A steady sound of faint beeps awakens me. I can barely open my eyes.

"How is my baby doing?" My mother caresses my cheek gently with tears around the corner of her eyes. I don't know whether from yawning or crying.

"Fine. Jaejoong?" I smile weakly, forcing those two words out of my throat.

"He told me that he will be gone for a while and asked me a favor to give this to you once you're awake." She hands me a small white notebook.

I open it and the words 'IN HEAVEN' welcomes me. I turn to the next page and realize something. He wants me to read his diary? I laugh at his irony but started reading it anyways.
-

*A/N: Play JYJ's In Heaven as background music for the remaining part of this chapter. If you don't have the song in your player, click here.

-

October 7, Monday

I saw an angel walking around with a troubled face. Seems like her wings were broken and she can't fly back to heaven. I was enjoying my view of the beautiful creature when I saw her looking towards my direction. I quickly looked away in fear that I would scare her and she would go away. Besides, I don't want her to catch me checking her out. I glanced at her and smiled when I saw her still looking at me. Looks like I caught her attention. I was about to approach her when a doctor called out to me. So much for a good timing.

I can't sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, I can see the angel's face. I prayed to God to see her again tomorrow, hoped that she would visit whoever she came for in this hospice. An idea formed in my head that made me rushed to my garden. I'm going to give her roses. When I reached my garden, I saw someone who was about to pick a flower. I instantly yelled at the stranger out of anger. I approached that stranger and was shocked to see that she was the angel from earlier. Damn, I mentally cursed myself for what I just did to her. She quickly apologized and was about to walk away. But I didn't want her to go away so I stopped her by saying the first stupid words that came to my mind. As expected, the angel got angry and raised her voice. I was stunned. Her beauty still radiates despite her rage. I watched her walk away, but she fell after a few steps. Her wings must be really broken. I felt bad for what I did to her.

"So you knew me since that morning? Angel, huh?" I giggle then turn it to the next page.

October 8, Tuesday

I went to your room. Good thing you were still asleep. I can't really face you right now especially with what I did to you last night. But I have lots to say, so I will just write it in here. I learned that your name is Hyojoo, and that you just got admitted yesterday. I looked at your face while writing my note. With each of a letter, I felt like I was drawing your beauty. You were smiling the whole time and I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing. I smile stupidly at my wishful thinking. I promise you that I will repair your broken wings no matter what. I want you to be happy and fly back to your heaven, for you should not be stuck in this abyss. I placed the roses on your bedside table, stole a last glimpse of your heavenly face before leaving.

Things didn't go out the way I want them to be. The hospital that I went to is giving me a hard time. So I decided to just go back to the hospice empty handed and hopefully watch you dreaming again. But as I was walking at the garden, I saw you. Anxiety and surprise struck me. You look so lost and pitiful that I just want to pull you to a comforting hug, but I can't. So I just talked instead, which is I'm not good at, especially with you.

I smiled blissfully when I found out that you were waiting for me. I approached you and decided to tease you a little. Your blushing face was so cute that I want to kiss you, but then again I can't. I have to control myself. I thought carefully of the right words. I apologized to you and ended up telling a bit of my life's drama. I lied to you about me having AIDS. I'm very sorry. To tell you the truth, I'm a psychologist here. It is my habit to disguise, so patients like you would feel my sympathy and trust me easier. I joked when I said that you should not fall in love with me. The reality is that I was saying that to myself. I'm terribly scared that if it happens, you will leave me grieving alone, terrified that I'd be trapped in a nightmare of never ending misery.

"He is not sick!" I exclaim happily to my mother.

She smiles at me. "Then that makes thing easier."

October 9,  Wednesday

Finally, I convinced the doctors. I went back to the hospice happily. I was walking when I saw you at the garden again, our official meeting place. I guess. The thought of you worrying about me made my heart flutter. So I decided to take it a notch higher by playing a prank on you. What I did was lame, but it was worth it. In exchange of a pinch in my cheek, I got to touch your face and look into your eyes. Again I'm having the urge to kiss you. I have no choice but to close my eyes. You're right. I've fallen for you. But it wasn't today, but since that Monday morning.
 

"He is naughty, but a kind-hearted man. You made the right choice." My mother compliments him.
 

October 10, Thursday

The Twilight thing really amused me. Since you knew that I like you, you're now starting to tease me back. Well, that's good, if that's what makes you happy, we could go on forever doing that. Absorbed in our role play, I was tempted to kiss you once again, but thank God I stopped myself before I could do so. The happiness that I saw in your eyes when you told me that you have a donor distracted me from capturing your enticing lips. And when you told me that you want me to be there on your operation day, I felt my heart was about to explode. My emotions were overflowing as I heard those words from you. That means you trust me, and I'm happy about that.
 

My mother notices my tears so she opts to give me some time alone.

"Thanks." I mouth to her as she stands up from the couch and walks out of the room.
 

October 11, Friday

The sight of you holding hands with a kid made me excited. For a moment, I imagined that we were a family. I am the father, you are the mother, and Carlos is our son. My rapture escalates when you told me that you like me. It only means that you love me too, but it would be better if I heard it straight from your lips. I tried but failed. You just returned my question back to me. And that really .
 

"Then let's have a family of our own." I smile dreamingly as I turn another page.
 

October 12, Saturday

I decided to celebrate your birthday today since I know we can't do it tomorrow. I was contented when I saw your smiling face as you received my present. It made me feel good that I picked the right gift for you. The ballet costume shocked me. I asked myself how that weird looking dress fitted you perfectly. You made it look so beautiful. Then you tied your hair up and I got a scenic view of heaven. Every feature of your face can rival those of an angel. No, you can even surpass those qualities. Your beauty is unequaled. Then you caught me looking at you, like a crazed man. I hope I didn't scare you with my mouth hanging open like that. I put on a poker face when you started dancing, to tease you, to get even with your disturbing remark. I pretended not to be in awe but when you spun, I can't hold back anymore. I lost and clapped my hands. Spotting could have been an easy task, only if it's you I would have to spot and not that stupid frame. Your birthday wish touched my heart even more, but breaks it at the same time. Thank you for accepting my feelings. But I don't want you to initiate our kiss so I stopped you. Sorry.
 

"You don't need to be sorry." I shake my head, smiling while wiping my tears. Every word that I read made me feel giddy and touched at the same time.
 

October 13, Sunday

As expected, you thought I was dead. I felt bad for lying to you. But in a few hours that lie would become the truth. Seeing you crying like that really breaks my heart. I can't control myself anymore. I need to kiss you now so I can take your pain away. But then mom came. (She told me I can call her that. ^^) I don't want you to go, not when I haven't told you the things that I wanted to say. At first I got the cold feet that I ended up saying happy birthday. But thank God, I managed to say I love you right after. And when I heard you say the words I love you too, I just want the time to stop. With that sole thought, I almost forgot the kiss. I hope you liked, or should I say loved the way I kissed you. Because I really do loved the way you kissed me.
-

I trace the outline of my smiling lips with my right hand, as my left hand touches the blank ink printed on the notebook. My ringed finger lingers on the word kiss. Then I notice another sentence.

Since I don't have the courage to say goodbye to you in person, I will just write it in here.

"Goodbye?" Why?" I ask myself in confusion.

After the exchange of I love you's, he leaves me? Then a painful realization strikes me. This note, the roses, the lies, the gifts, the ring, the kiss, the I love you, his consecutive visits to various hospitals, his perfect health, my sudden donor. Fear and sadness creep to me but still, I flip the page.

Hyojoo,

Happy birthday! And now that I have given my final gift to you, I have to leave. I promised you that I would repair your broken wings, right? So I decided to be your heart donor. Please don't cry. Instead, be happy that I gave you my heart. Well, you did own it since the first time I laid my eyes on you. Please forgive me for all the lies that I told you. I hope the one truth that me saying I love you could make up for it all. Thank you for giving me seven days of heaven here on earth. I'm glad that God gave me the chance to trade a lifetime for those precious seven days. Thank you, my angel. Goodbye. I love you.

P. S. I'll meet you in your dreams. ^^

-Jaejoong

Then his lies become the truth. My teardrops settle to the black ink of several words in the notebook, destroying the forms of each letter, slowly erasing it, disappearing like Jaejoong. Soon, my vision becomes blurry due to the gushing of my tears.

"Stop this prank, Jaejoong! This isn't funny anymore." I quickly close the notebook and try to get up. I was about to remove the contraptions connected to me but mom came and stopped me.

"What is wrong my dear? Something hurts?" Mom asked worriedly.

"Who is my donor? Tell me." I plead, still in tears.

"I don't know. The doctors were not allowed to say it." She explains.

"Please call Jaejoong. I need to see him." I deny the truth that was right in front of my eyes.

"But I don't know where he went. Calm down." She made me lie back in my bed.

"Alyssa!" I call out when I saw her.

"Thank God! You're awake. How are you feeling?" She walks towards me with a relieved smile.

"Tell me the truth. Is Jaejoong my donor?" I ask her.

She looks at my mom anxiously before looking back at me.

"TELL ME!" I yell at her.

"I'm sorry." Alyssa bows her head down.

"NO!" I shake my head as fresh tears stream down my cheeks.

"I rejected him. But he went to other doctors and they approved it. I'm really sorry Hyojoo." Alyssa hugs me.

"I want to see him." I drown in agony.

"You will, so you have to get better quickly. Okay?" Alyssa wipes my tears.

I nod as I sob miserably in her arms. I felt pain in my chest but it was different from the pain that I feel due to my disease. This time, it is my heart that is aching. It is my love being broken into pieces.