A/N: I've been so behind on updating all my stories lately, so I've double-updated (sort of) this fic! Hope you enjoy, do subscribe and comment and thank you for all the support! ~xoxo

Entry 5. Apr. 21, 2014

The reason I haven’t been writing in you lately is because I’ve been knocked up from partying in Vegas and ting Kris.

...Well, that’s what I wish happened.

Instead, I’ve been going in and out of sleep since my last entry, too tired or too delirious to write anything sane. I’ve written a few words, maybe one or two sentences in the past couple days, but they’re scribbled all over the page like an infant’s writing. And it’s crazy talk.

I ripped those pages out because they look kind of like haunted writing from horror movies, and you, my diary, of all things know just how I feel about horror movies.

Anyway.

I’m a little better now, thank you for asking.

I’m good enough to write about yesterday, at least.

Because OHMIGAWD. This is better than anything yet. Guess who came to visit me.

No, not Beyonce, although someone practically on her level: Kris.

Kris came to visit me.

I had been talking to Bacon on one of the times I wasn’t all sweaty and feverish (because apparently I’d also caught a cold, blah blah blah who cares) and suddenly there was a light rapping on the door. Bacon turned back at me, trying to wink like the bacon he is, and opened the door despite my protests. I stared, bug-eyed, as Bacon stepped out and ushered Kris in like he was some kind of god. Which he is. But Bacon’s not usually like that.

He was taller than usual with his hair fluffed up and styled perfectly to the side, like a Kpop star’s. The rims of his eyes were dark, as if he was wearing eyeliner. But only Bacon wore eyeliner. Kris’s skin was pale and perfect, as usual, and okay, so maybe I drooled a bit.

He said, “Wipe that spit off your face.”

So maybe he wasn’t as happy to see me as I was him.

His cold dark eyes burned with emotion (fury? sadness? lust? the world will never know), and I sort of winced into my pillow. He was still enough to get my heart beating and my head spinning like crazy, and I guess it showed when he put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched violently, like a dog had attacked my Gucci collection I stole from some random rich woman instead of it just being angel Kris’s hand.

His voice came out low and soft, and despite myself I shivered. “Hey, chill. You okay?”

”Uh, kind of, I mean, um yeah,” I blurted too quickly. Oh shut up and get yourself together. You sound like a complete moron.

He did a sort of humorless eye-smile. “‘Um yeah.’ Okay.” He cleared his throat and looked around uncomfortably. “I’m pretty sure Baekhyun has told you about what I told to...them. Those guys.”

“The gang,” I murmured.

“Yeah.” Jesus, how could he sound so seductive and beautiful with just one word?

“You said...EXO.”

“Yeah,” he repeated. “What the hell. Don’t you think it’s strange that it had to be our group? What, are we supposed to sit together at lunch from now on?” He smiled and leaned closer suddenly, so close I could smell his scent.

I certainly wouldn’t mind that. Okay, so maybe my inner fangirl was maybe having something akin to an just seeing his face, and I don’t think I masked that very well.

If you know someone who has a bigger crush on someone else than I do with Kris, let me know.

Kris’s eyes grazed over me so I felt slightly vulnerable even with the covers over me. Although if he wanted my body, he could totally have it, it’s already his I mean. He smirked a little, and leaned away, sitting down in the small plastic chair. He was freakishly tall and his fiery, insanely hot looks didn’t fit in a stark white hospital room like this. He studied my face for a little while longer and surprisingly, lifted his arm up to touch the circles under my eyes. I stiffened, but every trace of his finger lingered on my face.

He laughed. “That’s why they call you Panda,” he mused.

I blurted, “Who?” God I’m acting so stupid.

“The gang.” His eyes twinkled. “‘EXO’.’”

He sighed. “Just-trust me.”

I stared. I considered saying, Take me and my soul and my body, just take me, but I figured that would creep him out. “What do you mean?”

“Baekhyun told me about your-living situation.” I gritted my teeth and made a mental note to strangle the bacon later. NO one was to know that I lived in a condo where I did away with the owner. And especially not my future boyfriend Kris. Was he going to file a lawsuit on me?

“I’m actually not better off,” Kris continued, to my surprise. How could a god be confessing to someone like me? Well of course I was divine too, but not as hot as him. Even I must admit that. After all, I have high priorities when choosing quality boys.

“Yeah. You must be thinking, I’m rich. So why am I complaining?” He sighed and looked down at his hands.

Um I was actually thinking why you as a deity would be confessing to me, I thought but didn’t say anything.

He cleared his throat again. “Erm, see a lot of girls are attracted to me, right?” He gave a sheepish grin and I looked at him. Some guys are attracted to you too. “Well apparently I got that gene from my dad.” Kris’s eyes hardened, his tone turning harsh. He wasn’t really looking at me anymore, just reliving some old memories. “He had mistresses. Multiple. I was little then, and every night he would be gone. Umma always told me he was off with business. Rich businessman, see. I didn’t know he was ing other women, and neither did Mother.”

I flinched, still a bit intimidated by his godliness, but felt real pain for him. The last line had been spat out in Mandarin. “So what did your mom do when she figured it out?” I asked tentatively, switching to Chinese.

He blinked in surprise, but continued his story in our native language. “She died.” he said flatly.

I swallowed.

“Suicide,” he explained. “Jumped off from the 6th floor of our house. My ‘dad’ didn’t care. He just kept right on seeing his mistresses, only now he brought them home. I called them ‘ slaves’ when I got older, but for my childhood I spent most of my depressing time with a nanny e.” He snorted and looked away in disgust. “Almost got once, even. I avoid my dad, I don’t talk to him even if I see him. But I still live in that hellish place.”

I didn’t know what to say to him. I lay there helplessly.

I didn’t know what I was doing but suddenly I found my hand his face.

Kris leaned into the touch during the first few seconds, unaware, but snapped out of his memories and glared at my hand coldly. “What the hell are you doing?” he snarled.

I quickly pulled my hand back, my throat closing up. I couldn’t speak without sounding like an idiot.

“I’m sorry,” I squeaked. Sounding, of course, like an idiot.

His face was contorted into an angry, stormy expression, and yet he still looked beautiful. His lips were pouted. The only sign of any feeling in him were his eyes, darting uncertainly around the room, at anywhere but me. He looked panicked, and I gulped.

Still without looking at me, he muttered, “My past doesn’t change me. Not who I am. I’m not gay. What are you thinking, Tao? I’m NOT GAY!” His voice was full of fear and his hands shook. I stared at him, frozen stupid. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“I’m going.” This time Kris growled in Korean, as if our whole Chinese thing hadn’t happened. He stood abruptly so that the chair tumbled down and fell to its back. He didn’t bother picking it back up.

He reached the door, yanked it open. I didn’t do anything but stare like a deer-in-headlights. Tilting his head in my direction but not looking directly at me, he muttered in Chinese, “This conversation did not happen. Nothing. Okay?”

Kris left.

I’m writing this down now, a day later. I don’t know how, but I remember every bit of our conversation. Every bit.

Especially the ‘gay’ part. That part came out of nowhere. I had said nothing about the subject. Yet he had suddenly started babbling, denying the ual orientation and making me feel a little better about not being the only crazy person in the room.

At least I know a little more about Kris Wu, the boy that I’ve been crushing on for years ever since I laid eyes on him, now.

1) he has a broken past,

2) he’s a man of emotion,

and 3) Kris Wu is totterly in love with me.

I just have to make him aware of that.