The ride to the police station was hell. The police officer was silent the entire way there, his mouth set in a grim line. Chanyeol felt like he was being suffocated; the police car was too small.

"Why did you do it?"

It took Chanyeol a moment to realise that he was the one being spoken to, and he didn't know how to answer. Why had he done it? It was no longer simply coping with his parents' deaths. It was a way for him to cope with his feelings for Baekhyun, for the things he'd done to Baekhyun. He stared at his handcuffed wrists wondering how he had fallen so far, before burying his face into his hands.

"I don't know," was the muffled reply he gave the officer. "I feel like I don't know anything anymore."

Baekhyun had come to visit him the second day he was there, and though the conversation between them had been brief, it had been almost too much. Afterwards, they had brought him to his temporary holding cells which had meant time to himself, and time to think, think about all the things Baekhyun had said. Chanyeol didn't want to think anymore. He lay down on the cold floor, trying to ignore the feeling of it digging into his back. It felt nice against his head, making him feel better, like he could stop his thoughts. And he almost did, but there were two things he just couldn't stop thinking about: fire, and Baekhyun, and the fact that they almost went hand in hand. At some point, Baekhyun had become the reason he set things on fire, and Chanyeol was honestly scared of this fact.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Baekhyun, despite how bad of an idea he thought that was. He wondered if Baekhyun could become his reason for stopping, if Baekhyun could be the reason he got over this stupid addiction. Baekhyun. Because of Chanyeol, Baekhyun had lost the feeling in his pinky. Because of Chanyeol, Baekhyun had lost his father, and his mother had lost her husband. Because of Chanyeol, Baekhyun had almost died after a burning wall had collapsed on top of him. Because of Chanyeol, Baekhyun may never walk again. And Baekhyun had completely forgotten Chanyeol, only to remember and have to relive those horrible memories all over again. Against all reason, Baekhyun still loved Chanyeol, and Chanyeol loved him back. 


Chanyeol felt himself tearing up, so he quickly wiped at them, but he couldn't get rid the one tear that slipped out of his eye and down his cheek. He sighed, turning on to his side, suddenly aware of how cold he was. Selfishly, he wished that Baekhyun were there, that he could hold Baekhyun close, that Baekhyun could warm him up. After a moment, he rolled on to his back again, and the floor was almost warm since he's been lying there for a while, lost in his thoughts. Suddenly, all of the lights in the place were turned off, and Chanyeol knew that meant it was time to sleep, but he couldn't. He got to his feet then and started to pace, walking until he ran into something. Chanyeol bit his lip to stop himself from swearing loudly and continued to pace. Whether it was in an attempt to tire himself out, or to stop thinking about Baekhyun, he wasn't sure. After running into the same thing again, he finally stopped and lay back down on the cold floor again, with this odd twitchy feeling in his fingers. His eyes drifted shut, and Chanyeol eventually fell into a restless sleep, his dreams still filled with Baekhyun.

The next day, they put handcuffs on Chanyeol's wrists and led him out to a van. They were going to take him to prison where he would have to wait until his court date, whenever that happened to be. He was locked in the back, while the officers sat at the front, keeping him isolated. Chanyeol sighed as he tilted his head back, currently not feeling much of anything. He'd only seen Baekhyun the day before, and then thought about him for the rest of the night, but he was already thinking about him again. He was thinking about how much he loved the boy that he had hurt so much. He hated himself. He hated what he'd let himself become, he hated what he'd done to Baekhyun, and he hated how dependent he was upon his addiction. Even at that exact moment, he was thinking about setting this very police van on fire. No one else needed to know that though. The fire, fueled by the gasoline of the car, would create the brightest blaze and Chanyeol smiled, imagining himself burning away along with it; it would be better for everyone if he were gone. 


The car lurched into motion then but Chanyeol just ignored it because he didn't really care anymore. He was going to be found guilty of serial arson, at the very least, manslaughter, and be in jail for the next twenty or so years; his life was basically over. The place they were taking him would be where he would be spending this time, and Chanyeol found himself almost looking forward to it. He would have a cellmate, probably, and maybe they could be friends, but he doubted that. Baekhyun would probably visit him, but Chanyeol was going to send him away every time, and keep doing it until Baekhyun stopped coming, until Baekhyun gave up on him, forgot about him, moved on from him. Chanyeol was staring at the handcuffs on his wrists, thinking about how fitting it was that he was wearing them, that he deserved them.


"May I open the window?" Chanyeol asked quietly, even though he knew they most likely wouldn't say yes. 


To his surprise, one of the officers actually gave him permission, and Chanyeol quickly did so, breathing in the fresh air, and enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing through his hair. And then he started thinking about the way wind always made flames bigger, and how he would probably never be able to see that again, but that was a good thing; for the sake of his sanity, he needed to forget fire existed. He could hear someone telling him to close the window, and he was about to obey when something crashed into the left side of the van, the impact strong enough to send it toppling on to its side.

Chanyeol then found himself outside of the van and lying on the side of the road with no recollection of how he had gotten there. He was hidden by another car, and he was certain that his head was bleeding, but something told him this was a chance to get away. He got to his feet, disoriented and in pain, and found some tall grass, which he immediately headed into. Moving as fast as he could in his condition, Chanyeol went as far as his body allowed him to before collapsing behind what seemed to be an abandoned building. Hoping no one would notice him, or had seen him, Chanyeol decided to take a chance and rest for a bit and within minutes, he was asleep.

Baekhyun was in the park alone, sitting on his wheelchair, and facing away from Chanyeol. Chanyeol took slow steps towards him because he wasn't sure this was the right thing to do. He wanted Baekhyun to forget about him after all, not to think about him more. It wasn't his own will though, that made him move closer to Baekhyun, it was this inexplicable magnetism between the two of them. 
Chanyeol had woken up barely an hour before, his head pounding, his body sweaty, and his vision blurry, and had started to walk; he hasn't been sure where he was going, but he had known he couldn't stay there. Instinct had led him towards where he knew Baekhyun lived, and he had stopped when he had spotted a very familiar head of brown hair in the park. He had then noticed Baekhyun's mother sitting next to him in the bench, reading, and Chanyeol had quickly hid somewhere, knowing that it would all be over if he was spotted. Eventually, Baekhyun's mother had left, and Baekhyun was alone, which was when Chanyeol finally crept out of his hiding spot.


Chanyeol knew he couldn't speak to Baekhyun out in the open like this, so he quickly looked around for a relatively well-hidden area, and decided to wheel Baekhyun there. His hands grasped the handles if the wheelchair tightly then, and before he could have any second thoughts, he was pushing Baekhyun towards the area he had seen earlier. Baekhyun had made a small sound of surprise when the wheelchair had started moving, but he hadn’t said anything; he could probably tell that it was Chanyeol, the same way that Chanyeol was so drawn to him. Finally, they were behind the wall, and after making sure that the coast was clear, Chanyeol moved in front of Baekhyun. As expected, Baekhyun didn't look surprised at all; he just simply smiled.

“I know you shouldn’t be here,” Baekhyun’s eyes were sparkling, his arms already reaching out for Chanyeol. “But I’m just so happy that you are.”

Chanyeol became all-too-aware of the fact that his wrists were still handcuffed together, when he lifted his arms to touch Baekhyun. He let his arms drop back down in front of him, and instead, kneeled down in front of Baekhyun, his eyes downcast. Baekhyun placed his hands upon Chanyeol’s cheeks and lifted his head, slowly pulling him closer until their lips were touching. Their lips lingered together for a brief moment before Baekhyun pulled away first. Chanyeol could feel how much Baekhyun had missed him, and he had barely been able to convey the same.

“Why are you here?” Baekhyun asked, his forehead against Chanyeol’s. “How are you here? Why is your head bleeding?”

Chanyeol winced when Baekhyun kissed the spot that was bleeding. With a soft sigh, Chanyeol stood up before lifting Baekhyun out of his wheelchair, sitting down on it himself, and settling Baekhyun comfortably in his lap. Chanyeol buried his face into Baekhyun’s neck, and with his voice muffled, he told Baekhyun everything that had happened, from when Yixing called the police to that very moment.

“I’ll go back though,” Chanyeol whispered, tears in his eyes. “I’ll go back soon, just let me stay with you for a little bit.”

Baekhyun ran a gentle hand through Chanyeol’s hair, before leaning his head against Chanyeol’s. “Please don’t leave me.”

"I wish I didn't have to..." Chanyeol's voice came out slightly muffled, but he knew Baekhyun had understood. "I wish I had never done any of the things that had landed me there in the first place... I wish we could be happy together, and I wish I hadn't hurt you..."


They shared another kiss, but this one meant something more, an entire plethora of feelings that Chanyeol could barely tell apart. 


"Go back, Chanyeol," Baekhyun whispered against his lips. "And I will wait for you, for as long as necessary. No matter how long it takes, I will wait. Please, promise you'll come back to me.”


I shouldn't, Chanyeol thought, I should tell him not to wait, tell him to move on, forget me... His heart was pounding, his hands were shaking, and his thoughts were a jumbled mess of emotions, needs, what was right and wrong, and wrong was what he said to Baekhyun then. "Of course, Baekhyun-ah, wait for me."


"Don't leave yet..." Baekhyun begged, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol's neck. "I need you, I love you."


"I love you too," Chanyeol replied, standing up, and settling Baekhyun back into his wheelchair. "And that's probably why we shouldn't see each other anymore..." 


Chanyeol realised that was completely different from what he had just told Baekhyun previously, but when he looked at him, Baekhyun didn't seemed surprised in the least, in fact, he had a slight smile on his face.


"I knew you would say that to me one day," Baekhyun said, looking up at Chanyeol. "I guess I had just hoped it wouldn't be so soon. I understand, Chanyeol-ah, but I can't, I need you like humans need water. You are my everything. I love you barely covers my feelings anymore."


Chanyeol stopped breathing then, wondering about what exactly he had done to Baekhyun, what exactly he had done to make Baekhyun feel so strongly towards him. He knew that he definitely didn't deserve Baekhyun's love, that Baekhyun deserved better, should have better than him.


"I'm sorry," Baekhyun looked down, fiddling with something in his hands. "You should go... one thing though."


Chanyeol looked down as Baekhyun placed something square in his palm, and noticed the sad smile on the other's face. Someone started calling Baekhyun's name then, and Chanyeol recognised the voice as Baekhyun's mother's.


"Go," Baekhyun told Chanyeol. "But please, come back to me."


Chanyeol gave no response to that, his grip tightening on the small box, as he ran away, only looking back once. And that once, he saw tears sliding down Baekhyun's cheeks, but there was still a smile there. Chanyeol quickly turned away, speeding up, before he started crying himself. 


"Forgive me, Baekhyun-ah," Chanyeol mumbled to himself. "Forgive me, but I just can't hurt you anymore."

Chanyeol was close to a police station when he finally stopped, and looked at the box that Baekhyun had given him. He frowned slightly when he saw that it was a matchbox. He hoped that this didn't mean that Baekhyun was encouraging his destructive hobby that had landed him in jail in the first place. Slowly, almost reluctantly, Chanyeol slid the box open to find a single match and a folded up note. 


Chanyeol-ah, I really will wait for you, please come back to me... escape from jail, let's run away together.

Chanyeol read the note again, and again, and a fourth time before he finally decided that he wasn't reading it wrong. Baekhyun had changed, was still changing, and Chanyeol was certain it had at least a little bit to do with him. He needed to do something about this, but there really was nothing he could do, nothing he could do that wouldn't make things worse. In the same way that Chanyeol was completely dependent upon fire to get through his days, Baekhyun seemed to be becoming far too dependent upon Chanyeol, and he was feeding Chanyeol's obsession. Chanyeol stared at the match for a long time, trying to decide to either use it then and burn Baekhyun's note, or to keep it with him, somehow out of sight. Swiftly, he tore the note into as many pieces as he could, and threw it into the nearest garbage can, before tossing the matchbox into a different one. The match he then stuck into his pocket, trying to push it in as far as it would go. 


Chanyeol took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what was to come, and hoping it wouldn't be too harsh. He came out of hiding, went directly to the police station, and turned himself in.

Two days later, Chanyeol found himself in another police van, his wrists still handcuffed, and his ankles chained together then as well, as a precaution. Somehow, he managed to sneak in that one match, and no one seemed to be the wiser about its existence. He knew what he wanted to do with the match, but he knew it was a bad idea. He looked at the other people in the van, none of them were paying any attention to him, and he was glad for that. Despite all the warnings in his head telling him not to do it, Chanyeol almost felt like he had no choice. One part of him was telling him that he was being a coward, that he was making excuses. Still, Chanyeol knew this was the right decision, that it would be better for everyone if he were gone. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the match that Baekhyun had given him, it was Baekhyun that had given him this idea, as well as the means for it. Everyone's attention was on anything and anyone but him, so he took the chance and he lit the match. For a long and precious moment, he just stared at the burning match, trying to memorize this moment, quite possibly the last time he would get to see this sight. 


Up at the front, the windows were open, and the oxygen would allow the flames to spread. There was the barest hint of a smile as Chanyeol tossed the burning match as close to the front of the car as he could. It took just a moment before someone screamed. The police officer that was driving panicked and lost control of the car, but not before someone else threw the door open and attempted to escape. The flame was growing bigger by the second, and Chanyeol was simply watching it grow, still fascinated. The car crashed into a pole then, and the driver's head hit the steering wheel, before falling unconscious, the car horn was beeping loudly, continuously. Chanyeol barely noticed any of that though. Soon, the flames engulfed the entire vehicle, and the only thing Chanyeol felt then was relief.

End of chapter 9

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Oh gosh, this chapter is so late, i'm so sorry OTL I hope it was worth the wait... Next chapter will be the last one, so I'm trying to write a good ending, that being said, it'll probably be awhile before I post it, because i want to be happy with it... Thank you for your patience OTL I love you all.

Thank you to everyone that has subscribed to, commented on, upvoted and just taken the time to read this fic, it really means the world to me, and it's for you guys that I keep writing.

So until the final chapter, hopefully within a month OTL