Luhan's POV

I carefully traced the scars in my arm. One more and it will be the main vein that could kill me. I'm not scared of death. I've already lost the only person that has ever made me truly happy so what's the point in living? I have no one. The members hate me, my parents disowned me because they can't accept my uality and sooner or later, the fans will hate me too. I have made terrible mistakes in the past and all I want to do is fix them before I go back to China, but I guess that won't happen. The members put on this facade that we're all getting along but behind closed doors, they give me the cold shoulder and glare at me when I'm in their presence. The only person who I could actually talk to is Minseok hyung but I guess he's only talking to me because he also feels guilty becuase of what happened.

Ever since I found out that Sehun got in a car accident, I blamed myself. It's alright that everyone hates me because I hate myself too. The guilt was and it still is, eating me up alive for the past two years. I get nightmares and whenever it gets worse, I get a blade and cut myself to take my mind off the guilt. My arm and thighs are full of scars that will remind me of my mistakes. Before I die I'll probably look at it and think about Sehun. I miss Sehun. I miss being in his arms and I miss everything about him. Cheating on him is the biggest mistake I've ever made. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I know that my time is nearly up. Just get a blade and cut the vein and bleed to death. I've seen the hate comments some people make. I'm the reason why the light in Sehun's eyes are gone. I'm the reason why Sehun's in pain. I'm the reason why Exo's awkward with each other. 

"Lulu hyung?" I opened my eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat at the nickname. I rolled my sleeves down and turned to look at Sehun. It's been a while since he called me that and I miss it. 

"Yes?" I replied.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just thinking." 

"Thinking about what?"

"My life and mistakes. My regrets." I said and he never replied. He just stood beside me and looked at the view. He had a blank look on his face so I can't see his expressions. I sighed and looked at the beautiful night view of Seoul. I would truly miss this. When I leave for China, I don't know where I'll go but I know that wherever I'll be, it won't be home. I can't go back to my family because I know that they won't accept me back so I just have to look for a place that I could stay in for the rest of my miserable and painful life. 

"I'm happy for you." I said quietly and he turned to look at me with a confused look. I gave him a weak chuckle before adding, "Jongin makes you happy. I'm glad that you found someone like him to be in your life. Jongin is a good guy and I know he'll never hurt you." Even though it hurts to admit it, I know it's true. I can see the way Jongin looks at Sehun. I know that he's loved Sehun for a while and he knows him more than I do. I know that Sehun will be much happier with him than he'll ever be with me. I accepted that fact ever since they said they're together. Suddenly Joonmyeon's words rang in my head.

"Perfect together, bound together by fate."

I guess he's right. Jongin is the one for Sehun. It's always been Jongin. I was a terrible boyfriend who was blinded by money and fame that I shoved aside the only person who has cared and loved me for so long. I pushed him away when I got into SM and I wish I didn't. What if I didn't get into SM? What would happen? Would Sehun and I still be happy together? There's lots of possibilities but the past can't change because what's done, is done. 

"Thank you hyung." was all he said. Sehun can never forgive me and I can't forgive myself until he does. The members will hate me even more when they find out that I'm leaving Exo but it's for the best. Sehun won't see my face anymore and he won't be reminded of a painful memory, Xiumin won't have to suffer by hanging out with me and the members won't have to deal with my annoying presence anymore. The life in Exo's dorm won't be awkward when I'm not around. Although I'd miss them, I have to do what's best and leaving is the only option. 

"Hyung I have to go meet Jongin now." Sehun said after a while. I just hummed in reply as he started to walk away from me. "Goodbye hyung." he said before leaving. 

"Goodbye Sehunnie." I whispered before letting the tears fall. I guess this is actually goodbye. I won't see them anymore after tomorrow. I meant what I said to Xiumin. They all won't see me anymore after I leave because everything is too much. Being hated by my family because of my uality is enough but being hated on by the members and Sehun is too much. I can't take the guilt and regret anymore and I've gone so far in to depression that I just want everything to end. I know I've hurt Sehun in the past but can't they all see that all I want to do is apologise? I just want Sehun's forgiveness before I can finally rest for all eternity but I guess my last wish won't be granted. Maybe if I die everyone will be happy.

I sighed before looking up at the sky. Let's all meet again in the next life. Goodbye.