“Ahem.” Sehun clears his throat as he waits for nine pairs of eyes to rest on him. When they do, he freezes, suddenly feeling nervous. “Uh …”

Tao seems to sense Sehun’s sudden change of attitude, and pushes his boyfriend behind him, with a small, “It’s okay, I’ll handle this.” Sehun nods and automatically wraps his arms around Tao’s waist, burying his head in Tao’s hoodie as he takes in Tao’s scent. He's a little happy that Tao decides to man up when Sehun's having his problems (for example, stupid stage fright even though this is not really one). It immediately calms him, and he tightens his grip on Tao possessively.

“Well, uh, Sehun and I have, uh, news.” At Tao’s voice, Sehun looks up, watching the other nine people from Tao’s shoulder. Lu Han, Jongdae, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongin, Kyungsoo and Xiumin look bored. Junmyeon looks politely calm and patient and Yi Xing’s eyes are wide in curiosity.

“We’re kinda … um, t – ”

“You’ve been going out for a week, right?” Jongdae declares nonchalantly, and all of them except Yi Xing look up in expectation. Before either of them can reply, though, Yi Xing speaks up.

“Them? Going out?” Yi Xing laughs. “No way! They only started becoming friends like .. I don’t know, a few days ago. Besides, Sehunnie’s not gay.” Everyone gives him a “Are you kidding me?” look.

“We’re going out, Yi Xing, get with the times.” Sehun deadpans, because Yi Xing is such an airhead sometimes. Already Yi Xing's obliviousness takes away his fright. They only tolerate him because he’s kind and is the only one who can be cute while also being so slow, and also because they can find someone to prank when they’re bored.

“Oh…” Yi Xing leans back on his chair and stares into space blankly, as if he hasn't taken in the news.

“How’d you know?” Tao demands, looking slightly nervous. Everyone rolls their eyes.

“Ever since the other day, you guys haven’t been able to keep your hands off each other.” They both flush – it’s true. They especially love backhugging each other.

“And Sehunnie’s stopped touching other people.” Lu Han points out and sighs in relief. Sehun glares at him, offended, and pulls Tao closer.

“Are we done?” Jongdae asks. “Can we eat now? I’m starving.” Everyone nods in agreement and turns back around. Tao pulls away from Sehun and goes around to grab a seat for the both of them. Only Sehun, Baekhyun and Yi Xing, who’s still blanked out, are left.

“Good job, Sehunnie.” Baekhyun congratulates, and lets out a smile. Sehun smiles widely back.

“If it weren’t for you, Baek-hyung, it would’ve been really awkward between the both of us right now.” Sehun replies.

“Oh, so he confessed first.” Baekhyun wags his eyebrows and Sehun laughs, flustered.

“I’m just proud of you.” Baekhyun says. “Take good care of meatball, okay? Make sure he doesn’t go asking me to shower with him again.”

“Sure, sure.” Sehun replies. Not like I’d want him to anyways.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun’s lying on the bed as he plays a game on his phone and Tao's sitting down somewhere doing who-knows-what. Sehun wouldn't have known what Tao was doing until he hears Tao start laughing abruptly out of nowhere.

“What’s up?” Sehun asks as he sits up. Tao just continues laughing his unusually forced laugh. When he stops, he just shakes his head and rushes over to Sehun.

“Look at this jerk! Look!” He points to the screen and all Sehun can see are Chinese and English all over the place.

“You know I don’t un – ”

“He’s a freaking idiot.” Tao shakes his head and starts rambling in Chinese. Sehun sighs. He’s gotten used to Tao’s habit of changing languages whenever he’s too agitated or excited. Sehun waits for Tao to calm down.

“I’m just saying that my ex is a stupid narcissistic little … argh.” Tao approaches Sehun and scrolls up, then points to a sentence.

“’You’re not my style’! That’s how he broke up with me? How stupid is that?” Tao rolls his eyes. “I can’t belie – ”

“Wait, you had an ex-boyfriend?” Sehun stares at Tao with wide eyes. “M-Moreover, you had an ex?”

“Of course!” Tao cries. “I was always gay, I thought that was obvious enough.” Sehun’s about to protest, because right now he’s damn jealous he’s not Tao’s first, but Tao continues talking before he can even open his mouth.

“He goes and thinks all this ‘not my style’ stuff is so cool. He’s this popular kid in my old school, right, and he thinks he has the right to wink and wave at all his fangirls!” Tao rolls his eyes like his ex was such a bother. “Then he lets them call him Kris because he thinks it sounds so cool compared to Wu Yi Fan.

“When he confessed to me, right, I thought he was a sweet awkward guy, but it turns out he’s a snobby dork! I complained to him that it’s not right to date me then flirt with other girls, but he doesn’t care, and eventually he said I was NOT HIS STYLE?! NOT HIS STYLE?!” Tao screeches, then he looks at the recent message again, and lets out a loud laugh.

“Well look at him now! Now he says ‘baby you’re as precious as mona lisa, come back to me’. Screw you, Wu Yi Fan!” He types a fierce “Get a life. Yehet.” in English and sends it angrily.

Silence fills the air except for Tao’s furious pants.

“So … you don’t like him anymore?” Sehun whispers only because he’s still overly jealous and a teensy bit insecure.

“Like him?” Tao hollers. “I’m so over him. I never liked him that much anyway.”

Sehun sighs in relief, but he wants to make sure. With a swipe of his hand, he’s pulled Tao by the waist to him, then wraps his arms around Tao, leaning his forehead on the back of his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“You’re mine, you know that?” Sehun murmurs softly into Tao’s neck, and possessiveness grips him like cold fire. He takes in Tao’s scent, because that always seems to comfort him, no matter what situation it is. Tao flushes and lets out a small smile.

“What happened to Tao germs?” he asks softly, and Sehun chuckles.

“Guess I like them now.” He confesses, and places light kisses all over Tao’s neck until the both of them fall in bed laughing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Class finishes and Sehun walks back to his room with relaxed shoulders and droopy eyes. 

As he approaches the door, Tao bursts out, seeming strangely quiet.

“Oh yeah, Tao – ” Sehun begins, but doesn’t finish the sentence when he realises Tao has his head lowered and he’s dressed up to go somewhere. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going for a walk.”

“But we still have cla – ” Before he can finish, though, Tao pushes past him, as if desperate to get a breath of fresh air.

“Tao, wait! I’m coming with – ”

“No. Leave me alone.” Tao’s voice is quiet as he speaks, his tone matching the one he had that very midnight in the bathroom. “Just… Leave me alone. I’ll be back in a while. Don’t worry about me.”

Then he hurries off, his pace rushed and his body slumped, leaving Sehun in a world of confusion and a lonely sense of helplessness.

 

 

 

When you’re like that, how can you expect me not to worry?

When you’re like that, how can I sit there and pretend that nothing’s happened, that you’re all right when you’re not?

When you hurt, I hurt.

I’m here, remember?

Tao-yah, I’m right here beside you, so don’t go rushing off on your own, carrying the burden by yourself.

Tell me what’s wrong.

I’ve learnt the art of listening for you.

Just for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun hears Tao before he sees him.

The door opens with a quiet click and Tao enters, his socks spilling with sand and eyes downcast in worry. He looks no better than before.

“Where’ve you been?” Sehun sits up and rushes over just as Tao collapses onto him. As he lays Tao down on the ground, he gets a towel and a change of clothes for his tired boyfriend.

“You went to the beach? By foot?” Sehun asks as he helps Tao change, and glares at the wallet Tao had left behind. “The beach is miles away! Why didn’t you just walk around the neighbourhood?”

“I had to.” Tao gasps out. “My parents just told me that my dad had a DNA test along with my own, and the results come out tomorrow. I was really scared, and beaches always used to comfort me, so I had to go.” Upon seeing the creases of worry on Tao’s face, Sehun grows angry.

"I-I don't know why it's not working now." He stutters, and Sehun hates it. He hates how Tao looks so vulnerable, as if anything remotely strong will shatter him to pieces with just a brush of contact.

“Did it? Do you feel better now?” Tao’s eyes flutter as he quietens, and eventually he shakes his head.

“You idiot,” Sehun growls, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry in front of Tao before. He pulls Tao closer and holds him tightly. “Why did you have to go so far? Why do you have to hurt yourself to make yourself feel better?” Sehun’s eyes trail to the growing blisters on Tao’s now-exposed feet. “Did you forget? I’m right here. No matter how much beaches matter to you, they’re not always going to be an arm’s length away. But I am, Tao. I’m right here.”

“But the beach has always been my home – ”

“Then change it,” Sehun turns Tao gently until those unique eyes are on him and nothing else. On him. “If it makes it easier for you, I’ll be your home.” He pulls Tao closer again until he can feel the soft dark hair tickling his chin, because he knows what Tao’s about to do. He waits until he hears muffled sobs and waits until he feels his shirt get wet with tears.

“Don’t go so far.” Sehun murmurs. “Don’t block yourself from me. You’re not alone anymore, you idiot panda.” And although the way Tao grips onto his shirt tightly hurts, Sehun’s glad because Tao’s finally decided to lean onto something solid, lean on something that’s not unpredictable or distant. Most of all, Tao’s decided to lean on him.

And Sehun will do his best to make sure Tao won’t regret a single second of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You hear me?" Sehun whispers softly as he grabs the back of Tao's head and kisses the top of his head gently, affectionately. He doesn't care when Tao's drying tears touch his skin, doesn't care how he's embarrassing himself right now by being so cheesy and protective. "I'm going to be your home. Are you listening?"

Tao nods, and even though Sehun doesn't believe it, Tao's listening.

Tao drinks in every word and keeps them in his mind, drills it in his brain, and stores it in his heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you ready?” Tao clutches his phone tightly as he asks Sehun.

“Why are you asking me if I’m ready when this is about you?”

“Maybe we should wait one more hour …” Tao prepares to put his phone back, but Sehun stops him.

“We’ve been doing this ‘Should we? Should we not?” thing for five hours now, Tao. Just switch your phone on! What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Being stuck with you in this school for the rest of my school days.” Tao mutters and Sehun slaps him lightly on the back.

“Then that’s not so bad, is it?” Instead of pulling his arm away, Sehun wraps his fingers around Tao’s neck and pulls him closer gently before kissing him lightly on the top of his head.

“… You’re right.” Tao sighs and takes out his phone again before switching it on. Sehun holds him tightly because he can feel Tao trembling. He nuzzles the back of Tao’s neck (his favourite spot) and he can feel his boyfriend relax slightly.

“Here goes no – Aah!” He shrieks when the phone vibrates in his hand as the messages file in, and he drops his phone. Too traumatised to pick it up, Tao stays rigid on the spot. Eventually Sehun picks it up for him.

“Wh-What does it say?” Tao squeaks as he covers his face in his hands. Sehun rolls his eyes.

“I can’t read it, you idiot.” He pulls Tao to him and puts the phone in his hands. “Stop being such a drama queen and read what it says.”

Tao lets out a whimper, but brings the phone to his face. Sehun watches the way Tao’s eyes start off wide and nervous, then he observes Tao’s gaze fall along with the phone that tumbles to the ground.

“What is it?” Sehun whispers, and he can hear his heart counting the seconds with every thump. He realises then that he’s as scared and nervous as Tao is.

“I … Turns out I’m not his son after all. I’m not sure they want me back anymore.” Tao lifts his head to meet Sehun’s horrified gaze with his own, and manages a bitter smile. “Oh well. At least I have you, right?”

It hurts. The pained expression etched so evidently on Tao’s face hurts. Those dejected eyes, just seconds ago were so full of life, are now beginning to dim, and it hurts. Just Tao hurting hurts. So vulnerable, so lonely, so confused. Tao's world is crumbl –

No. Sehun’s still holding it together. Just barely.