Notes From Reviewer

Title (7/10)

Your title relates to your storyline perfectly. However, it doesn’t stand out from many other stories with similar titles. Also, I feel that ‘Black Rose’ doesn’t display the full potential of your story and writing style.

Description & Foreword (20/20)

The description is absolutely beautiful! The question me in, and the metaphor you used to compare black roses and black hearts intrigues me. It is a fairly poetic description and made just the right length, not too much was revealed but enough to keep me on the hook.

Originality (9.5/10)

Character deaths are commonly seen in many angst and dark fictions, but the way you wrote about the death of OC was just on a different level. The metaphor you build the story on is definitely the most unique I have seen. It really set the mood for your story and sparks interest and curiosity in readers.

Storyline: (18/20)

The story is great from all aspects, however there is just one thing I am questionable about, perhaps it is your intentions of keeping secrets. Throughout the story, I perceived that Luhan is an adult who was madly obsessed with a girl, but when the mention of highschool teacher showed up, it made me question whether Luhan is a highschool student.

Also, I would have preferred more description and imagery to be provided in the story. The process Luhan took to kill the girl seemed to fly by so fast that my emotions aren’t completely soaked in. I suggest to think about how things look and describe the surroundings. To enhance the mood even more, describe the way her blood trickled down, her shirt stained with saliva and blood, describe her struggling, describe how the silver moon pierced her skin and dug into her flesh, describe about how her flesh was slowly torn apart. Try to show more of Luhan’s satisfaction through his actions, not just his thoughts. 
 

Grammar and Spelling (10/10)

Your sentence structure, use of words and punctuations really helped to set the mood of the story which is a key contribution to the quality of your story. I didn’t see any misuse of words, grammar mistakes, or awkward phrases.

Characterization (10/10)

Being a oneshot with less than 2k words, I don’t expect much characterization and development. What you have showed in the story was the perfect amount. From the beginning of the story, Luhan is clearly portrayed as an obsessed man, beyond the point of in love. His twisted actions shows that he was mentally ill. Luhan’s brief thoughts you gave out enhances his character to another extent, I love it.

Flow (10/10)

The story’s flow is consistent, smooth, and more intense than the others. During the reading of your story, my attentions and thoughts are 100% focused to the events I read. Each paragraph compels me to go to the next one. Though the switch of events, settings, and actions, everything was described clearly and nothing bothered me.

Personal Enjoyment (8/10)

Great work! It’s hard to find high quality, unique, and artistic oneshot like this. The only major problem I had with this oneshot is that I couldn’t visualize anything, not even one scene. Although you focused so much on getting Luhan’s thoughts out, the description of his surroundings were so vague that it was colorless.

Overall (92.5/100)