I love you.

The words reverberate in Kyungsoo's mind. What could Jongin mean? Did he misinterpret something about their relationship? Was there something he had missed? Is there a secret? A misunderstanding? A--

And the more he thought about it, the angrier he felt. Because really, what did he know about love, that ?

"--soo?"

Probably another trick, to amuse his sadistic little mind, to rouse him from his perpetual state of half-consciousness and to help him feel awake again, so that his eyes stop drooping like--

"Kyungsoo!"

Kyungsoo blinks as he snaps back to reality. He's sitting at the dining table, huddled over a bowl of ramen, and Chanyeol's staring at him, looking worried and surprised, waving his long arms to catch his attention.

"Eh?"

"You okay there? You looked like you were about to snap your chopsticks in half." A tired half-joke. Kyungsoo looks down at his chopstics and notes that he has indeed been clutching them too tight. He smiles awkwardly. "Yeah, no worries. Just...um. Work, you know."

"Yeah..." Chanyeol looks like he's about to say something else, but he holds it in and goes for another bite of ramen. Kyungsoo stares at him expectantly for half a moment before deciding that he'd say it when he wanted to. They eat in silence for awhile, the TV blaring in the background, set to the evening news. 

Famous celebrity ___ arrested for illegal gambling in Macau. Alleged to have visited brothels as well...

A surge in deaths from child birth complications. Authorities are still investigating causes...

Government losing money from tax evasion! Three to stand trial. 

New pieces of Malaysian airline flight XXX discovered in the Indian ocean. Crash still a mystery...

"Wow, the news is so depressing these days," Kyungsoo muses quietly to break the silence. Chanyeol only nods absently, so Kyungsoo barges on, "Do you think there was anything shady going on in the Malaysian plane crash? I mean it's just been a whole mystery, and--"

"--Who was he?" Chanyeol interrupts suddenly.

"What?"

"The guy you were talking to this afternoon...who was he?" Chanyeol tries to sound nonchalant, but Kyungsoo can hear the fervent desire to know. And Kyungsoo isn't ready. "Just a guy from work."

"Oh?" Chanyeol takes another slurp of his noodles to stop himself from blurting too much, from seeming too anxious. "You guys seemed like you were discussing something serious."

"No it wasn't...we were just talking--"

"Is he the guy from your past that you didn't want to see?"

"What?"

"The one that made you cry the other night."

Kyungsoo is at a loss for words. "What is this?" A nervous chuckle. "An interrogation?"

But Chanyeol is dead serious. "No, I'm just curious, that's all. I don't understand why it seemed like you were all buddy buddy after you said you didn't want to see him."

"Chanyeol, seriously," Kyungsoo's voice rises, "He was just walking with me since you were busy." It comes out a little more bitter than he had intended. 

Chanyeol furrows his brows and says crossly, "Oh, so now this is my fault. I told you, it was because the whole staff was going to go celebrate with Dara noona, and you could've said no to him--"

"--Chanyeol, you sound irrational. I'm not blaming you for anything, I'm just telling you why we were together."

"Well, I don't like him, ok? You should...just...not hang out with him." The words come stilted as Chanyeol hesitates. But Kyungsoo knows he means what he says from the look in his eyes, and it pisses him off. Is the whole world going to dictate him now? "What even? I don't need you telling me what to do, okay?" 

"I'm not...it's not like that!" Chanyeol lets out a frustrated sigh. He slams his finished noodle bowl onto the table and breathes heavily. "I just don't want you to get hurt, and it sounded like you guys didn't have the best history."

Kyungsoo is frustrated too, but he tries to keep it in perspective. Chanyeol doesn't mean any harm, he's sure; he's just showing that he cares, and that's good. That's good. Long breath in, long breath out. "It's okay. Thanks for looking out for me. I think I can take care of myself though."

Chanyeol is still frowning but he doesn't say anything--because what could he say--and in the interim, Kyungsoo thinks about how to smooth things over. It's not that they haven't ever argued before, but he's not sure why Chanyeol's so angry this time, and he wants it to stop. There's too much else going for him to have to deal with this too. Chanyeol meant a lot.

As an attempt at light-heartness, he changes the subject. "So how's Dara?"

"What?"

"Dara...you said she wasn't feeling well."

"Oh, I'm sure she's fine," Chanyeol responds dismissively. His tone surprises Kyungsoo. "I thought you'd be more worried."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"No, nothing. I just thought...it seemed like you really liked her, so...I mean it's nothing. Do you want me to make some soup that you can take over?" Kyungsoo adopts a conciliatory smile. Here, an olive branch, he wants to say. But Chanyeol slaps it away. "She's fine. I wish you wouldn't try to change the topic."

"I don't understand. There's nothing left to talk about. And I thought you cared about Dara."

"I do! But not as much as I care about--"Chanyeol stops abruptly and gets up from his chair. The chair's legs scrape unpleasantly against the wooden floor panels, a jarring sound. "Nevermind. You don't get it." He stalks away and slams the door to his room.

Kyungsoo stares after him, more confused than ever.

***

No one gets much sleep that night.

***

Kyungsoo ends up at the office earlier than usual. His mind is foggy from lack of sleep, but he needed to get out of that apartment before Chanyeol got up. He couldn't stand another awkward confrontation yet, nor is he really ready to face Jongin. He figures he'd get a handle over himself before anyone else gets there.  

But to his surprise, Sehun and Lu Han are there to greet him when he opens the door to the office. They appeared to have been talking animatedly about something and had stopped mid-motion, both looking absurdly surprised. 

"Uh. Hey." Kyungsoo smiles weakly as he makes his way to his corner of the conference table. "Didn't think you guys got in so early." Then with some suspicion, "Especially you, Sehun."

Sehun makes his frog face and rolls his eyes. "I always get in this early," he says impatiently, though there's a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "It's you hyung that's always late."

"Right. Well. What are you guys discussing? Sounds like a good conversation," Kyungsoo remarks absent mindedly with a yawn while he waits for his computer to load. Sehun and Lu Han look at each other questioningly, before Lu Han responds, "Uh. League of Legends, actually. I used to play, you know, we were trading strategies."

"Oh, that's right you did." Kyungsoo isn't really listening. He wonders if he should get coffee or if he should open excel first. It's a hard decision really, and both seem like more effort that he can physically exert right now. He wishes they were gone, so he could sleep.

"You okay there Soo?" 

"Huh?" Kyungsoo blearily processes Lu Han's look of concern and nods, yawning again. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just need some coffee I think. In fact, I think I'm going to go downstairs and--"

"I'll go with you, hyung!" Sehun springs from his seat and begins to tug Kyungsoo out of the room under Lu Han's bemused gaze. "You owe me one anyway."

"I do...?"

"Yes. You always owe me."

That sounded somehow incorrect, but who was Kyungsoo to argue in this state. He lets Sehun drag him from the room.

***

"I'm worried about you, hyung."

"What's that?" Kyungsoo is leaning against the elevator walls for support and blinking at Sehun with heavy lids. "I told you, I'll be ok. The coffee is helping."

Sehun rolls his eyes again and lets out a sigh of exasperation. "Hyung, I'm not talking about that. Get with the program. You need to be more vigilant. These are dangerous people you're dealing with."

Somewhere in Kyungsoo's sleep fogged mind, he thinks Sehun is saying something strange, and that he should pay more attention. But he's far too tired, so he takes another sip of his coffee and smiles comfortingly at the younger man. "Don't worry. Your hyung's been in the business for far longer than you, he can totally take care of himself."

"Ugh, then why are you still so clueless?" Sehun asks disdainfully. "Look, not everything is what it seems. You have to be on your toes, especially with what Kris tells you--"

Ping. The door opens at floor 25 and Tao from marketing gets on. "Hey guys," he greets cheerfully. "What are you up to? I was just going up to 27 to see Kris. How's it going?"

Sehun groans, "It's fine. Everything's fine."

Kyungsoo frowns in confusion, but Tao's already started his loud, mindless, gramatically incorrect chit chatting; there's no room left for thought.

***

By lunch time, Kyungsoo is somehow the only one left in the office. Sehun had already skipped off somewhere to do who knows what and Lu Han had excused himself half an hour early to run a personal errand. Jongin never came in, for which Kyungsoo was both disappointed and relieved. 

He decides he needs some air so he takes the stairs one at a time until he makes it to the rooftop above floor forty-five. It takes him awhile and he's winded when he gets there, but he feels better. It reminds him of the days when he used to exercise for hours on an empty stomach, but it also reminds him that he's in a better place now. For all the strange and frustrating things happening of late, at least he's learned to love himself a bit more. At least he understands that he isn't at fault. 

"Soo?"

Kyungsoo is more than a little startled when he spots Lu Han leaning against the rooftop railings, smoking a cigarette. "Lu Han."

"Hey." A surprisingly tired smile. 

"Hey." Kyungsoo wonders if he should turn around to leave, but he's tired and he's just walked up 25 flights of stairs goddammit, so he stays and takes a few trepidatious steps toward the other man. "I thought you were running an errand?"

"Oh...I was. My errand is to take a breath of air for myself and think."

Kyungsoo wants to roll his eyes--what a luxurious errand. A normal employee would probably be fired for that. But it's Lu Han after all, who could probably get away with murder. "Where's Jongin?"

Lu Han chuckles. "You know, I thought you'd cave and ask me earlier."

Kyungsoo frowns and leans against the railings next to him. "I'm just trying to make conversation. It's not like I really care," there's a note of petulance in his voice, which makes Lu Han smile. 

"You're so honest when you're tired."

Kyungsoo shrugs. "What do you know about honesty anyway."

Lu Han sighs at this and brings the cigarette to his lips. "I knew you'd hold that bet against me forever."

The word 'bet' still makes Kyungsoo flinch. He turns away so that Lu Han can't see his vulnerabilities. "I wasn't talking about...about...the bet." He makes himself say it, because he thinks it makes him stronger.

Lu Han looks at him sharply. "What are you talking about then?"

Kyungsoo shrugs stiffly. "You know. You're never honest. I don't think you've ever been honest a day in your life."

"Wow, I had no idea you thought so little of me--"

"--No it's not that. I'm not trying to insult you or anything. That's just how it is though, right?" Kyungsoo looks at Lu Han curiously. "I mean, you're really good at talking to people. But that's just because you know what they want to hear."

Lu Han doesn't respond, so Kyungsoo continues, "You just say what makes other people happy, and you say it really convincingly. Like that one time when you told me you thought I had a really good shot at college and that I should definitely major in poetry if I go because I'm so good at it and all that? I really believed you. But then I heard you telling Jongin that you thought my grades might not make the cutoff and that poetry is really impractical--" Lu Han makes motion to speak, but Kyungsoo cuts him off, "--No, I'm not blaming you. Or angry. But I just wanted to say that I really thought you meant the words you said, and it made me so happy because that's what I wanted to hear. But they weren't what you really thought."

"....That was just one instance," Lu Han, beautiful face frozen. "That doesn't mean I lie all the time."

"I'm sure you tell the truth sometimes, when what the person wants to hear coincides with what you think," Kyungsoo says. "But I started observing you after that one time, and I think...well I just think you're actually really closed off, even though you're incredibly friendly. Because in the end, you're just a reflection of our own desires, not...not you, the real you."

Silence descends over the two as Lu Han takes another puff of his cigarette and as Kyungsoo reflects on what he's just said. Some moments later, Kyungsoo sighs and turns to Lu Han bashfully. "Actually, sorry. I didn't mean to say all that. That was over the line."

Lu Han doesn't respond--he's staring into the distance, eyes blankly, a thousand miles away. Kyungsoo takes a step back. "Well, I guess I'd better get back to the office...I'll see you there?"

"You're not wrong you know."

"Hmm?"

"It's all analytical correct. People are so easy--just say what they want to hear and voila, instantaneous friends. They'll do anything for you, really." Lu Han turns and smiles brilliantly at Kyungsoo. "And once you reveal yourself, you're totally exposed to the same. Then the world can use you, can use your desires, your hopes and your dreams, your ego and your fears, turn them on you and crush you."

Kyungsoo feels uncomfortable under the intensity of Lu Han's gaze, but he feels compelled to stay. Lu Han continues, "But the flip side, of course, is that if you hide yourself forever, you'll always be alone, because as you say, no one actually trusts you. It's the price you pay."

"...But don't you think that's terrible?" Kyungsoo asks softly. "I mean, isn't it worth it to reveal yourself and have true friends, even if it means that you might get hurt?"

"I don't know." A sardonic smile. "You tell me. Was it worth it for you?" 

Kyungsoo bites his bottom lip--a habit he's developed to cope with nerves. He stares hard at Lu Han, then turns stiffly and walks away. Behind him, Lu Han's smile falters and he slides to the ground in a crumpled heap. He had wanted to say more.

He had wanted to say that Kyungsoo was the same, that he closed himself off and never spoke of his true feelings, never revealed more than he had to. 

But the difference was that Kyungsoo could never hide anything. It was all in his large guieless eyes, in his face, in his every gesture. He couldn't disguise his himself. Lu Han found it curious...and beautiful.

***

"So you have nothing for me?"

"I-I don't think so," Kyungsoo stutters under Kris's hawk-like eyes. "I mean, it's only been two days, and we just do work."

"Where's Kim Jongin today?"

"I don't know!"

Kris sighs. "So, nothing huh."

Kyungsoo stares down at his knees and wishes he were anywhere but here, giving Kris his project update. Kris gazes at him for a moment in silence before he pushes a thin stack of papers toward Kyungsoo. "Sorry, I get a little impatient sometimes. But I actually called you up to have you sign some papers as the head accountant."

"Oh." Kyungsoo skims the pages briefly--the completed quarterly filing with the securities commission, stock transfers, bank loans, building mortgages, the usual. "Sure, you want me to sign them here?"

"Yeah, if you could. I actually have to run to a meeting. Just leave them here when you're done," Kris says, already half out the door. "Thanks."

"Yeah, sure."

***

Fifteen minutes later, Kyungsoo is almost done going through the papers, but he feels increasingly drowsy, the simultaneous feeling of fear and exhaustion wearing him down. He eyes Kris's soft couch with some temptation--they were awfully comfortable the last time he napped there. The devil and the angel on his shoulders debate for awhile, but he figures Kris won't be back for three quarters of an hour at least, so he gives up and snuggles into the couch cushions. It's not long before he's dead to the world.

When he comes to, he feels more than a bit disoriented. The office glowed orange from the rays of the late afternoon sun. A suit jacket was thrown haphazardly over his body. Bleary, he glances over at the clock--, it's been two hours, practically the end of the workday--and oh, there was Kris, sitting at his desk, lips quirked in a bemused smile.

"Sorry."

"Rough night? I don't think I've ever see you fall asleep during work."

"Yeah, you could say that." Kyungsoo awkwardly runs his hand through his hair, attempting to straighten it up but only increasing its messiness. Kris chuckles lowly and glides over. "Here, let me help." With a surprisingly soft touch, he smoothes Kyungsoo's wayward hair into place and steps back with a smile. "There, all better."

"Uh...thanks." Kyungsoo can feel his cheeks redden under Kris's gentle ministrations. "That's--I--do you need anything else?"

"No, I think I've got what I need. Go home, get some rest."

"...Thanks"

"Sure."

***

"Hey."

Startled, Kyungsoo blinks blearily at the sight before him. It's Chanyeol standing next to his bike. He looks a little hopeful, a little unsure, a little scared. Kyungsoo smiles tiredly. "Hey yourself."

"I'm sorry about last night. I was totally...it was totally---"

"You were totally right," Kyungsoo says lightly as he climbs onto Chanyeol's back seat. 

"Wait what?"

"I wasn't being honest with you. I know you care about me a lot, but I've been too scared to tell you anything, to let you in, I guess. I'm sorry."

Chanyeol blinks at him in surprise. "...Really?"

"Yeah." Kyungsoo hugs his arms around Chanyeol's torso and takes a deep breath. Cheesy as it sounded, Chanyeol's scent always reminds him of sunshine and puppies, reminds him that he could have real friends too, if only he'd let himself. He doesn't catch Chanyeol's pink stained cheeks, nor his rapidly accelerating heartbeat.

"I'm sorry too..."

"For what?"

"For pushing you? I was being totally dumb, was what I wanted to say. I just couldn't think straight yesterday, because it seemed like you and that guy..."

"Jongin?"

"Yeah. Jongin," Chanyeol says distastefully. "It seemed like you were really close. And...I guess I was jealous."

"Jealous?" Kyungsoo asks with a burst of laughter. "Of Jongin?"

"Don't laugh!" Chanyeol yells indignantly. 

"Oh please. It's not like I'd ever abandon you...although actually, I've been feeling a little jealous as well," Kyungsoo admits bashfully. "Of you and Dara."

"You have?"

"Yeah...but I was being dumb," Kyungsoo says with a smile. "It's just that you're my best friend, and I was sad that you might leave me soon after you fall in love and start and family and whatever. Haha. But that's silly. We'll always be best friends, won't we?"

Kyungsoo doesn't see the moment of despair flash through Chanyeol's eyes when he says "...Yes, of course." 

Best friends. A double edged sword.

For someone with such large eyes, Kyungsoo is surprisingly blind. 

***TBC***

A/N: I usually don't write these but I realize I have been remiss in responding to comments for Ch. 5 and I apologize! I've been busy with school--it's that time of the year :[ Promise to catch up soon! Thanks everyone who is reading~ your comments give me so much encouragement, I couldn't write without them!  

As an aside, I did sneak out to watch the Grand Budapest Hotel last night and I loved it. Has anyone else seen it? I'm super humbled by how amazing the storytelling was!