PART II. RE-IGNITING THE FIRE

You have to admit that at least once in your life, there’s this one person you would admire regardless of everything. It’s like harboring this secret crush but never really acting upon it. Why? Because the feelings aren’t strong enough for you to make the move. There isn’t enough for you to make the decision to take things further. And lastly, girls expect guys to make the first move, no matter how old school that concept is.

            This isn’t a love story that is as epic as that of Yonghwa and Seohyun’s, or as random and somehow ‘fated’ as Jungshin’s and Jessica. It’s not as light-hearted and carefree as that of Minhyuk and Krystal.  It’s not as dramatic and painful as that of Jonghyun’s, and neither is it as romantic/fairytale like as Seunggi and Yoona’s. It’s not even close to that of Yunho and Boa sunbaenim’s journey towards fighting for their love. In fact, I don’t know if it’s even appropriate to label this as a ‘love story’ just yet.

            This is a story of possible new beginnings…of a hope sprung from the least likely of situations…and maybe…just maybe, a chance for two people to fall in love again.

2004

The First Crush…in high school

            A new chapter in my life has begun. Today, I bravely take on this journey into a new world – high school. As I took my first step inside my dream school, I couldn’t hide the joy and excitement I felt. I was the only one from Jeonju who gained admission to this school. I had the strong determination to do well in order to make everyone (especially my family who relocated here in Seoul just for me) proud.

            Those pictures don’t do this campus any justice. I expected it to be big, but not this big! I tried to look around for someone I can approach to ask directions. Everybody else is too preoccupied catching up with their friends to pay attention to a freshman like me. I checked my watch and realized that there’s still more time for me to waste around before the assembly starts. I decided not to let my frustration ruin my mood so I just sat on the bench, closed my eyes, and waited for a ‘miracle.’

 The moment I opened my eyes again, I had to readjust to the blinding sunlight. I saw a figure walking towards me and after a few seconds, I realized it was a guy. I don’t know if it was the effect of the sun or the fact that I came from an all-girls’ school that made me gape over the boy that now stood before me. I was ogling him shamelessly. He had such a pale complexion and for a minute there, I thought he was a vampire – perhaps the most good-looking of his kind. He waved his hand in front of me and I still had no reaction.

“Uh, Miss? Hello? Hi? Are you ok?”

I snapped back to my senses and quickly stood up to give him a bow. He caught my shoulders and I felt that strange quiver in my heart.

“Please don’t. I’m a freshman too.”

I looked up and saw him smile. Those dimples. Oh my gosh. I am hopeless. I shook off this feeling as quickly as I could.

“How did you know I’m a freshman?” I asked him.

He smiled again. Those dimples reappeared. Help!

“The map and the color of your ID plate says it all.”

Right. How could I forget that?

“Come on. I think I know where the Auditorium is. I don’t want to go there alone.”

“Ok.”

As we were walking along, he randomly blurted out,

“I’m from Busan.”

“Why don’t you have an accent?”

“Let’s just say I spent all summer trying to get rid of it.”

He winked as if to indicate it’s our little secret. He motioned for us to get going and I followed suit. He was such a gentleman. He asked me to take a seat first before he did.

“Wait. I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Lee Jonghyun.”

“Kim Taeyeon.”

“Nice to meet you, Taenggoo.”

“Whatever, Lee Jong.”

He ruffled my hair and laughed. I think I just got myself my first crush in high school.

2006

I’ll Be

            I wasn’t paying attention to our music class. I keep checking the time and couldn’t wait for it to be over.

            “KIM TAEYEON!!!”

            Our music teacher’s voice echoed inside the room and I immediately stood up. I must’ve been caught slouching off. I could feel all eyes were on me. Just when he was about to ask me a question (that would probably have resulted in humiliation), the bell rang. Saved by the bell just in the nick of time!

I dashed outside the room towards the locker area. I hastily shoved my books inside, but not without making loud thud noises. Everyone else was looking at me and I just glared at them. I felt someone tap my shoulder. I was really not in the mood right now so I turned around and yelled,

“WHAT?!!!!”

I felt embarrassed to see the person I just yelled at. Team YS’s resident Nice Guy.

“Whoa! Calm down.”

“What do you want, Jong?! I’m really not in the mood to talk or listen to your new compositions or anything. If you’re looking for Yoona, she still has her acting class with Yuri until after lunchtime.”

I didn’t wait for him to respond as I took my notebook and other stuff and walked towards the lawn. He caught up with me and didn’t say a word as we sat down on the grass.

“What are you still doing here? Leave me alone.”

“No. I know you need a friend right now, and sorry to break it you but I’m the only one available at this moment. The rest of your sisters and our friends still have classes. Hey. You know it’s ok to cry, right? No worries. I won’t judge you. Come here.”

The perks of having a great number of friends (aka Team YS + the couple we ship) is that everyone knows what’s going on in each other’s lives, but not to the point of being intrusive. It’s like having 14 other BFFs and each one of them cares for you so much. He laid my head on his shoulder and this time I couldn’t stop crying.

“He broke up with me! That bastard! And he had to do it on our 100th day celebration!!! You know what his reason was? He said he doesn’t date girls for more than 30 days and that I was lucky enough to have him stick around for an extra 70! I can’t believe I wasted my time dating a douchebag like him!!!”

He didn’t say a word as he cradled me in his arms. I tried so hard not to bother him with my petty outburst so I just silently cried. He helped me stand up and led me to the school’s garden. There aren’t any students lurking in this place at this hour. I felt my irritation grew. Did he bring me here to mock me?!

“Why did you bring me here?! What are you expecting? That the sight of these flowers would cheer me up?!”

“No. I brought you here because it’s the only place not occupied by students at the moment. I brought you here to help you do this. Hey, taenggoo, look at me. Imagine that I’m that bastard. You can yell at me, punch me, curse me, anything! I know that you never got the chance to do any of that when he broke up with you and I don’t want you to keep it all inside. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. What matters right now is you.”

I cried even harder as I did what he told me to. After pouring out my anger, frustration, bitterness, and every other emotion I had because of that horrible breakup, he held me closer and gently patted my back.

“I know that your sisters would always get the firsthand info about everything you’d experience in life, but I also want you to know that whenever you need a friend, especially a guy friend, I’ll always be here for you. I’m the nice guy, remember? I can deal with all your girl troubles. It’s ok as long as I don’t see any of my best friends cry, especially someone from So Nyuh Shi Dae. Don’t hesitate to call me ok? I promise you Taenggoo that I’ll always be your crying shoulder. I won’t ask for you to be the same for me so you don’t have to feel burdened.”

I hugged him back as I replied,

“Thank you Jong. I’ll be your crying shoulder too.”

2007

            It was free period. I decided to go grab some food from the cafeteria and just lounge around in the school lawn overlooking the pond. As I munched on my sandwich, I saw a boy and a girl share an earphone and listen to whatever music was playing. Their backs were facing me but I didn’t have to move towards a place to get a better angle because I already knew who they were.

That scene could’ve easily been in one of those teen dramas me and the rest of SNSD (minus our maknae) are so fond of. They could’ve played the part of the sweet high school couple. Everything about that moment looks picture perfect. She’s sitting beside him, singing along to what I presumed as her idol’s newest single. She doesn’t notice him staring at her the whole time. She smiles and he smiles, but there’s a difference – hers is born out of those fluttery feelings while his is of a bittersweet descent. I knew the both of them well enough to decipher their body language. I watched as he toyed around the photo book and I knew he was thinking about the guy that stole away the girl without even trying.

I walked closer to them and this time I could see their faces clearly. They were oblivious to the surroundings. I looked back at him and immediately recognize the hurt and sadness flash through his eyes. I could practically hear the questions in his head. I don’t know how but I could guess that he was trying to figure out what made her fall in love with a celebrity who doesn’t even know she existed. As she continued to belt out the lyrics to that song, I knew that he realized the answer that has been obvious all along. The one thing that Lee Seunggi has that he never will have is Im Yoona’s heart.

“Unnie! How long have you been there?! Kyaaa! Seunggi oppa’s new album is daebak!!! Have you listened to it?”

Yoona ran towards me and proudly showed off her copy of the album. My dongsaeng is such a cute fangirl sometimes and I just can’t help but laugh.

“I haven’t but I think I will soon because you’d play that album non-stop. Besides, everything about Lee Seunggi is daebak to you. Yah, you really should stop pining over some idol and start dating a real guy! Maybe he’s just around the corner somewhere…”

I hinted as I pointed to Jonghyun’s direction.

“Ey! Unnie! You know that Seunggi oppa and I are meant to be! Anyway, I have to go. I promised to help Sunny unnie practice her lines for this play she’s auditioning for. Why don’t the two of you just date already so you can leave me alone to fangirl about Seunggi oppa?”

“YAH!” Lee Jong and I shouted at the same time. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t like the guy (need I remind you that he was my first crush in high school?) but I don’t really feel attracted to him in that kind of way. Besides, I will never date someone from Team YS. They know too much about me and I don’t want our friendship to be ruined just because of my ‘issues.’

“Hahaha! The two of you are so cute! I gotta go! Bye unnie! Bye Jongie! I love you both!”

As soon as she was out of sight, I playfully ‘punched’ Jonghyun’s shoulder as I while making up a random song.

“Nice guys don’t always get the girl…tralalalala!”

“and man-haters will never experience the joys of being in love..tralalalala!”

“I’m not a man-hater. In fact, I’ve been dating recently.”

“Yeah. Keep telling yourself that.”

“Whatever Jong!”

“Whatever Taenggoo! Hahaha!”

We knew better than to confront each other with matters of the heart so we just let it slide and went back to class.

2008

Senior Prom

            “Wow. You look really pretty tonight.”

            That was the first thing my date said as soon as he saw me. I smiled and said thank you. I appreciate the compliment and I did feel flattered, but the chemistry I was looking for wasn’t there. Anyway, I decided to just enjoy the night and go with the flow.

            “When are they arriving?” Hyoyeon asked me.

            “Yoona just texted me that there on their way.”

            As if on cue, we saw a black limo parked in front of my house. Wooyoung (my prom date) and Hyukjae (Hyoyeon’s date) opened the door for us and let us in first.

            “Where’s Yong and Seo?!” Hyoyeon asked as soon as we were all aboard.

            “Yonghwa hyung rented a vintage car just for the two of them. He says he just realized it yesterday that it might be crowded and stuffy in here.”

            “I keep telling Jongie that we should bump their heads together to knock some sense into them! How can they still not see the obvious?!”

            All of us laughed and agreed about Yongseo couple’s stubbornness. However, all throughout the ride, I noticed Jonghyun stealing glances at Yoona. I felt envious, not because I want Lee Jong for myself (again, I do not have any strong romantic feelings for him & he is still one of my best friends) but because my date was too busy admiring the car to even pay attention to me. I knew that in Jonghyun’s mind he was wondering when will Yoona finally notice him. A part of me felt sad and as I looked out the car window, I kept thinking,

            “What about me? When will a guy finally notice and look at me the way you look at her?”

2008-2009

            Months have passed since the GA fiasco. Everyone else had to move on. As soon as I handed over my paper for the last exam of the week, I rushed out of the campus to meet up with my friends. Finally! I can live as a normal human being again! Yes! Studying is fun but these exams are just…no words…college professors aren’t as merciful as I thought they’d be.

            “It’s over. Hell week is officially over! Yes!!! It’s time to partey!!!!”

            I exclaimed joyfully as I entered our former high school hang out. I was expecting most of the gang to be here but was only greeted with Jonghyun who was currently busy ogling at the screen. I didn’t have to know what was on TV, because there’s only one drama he watches – You Are My Destiny.

            “Yah! You’re so noisy I didn’t get to hear what Saebyuk just said and now the episode’s over!”

            “You can re-watch that episode online. Geez.”

            “But Yoona will grill me later on!”

            “Tsk3. Aigoo. That’s what you get for being such a nice guy! Why did you even offer to watch every single episode on its actual broadcast day and comment about it? Poor you.”

            “I’m doing this because she needs help and it’s her debut drama. Aren’t you doing the same for her?”

            “Of course I do. I watch it when I have free time and I text her every day. You know you could tell her that you also have a life and have to focus on studying once in a while too. She’d understand.”

            “I’m the one who volunteered to make time to watch her drama.”

            “Then for you. You’re such a martyr sometimes it’s irritating.”

            “You’re just jealous because your boyfriend won’t do the same when it comes to your school projects. Hahaha!”

            He was waiting for me to react violently to that but instead, I sang a song (and also changed the lyrics).

            “Baby you’re my destiny you and I aren’t meant to be

because even with all my heart and soul,

you’d still choose that idol boy!”

            “YAH!”

            I laughed at his reaction and stuck my tongue out. Serves you right, Lee Jonghyun.

2011

The Damsel & the Broken-Hearted Knight

            I didn’t have classes today and I have finished all my homework ahead of time. I wanted to reward myself for doing so by indulging in sweets and coffee. I’ve been depriving myself of those treats for the past 2 weeks in order to concentrate on school work. I was headed to my favorite café but my excitement died down when I saw the owner closing the shop. This cannot be happening to me! Why now?!

            “Ahjussi! Why are you closing so early?”

            “Oh, hi there Taeyeon-ah! I haven’t seen you in a while. My daughter misses you so much she keeps bugging me about that ‘pretty unnie.’”

            “I’m sorry. I’ve been too caught up with school lately. I promise I’ll drop by soon. Please tell Minhwa that I missed her too! But, why are you closing now? I was hoping to get myself something to eat and drink. I’ve been looking forward to coming here.”

            I pouted like a child. The kind-hearted ahjussi laughed.

            “I’m sorry Taeyeon-ah but some college guy reserved the café for the day. I think he has an event for his girlfriend or a proposal? I’m not so sure. But either way, the setting he asked for speaks of romance and I have to finish decorating the place. He’s really excited about it and my wife and I want to help him as much as we could.”

            For no known reasons, I randomly blurted out,

            “He must’ve cheated on her or something and this is his way of earning her trust back.”

            Mr. Jang continued to laugh.

            “Aigoo, Taeyeon-ah. Why so skeptical about men? I’m absolutely certain this boy isn’t capable of cheating. I’ve known him as long as I’ve known you. In fact, just to give you a clue, he’s one of your close friends.”

            He’s one