Entry 10. June 25, 2014

It’s been 84 years...

I know, I know. 23 days without writing in this. I’m sorry Diary, you must be really missing me.

Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t been writing. Maybe because life is boring. Maybe because nothing has been going on lately. Maybe because I’m constantly fantasizing about Kris’s hard-on against mine and replaying it over and over in my head.

Ew I’m not that gross. What are you thinking?!

Okay. So maybe a little.

Alright. Hell of a lot. #noshame

What can I say? What do I say when your crush, the infamously hot guy who makes girls spew waterfalls down south (not to be gross or anything, but I’m sure it’s true) and who is every single human being’s wet dream, whether they like it or not, has a hard-on because of you? Like come on, I know I’m lusciously attractive (luscious? ew. luscious?) but really. This is also a once in a lifetime kind of thing.

Okay. Let me be honest. Aside from that, I kind of sort of got detention…

For landing on Kris and being late to the detention I already had? Yeah I know. Go figure.

Stop laughing at my misery. You, Diary, are supposed to be my confidante, not secretly making this into a comedy and posting it out on the net for everyone to see how miserable I am.

Since summer’s rolling around and there probably isn’t enough school days left for me to be stuck in detention, the principal decided to send me to some stupid summer camp thing that’s supposed to “improve my attitude, social, and leadership skills as well as provide team-building opportunities to work through and solve difficult problems.” What do douchebag principals know, I bet he loves torturing kids with this.

Instead of me only staying for three days at the camp, like the usual sentence innocent kids like me have to serve (because yes, it is a prison; they forgot to add labor to the word camp), I have to stay for a week. A ing week like what the eff. I tried to convince Bacon to get into trouble so he’d have to go through the same thing too, but he just gave me a narrow-eyed glare and walked off with Park/Kim Chanyeol. So much for being best friends.

On the bright side, a few of EXO are going too. Most of them are being forced to, like Sehun, Kai, Luhan, and Kyungsoo-I-like-to-be-called-D.O.—only unlike me, they were not forced by the principal but their parents. I guess a lot of adults are ered into paying money for sending their kids to “summer camps” a.k.a. sweatshops of child labor.

Can I say false advertisement?

Suho—his real name is Joonmyeon by the way, shocker, I can’t believe I only found that out a couple days ago...but that doesn’t mean I’m an idiot or anything, he just likes to be called by his nickname so Jesus calm down Diary don’t be going ape over what I didn’t know—whom I actually like the most out of EXO—besides Kris of course, duh—given that he’s kind of soft and cuddly and always there for me when I need him (especially when I need food) decided that this was a great opportunity for his leadership skills as well.

...

Excuse me, I stand corrected.

A lot of adults and class presidents are ered into paying money for sending their kids (or themselves) to “summer camps” a.k.a. sweatshops of child labor.

Boo you Suho. I may or may not have to slap you in the face a couple times the next time I see you to knock some sense into you. I thought you were smart.

But.

He managed to convince Kris to go too, which I will reluctantly approve of, because even if I’m going to come out of this one week looking like a dirty and starving refugee, at least I’ll be with Kris.

c:

I’m not selfish.

Anyhoo, I’ll keep you updated about what happens at camp, which is apparently next week or something like that. I don’t know, I’d rather keep myself in the dark about it so if I do end up missing the date of camp, I can just act stupid and be like “duhhhh what.”

But with Mr. Idiot Class President, I don’t think I’ll be able to find an excuse to miss it.

I still don’t get it. How would someone want to willingly place themselves in the midst of torture? I heard it’s in the woods, where there’s no phone service or television or any form of real entertainment whatsoever. There’s not much running water or electricity either, so showers and lighting are limited, let alone long showers and sleeping with a night light on.

Shhh. Don’t tell anyone about that. The night light part. If you do I’ll probably have to feed you to a goat.

That’s if I come back safe and sound and not mauled by a bear or whatever. Seriously, whoever’s in charge of the world should just ban all these sort of camps forever. They’re dangerous and a health hazard to fragile teenagers like me.

That’s all I can really write today. Aside from the fact that it’s practically two in the morning and my hand is seriously cramping up, I kind of need to cry over this.

And relieve myself.

And think about Kris’s hard-on.

P.S. I figured out why they call it a “summer camp retreat” now. Because when you hear about it, you want to “Retreat, retreat, retreat!” the hell away from there.

Ha ha. Ha. I know. I’m hilarious.

A/N: Oh gosh I'm such a terrible person for not updating in 5ever >.< But I'm alive! Thank you all that continue to support this fic, I love you guys so much! If you liked this chapter, please leave a comment, it makes my day, and subscribe and upvote if you haven't already! Mwah love you all <3 The Taoris is about to get intense, so just you wait c:

And I haven't forgot about the special entry regarding Kris's lawsuit! I know it's been a while but there will be something along those lines fosho. Please subscribe to stay tuned, luv ya! ~xoxo