I was sitting on the makeup chair getting ready for the new mv and my head was
pounding like crazy. It had been a while since i had these head aches. Was it time to 
go see the Dr. again? I hoped not.    
       It was during our "i love you" promotions that it all began. I would have
huge head aches, and my right arm would get numb. I didnt tell anybody about it though.
On one of the days i had off, I went to see a doctor, and few days later I had found out
I had a brain tumor, that they would have to do more tests. My whole world came crashing
down. All my goals seemed unreachable, what would she tell the girls? what would she 
tell papa yg? 
    In the end I had only told Papa YG. We both had decided it was best if we kept
it a secret for the time being. In the months that followed I had found out I had primary
brain tumors. Meaning that the tumor started in my brain and could spread only in my 
brain and spine. I had been put on medication to shrink the tumors and so far it had been 
working. We were about to release our new single "missing you" when the sharp head aches
began again. Were about to film the video please behave in there, stop hurting me for a
bit.
"Ahh look at our Chaerin-ah getting in to her role, looks like shes about to cry" Dara 
unni had her hand on her nose, and was scrunching up her face in her signature look. 
A smile automaticaly spread across my face. She always made me smile, always made me feel 
better.
"of course I learned from the best teacher" I said in a mocking tone.
"and who would this so called best teacher be" she sadly asked.
"the one and only Sandara Park!" I jumped her giving her a big hug.
"hey you be careful your under that robe! we dont want something popping out and 
have everybody see."
"haha ok ill behave."
    The shoot was long and tiring, my migranes didnt help much either. We were all sitting 
in our van on our way back to the dorm. My eyes were closed but sleep didnt come to me 
so easily like the girls. There was too much going on in my head, litterarly. Thats all I
could think about, these tumors. Was the madecation not doing it anymore? Was I gonna 
need radiation? What would everyone say when they find out? How will our fans take it?
How much longer would I be cl of 2ne1? 

    The next day we had off. Minzy had gone home as well as Bom and Dara. I decided
I was going to tell Papa YG. I was sitting on the floor of the practice room alone. So I
sent Papa YG a txt to see if he was busy.
[ I need to talk to you papa ...are you busy? im in the practice room]
I was so concentrated on the phone I didnt notice the door opening. So when a hand touched
my shoulder I jumped.
"who are you txting that you didnt even notice me come in Chae? you better not have a 
boyfriend" he said with fake anger on his face.
"why did you scare me like that Jiyong oppa? you could have just called my name to get my 
attention".
"I did... like 5 times!" there was a hint of concern in his eyes. Me and Jiyong oppa have 
always been close friends. I could tell what he was thinking most of the time, but so 
could he. And right now he had noticed how scared I was. 
" sorry i was spacing out" I tried making my voice sound non chalant. He saw right through
me though.
"Chae tell me whats wrong" more concern in his eyes. My phone rang thankfuly.
"its Papa YG I have to answer...hello...ok ill be right up...ok...I have to go oppa
see you later"I was on the elevator waiting to go up, Jiyong oppa had followed me.
"so are you going to tell me Chae?"I wasnt ready to tell anybody including him. Especially 
him.
" I will oppa when im ready ok"
"promise me Hunchae" he held out his pinky,  I intertwined mine with his.
"I promise Jigyo" i said looking at his eyes and then I left. 
    Papa YG was sitting on his desk, face on his computer. Withought looking up he told 
me to sit.
" so what did you need to talk about Chaerin-ah?"
" their back... the migranes...im scared appa" he had finally looked up from his computer, 
his eyes mirrored the fear in mine for an instant. I looked away so he could not see the tears
threatning to spill out. We remained quiet for what seemed like forever, then he quietly said
" lets get you to the Dr. first, lets find out how your doing, ill postpone the comeback 
for missing you"
"NO...I mean dont postpone it, the unnies and Mizy have worked so hard. Ill get through it
please" I was staring at him now, he could see the tears that had spilled. His face was full 
of worry. It scared me, it was not a look he ever showed. 
"alright, but you have to take it easy...and your going to the Dr. right now." he got on his
phone and made some calls, to the Dr., to cancell some of his meatings. I was laying down on his 
couch waiting for him to finish his calls. I couldnt help but feel thankfull I had such a caring 
boss. Sure he called me ugly, and worked us hard, but here he was, canceling everything for me.
I couldnt help but cry a little more. This man was just like father to me. Im glad i have him by my side.

* firts chapter...hope you guys dont hate me for giving CL cancer...and i hope you guys dont mind my crappy writing. please enjoy :)