Repetition.

Her life was a one big cycle. Nothing compared to a roller coaster.

But Kim Taeyeon wasnt the type to break a habit. She was always letting nature take its full course; was always stuck on the Appa and Umma Are Always Right Show, never bothering to switch channels where the Glee kids were always singing, "it's time to try defying gravity". Putting on a great facade for her defense mechanism was the best thing she could do for herself. For Kim Taeyeon, life was not meant to be complicated - she was a flowing river herself, always ending up joining the rest of the sea until some untimely precipitation turns her into some rain. A cycle is what she was.

But the cycle malfunctioned, overlapped, erred. But who was to say it erred when Taeyeon herself conducted the whole anomaly? When her father expected her to kiss the feet of the man named tradition, and house the faculty of engineering, She eloped with veterinary. And boy was it a face-first fall from a cliff! But it turned out it wasn't a hard solid ground she fell onto. The surface was softly, silky cushioned. Perfume-y and all that majestical sh!t. The umma resigned her stand once she saw the daughter smiling that tired, happy smile after a long semester from university.

When Taeyeon just told her that Rocket (note: a stray corgi which she found years ago when she got lost at a water reservoir trip) might live longer than 6 months (poor thing got leukemia). Her eyes screamed determination. And the umma said, "your Appa can be as thick as wood for as long as he likes. When's your next semester?" That was when she knew she won her mother over. 

She became less rigid of her walls. Maybe the reason of her good-daughterly behavior towards her appa was because of her que-sera-sera resolve. Inheriting a firm was instilled on her even before she started walking. Being passed onto and held by some important friends and stockholders at the Annual Kim Engineering Charity Ball cooing at her, babytalking to her and hoping they would get on her father's good side.

And when she hit puberty, boys howled like mutts whenever she passed by. Thinking that she was some prize they needed to get their hands on. She wasn't certain what to make out of it: Was it because of her long brunette tresses? Her above the knee flowing pink dress? Or was it because of the sleeping Rocket in her arms that made her uberly cute - not to mention her spectacles loosely supported by her nose? 

Starting off her tertiary education holding grudges against her father, she was quite adamant to keep it that way. Mr. Kim was pretty annoying and always on her nerves nowadays. 

Her dad never bothered to check on her educational progress. Always the silence creeping at dinner, leave it to the sound of metal utensils to make awkward silence worse. 

-------

"you're getting the hang of it," Sooyoung whispered. Not quite sure of what her classmate slash friend had said, while too busy jotting down chem notes in class. 

"the hang of what?"

"..." 

"the hang of what?!" 

she heard chuckling as she continued on her task, "Defying your father," and another giggle was stifled as the professor looked their way. 

Taeyeon then thought it best to ignore the seemingly teasing Sooyoung but handed her a piece of paper with big letters on it, 'TTYL!'
-

"Spill," Sooyoung and Taeyeon were headed to their dorm. A determined tone was apparent on the latter's voice and the former deliberately concluded it was best to tell it now. 

"Well... Uh, y'know, first your course, then her."

"Your point being?"

"Hey, im on your side, ok?" putting her hands up as if in surrender, Sooyoung continued, "What im trying to say is that it's nice." 

"how can you think it's nice? I've already infuriated my dad, I don't think it's something to be proud of. Im the only one he can count on to continue running the firm, and then this. Save the time when he accidentally found out about us. But," she took a deep breath and released a lengthy sigh, "The moment I knew I could choose for my own, that was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Did anybody already tell you that you did good at something?" 

"yes, Tae. My parents," sooyoung gave her a sad smile. Fully knowing that it was seldom for the other girl to receive such encouragement. 

The dorm was eerily quiet all of a sudden. Both seemed to have their minds wander into nothingness. Sooyoung the television to ease down the deafening silence looming the area.

"I used to hear it, too... Used to have so much. All those congratulatory remarks, celebrations, gifts, travel perks. Everything. Im not saying i don't miss it, heck, who wouldn't, right? He didn't cut it all when i entered vet, though. That was until Jess. I badly miss traveling and all the extravagance." silence part two.

"Uh, im pretty sure there's a 'but' in there." 

Tae softly chuckled, "BUT, all that i've left behind seems a petty comparison to her. Infinitesimal, even, so you see, I may miss what I used to have, but it's not what I need. She makes me happy, Soo. So. Damn. Much." 

"I can see that. Hey! We made it on time! It's still on!" 

"Really? Is Sarang-" both squealed in delight as they saw babies on TV. At least, there was something to get her mind off her troubles. 

"I'll make popcorn!"

---

"So how was vacay?" 

"Pretty good. We went to Kyoto, mom and I. I stalked some otakus. Haha" 

"Seriously" 

"and there's a cafe where you pay just to be with these cute cats! While u drink tea! Really. I even considered snatching one of them." 

"Really? Yours sounded great." 

"yeah, it was. How about you? Did something interesting?"  

Jessica took a sip of the bitter brewed drink, always loving the strong aroma invading her olfactory, only in this cafe did she appreciate coffee. 

"if working my off from 9 to 6 counts as interesting, then count me in." Sarcasm was evident on her tone. 

"ah, so you really did part-time." 

"Yeah. Had to. I need to help with my tuition. Mom got laid off and my dad couldn't handle all the expenses."

"Jessica, don't take this the wrong way alright? I can lend you money if you want."

"Tae, thanks but, no. I don't need your pity. It's the-" 

"Remember what happened before we parted for summer?"

 "you mean when I told you-" 

"uh yeah...that," she let out an awkward laugh.

"Jessica, I want to know what this means. This, this feeling... That you're making me feel. The... The days i zone out and the sleepless nights. The..the," 

"hm? The what?" 

"theurgetourgetocallyouandialwaysendupnotdoingitbecauseidontknowwhattosayexceptthatilikeyouandhi"

"you sounded chinese"

"let's do something about this, Jessica." 

"you're doing it again." 

Taeyeon fidgeted in her seat. No clear comprehension written on her face. As if trying to decipher a crypt, ""what do you mean?" 

"nothing. It's just that your courage. I admire it." 

"ok, just to fill you up, i am so confused and afraid of what this is because damn it, i dont know if im gay or this is just some phase and the possibility that my dad will somehow learn about this is a nightmare. But im taking risks here, jessica. And i cant back out now... Especially now." 

"okay."

"okay what?"

"let's date. And find out what this is." 

gradually, both became more aware of each other's sentiments. It was no dalliance that they shared. It was something as fine as a piece of cloth woven carefully and embroidered with intrication. Always smoothening out creases. Taeyeon never counted the times she would place tulips in her vase. Remembering the 'what-used-to' in the Kim household. Her grip strong on the moment Jessica kissed her for the first time. Abrupt it was, but it left her sleepless one night. Sending high to her synapses. And man, she was never not going to retaliate. Eyes locking for a minute. The tension reciprocated. Of course, it was her turn. Holding on to Jessica's arms. And then lips touching in a slow agonizing manner, grazing each other's. Hot breaths were exchanged. Taeyeon opening her eyes and looking at her reflection through the other girl.

She did want to surrender. And surrender she did. They kissed and they kissed leaving the sanity way behind them, and it was then they knew it wasn't just an experiment. They both knew they needed each other. Months passed, and they were eager to know more of what lies ahead.

What started off as a calm current became a tidal wave.

----------------------

A/N:

hello! wow, i've been gone for so long! sorry, guys. I still plan on making this an 8-chapter story. Did my writing change? I think so, too. I could not fully express my story when it is in first-person perspective so  had to do it in third-person. again flashbacks are in italics.