While I was walking on the sidewalk heading home, millions of thoughts were running through my head. I was afraid of what could happen if I set foot back in the same room with Jiyong again. For years though, my fear has hurt me. It has taken away ones I love; it has manipulated me and corrupted me. I looked down at the ground while watching my feet lead me back to Jiyong. I don't want to approach him, but that's just my fear talking. 

 

When am I finally going to stand up for myself? When am I finally going to accept the fact that I am a monster myself? I cannot forget and let go of my past. I can never forgive myself for the biggest mistake I ever made when I was twelve years old. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, though, whenever I think about what I did, and what I have done in my life...No matter how much it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, I still hate myself and wonder if it was the best thing to do. I can never forgive myself...

 

I stood in front of the mansion where I have lived too many bad moments. I bit my bottom lip and slowly walked up the stairs. I put my hand on the door knob and slowly turned it, opening the door. When I entered the house, it was completely quiet. I felt this cold presence surrounding me. I slowly walked around to each room downstairs but I found no one. I came to the staircase and just stared at them. 

 

A faint, cracking voice spoke my name out softly, "C-Chaerin." I slowly turned around and came face to face with Jiyong. He looked very exhausted and had dark rings under his eyes. It looked like he hadn't slept for days. He looked down slowly and headed into the living room. I bit my bottom lip and followed behind him. 

 

"H-how are you?" He sat down on a chair and looked at the ground. My hands in my back pockets, slowly entering the room, I looked at him with a blank expression. "I'm fine I guess." 

 

"Look Chaerin, I'm--"

 

"Sorry?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and stood in one spot. He nodded slowly and sighed, "Yeah..."

 

"Sorry doesn't fix everything you know." 

 

"I know, but I was kind of hoping it would just this once." He rubbed the back of his neck, "You know, sometimes I just want to break down the walls. I can never understand how I turned into this...this...m-mon--" He slowly sighed and stared at the ground. 

 

"I can, I can understand it." He looked up at me in confusion. "But what I can't understand is how you can turn all of your anger towards me even when you promised to always love and care for me. You've hurt me more than anyone ever could Jiyong, and it's not something I'm ready to forgive and forget." 

 

He gently clenched his fists a bit and stared at me. "You were one of the only ones I ever trusted Jiyong, and right now I would rather kill my own self then to ever trust you again." I glanced down at him clenching his fists a bit harder and I didn't take my eyes off of them. 

 

He his lips once and blinked his eyes looking away, "I never wanted to hurt you Chaerin." 

 

"Then why did you?"

 

He stayed quiet for a few seconds and didn't move a muscle. I nodded my head slowly and turned around. As I began to walk away, his voice finally spoke up, stopping me. "I was jealous." 

 

I narrowed my eyes at the floor with my back to him. "What could you have possibly been jealous of Jiyong? I had no life, no one who cared if I lived or died. Why would you be jealous of that?"

 

"Youngbae..." 

 

My eyes slightly widen as I tilted my head. 

 

"I was jealous of him...he had you and I was jealous because he had the perfect life. He was going to give you the best life ever but I hated it. I hated him because he stole you from me!" 

 

I slowly turned around a bit looking at him, "You hurt me, because you hated the fact that I was finally about to have a life?" 

 

"It's not that simple Chaerin," He shook his head rapidly. "You don't understand."

 

"Well make it simple and help me understand Jiyong!"

 

He stood up quickly, flipping the coffee table in front of him. I stepped back quickly while gasping. 

 

"I hated him! I never liked him one bit Chaerin! I had a rough life too you know! You were the reason, and I mean the ONLY reason I didn't kill myself years ago! You gave me reasons and the strength to get up every ing day to see the light!! He was taking the only thing that was actually good in my life away from me and I was afraid of what would happen to me if I lost you!" He started wrecking the room out of anger while letting his tears fall hard. 

 

I watched him with tears slowly forming in my eyes. He stopped and looked at me as he saw fear and confusion all in my face. He clenched his fists tightly as he walked towards me slowly. "Don't you get it?!" I wanted to run away but instead I stayed still and stared at the ground. "I just wanted you! Even though I constantly hurt you, I didn't know what else to do!" He stood in front of me letting his tears fall. He stared down at me while breathing hard. 

 

I spoke in a soft tone voice, refusing to take my eyes off of the ground. "All you ever did was hurt me, even when I didn't know it. Whenever I was afraid, sad or hurt, I always would run to you. I thought you would always be there for me. When you asked me to be your girlfriend I said yes because I thought you loved me. I married you because I thought you loved me. I gave you a precious baby girl because I thought you were deeply in love with me." 

 

"I did love you..." 

 

I nodded slowly and looked up at him, "I'm sure you did, at the time. Meaning not anymore..." 

 

"I-I...still do..."

 

I began to slowly glare at him while clenching my fists, "Don't. Don't you give me that ! If you love someone, you don't hurt them. You don't lie to them. And you certainly don't--" 

 

"I'M SORRY CHAERIN! WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" 

 

A strong anger began to rise in me, causing me to slap him across his face. I expected that he'd just hit me right back but he just closed his eyes letting more tears fall. "You are a liar, a ing from hell!" I pushed him away from me and started hitting and punching him. "Why?! Why didn't you just kill me years ago?! You had the chance that night Jiyong why the didn't you just do it?!" 

 

He let me hit him over and over again. "I laid there crying, just begging you to stop!! And what did I get?!" I pushed him on the floor and then I straddled him, slapping him across his face. "What did I get?!" 

 

He stayed quiet with his eyes closed and his breathing was normal. I slapped him again and shouted even louder, "Answer me you bastard, what did I get?!" 

 

He finally shouted back, "I beat and you continuously!" I started screaming and hitting him over and over again. I was so pissed and in a rage that I wouldn't stop. He grabbed onto my wrists while sitting up trying to stop me. "What did I ever do to you to deserve that?!" 

 

"I'm sorry!" He cried and continued to try and stop me but I just wouldn't. I wanted him to suffer like I have. I want him to hurt, I wanted his skin to break, I wanted him to bleed and cry and beg for me to stop hurting him just like he did to me. "You are a liar! I hate you Kwon Jiyong, I hate you with every last bit of my soul! I don't love you anymore!" 

 

He closed his eyes tightly and he tightly wrapped his arms around me. I cried hard in his arms while hugging him back tighter. I clenched my fists tightly and just screamed loudly. 

 

His ears began to ring from my loud screams. In his mind, he saw a beautiful girl smiling......

 

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He let the loud gunshot ring in his ears. He slowly released me and pulled his arms away, looking at me with regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry..." I wiped my tears once and looked at him. He slowly laid back down and kept his eyes locked to mine. He had a soft voice as he spoke to me, "I shouldn't have done it. I should have left you alone because you were happy. I'm sorry Chaerin, but I must tell you the truth. I did it...I ended Dong Youngbae...it was me..." He slowly closed his eyes. 

 

My eyes widen as I stared at him for a few seconds. "W-what?! It was you, you're the one who shot him?! You killed him?!" I stared at him but he just stayed quiet. "J-Jiyong...Ji--...J-Jiyong, YAH!" I cupped his cheeks but he didn't move. My eyes began to water as I looked down at him; he slowly and gently grabbed my wrist. He spoke very faintly, letting his very last breath be nothing but the truth before his heart stopped, "Youngbae is still alive..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Big shocker there, didn't see that one coming did ya? Ohohoho I want my reader's thoughts~!! Comment your thoughts I want to knoooowwww! xD I wrote this chapter slowly because I was trying to plan out my future chapters by what happens in this one. At first, that flashback I was going to make the guy with Chaerin be Jiyong but then I got an interesting plan in mind and instead made the guy Youngbae and Jiyong watching them from a distance ;) But wooowww Jiyong was so jealous of him he shot him omf-- I'm going to stop talking before I give away any details! xD Oh, and a real long chapter coming up soon <3 *