Entry 1. Apr. 4, 2014

This is a diary.

There.

I thought I might as well come out of the closet and tell you.

What, you thought I was actually going to tell you I was gay? Pfft. Don’t be stupid. I’m literally coming out of a coat closet right now. What else did you expect?

Okay that was a bad joke.  But seriously, someone should clean it. The closet, I mean. It smells like . Why I was in it is another story for later.

Anyway.

Hi. I’m Tao.

If you have a problem with diaries, don’t read this. Actually, don’t read this at all. It’s a breach of someone’s privacy, and even though someone so incredibly popular and famous like me has barely any privacy because of the paparazzi (people call them students I don’t know why) and the media (aka yearbook), still. Back off.

I’m a guy. Yeah. So what? Guys can have diaries, and love Gucci, and be fashionable. Those are actually very manly and masculine traits. I bet one time in your life you wanted a Gucci bag just like mine, so shut up haters.

ing hypocrites.

Alright. Let me get to the real reason I made this diary. I found it lying around underneath a desk at school, a plain empty notebook just waiting to be filled with my thoughts. I’m going to be famous one day in case you couldn’t tell, so this is pretty much going to be worth millions of dollars in the future. Because in the future, I’m going to be supreme overlord of the universe and everyone will take care of my problems for me.

But for now, this diary will have to do.

Three things diaries are good for:

1. my problems

2. my problems

3. my problems

4. Kris

If you’re wondering, I do NOT like Kris. I mean, he’s kind of one of my problems too. I’m not gay. He’s just my best friend good friend friend friend of friend acquaintance classmate. Nice guy.

Okay so maybe I kinda sorta maybe like him. GOT A PROBLEM

Here’s the situation. My best friend, Byun Baekhyun known as Bacon, is a homoual. He has a boyfriend, Park Chanyeol or Lee Chanyeol or whatever. I don’t bother to remember his name. Bacon has it tough (I never call him Baekhyun, always Bacon because he’s just a bacon and there’s not really any other way to explain it). He gets teased and pushed around a lot, but at least his Park/Lee boyfriend is around for him.

I don’t know how that has anything to do with me, but it probably does. Everything has to do with me some way or another.

Kris and I are both exchange students from China. Kris is actually raised in Canada, which makes him so much ier cooler. His English is brilliant better compared to someone like me. He’s already a popular guy, admittedly more than I am (I mean how could that ever be possible amirite). They call him the Dragon. His fiery personality and light, almost-red brown hair certainly fits the description. I quite like the ring of that.

To be honest, if Kris is homoual he doesn’t show it. So that puts me in a difficult situation. How do the Americans say it--between a smooth spot and a hard place? with a long stick at your back and a dark hole at the front...okay that’s starting to sound wrong.

Anyway, my point is that I don’t know how to express myself. There’s Byun Bacon, who has a perfect fluffy little life with his boyfriend and is urging me to spill my heart out to the new guy, Kris. And then there’s everyone else, who all seem perfectly straight. They can make erted jokes and actually laugh at them because it’s with a guy and a girl having...um, you know...not a guy and a... You know what. Let’s just drop the subject and talk about something else.

Actually I’ve been dying to tell you, there’s this really hot guy who goes by the name of TOP, and

I don’t think this is working.

But keep reading. Because this is me, Tao, about my problems, and this diary is going to be worth millions one day. So take notes while you can. My problems are worth listening to.