The sun peaked through the haphazardly closed curtains in the dorm, a nice clear sky casted above the conservatory, but the morning light only made Sehun wince and pull his blanket over his head to block it out. His head ached with such a throbbing and cracking that it made him groan as soon as he registered the pain.

He’s never had that tolerance for alcohol. Never.

And this moment was one he never wanted to relive. Ever.

He curled on his side and tried to push through it, but his stomach churned at the same time. Hell. He was in hell.

“Aish! Shut up!” A pillow assaulted Sehun’s head and he let out another groan, not able to even send back an insult.

“Shove off, will you?” Baro’s voice was loud in Sehun’s ears, though he only spoke lightly above a whisper to Kai.

“Well, maybe he shouldn’t go out drinking then?”

Sehun used what was launched at him as earplugs, grabbing around his blanket and at the pillow, pulling it over his ears.

Quiet, all he wanted was quiet. Was that too much to ask for?
Quiet and sleep.
And painkillers. Some painkillers, as well.

The voices became muffled through the pillow but that did nothing to stop how his stomach twisted.

Proud, he thought bitterly, my dad would be so proud if he could see me now.

A yell rose above the muffled noises and Sehun couldn’t take it anymore. He got up quickly, landing on his knees on the floor as the world spun. He dropped forward, his hands splayed on the floor, keeping himself up.

“Sehun—!” The younger winced and looked up to see CNU’s face over his, glasses haphazardly placed on his face. “Are you okay?”

Sehun thought about nodding, but then decided against it. He shook his head miserably and a scoff from Kai made his face heat up.

“Why don’t you just leave?!” Sehun found strength in his anger and pushed himself up off the floor, CNU trying to help him stand. Baro dropped down from the top bunk (his bed above Sehun’s, whereas CNU’s bed was below Kai’s) as well to get Sehun’s other side, but it was of no use. The stubborn dancer pushed him away and he approached the bunk bed, CNU’s unmade bed at the bottom and Kai on the top bunk.

“Huh?!” Sehun braced himself on the frame of the bed and looked at the boy. His lips and face was swollen from sleep and his brown hair was all over the place, but his eyes showed that he was wide awake and angry.

“Because I deserve to be here!” Kai sat up fully and slid from the top bunk, clad in only a t-shirt and boxers. “I deserve to live my dream!” He screamed it as loud as he could, making Sehun step back and stumble a little. CNU was behind him, though, and caught him gently while Baro moved to his front, standing confrontationally between the two.

“Kai.” Baro placed his hand out, his palm barely touching the fabric of Kai’s shirt to keep him back. “Just stop.” Everyone knew that Baro was sick and tired of all the drama, as everyone else was. He didn’t personally have a problem with Kai, but it was moment’s like this that made the rural-raised Korean hate him.

“I deserve this.” Kai repeated numbly after a beat, looking at those who’ve shown him nothing but disgust for a moment before stalking out of the dorm room. He couldn’t take it. How many things have to stand in his way? How many people had to keep him away from his life?

The three looked at the open doors, not sure what happened, but glad that he was gone nonetheless.

“What…” Baro looked at the other two, his dark brows drawn together and wrinkling his forehead.

Sehun was about to answer but bile crawled up his throat, making him bolt out of the room behind Kai, passing him in the hall and pushing into the communal bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before all of the alcohol he consumed the night before emptied itself into the bowl. His throat burned and his eyes watered, everything hurting. Some of the vomit ended up coming out of his nose as well and he decided then that this was definitely hell, the horrid smell almost making him black out.

After ten minutes of puking Sehun laid back, glad for the cold tile floor beneath him. He rested his cheek against the floor, his face feeling hot and flushed. The sickly boy breathed fast a shallow his joints sore and head ache still pounding relentlessly.

“Learned your lesson?” Sehun didn’t react fast when he looked up to see Lay standing in the doorway of the bathroom, his arms crossed loosely over his chest. He couldn’t necessarily form words at the moment so he just gave a barely perceptible nod, wishing he could just die right then.

“Good. Let’s talk.” Sehun groaned a little but sat up, accepting a hand that Lay outstretched. He was pulled to his feet and together they slowly made their way to Lay’s office.

The room itself was on the opposite side of the conservatory, the building behind only one floor, and small-ish at that. The building was composed of two halls that crossed. Once you entered the building Lay’s office was on the left, his bedroom on the right. Farther down there’s an intersection—there was a big practice room down one side of the left hall and then six smaller ones down the other side. Down the right hall was the cafeteria and rec room where the TV, computers, and games were, most of the furniture donated by the dancers. If you were to keep going straight there’d be several doors on each side, the dorms and bathrooms. The dorm rooms themselves were simple, two bunk beds and two desks for the four who resided there to share. It was modest but functional.

Sehun and Lay entered his office and it was just like the rest of the building. Simple. Small. Homey. There was a lightwood desk in the middle of the room and a swivel chair behind it, a small laptop and messy stacks of paper over it. Sehun could only guess what was on the papers. The boy sat on the small couch that was in front of the desk and watched Lay as he paced a little. He looked nervous, but that was to be expected.

“Do you know… how much…” Lay was at a loss for words. His eyes were only slits as he thought, his face crumpling a little. “How much…” He stopped and went to his laptop, hitting a few keys and then turning the screen to Sehun.

The dancer’s mouth dropped open as he saw a picture of him and the bartender from last night, her lips on his and his hands on her waist. The headline made his stomach stick again as it read “New Interests?” He pulled the device closer to himself and skimmed the article “Disobeying his mother’s wishes… Neglecting his obligations… Disgrace… How will Yixing cope?... Lost his chance… Dance companies frown upon…”
His eyes also caught something. “Tommie Banks” That’s her name. He stopped at the American name, a little flustered for a moment. Who was she?

“Do you know how much of myself I see in you?” Sehun tore his gaze from the article and looked up into his teachers eyes, feeling a tear course down his cheek.

“I didn’t—It wasn’t—” Lay shook his head and sat down in his swivel chair. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Lay waved one hand and used the other to flatten out his tousled hair. “I don’t blame you for going out and having fun. What are you, twenty-one?” Sehun nodded, looking down at the rip in his jeans. He was too tired to change last night, so he was still clad in his skinny jeans and a trashed button up blue shirt. “You should be able go out and have fun, as do us all.” He stopped for a moment and looked lost, his eyes glazing over. It only lasted for a moment, though, before he snapped out of it, looking to Sehun with a quick shake of his head.

“—It’s everyone else I’m upset with.” There was another pause and Lay pulled the laptop back to him, closing the screen and sitting back. “You’re in the spotlight now, whether or not you’re a soloist. I’m not in the business of bragging… But since I’m recruiting dancers in the time of my injury, my popularity has shifted towards you. Everyone had their eyes on you already, but especially now. Dancing companies… all they see now is a party boy with no motivation.”

“How do we change that?” Sehun sat up and looked alert for the first time that morning. He could see his dream slipping through the cracks and he didn’t know what to do. He needed to… prove himself… Let them know that he wanted the life of a dancer. He needed it.

Lay shook his head and shrugged, rubbing his face a little bit. “I can try to get us some spots on variety shows, maybe Happy Together and Hello Councilor… But we’ll have to wait and see. I don’t know how well it will all work out. I’ll try, though.”

Sehun nodded and stood, a little woozy on his feet. He should go practice some more. He nodded to Lay and started for the door, but a form in the way caught his attention. Kai was there, having just arrived. Lay must’ve told him to come see him after Sehun.

The dancer didn’t know what to do. Whether to glare and be sympathetic. The boy looked like hell, but Sehun truly felt like it.

Though he contemplated the decision the only thing he could do with his facial features was give off an expression of being sick as he walked passed, everything falling down around him. He could lose his dream. His life. He ached for the feel of the hot spotlight on him, of the crowd cheering for him, standing and clapping at the end of a performance. Of being able to see his mother in the crowd, and maybe one day, his father, finally proud of his son. He shook his head at himself and left the room, the lights swimming across his vision.

Kai walked into the office and sunk down in the couch that Sehun had just occupied. He deserved this… all of this…

He couldn’t think straight and could barely respond when Lay spoke to him. “Hello.” He mumbled, trying to blink last night’s dream from his vision.

At first he’d forgotten it, which was for the better. But after what he said to Sehun… He suddenly remembered it. The horror of it all. Lay started speaking but it all came out in mumbles and blunt noises. He… He deserved every misfortune that hit him and didn’t deserve any blessings. That’s why he can’t feel. Why he’s so cold all the time. It’s punishment. It’s penance for his irresponsibility. For ruining their lives.

“Kai?”

At the sound of his name Kai pulled out of his revere and blinked.

“Yes?” The instructor looked tired but at the same time aware of Kai’s mentality.

“Never mind. I’ll talk to you about it later. Be ready for practice in an hour.” Kai nodded quickly and stood, glad for being excused. He was about to turn and leave but Lay added, “And tell Sehun to get rest. He shouldn’t be doing much today. He’ll kill himself.” Kai froze and tried to push down the hate. Sehun gets all the glory and even played favorites from Lay. If anything Sehun should work more, for what he did last night. For being irresponsible.

Lay seemed to notice the hostility and gave Kai a pitiful smile. “Just because I’m letting him rest doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. I still haven’t decided on the soloists yet—he has some things to make up for if he wants to get one of the spots.”

That statement calmed Kai’s anger slightly and he nodded curtly. Good.

He turned and left, adjusting the sweats he changed into. He had to concede the Sehun was a great dancer—there was no doubt in it. But everything was handed to the younger—at least that’s what Kai thought.

He rolled his shoulders and grimaced when his knee locked as he went down the hall. He stopped and placed his hand on the wall next to him to keep himself upright. Sparks shot up his leg and he bit his lip, slowly flexing his knee to work it out. A small whimper came from him against his will and a laugh from behind him cut it short.

Instead of turning around to see who approached, Kai kept walking forward, clenching his jaw as his knee joints grinded together. He slowly removed his hand from the wall and attempted to walk normally, with an air of pride. No one can see him like this. Never.

“Awh! He looks like a hurt puppy.” The voice laughed, one that Kai recognized as Minzy’s, one of the four female dancers who survived the vigorous training schedule. One that Kai didn’t even want to think about at the moment, his knee objecting to even the slow pace of his walk.

“A hurt mutt.” Her companion sneered. CL. Minzy’s torture was more of a patronizing type of insult, the usual, and one that Kai had grown used to. But CL. Her prods were directed towards his past, his social standing, his financial standing.

Everyone here had to pay a fairly substantial amount of money to get in, as expected. It’s a conservatory, not a charity. But Kai barely had anything. His aunt gave him what she could, the woman barely turning out enough money from her children’s dance studio to pay her own bills—but it still wasn’t enough. Lay didn’t seem to mind, though. He took Kai in anyway, only taking 25% of what little money he had to offer. Kai felt indebted to the teacher, to his mentor, but still hadn’t found a way to repay him.

“Just shut up.” Kai snapped, not turning to see his aggressors. All he wanted to do was to go his room. He didn’t care enough to tell Sehun to not work so hard—he could work himself to death for all Kai cared. He smirked through his pain at the thought—it actually wouldn’t be a bad thing, maybe a good one.

“Ooh, the mutt has a little bit of bark.” CL easily caught up to his side and looked down on him, her deep blond hair brushing his shoulder as she got close. “Too bad it has no bite.” Her lips were centimeters from his ear as she spoke and her breath tickled him slightly. She chuckled a little and then walked ahead, Minzy following behind, her blue hair tufted out from sleep.

“No bite, no bite!” Minzy chanted shamelessly, bobbing her head from side to side and looking back at the injured dancer, a grin on her thin lips.

Kai cursed under his breath but kept walking, his knee feeling a little better with every step, though still sending shocks up his leg. He refused to use the wall for support, though. Refused to show weakness.

The intersection between the two halls approached and Kai heard music from down the left hall, instantly knowing it was Sehun. Kai couldn’t name the song, but he heard it every time Sehun practiced. It seemed to be his favorite. The boy looked ahead at the dorms and then to the left at the practice rooms, mentally debating what to do.

He could go to the dorms and hope Sehun works himself into long-term sickness. Or he could follow Lay’s orders and tell the boy to stop.
Kai turned left based on the fact that Sehun probably wouldn’t listen to him anyways.

A few meters down the hall the music grew loud and Kai pushed through the door without knocking; the likeliness of Sehun even hearing the sound was small. Kai pulled his lips over his teeth and watched his younger dance. He was a little sloppy due to his queasy stomach, but he was all there. He was working as hard as he could. His feet moved smoothly and the movement flowed up his legs and to his chest as he glided to the side, his hands poised above his head.

Kai shook his head and moved across the room, taking the auxiliary plug out of Sehun’s phone and turning to face him.

“Aish!” Sehun stopped and turned, his look of confusion quickly turning sour at the sight of the other dancer.

“Lay wanted me to tell you to take it easy today.” Kai spoke in a clipped tone, clenching and unclenching his jaw. He hated every second of interaction with the blond and believed that nothing would change it. He couldn’t even pinpoint the reason for the distaste, but it was always there.

The younger narrowed his eyes and walked briskly towards the stereo, taking the cord from Kai’s hands and putting it back in his phone, turning the volume down so he could argue effectively. “I don’t need you telling me what to do.”

With a roll of the eyes the brunette snorted, “I’m not telling you anything. Just passing a message.” He couldn’t care less at that point and just walked off.

What does it matter to him anyway?
Oh, that’s right. It doesn’t.

It’s taken the rest of the dancers no time to realize this, the fact that Kai cares little to none about the others and then farther to the point of hate. It’s only a matter of time before Lay soon does, too. He can’t push Kai to be on good terms with the other dancers, though he keeps trying.

“What are you doing here anyways?” Kai stopped at the door, Sehun’s voice traveling with an echo. He didn’t say it in a rude way, or confrontational in any way. He was genuinely curious and Kai could tell.

Kai didn’t have an answer.

“None of your business.” He answered coldly, continuing into the hall and down into his now-empty dorm.

He went up to his bed and reclined back, looking up at the ceiling. What is he doing? Why is he even trying anymore? A small buzzing noise came from his sweatpants and he pulled his phone out of the pocket, wincing when he saw the contact name that flashed about.

“I should really change that.” He grumbled.

The name “Handy Man” seemed to of his old life. Of his good life. But he had none of that now. He locked the phone and barely refrained from throwing it across the room. It had been almost two years since he’d last talked to his best friend, through every fault of his own. He’s ignored his hyung consistently and he planned to keep it that way, no matter how many texts and calls he’d get. He doesn’t need it right now.

But then what does he need? He stretched his hands above his head and then placed them over his face. He needed to get himself straight. He needed to find a goal and keep it. He had to stop floating adrift like a boat without a sail. Stop hiding and waiting for someone to tell him what to do. Kai’s life was in his owns hands, not someone else’s.

His phone buzzed again and Kai picked it up, a thought barely coming to mind as he chucked it across the room. It fortunately hit the backrest of a swivel chair and then bounced down onto a rug. He didn’t care either way. Kai rolled onto his side and started out the window that spread from the base of CNU’s bed all the way up past the top bunk until about an inch below the ceiling. The streets had darkened since the early morning and a smog had taken over the city reflecting what Kai felt within himself. 

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3388 Words

Back with another chapter, hope you enjoyed! 

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Still trying to decide who to introduce next. Sooo many great choices :s

Love you, bai!

~RosePose