Tao leans onto Sehun, closing his eyes when he feels his head on the firm chest. Maybe I’ll cry if it doesn’t work out, Tao had thought when he was predicting the outcomes, but he’s surprised because he doesn’t. No tears come out, not a trace, and it doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would be. It’s Sehun, he realises later when he hears Sehun’s faint heartbeat, it’s because he’s here with me.

Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

He doesn’t feel like smiling, but he doesn’t feel like crying either. His heart is hurting, but not as much as when his parents had sent him off to Korea with the excuse ‘You can come back after we work this out’. Even when he realises now that they probably meant ‘You can only come back when you’re both our son’, the loss isn’t as great as he thought it would be. He’s almost fine with it.

Maybe I need to cry a little. He thinks when he feels the world around him shake. That’s when he realises that the strong arms wrapped around him are trembling. It’s faint, but Tao hears the slightest of sniffles. When the grip around him tightens and he feels Sehun buries his face into his hair, when he feels his hair beginning to dampen, he realises that it’s not him that’s crying, but Sehun. This time it’s Sehun that’s crying and not him.

And Sehun’s crying for him.

Despite the situation, Tao lets out a small smile, and suddenly his heart doesn’t hurt anymore, because Sehun’s standing strong even though he’s breaking down – he’s standing strong for the both of them.

And that’s more than enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What do you think the answer to this is?” Jongin asks as he points to a multiple choice question on one of their English worksheets. Tao and Sehun lean in to peer at the same time.

“A!” Sehun shouts at the same time when Tao shouts “C!”, then the both of them glare at each other.

“It’s A because the question is asking ‘Who’, therefore it must be Peter.”

“It’s C because the question is asking ‘Where’, not ‘Who’!” Tao explains. “I used to date a Canadian, thank you very much.”

“And just because he was Canadian, does that mean you’re Canadian?” Sehun retorts. Jongin looks nervously from one to the other as they start arguing.

“Uh … D-Did you guys break up or something?” He asks anxiously, looking around to find Kyungsoo or anybody that he can use as an excuse to escape them. They both stop momentarily to glare at him, and immediately Jongin regrets it. 

“Does it look like we have?!” They growl simultaneously, both their murderous stares mirroring each other’s, the fierceness of it multiplying two-fold.

“Er … Never mind.” Jongin rushes off and leaves his homework behind, because anything’s worth risking if it meant escaping those two. Junmyeon stops him halfway.

“The answer is B,” he whispers with a smile. “Trust me, because my father is an English professor.”

Jongin smiles uncertainly and looks back mournfully at his English work. Junmyeon laughs quietly and pats Jongin on the back.

“Don’t worry about them.” He says. “They may act like they hate each other, but they don’t. That’s how they show their affection.”

I’m worrying about my work, hyung. Jongin thinks to himself.

“Look at them now!” Junmyeon points, and although he sounds mature and serious, Jongin wants to roll his eyes at how eager his hyung is at trying to point out the good points in Tao and Sehun’s relationship.

The #1 Taohun shipper is here. Jongin sighs.

“Sehun just said something along the lines of ‘It’s cold’, and Tao just said ‘You idiot, where’s your jacket?’. Sehun replies with a ‘Didn’t bring one,’ and Tao just sighed really loudly (you can even hear it from here can’t you?) and wow! He’s taking off his jacket right now and putting it around Sehun. ‘Stupid baby’, he whispers, and pats Sehun’s cheek, ‘why don’t you take care of yourself?’ Then Sehun’s like … wait … Sehun teases, ‘because I got you to take care of me’ … ” Junmyeon continues and Jongin groans because he really doesn’t want to hear about Sehun and Tao’s love life and cheesy moments.

Okay, so the reason he knew what we were talking about earlier was because he’s stalking them?! Jongin bites his lip nervously

“I swear you can go start a Taohun fanclub and write fanfics about them.” Jongin jokes and immediately takes it back because Junmyeon stops talking and turns around to stare at him with a neutral, almost scary, expression on his face.

“Who says I haven’t?” Junmyeon smiles secretively. “I write stories of all the couples I approve of and know. Even though you and Kyungsoo aren’t together yet, I’ve already thought up of a ship name for you: Kaisoo!”

For once, Jongin’s relieved that Sehun had gotten into a relationship before he has.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks when it’s night time and they’re supposed to be asleep and in separate beds. Sehun has been kind enough (or he says so) to share the bed with Tao, and he feels Tao’s body brushing up against his, feels the muscles ripple slightly whenever Tao moves, and feels heat radiating from him.

“Yeah?” Tao’s voice rings in the air, soft and sluggish. “Aside from the fact that I got Jongin’s English question wrong, I’m all right. Why?”

“I don’t know … your family … and stuff …” Sehun mumbles. There’s a short silence, then a rustle and finally Sehun feels an arm slap him.

“Oops … sorry. Darkness’s fault.” Tao apologises, Sehun’s face briefly before patting him on the head.

“Don’t worry about me.” Tao says softly as he caresses Sehun’s hair. “I’m fine, especially because you’re here with me.”

Sehun tastes the silence in the air and listens for something in Tao’s words – but they aren’t there. He sighs in relief.

“That’s good.” That’s great.

“What? Don’t you want to share me?” Tao teases, ruffling Sehun’s hair one last time before he retreats his hand, but Sehun grabs it midway.

“No, I don’t.” He responds honestly, and uses his grip to pull Tao to him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and burying his face in Tao’s exposed neck. “I don’t like sharing, so don’t let anyone else take up the space in your mind but me.”

Tao flushes at the contact, and he shuts his eyes tightly. He’s hoping Sehun doesn’t hear his heartbeat, because hell it’s beating so fast right now. He takes in Sehun’s homely scent, feels the way Sehun’s skin and clothes brush up against him, feel the way their legs tangle together, and feels the way Sehun’s lips are pressed on his neck.

How can anyone else be on my mind when you’re always like this to me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a rainy day outside on a Saturday afternoon. Tao sits on his study table and looks out the window, watches the way the rain drops onto the leaves like falling tears. Sehun enters the room and fills the air with a fresh smell of shampoo as he wraps his arms around Tao’s waist and leans his chin on Tao’s shoulder.

“You smell great,” Sehun murmurs and nuzzles into Tao’s neck.

“I can say the same about you.” Tao replies, and laughs a little when he feels Sehun’s fingers over his toned stomach. Sehun finds delight in Tao’s laugh, and decides to continue.

“Stop.” Tao breathes, and tries to grab hold of Sehun’s hands, but Sehun keeps going. “Seriously, Hunhun, stop! I … can’t breathe …”

Sehun laughs at Tao’s high-pitched shrieks and continues, finding Tao’s choked laughs and breathy gasps extremely cute. Sehun would’ve continued all day, but at that time the phone on the table vibrates, making the both of them jump.

“Lemme … I have a new message!” Tao gasps as he tries to pry Sehun’s hands off, using his phone as an excuse to get out of torture. “Get off, Hunhun!”

Sehun reluctantly lets go, mostly because he’s slightly curious as to who sent the message and what’s in it. The world quietens as Tao unlocks his phone and reads it. Sehun scrutinises him closely, watches the way his expression starts off bored. After a while, though, his eyes widen and his lips form a wide ‘O’ before his face melts into one of glee and happiness.

“What is it?” Sehun asks, because his heart is jumping upon seeing the joy on Tao’s face. Tao gets up and starts pacing around the room.

“I … I …” Tao tries to speak, but ends up speaking a whole lot of fast Chinese. Sehun smiles because he can practically see the happiness radiating out of Tao even though he’s speaking as if he’s nervous, stumbling over the words of every end of his sentences.

When he stops speaking, he stands there looking stunned, staring at Sehun with wide eyes. Sehun sighs because this is totally normal for Tao to go from talkative to speechless, and he turns around to grab Tao’s phone as he waits for Tao to speak again. But Tao doesn’t.

Instead, Sehun feels arms wrap themselves around him in a tight back hug. Sehun’s eyes widen in surprise because Tao’s never done that before. It was always Sehun that hugs first.

“My parents told me that they realised something important,” Tao whispers softly, and Sehun shivers because his voice is gentle as they brush themselves up Sehun’s neck, “at first all that mattered to my step-dad … no, my dad, was that Mum cheated on him, and that I was the one that came between them. He admitted that he hated me (man it was a long message) for a while because he’s been raising the child of a man that dared take my mother from him. He wanted me out of his life.

“He realised later that although I was someone else’s son, it was him that I had lived with for more than one and a half decade. It was him that bathed me when I was little, it was him that tickled my feet. It was him that tucked me to bed and it was him that was willing to come to my wushu competitions. It was him that watched me grow up and not the mess of a man that left my mother after that one night stand.

“He realised that it was him I looked up to as a father, and it was him that I had lived with all my life. He discovered that it was me that he had come to love even though I wasn’t his child. It was me, Sehun, me, that he had come to miss when he sent me here.” Tao’s grip tightens on Sehun’s waist.

“My father,” Tao whispers, “my father realised that I wasn’t coming in between him and Mum, but instead it was me that brought them together. Me, Hunhun.”

At that, Sehun feels something wet on his neck and he realises Tao’s crying. He makes no gesture to comfort because he knows Tao’s crying out of joy for the first time.

“He a-apologised to me and he’s asking me … he’s asking if I would take him back, if not as a father, then merely as a step dad?” Tao sniffles into Sehun’s neck. “Mum apologised to me too, and said she was ashamed to put the blame on me even though it was her fault to begin with.

“I’m so happy, Hunnie. I’m so happy …” Tao repeats these words over and over again in choked sobs, and Sehun knows Tao doesn’t know how else to express it. Then again, he doesn’t need to because it’s written all over his face, scribbled all over the atmosphere, and drawn all over his gestures.

“They’re asking me to come back to them…” Tao starts hiccupping, and even though he’s a snotty mess, Sehun can’t be happier. “I’m going back, Sehunnie. I’m finally going back.”

Sehun’s heart breaks a little, but it’s drowned out by the overwhelming screams of joy he feels right now, because even though this is start of the countdown to their final days together, Sehun’s happy for Tao. Is it possible to feel this happy, but this sad at the same time?

He feels Tao’s happiness, he hears Tao crying, he sees Tao shaking, and he wants to join in, but for completely different reasons. He doesn’t join in because it’s selfish of him to want something completely different than what Tao wants. His heart hurts more when he realises that, no matter how deep their feelings for each other can be, no matter how much time they spend together, Tao will always go back to his family. Because Tao loves them like no other, and his love for his family cannot compare to the feelings he has for Sehun.

It’s a fight Sehun wants to own, a battle he wants to rule over, but a war that he knows he can never win.

Because Tao just doesn’t love him enough.

And Sehun will never be his permanent home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He lets a tear fall. Just one.

No one will notice.