HER POV:

            Who would ever think that falling in loveis possible within 29 days? Smiling nonstop in space, styling my hair whenever I feel a strand out of place, even being as tacky as thinking of couple names.

Ew! Couple names?

Nope, rejected. If Yongseo couple, Sicshin Couple, Krysmin couple can all have names, then why can’t me and ....

Me and ?

Uh…me and…Lee..J..o…n..g..

Err..

Uh…huh..

Aish! Nevermind.

Catching my reflection in the mirror, I smilingly shook my head.

 I for one, would’ve laughed at that notion, the 29 days and 12 steps. When I suggested that crazy idea, I was 100% sure that my heart was bulletproof from love’s gunshots. Turns out, I’m just as defenseless as everyone else. Should I laugh? Should I cry? Should I celebrate, or should I mourn?

I haven’t told him the truth about what I feel because as old fashioned as it may sound, I wanted him to say the words first. The question is, how long will I wait? Is there something guaranteed out of all that waiting? Am I patient enough to do so?

            I know that he’s confused. I know that he’s trying to think about everything. I know he wants to be certain of what he feels for me. I know he’s trying to figure out whether I’m just a friend or more than that. But I also know that this uncertainty of his is hurting me more.

            He said he’s over her. He said he no longer has feelings for her, but how come his actions speak otherwise? There were days I’d caught him looking at her. Granted, it was just a second, but why does my heart hurt? Then there was a time the both of us slipped. I don’t even know why I expected him to come and help me up, but it felt like my world came crashing down when he ran to her side instead. It was Seohyun and Hyoyeon who helped me stand up. He attended to her wounds first before rushing over to my side.

            I don’t know if fate was playing tricks on me because as the days went by, I found myself re-living Lee Jonghyun’s unrequited love for Im Yoona, except in this case, I’m playing Lee Jong’s part while he’s doing a perfect job with Yoona’s role. Way to go, Fate! This was really classy of you – the whole making me fall in love with my best friend who has no clue at all.

            What would you do if you fell in love with the same person who said he’d help you figure this all out? How do you tell him what you truly feel without endangering your friendship? What if you did tell him and he says he doesn’t feel the same way? What then?

I wanted to share these to my sisters. I did try but when they began asking for specific details (a really detailed physical description, his job, what school he went to, how we met, etc etc) I stopped. Once one of them finds out that the guy I’m referring to is none other than CNBLUE’s guitarist, the teasing will never end. I don’t want anything to be awkward between us. What if he felt uncomfortable and would distance himself from me?

Lee Jong was the only guy I could talk to about this but now that he’s become the object of my affection (ugh, that sounded really sappy), I don’t think I can carry on a conversation about love, dating, and relationships without blushing or giving away what (or who) is in my heart. What I did instead was almost the exact same things he did when he was still in love with Yoona.

I became a constant presence in his everyday life. I helped him with his solo album preparations, gave critics about his new compositions, visited him on some filming sets, called and texted to see how he’s doing – basically everything you could think of. I was playing the part of a girlfriend or a nagging wife. The only thing missing was the actual label itself. I know that was a bit desperate and weird. I try to conceal the fact that I’m actually the one doing all the “chasing” in this situation by pretending not to care. I was hoping that he’d recognize his past self with my actions.

However, that’s not the case. Lee Jong is not only a pabo, but he’s also dense. Like, really really DENSE. Maybe it’s also because we’ve been friends for too long. Maybe he doesn’t think much about my actions because of that. Maybe he thinks that I’m just playing the part of the best friend.

You know what hurts more? Because even amidst of all these things, Lee Jong is still the perfect Mr. Nice Guy. Had he treated me poorly like the cold romantic leads in those dramas, then maybe I never would’ve fallen for him more. But no. He had to be the perfect gentleman he always is, flash me that dimpled smile every chance he gets, and thus, makes me fall deeper in love with him.

This cycle went on for a few more weeks…probably even months. With each passing day, I came to understand how hard it must’ve been for him to be in this exact same predicament years ago. I mean, I always knew about it, but only now that I actually get to experience this firsthand did I completely understand everything about it. Along with that understanding comes the pain of uncertainty. It’s like I’m hanging on a thread, and the more I try to hold on, the more I feel like slipping away. 

It was my third year anniversary concert. He promised he’d be there. He said he would. I prepared a lot for this concert more than any event in my life. I wanted to show him the best side of me. The first hour came by, but his seat was empty. I told myself that he must’ve been stuck in traffic, or a schedule must’ve held him back. Then the second hour…still, nothing. Up until the last minute, I waited. I waited for him to show up…but he never did. He didn’t even call or text.

I didn’t say a word all throughout the car ride home. The traffic light went red and I was gazing blankly out the window when I saw something.

Lee Jonghyun. Smiling. Laughing. With Im Yoona.

I felt the anger, the tears, the betrayal, the hurt, and most of all, the jealousy. So is this why he ditched me? So he could spend some time with her? I asked my manager to park the car and wait for me. I could feel my entire body shaking with fury. Their backs were facing me. Yoona said goodbye and got inside a car that I presumed, belong to Lee Seunggi. Jonghyun was still laughing about something. I tried to fight the tears because the last thing I want is to look like a pathetic depressed fool in front of him. Obviously, I failed. He turned around and shock was written all over his face. It’s the kind of expression men have when they caught doing something wrong. That sight alone broke my heart even more.

“Now I know why a guy and a girl can never be just friends…because sooner or later, one of them is bound to fall for the other and get hurt. It because between the two of us, that one has to be me.”

I don’t know what to make of his expression right now. Is he sad? Sorry? Angry? Confused? I don’t know. I don’t think I even want to know. The last time I demanded the truth, I got served with an ice cold rejection. I don’t think I can handle the same thing right now.

“Taeyeon-ah…it’s not what you’re thinking. I just...”

He tried to reach out to me but I stepped back.

            “DON’T TOUCH ME!” I snapped at him. I regret raising my voice but I don’t think I can handle being so close to him right now.

            “Taeyeon-ah, listen..please!”

            “Listen? You said you’d be there! You promised you would but then you never showed up! Why?!”

            “I was…” he began to explain but I cut him off.

            “NO! Stop! I don’t want to hear any more of the lies you’d say. Go away!”

            I started to run away from him as the rain began to fall. Great. Just great! Perfect timing. This looks like a scene out of those makjang dramas. He’s obviously faster than I because in no time, he was able to catch up with