Chapter 2:

Three days later, Junjin’s POV:

I was surprised that the guy kept coming though I had blurted out that utterly shameful thing. He hadn’t said anything. He had just shook his head and looked at me deeply hurt. He had hurt himself. That is what he and the nurse had said, but he said they weren’t new; made weeks ago. I had believed him…for some reason. But the look on his face had been sad, unexpected, so I had to believe him.

“Hi,” he said gloomily as he sat down next to me.

I noticed he had become worse. He was thinner, his wrists were bony as well as his fingers. His legs were visibly slenderer and his face looked so pale that it emphasized the blackness of his eyebags. I felt pity. He was so young. He still had a life ahead of him. And I heard that he had a brother who was worried about him. It almost resembles my hyung.

I laughed slightly, shoulders wiggling.

“What?” He asked.

“What?” I with a counter question as I hadn’t heard what he had asked.

He was staring at me. Though his face was super white, the paleness emphasized the redness of his lips. Not that I looked at them (I felt blush rising onto my cheeks), but they were an eye-catcher when he looked like that. I noticed the fingers properly now; covered with glue. Did he smell glues now? To get high? I shook my head unknowingly.

His mouth caught my attention again.

He was pouting automatically, I didn’t know people can do that.

His lips were chapped.

“What are you staring at?” The guy questioned shyly.

My gaze must’ve lowered onto his mouth for fraction of a second.

“You look different.” I replied, slamming my head against the wall inside my mind.

Way to go Park Chung Jae, you are officially causing more pain.

Same day, Andy’s POV:

He was staring at me intensely. He seemed to be in his thoughts since his gaze lowered down a bit. I didn’t know what he was watching but I pouted because he wasn’t focusing. Not that I cared. He was a great friend to talk to. He listened and he knew what I felt. I had even become suicidal lately but I was sure it would go away with the man. He was always cheering me up.

But was he eating?

I didn’t dare to ask.

He seemed like a man who would build his muscles and become strong. And I could see that he had biceps. But they were mixed with the thin arms and hands that were neatly on the guy’s lap. He wasn’t pale anymore but he had a brown skin. I looked at him while he was fantasizing about something. I didn’t know his name and it was multiple times when I wanted to ask him.

But the question couldn’t come out.

Maybe it was better not to know, since who knows when something might happen to me. I didn’t want to know his name after all. That is what my brain said. And my heart.

“You look different.” He said after my question.

I knew it wasn’t a compliment. He had been so blunt lately. And I understood what he meant by that sentence. He didn’t look the same either. At least he had been able to sleep a bit, to which I was super jealous of. I hardly managed to close my eyes. But I had started to make something. To him. I was thinking that it was something personal and made by a friend, which would make him happy.

I glared at him seriously.

“I know.” I answered with a shrug.

Same day, later, Junjin’s POV:

If I had to define an elevator, I would say that it usually meant a place in dreamland where true love often blooms.  I didn’t agree to that before but when I and the guy from the grieving room stepped into the elevator full of people and they pushed him to the corner and me onto him, our eyes met and the awkward guttural sounds and the terrible amount of panicked gulping intensified.

I looked at him into his eyes and the pupils had shrunk.

Oh, my god.

He was petrified.

I was touching him. The people near us were touching him and he was cornered. He couldn’t move an inch which made the breaths I heard rapider. I hoped the elevator would just stop and we could quickly get out on a floor we didn’t even want to step off.

But the respiration in his mouth hastened and soon the puffs were short and rapid. I damned that I had chosen the elevator, but it was the only way to get down. He was hyperventilating and the people around us began to touch him even more. I commanded them to stop touching and protected the man by putting my arms over his shoulders (not touching him) and straightened them so there was room between me and him.

He couldn’t calm down.

“Help…” he breathed out, the breathing squeaking. “…me.”

I was indecisive as I glanced at the floor map above the sliding doors. The elevator wasn’t going to stop. The people in it commenced pressing the next floor button but it only caused a short circuit. I turned back to look at the guy. He was crying. He was squeezing my left forearm and holding the neck where he had the cuts. I was apprehensive. I didn’t know what I should do. I cursed the other humans in the elevator for shocking the guy even more with the gentle radio voice that kept repeating how the elevator is having a circuit.

“Help…help…help…help…” The shorter guy replicated. “…help…help…help…”

I wanted to wail.

The poor man was intimidated. I knew this was all because of the past.

His tears were covering his face. He wasn’t looking at me; his head was bowed. I screamed at the people who tried to touch him. I was getting panicked because they didn’t listen to me and he wasn’t calming down. He was turning to worse.

“Don’t…don’t…don’t…don’t…” the guy chanted silently as he was crying. “…touch…touch…touch…touch…”

I was devastated.

“Hyung…hyung…hyung…hyung…” I frowned. “he…he…he…is…is…is…touching…touching…me.”

I leaned closer to hear him.

“Hyung…please…hyung…” He cried intensely, squeezing my arm. Did he think I was his hyung? Or…or; my eyes widened. Did he think I was the one who was attacking him and he just gave in? “Hyung…he…is touching…me.”

And suddenly, I didn’t know what got into my mind when I hugged him.

He gasped.

“Hyung’s here.” I whispered out of a whim. “Stop crying.”

He did.

But I heard the sniffs.

“Don’t cry.” I murmured. “No one is touching you. No one is touching you.”

I felt a nod against my shoulder.

“Shhh…” I rubbed his back. “…Everything’s fine.”

“Everything…” he crooned. “…fine.”

I nodded. “No one touches you.”

The guy’s arms got around me and I could feel they were still shivering. The people around us stopped fussing, or then it was my delusion since I was suddenly in my head, not hearing anything, but gradually the elevator emptied. His breathing was normal again. I heaved a sigh when I felt his arms sliding off and mine getting back next to my body.

He was blushing.

I was blushing.

But that surely meant nothing.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, ashamed of what he had said while hyperventilating.

“You’re welcome.” I responded as awkwardly.

The people behind us were staring at me as they mumbled to each other: “Elevators are the place to spice up the relationships.”

We quickly hurried out of there.  

Same time, couple minutes later, Andy’s POV:

I said goodbye to him and hurried out of his sight. I was embarrassed. I…I had started panicking and he had seen my weak side. I was feeble. That man knew more about me day by day and I hated that. He found out things about me that I usually held in till the day I was comfortable. He knew I was scared of touches. He knew I was scared of the proximity of men. He knew that there was someone, who had touched me once. He knew I had a terrible past.

I stopped on a bridge I always walked through to get to the shabby old apartment building where I lived with Eric hyung. I turned around, clasping my hands onto the railing, watching the orange sunset. My hands squeezed around the railing harder.

I was a miserable human being.

I was afraid of everything.

I was afraid to touch people.

I was afraid to be in an elevator with other people.

I was afraid of affection.

I bit my lower lip frantically. The tears blurred my eyes. What was there to live for if I had to stay away from people? Be careful? Avoid panic attacks? What was there for me to see? I had a disastrous life. I just wanted to forget it. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To get rid of something like that? I wanted it. I desired it. I was willing to end my agony. I desired to get rid of the scars, the cries and the eternal sadness over the girl I loved. I was ready to do anything.

My knuckles were white.

Hardly anyone walked on the bridge anymore.

Everyone in Seoul lived expensively.

Only cars drove past me.

I clicked my tongue, let the tears pour down as I growled and lifted my leg onto the railing. But as I was throwing it over, I was pulled down forcefully, angrily.

“YAH!”

Junjin’s POV:

I was checking my phone when I said goodbye to him. I felt sadness that I had to leave and not be able to see him, but I had to go home or Hyesung hyung would worry again. Though he had something else to think about now than me. Eric hyung seemed to be worried about me too, but I hardly showed any affection towards him. He had a brother. Why didn’t he care about him as much as he did about me?

I halted my steps.

Oh, yes. I didn’t know the guy’s phone number!

I decided to turn around and find him so I could give him my number. I shifted my body and picked up the pace on my feet as I was advancing the wide bridge. I put the phone back to my pocket and lifted my head, my smile concealing immediately.

The guy.

Why was he crying?

Why was he standing still?

Why was he—

He lifted his leg onto the railing. I didn’t think twice as I started running like the fastest man on earth. He was almost getting balanced when I took his hand and pulled him yelling loudly enough for him to know it was me and not some stranger.

“YAH!”

He fell into my arms and I didn’t let him go until the hits on my chest stopped. His forearms were on my chest as I curled my arms behind his back and let him cry. I didn’t ask anything because I knew he would tell me eventually. The cars drove past us, not giving a damn. I sighed and lifted my hand behind his neck, moving the strands of hair with my thumb.

“Why did you save me?” he muffled.

“You would regret it.” I stated.

I felt how his body relaxed and he even clung closer.

It was a chilly evening.

“What do you want me to do instead of die?” He muttered depressed.

“Smile.” I answered. “That is where you’re best at.”

His cheeks were red when he pushed me away and turned his head. The pout appeared onto his lips as he slid his hands into his pockets and let the wind rustle his hair. I stared at him and somehow he reminded me of Jin Kyo and our first date. I smiled at him when he tossed his head back at me.

“Why did you come back?” He asked.

“I…” I began. “I wanted to give you my phone number.”

He flushed. “Ehh…I…have no…phone…at the moment.” He prompted.

“Why? Are they expensive?” Yet another stupid question Chung Jae ya.

But instead he let out a snort. A snort that made me smile even more.

“No,” he shook his head. “I broke it.”

“And you haven’t gotten a phone since?” I questioned.

He nodded and played with his fingers shyly. The dried glue ruffled off of the shafts.

“But I am willing to buy one…” he said. “…if I get money.”

I leered at him happily.

“That’s awesome.” I exclaimed. “When you do get a phone, let me know.”

He nodded.

“And…whenever you need someone to talk to…just…feel free to ring.” I felt how much my cheekbones were burning. What was happening to me!?

He flashed a weak smile and nodded.

I bade a goodbye to him and walked off. All of a sudden I remembered something and turned around but he was too far away.

Dammit.

I still don’t know his name!  

Next day, morning, Andy’s POV:

I entered the grieving room shyly and I saw him sitting on the seat we shared together. But this time, he didn’t say hi to me happily. I pouted and walked towards him, sighing and bowing and smiling at the picture of my late girlfriend. I sat down next to him and noticed that he was sleeping. I wasn’t sure at first but when he started snoring, my lips curved upwards.

I sat there, looking at the picture of Sa Rah, shedding couple of tears for her and for Jin Kyo, as something fell onto my shoulder and landed onto my lap. I gasped. It was the man. His forehead slammed against my shoulder and I shifted my body in a way that made his head drop onto my lap. I lifted my arms up reserved and my breathing hitched, but the snoring coming from his nose soothed me.

And something happened.

My fingers went into his hair and began to it.

I gasped and pulled them quickly away, tensing under him.

But my fingers were already addicted to the softness of the fur as they unconsciously got into it again and it slowly, rhythmically with the snores, the glue from the failed present sticking to the strands.

I was dozing off suddenly.

The picture of Sa Rah commenced vanishing in front of my eyes when he voiced and I startled awake.

“What happened?” he questioned, looking at me from my lap.

I was sure I was red. “You were sleeping.”

“I was?” He sat up quickly. “I guess I was tired.”

I nodded while I shyly placed my hand onto my other one and rubbed it nervously. He wasn’t aware of the fact that I had him.

“Morning,” he flashed a tedious grin.

“M-m-morning.” I stuttered.

“How are you?” He interrogated, rubbing his stomach.

I took a note of it and sighed. “I am fine. What about you?”

“I am amazing.” I knew he wasn’t really amazing. He was hungry, I could see it. I wanted to take him to the best restaurant to have the most awesome chicken, but I wasn’t hungry. “Oh!” he abruptly moved to his bag behind him and started fishing something out. “I bought you something.”

I flushed. A gift, I pondered.

“Here. I hope you like it. I had to use my hyung’s money but he said it was fine.” He told me.

My eyes became glossy while I was admiring the beautiful phone in my hands. I turned it on and a picture of me was the wallpaper. He became shy when I looked at him to ask but I was already sure that he had a picture of me in his phone, so I snapped a photo of him blushing and put it as my wallpaper. Then I was about to add Eric’s number when there already was one.

“Junjin?” I said out loud. “What is Junjin?”

He glanced at me and answered, “It’s my name. I am Junjin.”