Weekend came and they were supposed to canvass for a space for Taeyeon’s clinic and pet necessities store. At seven in the morning, she woke up with a terrible headache and decided to give her body more rest. She thought it must be because of her work, but why did it feel like her migraines visit her at intervals now? She didn’t want to tell Jessica about it at first, but the keen observer that her girlfriend was, Jessica figured it faster than she thought she would. She was practically nagging her to go to the hospital, and had been giving her medicine to alleviate the pain. Taeyeon told her that it was nothing really. She reasoned out that her mother’s side of the family claimed to have a history of migraine attacks, nothing to be scared of.

There was a little part of her though, a tiny growing spark, that it must be something else. She had to believe in mind over matter, right?

“You will come with me to the hospital, whether you like it or not, Miss Kim” Jessica handed her the medicine and a glass of water, “you’ve been having these headaches since we were in college and they’ve worsen.”

“I told you medicine can make them go away. Look, after half an hour this headache will vanish.”

“Why are you so full of excuses? You take this medicine, then after that, your headache will subside, then after that it will go up again. It’s a cycle, babe. Aren’t you tired? Let’s just go to the hospital. Please.” Taeyeon couldn’t really say no to that kind of face. She felt guilty that she was always making her worried about her.

“Okay. Okay, babe let’s go to the hospital.” Her girlfriend heaved a sigh. All she really wanted was to lie down in bed and sleep till her head didn’t hurt anymore, but she didn’t want to see Jessica so worked up about her, worrying about her headaches.

“I’ll call Umma – “

“Don’t! You know how she gets when it comes to things like this. She’ll probably call an ambulance and annoy the whole neighborhood.”

Jessica chuckled, “you’re right, she can be a little overreacting sometimes.”

“A little? Ha. Try a lot.”

Their apartment was quiet. It was nearing noon. After their hospital visit, they decided to reschedule their canvassing for a commercial space. The doctor gave some prescription after the check-up. They ate at a diner and went home after. Well, it was mainly Jessica who convinced Taeyeon - much with forced resignation and tired smile – to laze off the Saturday noon on the couch and laze their way till the night. And it wasn’t a bad idea. With a crappy romantic movie on and Jessica silently sobbing in her embrace, she thought that she had to remember how this pretty woman had this weird habit of clapping her hands and covering when laughing or how bossy she could get when she forgets to make the bed when she wakes up. She chuckled at the thought.

“Why are you laughing? You’re supposed to be sad. The movie is sad,”

“Yeah, more like crappy”

“This movie is not crappy! it is a work of art! Jo In Sung crying is a work of art. Gosh I’d marry him if I didn’t have you.”

“Wow, thanks! I feel so honored to think that I am next to Jo In Sung in your heart. Here, hug this pillow,” Taeyeon feigned annoyance and jealousy “pretend that it’s him. You like him more than me anyway.” She got up the couch and left Jessica laughing her head off. She always thought Taeyeon was charming. Charming and gullible. But who could resist a crying Jo In Sung, anyway? Definitely not Jessica and she’d finish the damn sad movie.

“Take your meds now, honey!”

“I already did!” she heard the muffled voice of her girlfriend coming from the apartment balcony.

She wondered what she was doing there at this time of the day, “come back inside. I will turn down Jo In Sung’s indecent proposal even if he kneels down in front of me”

Minutes ago and she heard no reply. She wondered if she dozed of already because of the meds that would make one drowsy if taken.

“Taeng, come back inside. It’s cold out there”

“It is”

“You pabo, it’s already fall, of course it is. Come on, love.”

“I’ll stay here for a bit, the air’s nice.”

Jessica could only sigh. Once Taeyeon set her mind into something, it would be hard convincing the stubborn girl. But that stubborn girl was also the one who was keeping her in check. She understood completely that Taeyeon was a free spirit. She was once intimidated by that fact because she was the kind who always wanted sureness in things. But with her, some things became spontaneous and it was a different feeling. It was like living inside a dark closet and then being released for the first time to breathe the fresh air.

She decided to check on Taeyeon and found the latter looking rather sleepy but nonetheless looking at the distant rays of the remaining light of the high sun. It was beginning to get chilly so she went back inside to get some blanket and joined her girlfriend. If Taeyeon didn’t want to come inside then she would stay where she was, just so she wouldn’t be alone in feeling the cold breeze.

“The bed is more inviting, don’t you think?” She sat on Taeyeon’s lap and she draped the blanket over them. Nuzzling her nose on the latter’s neck she made herself comfortable in her embrace.

“Your hands are cold,” Jessica held on to the hands that were securely locked on her waist, warming them.

“Mhm, are they? I didn’t notice,” Her voice was rather strained and tired.

“That’s because you were dozing off. This is nice. Tighten your hug.”

“If I don’t feel drowsy right now, I’d probably give you one of my best hugs.”

“I told you to go to bed, mulish girl.”

“Later, Umma.” A light punch was placed on her shoulder.

“Who are you calling Umma?”

“You, who else?”

“Well if that is the case,” She planted a sweet kiss she could muster on Taeyeon’s temple, “Now?”

“You’re still my umma”

A kiss on the bridge of the nose.

“Umma”

Another one on her left cheek.

“Umma”

Taeyeon was waiting for another one with eyes closed, but she squinted at her and waited, but none came.

“Hey! You forgot something!”

“What? You told me I’m your umma!”

“Ugh, I take it back, baby”

“Whoa, now I’m your baby! Make up your mind Kim Taeyeon”

Jessica was surprised when Taeyeon slid her hands beneath her shirt, tracing her skin while her lips puckered and chastely kissed her shoulder, “Love,” Taeyeon said, “You’re my love”

For a fraction of a moment Jessica swore there was something behind those eyes that were staring at her, but then the eyes smiled, creating wrinkles on both side of her eyelids, and she couldn’t help but naturally lean in and kiss her, giving back the ardor the other girl was so generously giving her. Temporarily, she forgot what it was that made her curious.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“You say you’ve been having frequent migraines since college,”

“Yes, doc, before, I didn’t take pills quite often because they didn’t hurt as much as now”

“Have you out because of it?”

“Not really. But there are times when a headache wakes me up because it’s too painful,”

“Miss Kim, we need to make sure about what you’re experiencing. I will schedule you for a PET scan immediately because this is not a matter to be postponed. I advise you to take a rest and not do anything stressful as it might just trigger another painful headache. Where is your companion?”

“Doc uh, can you please not tell this to her? I don’t want her to worry; I know how she is when she hears things like this.”

“But we need someone to accompany you and be with you when we perform the scan, Miss Kim. It is always better to have a support of someone close to you. Your parents, perhaps?”

“I’ll tell them about it when I get the result, Doc. I will have someone with me tomorrow, anyway.”

The door opened and then entered Jessica.

“Sorry, Taeng, the queue at the cashier was long. What did the doctor say?”

“Oh, well, he said it might just because of stress, like in college. He gave me prescriptions.”

“I told you so. Anyway, Does she need to take a leave this week?” Jessica asked the doctor.

 “Taeng!”

“Choi SooYoung!”

The two met at a restaurant near Soo Young’s work. After graduation, the latter had been busy working for a organization, saying that she had more control of her time than Taeyeon because unlike her, she wasn’t working for a private company. She was still the same Choi Soo Young she knew back in college. Not that they just saw each other again, no. In fact, she was bugging Taeyeon every week at work, practically just wanting to annoy the poor girl when she had her ‘free’ time.

“What’s up? The tables have turned, I suppose? You’re the one bugging me today.”

“I need you to accompany me to the hospital tomorrow”

“It’s a Sunday tomorrow, right? Jessica isn’t –“

“She can’t know, Soo.”

The girl abruptly halted looking at the menu and looked up Taeyeon’s unsure eyes. Something was not right.

“Taeyeon, you have something to tell me?”

“Soo, my headaches are back again.” It got the taller one’s attention.

“What does it mean?”

“I am scheduled for a PET scan tomorrow. That’s why I need you to come with me.”

“You know you don’t have to ask Taeng, I will go with you, but why can’t Sica know? How about auntie?”

Taeyeon was absentmindedly playing with a glass of water in front of her. It was cold, remembering a while ago what Jessica said to her, her hands were cold then. She knew they were, she just didn’t want to give it much thought. What was the difference, anyway? Sometimes your warm enough, sometimes you’re chilling it hurts. But it was the same with her head. She got used to feeling the numbing effect. So, why now? Why dig deeper?

“I’ll tell them after we get the results.”

“It’s better if you tell them now, Taeyeon. This might be serious.”

I know, Sooyoung, I know.

“I don’t want to worry them over petty things.”

“Oh, so it’s okay to worry me?”

“You know what I mean, Soo. When Rocket died, I got so depressed that my mother lived in the apartment for a week to check on me, remember? I don’t want her worrying like that again.”

“And what about her? You know she’ll go crazy if she finds out about your rendezvous with the hospital tomorrow. I don’t want to die early.”

“Soo, please.”

“Okay, seriously, what I think you’re doing is nuts. Whatever. I’ll meet you tomorrow. But if the results are something worth telling them, Taeng, don’t leave them in the dark.”

“I will. Thanks, Soo. C’mon I know you’re starving.”

Taeyeon was having difficulty in breathing. She felt like she was to going to pass out. Cold sweat was evident on her temple. All the while she held the hand of the person beside her. She held it so damn tight. She wasn’t having a headache, no. it was far more than that. It was actually just a part of it, a symptom, and there were lots of it. Just waiting for the right time to come and ruin her miserably. She could hear someone talking, and knew that it was the doctor who was looking professionally sorry for her. Professionally sorry? I’m just another case that was what. A lump on formed. I feel like crying.

“…little tumor on the right side of cerebral cortex. I’m sorry, Miss Kim, but the tumor is malignant.”

She blinked. Not letting any tear form.

“…You’re in stage 2, but not incurable. No one really knows how a tumor starts. Your headache is just a symptom.”

What was she going to do?

“Not only physically but you have to mentally and emotionally prepare about this. There will be times when you will experience mood swings.

There must be a way. There should be a way.

“…we need to schedule you for an operation immediately, Miss Kim.”

“Taeng?”

“Taeng? Are you alright?”

Oh, right, an operation. So she had finally come to know the case in point. She finally knew the once nameless piece of a predicament that had been knocking loudly every single time on her head.

“I have cancer.” It wasn’t even a question.

She didn’t know how long it was that the air felt stale around them. No one spoke except the doctor, who had to do what had to be done: giving details, trying not to sound apologetic despite of his soft tone visible. How did he cope the first time telling this to someone? The way he talked, it was like a process, like he said this countless of times already.

Hands wrapped around her and enclosed her in a tight reassuring hug. She awoke from the self reverie when she heard Soo whimper something almost audible, but not really.

“Taeng, tell this to them, huh? Tell them all about this. We’re going to make this. You are going to be okay.”

Was Sooyoung sad? Frightened for her? Or did she feel that it was a lost cause? She couldn’t really tell. Not when she mentioned that her family needed to know about this. Jessica needed to know about this. But how? How?

“Baby?” She asked when she saw no one in the living area.

“In here!”

She followed the voice that came from their bedroom.

“I bought you take-out!”

“Thanks! So how was your date with Soo?”

“It was okay. We just ate and talk about ridiculousness. You know how she can get.”

She placed the take-out on the dining table and went back to their bedroom. Jessica, who was de-cluttering, although miserably failing, was pulled up by Taeyeon who wrapped her arms around her and nuzzled her.

“Is something wrong?”

“What?”

“You’re acting weird right now,” Jessica stated. She leaned backwards so she could look Taeyeon in the eyes, who was posing a pout.

“Why? I can’t hug you? I just miss you, you know. And I’m kinda missing rocket, too.” So that was what. When Taeyeon’s dog died, it became less cheerful in their apartment. It seemed that the dog took away all the noise when it died; Taeyeon became less chatty for a while. But of course, two weeks after, she got back her clatter. And boy, did she miss it so much.

“Okay,” Jessica said, returning back to the hug. She suddenly felt lips trailing kisses up her jaw.

“It feels like,” lips found lips, a peck was given, and followed by a fiery one, then nibbles and tongues were felt. They always love kissing each other, thinking that nothing could go wrong especially when they’re like this, “I missed you so so much”

Taeyeon’s hands went down and gave her behind rough squeezes which didn’t hurt. She pressed herself harder to the former because she felt like there was too much space between them, even though air couldn’t already make way. They were standing too long now, a bed was more appropriate she thought.

Slowly, they made it to the bed.  Both were panting as they stopped their lip lock for a second and looked at each other; both were willing to get drowned in their gazes like peat bogs. Taeyeon slid her hand beneath the shorts of the girl on top of her and fumbled with her cheeks and pulled her flush against her. Jessica went for her neck and was restlessly moving on top of her. She knew the girl liked it very much when she did it with her behind. It was evident on her almost inaudible moans which Taeyeon was the only one privileged to hear. She wondered how much of a time would she still have to hear them.

She didn’t want to be pathetic nor did she want to be a poor excuse of a sick girl in front of everyone, especially to the girl she was making love right now. She just wanted to be happy. She just wanted Jessica to be happy, but with the circumstances right now, both staring them right in the face, it would be a pretty hard roller coaster ride.

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