HIS POV:

I drowned myself in alcohol for the past 3 days and locked myself in my room. My headache is killing me but I refused to get out of bed, until I felt someone pull out the covers.

            “YAH!”

            I yelled angrily, thinking it was either Minhyuk or Jungshin. To my surprise, it was Yonghwa hyung.

            “Stop moping around, Lee Jonghyun!”

            “Leave me alone hyung. I deserve this. I didn’t know she was in love with me, and because of that, I not only broke her heart but also her bones!” I knew that the broken bones part sounded funny, but whenever I see her struggle to walk, there’s nothing so amusing about that situation at all. Nothing.

            I was rambling on and on until I felt his fist land on my face. I fell on the floor and I didn’t even try getting up. Yonghwa hyung grabbed my collar and forcefully threw me on the couch.

            “I’m a pabo hyung. I kept telling her to fall in love and when she finally did, I didn’t even catch her. I’m stupid. I’m selfish. I don’t deserve her.” I said repeatedly.

            “It’s been 3 days since then, Jonghyun-ah. Now don’t argue that the two of you need more time and space to heal. That’s crap and you know it. You’re not like me and Taeyeon is not like Seohyun either, which means going around in circles isn’t exactly your style.”

            “I’m sorry the rest of you got caught in the middle hyung. It’s ok if the rest of SNSD doesn’t even want to be my friend. I deserve it for hurting their leader.”

“They’re mad alright but I can assure you they’ll get over it. What’s stopping you from telling her what you really feel? You want to be sure? Tsk2. Take it from someone who took more than a decade to do the right thing: don’t wait around anymore. You’re going to end up hurting the both of you. Jonghyun-ah, to be honest, yours isn’t a big issue at all. You don’t have a chaebol group threatening you, she doesn’t have a dating ban..there’s nothing stopping the two of you but your denial and her pride. Dude, that’s not even a wall that you can’t cross over.”

            He took his bag and started to walk out the door but not before he said,

            “Jonghyun-ah, if you really want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders. Don't put off telling someone how you feel about them, because every day that passes by is another opportunity for them to meet someone else.”

He walked out the door and left me alone. I knew what I had to do next, where to go, and who to see. 

I felt nervous as I walked back and forth, deciding when is the right time to ring the doorbell. I know that right now she’s alone. I asked the two people closest to her and they said she has nothing on her schedule for the next three hours. It’s now or never. I pressed the doorbell and stood there anxiously. I didn’t have to wait long. She welcomed me inside as if she was already expecting me.

            As soon as she put the drinks down, I didn’t waste any time asking her,

            “Did you know I used to be in love with you?”

            She didn’t seem surprised with my confession. She calmly took a sip of her tea and looked at me with those doe-like eyes I once admired.

            “Yes.”

“Did Taeyeon tell you?” I asked nervously.

            “No. I figured it out on my own. You weren’t that subtle Jongie, and I’m not dense. How many times have I “rejected” you? I tried so hard to discourage you but you never got the message, or maybe you did but didn’t want to accept it. For the record, Taeyeon unnie never said anything. Everyone knew.”

            “EVERYONE?!” I didn’t bother hiding my surprise.

            “Yes.” she shrugged.

            “But why didn’t they tell me?! Even my dongsaengs?! My hyungs?!”

            “Are you sure they never tried?” she asked me back.

            I paused for a moment to think. They did tell me. Not just my hyungs and dongsaengs, but every single one of TYS. I was the hard-headed fool who insisted to get my way. I was too busy pining over someone who never even gave me something to hope for in the first place.

            I looked at her and that’s when it all came crashing down on me. I wasn’t the only one hurting during my so-called “Blind Love Era” (Taeyeon’s term, not mine); but also her. I remembered the “rejections” she talked about. I remembered how she once tried to break off our friendship but I begged her not to. I remembered the times she’d whisper she’s sorry when she thought I couldn’t hear her. I remembered her asking for my apology and me brushing it off as if there’s nothing wrong. I remember it all.

            I understand now how much of a struggle it must’ve been for her to know about my feelings,  try to discourage it, and fail with each attempt. I couldn’t stop my tears and I kept shaking my head. I finally understood what she went through all those years I kept wishing that we’d be something more. It’s ironic that the cost of this realization comes with breaking another person’s heart..and not just a random person..but my best friend; the girl who has been my crying shoulder; the girl named Kim Taeyeon.

            I wiped my tears, evened out my breath, and finally had the courage to look at her. I had to ask her that question. I have to tell her everything. I have to. I need to. We both need this.

            “Yoona-yah, is this what you felt like back then? The feeling of not wanting to hurt someone but you end up doing so? The feeling that you want your friendship to survive even if the right thing is to let the other go? I can’t…I can’t believe this. There was a time that I hated you, you know? For making me want you even if I knew I’d never have you. I hated you for making me fall in love with you…but most of all, I hated myself. I thought I was being the selfless martyr.

In the end, I’m just as selfish as any other man. I forced you to remain friends with me and made you uncomfortable because you were aware of my feelings. I’m selfish and greedy for wanting to be just more than friends even if you’ve told me countless times that it will never happen. I hated the pain I’ve experienced because of this one-sided love…who would’ve thought fate would play a trick on me?

Now everything’s reversed. I made my best friend hope for something, when deep down I wasn’t so sure of what I truly felt. I said I’d catch her, but I failed to recognize the signs until such time she’s already been hurt by the fall. Is this what it feels like? Tell me. Please.”

            I could see her own tears start to well up. She took a deep breath and looked at me.

“Do you know how many times my unnies would scold me because of you? They got mad because they thought I was leading you on and taking advantage of what you felt for me. Taeyeon unnie was the one who’d usually scold me.

To be honest, I hated you too, Jonghyun-ah. I hated that you made me feel stuck between doing what was right and what was not. The right thing to do was to let you go, and just maintain a civil relationship. Remember how I asked that from you but you begged me not to do so? You said it was ok. That I should pretend that everything’s fine. You didn’t actually say it that way, but that was implied. I could read between the lines, Jonghyun-ah.

It killed me to know that every time we were together, I was hurting you more. I wanted to be your friend, but at the same time I didn’t. The girls keep telling me to distance myself from you and be upfront; but whenever I tried, you never listened to me. You forced me to pretend that I knew nothing of what you felt just to maintain our closeness. Again, you didn’t literally force me to do that, but isn’t that what you meant?

            But most of all, I hated myself. How many times have I cried and asked, “why me? Why does he have to fall for me out of all the girls out there?” I don’t mean that in a narcissistic way. I just…I’ve always been so sure of what I felt for you, Jonghyun-ah. I’ve always wanted you as a best friend, but nothing more than that. I…I’m sorry. I just. I want to apologize for all those years I hurt you. I thought that if I constantly talked to you about Seunggi oppa, you’d finally wake up and forget about me. Taeyeon unnie always got mad at me whenever she finds out what I did. She said I was making things worse. She said I shouldn’t bother you with my boy problems or talk about Seunggi oppa. She said I was being insensitive, and I knew that. I accepted that.

I admit that there were times I took advantage of you. I admit that I was being selfish when I got you involved with my relationship problems with Seunggi oppa both before and during the time we started dating. I knew it was wrong of me to run to you and cry. I wasn’t thinking straight back then. I know that’s a stupid excuse, but it’s the truth. After all these years, I want to truly apologize for the pain I put you through….

I’m so sorry, Jonghyun-ah. I’m sorry I never loved you the way you wanted me to.”

I covered my mouth and began to cry once more. It felt liberating. It felt as if a thorn was taken out of my heart. It felt like finally, I was completely and truly free. I said I’ve moved on but only when she uttered this apology did I feel that the chains holding me back were finally broken. I cried harder and I knew she was sobbing too.

“I never knew…I thought that all along, it was just me who was hurting. Turns out, I also caused you this pain. I..I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for making you feel that way…and I just…thank you. I needed to hear those words from you. I..I forgive you. Do you forgive me too?”

            “Yes.”

            She walked over to where I sat and together, we cried as we held each other tight. It felt like the weight that was carrying us down was finally gone. Now that the words left unsaid have been out in the open, the issues long buried addressed and finalized, we felt free. This was the closure we needed.

The closure that I needed.

This was what I should’ve done a long time ago. Even before I stupidly asked Taeyeon to try to fall in love. If this happened before that, I never would’ve suffered confusion, and I never would’ve hurt her.

            After what felt like an eternity, we finally let go of each other and smiled. I knew that this time, they smiles we exchanged were genuine and filled with happiness – no more regrets, longings, or sadness. This is the time I can honestly say that all water is under the bridge. We shared a hearty laugh after the realization of all that has happened.

“Everyone will eventually make two mistakes in love. One, they'll fall for someone they'll never have. And two, they'll ignore the person right in front of their face. I go