bastard! I don’t want ing AIDS!”

Ji Yong’s eyes flashed, and Seungri readied himself for a fight, throwing his bowl and can to the side uncaring of where they landed. He suddenly wasn’t so hungry.

“Listen here, you little ,” Ji Yong snarled advancing forward, and Seungri curled his fists. “Despite what you seem to think, you can’t just do whatever the you want, and frankly I’ve had enough of it. So, you’re either going to behave and be thankful that Seung Hyun and I are even taking care of your worthless arse, or you can get the out of my house.”

“Fine,” Seungri snapped, pushing Ji Yong away from him again as roughly as he could, hoping he left a bruise. “Like I want to stay here.” And he turned back to the stairs and ran up, two at a time. He slammed into his bedroom and grabbed the bags he’d first come with which he’d stored in the wardrobe. He began to angrily dump all the stolen food into one, and just as he was closing it loud voices rose from downstairs. He paused for just a moment, realising the two bastards where fighting, but quickly shrugged it off. He grabbed the second bag and began haphazardly packing his clothes. As he was stuffing in a shirt he wasn’t even completely sure was his (but it was in his room, so what the ever, it’s his now), the shouting got louder – or rather closer. Seungri scowled and tried to hurry, but just as he was trying to force his bag closed, the bedroom door banged open and he swerved his head around to see Seung Hyun striding in.

“Put the damn bag down,” he snapped, though it didn’t seem like it was Seungri he was pissed off with. Sure enough, he shouted back at Ji Yong who Seungri could still hear yelling, and then kicked the door closed, dulling the sounds but not blocking them out. His eyes quickly returned to Seungri, and the teen met him with a glare, but the man took no notice. “I said put it down, you’re not running away.”

“I don’t run away!” Seungri snapped defensively, gripping the bag tighter in his hand. “Getting kicked out, however?” He snatched up the second bag and made for the door, intent in knocking Seung Hyun out of the way if he had too, but the man placed a firm hand on his shoulder and try as he might, Seungri was having a difficult time shrugging him off.

“Get the off me, you ,” he snarled, but Seung Hyun just tightened his hold, his fingers pressing into his shoulder firmly, but not enough to actually hurt.

“Calm down,” he said. “You don’t need to make any rash decisions just because Ji Yong shouted at you.”

Seungri fumed. Dense indeed. “I don’t give a if your overgrown talking shouts at me, you moronic , I’ve just had enough of living with ing erts wanting it up the arse! You’re both ing disgusting! They should do us all a favour and just kill freaks like you at birth.”

He dug into his pockets, looking for his mobile.

“What are you doing?” Faggy #2 asked, looking rather stressed, and Ji Yong could still be heard shouting from somewhere in the house.

Seungri didn’t dignify him with a response; he owed the bastard nothing. Instead to scrolled to Chae Rin’s contact information and hit call.

“Come pick me up,” he demanded as soon as she picked up. “You stuck me in this ing Homo Haven, so you come get me out, ing now.”

And he hung up before she could reply. “ing move!” He snapped at Seung Hyun, who was still in his way. He elbowed him in the side, forcing him away from the door and stomped out, bags in hand.

He heard Seung Hyun come out after him, but paid him no more attention as he stormed down the stairs. Ji Yong was there, but he determinedly didn’t look at him. He just wanted to get out of this ing hole.

He violently threw open the front door and marched out to wait for Chae Rin in the driveway.

“Seungri!” Seung Hyun called, but the teen stayed gazing out onto the road. “Seungri, just come back in, we can-”

“Don’t you ing dare come back in!” Ji Yong interrupted. “Not ever again, you ungrateful, selfish, screwed up little rat!

“Ji Yong!” Seung Hyun snapped, disapproving, and Seungri would like nothing more than to see them both hit by a ing bus – or maybe a fruit truck in their case, he thought with a malicious snort.

“Don’t-!” Ji Yong had to pause, apparently to collect himself he was so angry, a growl in his voice. “Don’t you ing dare, Seung Hyun! I’ve had enough of his and yours! I’m not ing putting up with it anymore. I’m not having that sanctimonious, spiteful, homophobic little son of a in my goddamn ing house anymore! Nor are you going to keep ing making up excuses for him and babying him like he’s a ing toddler! Get your together and forget the arsehole, or just ing leave with him if you like being treated like dirt so ing much!”

“I’m not-”

But Seung Hyun’s angry retort was cut off when Ji Yong slammed the front door shut. Seungri huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as a chilly breeze swept by. Good. That was sorted then. He never had to deal with those faggots again.

Not wanting to wait here anymore, he set off down the street, and when Chae Rin’s little burgundy car pulled up beside him he got in without a word, refusing to offer an explanation. He determinedly looked out the window, ignoring the woman’s questioning look. He relaxed a little into his seat when she simply sighed and shifted the car out of park.