It's been days since that odd yet realistically feeling dream happened to both Sehun and Jongdae. They haven't said anything about it and kept it locked inside their injured hearts. Jongdae was cursing himself with: Why did I let him pass me so fast? Why didn't I hold onto him... if only I could back in time. But the truth is that no matter how many times he'd go back in time, he wouldn't be able to change it, things would only happen differently and possibly more painfully. He realized that while watching a movie called The Time Machine. 

The movie spoke of a man after the name of Alexander Hartdegen who was very interested in mechanics and engineering. He was a teacher and he had a lover. A beautiful girl Emma whom he loved with his whole life. Jongdae could've easily seen that in the man. On a cold winter day the man thought of proposing to this girl, but after they went to a quiet place in the park a man wanted to rob them. They gave him everything except the engagement ring which caused Emma to be accidentally shot. She died and Alexander was devastated, completely. He locked himself in his study for 4 years to build a time machine. He went back in time and tried to save Emma, but she still died. The poor man tried so many times to go back and change it, but the girl still died. In different ways. 

Even though Jongdae knew that no matter how many times he'd want to go back nothing would change, but he still desperately fixtures on that small piece of hope. A stupid hope to say the least.

Sehun on the other side was dealing with stuff differently. After that dream, he spent more and more time with Tao. He felt bad for using him like that, but he couldn't help himself. Because in the end, Luhan still wouldn't care about Sehun. The tall man silently wished that Luhan would be in EXO-K and that Sehun would never have to let go of him. Luhan wouldn't go to China with Minseok and everything would be okay. 

Sehun would have Luhan and not Minseok. But wishes are wishes, they never come true in Sehun's case. How he wished that he didn't let go of Luhan, that he would've held onto him. He missed the times where it was only him and the shorter male, when the elder cared about him and only him. The mere thought of how things used to be, brought tears to Sehun's pretty eyes. 

With a sigh escaping Sehun's mouth he continued to stare out into the horizon on the balcony. His face was expressionless as he watched the sun go to sleep. The other members were inside watching a movie except for him and Jongdae who locked himself inside his room. They both didn't want to see Luhan and Minseok cuddling and flirting together because the more they saw of it, the more their hearts hurt. Sehun could swear that he hears how his heart breaks every time he sees the two together.

And now with the concert and everything, he is hurting more. Especially because of the faux kiss and now he sees photos of them edited to make it seem like they are kissing, it hurts him. He blames Kyungsoo and Junmyeon for this and also Minseok for even being there.

Sehun bites his lower lip to hold in the pathetic whimper from escaping his mouth. The sun lights his world for the last time before going away, but Sehun can't see it properly because his vision is blurred by the gathering tears that he tries to hold inside himself. Even if he did cry, Luhan still wouldn't notice. He would see him as a pathetic child, a pathetic child in love with an .

He hates Luhan to the core, but at the same time he loves him and it makes him want to scream to the world, to life, to everything. The tall boy would mostly want to scream to his parents for ever making him have a life. There's no way in hell that he wants to continue living like this. Sure letting go of Luhan sounds easier than done and Sehun has tried. Oh... how hard he tried, yet nothing changed.

A wrecked quite sob leaves him because he cannot hold it in anymore and he hopes, he wishes that nobody heard him. And for the first time his wish was heard and nobody really heard anything. They were too engrossed into the boring movie playing on the screen of their TV.

This time he bites his lower lip harder than ever before and holds in his desperate cries for help. He wants someone to help him forget, help him get over it all. This is worse than the time he was rejected by a pretty girl whom he really really liked a lot. Even then he didn't hurt like this. It's all Luhan's fault, it's all Minseok's fault, but he knows that's not true because in the end the fault is Sehun's for ever even falling in love with the Chinese boy.  

´please make it stop, someone please stop this...´ Sehun cried to himself as silently as he possibly could.

The pain couldn't even be described but it hurt to the point where Sehun was sure that his heart was bleeding because of all the pain. Somebody who has never experienced being in love with someone who was once your best friend who already found someone he loved, could not begin to understand the pain and struggle. Even though Sehun loved Luhan, even though he knew that he should be happy for his former best friend, he can't help but be angry with him.

***

Sehun once again woke up with wet, puffy and red eyes, he looked absolutely wrecked. Maybe this would get Luhan's attention, but he knew it wouldn't. It never did. With a clouded mind, Sehun sat up and reached for his diary that was usually under his pillow. The diary in which he wrote how much he loved Luhan and how much his heart hurt because of him, the diary that held a little bit of his pain. It wasn't there, Sehun reached around everywhere he looked under the bed, drawers, every single corner in his room but he couldn't find it.

' where is it? my diary.... My diary... , , '  he whispered to himself while being wide awake standing in the middle of his room. He even checked his roommates Jongin's bed, but it wasn't there. 

What if somebody read it? What would he do? Where is his diary? he feels like vomiting, like dying. He's in a state of both shock and panic. The realization that his diary was gone, slowly starts to sink in, yet he thinks it's just another one of those dreams where he can't force himself to wake up, where he feels like he's being suffocated. 

Jongdae woke up without puffy eyes this time. He felt numb, boneless, he felt like he isn't even there almost like he's a ghost reliving his stupid life. He feel asleep with a broken heart, a heart that was hurting to the point where it felt like it was on fire. With dark, cold eyes he looked around the room noticing that his laptop that was on his desk wasn't there anymore. 

He on the other hand wrote down his feelings on his computer. You'd think his computer would be locked but it isn't, he didn't have the time or imagination to set up a password. With a sigh he walked out of his room and yelled for his roommate Baekhyun. 

' Yah Byun, give me back my laptop now.' he stared at the boy who looked at him with sad eyes, which he found confusing. Not another one of this dreams  Jongdae cursed inside himself. He knew these dreams way to well, the dreams where you felt like you were being pulled into a endless black pit where you only felt pain. A black pit that you cannot wake up on yourself, not without someone helping you and pulling you out. The dreams almost felt like his soul was being out of his body. 

He usually wakes up from the dreams on by himself, with a struggle, but now he can't. He pinches the inside of his arm, but nothing happens. This is the reality, this is not a dream. With a fearful aura surrounding him he looked around the spacious living room and sees some heads bent, a Tao crying, Luhan and Minseok barely looking at him and he knows, he knows that they know. The numbness that he woke up with couldn't be compared to the numbness/emptiness that he felt now. 

Jongdae took a shocking step back, there's no where that he could run to. He has fans outside and they can't see him like this. He's trapped with no escape. A door was heard being opened out and Sehun steps out of the room with wide eyes, evidence of his panic attack still seen on his face. He was shaking and once he looked at everyone and Jongdae, he realized that something huge happened and he felt like he was glued to the ground. He wanted to run somewhere, anywhere away from the reality that he is facing now. 

Time just seemed to stop for everyone. Today is going to be a long day, a very very long day. They should be taking a nap, have a relaxing day since it's one of their days off that they don't get much. This isn't how things are supposed to be. 

A/N: Hello! It seems that my writers block is slowly fading and that's why this chapter is longer than the others :D Just to make things clear; the first 4 chapter were all dreams that Sehun, Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan had if you didn't know that. So the accident with Jongdae didn't happen in real. 

Well other than that, hope you like this chapter and sorry if you waited for too long *pout,pout* ENJOY