Yi Xing and Lu Han randomly barge in their room as they wait for Tao to finish their classes. When Sehun tells them to get out, they pretend they don’t hear him and start speaking in Mandarin to each other.

That’s when Sehun remembers Tao’s phone. The one that Tao always had around him whenever he feels sad. 

He takes it out from the drawer, finds a certain page and tosses it to them.

“What are they saying?” He asks as both Yi Xing and Lu Han rest their eyes on the phone screen. “And don’t lie to me, Yi Xing, or else I’ll tell Kyungsoo to stop the daily fortune readings.”

Yi Xing gasps while Lu Han rolls his eyes.

“It says … wow, it’s horrible…” Lu Han whispers, and Yi Xing has a concerned expression pasted on his face.

“They’re sending him messages telling him to stay in Korea because they don’t want him back, stuff like ‘You’re a disgrace’, ‘I don’t want to see you ever again’, ‘Don’t come back’, ‘You’re on your own’, and those are the kindest messages out of the whole thing.”

Sehun says nothing.

"Tao's been suffering through this?" Lu Han demands, and he's gripping the phone tightly, his pink lips pulled into an angry thin line. Sehun's never seen him remotely close to furious before, but this is what Lu Han's showing him right now. Sehun hesitantly takes the phone from Lu Han.

"Don't talk to him about this." Sehun pleads. "The only reason he told me his phone password is because he knows I can't read those messages, and he won't want you guys to worry. It'll upset him a lot." Yi Xing's patting Lu Han's back and Lu Han's still fuming.

“To be abandoned? By your own family?” Yi Xing murmurs quietly to Lu Han as Sehun puts the phone quietly back into the drawer. “That’s worse than anything.”

“It’s like questioning your entire existence.” Lu Han replies softly.

“That’s a kind of loneliness, isn’t it?” Yi Xing whimpers. “The worst.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Sehun sits down on his usual spot in the cafeteria, waiting for dinner, he finds Jongin on his phone, eyes glued to the screen.

“You’re always on your phone these days,” Sehun observes, “Why do you do that?”

“To text Soo, duh.” Jongin replies. Soo? Sehun thinks to himself, and shakes his head.

“So? You see him every day.” Every minute, possibly.

“You don’t understand.” Jongin sighs and puts his phone back. “When you have someone you like, you want to talk to them every minute of the day.”

Talk about obsessive.

“Whatever.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Someone shower with me!” Tao suggests once he gets back from his class. Yi Xing and Lu Han act as if they didn’t hear anything, and Sehun’s eyes widen in shock.

“Shower yourself.” Lu Han replies as he continues to play games on his phone.

“Who asks people to shower with them anyway, right? I mean, c’m – ” Sehun catches himself when he sees Yi Xing and Lu Han shrugging casually. “Wait – he’s asked you this before?”

“Every day.” Lu Han sighs and rolls over Tao’s bed. Something inside Sehun stirs.

“He blackmailed me into showering with him once,” Yi Xing whimpers, and groans, covering his face in his hands. “I’m scarred for life.”

“Oh, he’s just being dramatic.” Tao rolls his eyes. “What’s wrong with two men showering together? This is a form of emotional bonding, guys. Why don’t we all try it today?”

“No!” Both Yi Xing and Lu Han shout. “None of your bull today!”

Tao catches their annoyance and turns innocently to Sehun.

“Sehunnie …” He begins, his unique eyes turning from charismatic to puppy-like, and Sehun knows he’s in deep.

 

 

 

 

 

“See, don’t you feel refreshed?” Tao speaks up, mostly to himself. Sehun rolls his eyes and is about to retort something smart when he catches Tao stretching. Suddenly, all sassy thoughts disappear from his mind, leaving him as blank and stupid as a plain piece of paper. Beneath his tight white shirt, Tao’s toned back muscles flex when he pushes his shoulders back, and Sehun flushes red when he catches himself staring. The way Tao moves is so smooth, swift; cat-like to the point where it looks almost .

And Sehun has to admit, showering with Tao wasn’t that bad.

Not when he can see Tao’s well-worked body.

Sehun’s face turns a dark red and he shakes himself out of it. What is he thinking?

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tao turns around abruptly and bounds towards Sehun with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I thought up of something to prank Yi Xing with!”

As Tao explains, the words enter Sehun’s right ear and comes out the other. It doesn’t matter though, because the way Tao jumps up and down ever-so-slightly as he speaks is adorable, and the way he smiles and cackles madly is insanely cute.

Wait, what is Sehun thinking?

Since when had he ever found Tao cute? Or y?

But then again the answer had been there all along.

Junmyeon was right. He had wanted Tao’s attention ever since they had begun talking, and that was why he always made sure to think up of a new prank to annoy Tao whenever he had the chance.

That was why he was stunned into silence the other day, when he found Tao’s walls down as he lets himself cry in the middle of the night, alone. Despite his red, puffy eyes and his tear stained cheeks, Sehun had found him captivating, such that his breath had momentarily been stolen. He had always found Tao strong and unfazed whenever Sehun pranked him, and no matter how bad it was – ranging from the fake cockroach to the time when he had accidentally-on-purpose spilled food on Tao’s Gucci clothes, Tao had held his ground, standing strong and unbreakable. Then that night, upon feeling Tao’s shaky figure and hearing his broken sobs, Sehun knew that beneath an uncrushable wall was a vulnerable soul.

And he had liked that. He had liked both sides of Tao, more than he ever thought he would.

Wait … does this mean that …

…

What does this mean, actually?

He doesn’t want to know.

“Come on, let’s go!” Tao laughed gleefully and linked his arm through Sehun’s, dragging him off and away, and Sehun can’t help but think that Tao’s laugh is the most adorable thing in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Where is he? Sehun wonders as he wanders around the school. Right now they have their morning free time before classes begin, and at this time Tao would usually be missing.

Despite Tao slowly opening up to him, Tao would also spend a lot of time alone. Strange how he’s always dragging people off to shower with him, but then refuses to let people accompany him during morning free time.

Just as he’s about to give up, he finds Tao in a small green field at the back of the school, a place where people don’t normally go to. It looks like Tao’s training his wushu. Sehun’s first instinct is to call him out, but he decides against it, and leans against the corner of the wall as he watches Tao intently.

It’s the same from the first time Sehun has watched him perform, but it’s also completely different. His moves are clean, deliberate, smooth, and every single move that’s not perfect, he turns and repeats it all over again.

This is another side of Tao.

The side where he’s so passionate about wushu that he practises it at least every morning, where he becomes a professional and a perfectionist, a side where he’s not afraid to make mistakes if it means he can correct them to perfection.

Sehun likes it.

As he watches, he realises that his eyes can’t look anywhere else. Watching Tao is something that he finally realises he can do for hours on end.

When Tao stops and grabs a towel, Sehun’s eyes trail to the beads of sweat sliding down his tanned and toned arm, saw his dark hair stick to his face and his eyelashes flickering as he proceeds to wipe the sweat off his skin. As he watches, Sehun feels his heart skip every second beat, felt his legs freeze and his eyes glue themselves onto Tao.

Tao is perfect.

What does this mean?

Sehun can feel himself beginning to understand what this is, can feel the realisation beginning to dawn on him, and suddenly he’s scared.

Shaking his head, he backs away, turns and runs. Even though he doesn’t know where he’s going, all he knows is that he needs to get as far away from Tao as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 “You okay, man?” Jongin asks when Sehun sits down ready for class. He’s relieved that this is the only class he doesn’t have with Tao, because otherwise he wouldn’t be able to breathe.

“Yeah,” Sehun breathes, slumping down on his chair. Just then, the teacher comes in and class begins.

Halfway through class, Sehun can’t take it anymore. He’s been thinking so much, and nothing’s helping him at all. He had always been fine with having gay friends, and he’s fine with homouals, but he isn’t sure if he’s all right with being gay himself.

“Hey,” he whispers to Jongin behind him, who’s busy trying to finish work before class ends (so he can have more free time hanging out Kyungsoo, Sehun bets).

“What?” Jongin doesn’t look up as he continues his work.

“Uh … how did you first, uh, accept that you liked another guy?” Sehun asks uncertainly, and Jongin stops for a moment to think, bringing the top of his pen to his lips.

“Um …” Jongin stays frozen like that for a few seconds, then shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess I always knew I liked Soo. He was my childhood friend, remember?” Then he continues writing, not even fazed at Sehun’s random and sudden question.

That helps. Sehun rolls his eyes and turns back, looking at his blank sheet of paper that he’s supposed to fill, a paper as white as the nothingness in his mind.

 

 

 

 

His heart is beating louder and more often now.

Sehun can feel the constant rhythm on his chest as he grabs his stuff, deciding to go and work in someone else’s room instead of this, just to avoid Tao. He’s closing his eyes and praying that Tao won’t come in, because otherwise he wouldn’t know how to rea –

“Sehun-ah.” Tao’s voice pops out of nowhere and he feels hands rest on both his shoulders. Tao’s scent wafts into his nose. He freezes.

“Can you help me with Korean?” Tao asks and lets go when Sehun turns around, unaware that Sehun’s avoiding his gaze. “I’m so tired of being able to pronounce things properly.”

“Uh …” Sehun stares at the ground, trying to think up of an excuse, but his mind’s not working.

“Come on! Please?” Tao’s voice turns soft, the type of tone he always uses when he uses aegyo on others. Sehun must’ve known it by heart by now. He looks up by accident.

“Please? Sehunnie, you can have the bigger bed tonight then! Please?”

There’s nothing Sehun sees now except Tao’s flawless face, admiring the way the corners of his eyes twitch up like an anime character, and how his lips are pursed in a small pout, dark black hair falling over his eyes, making him look dishevelled. His face is so sweet and so y at the same time.

Sehun can’t.

When Tao places his hands on Sehun’s shoulders, it makes it all worse.

“Don’t touch me!” Sehun blurts out, his brain a mush but his heart racing. He shrugs Tao’s hands off and stares at Tao for a moment, then grabs his stuff and heads for the door. He takes one last look.

“Just – Oh my god, Tao, why are you so gay? Jeezus your accent’s fine!” It’s cute. So cute my brain goes asdfjkl;. With that, he stares at Tao, confused for a split second before turning and slamming the door behind him.

“What’s with him?” Tao wonders aloud, shrugs and throws himself on Sehun’s bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tell me…” Minseok begins as he rests his head on his palms, looking younger and more innocent than he already is. “Why are you here, in my room studying, instead of being in your own?”

“Hyung,” Sehun sighs and puts down his pen. “It’s complicated.” He feels Minseok’s wide eyes on him, but he doesn’t care because he can’t even concentrate on his work with Tao constantly on his mind.

“Well, you know that if you have any problems, you can as – ” Just then, the door bursts open and Jongdae strides in.

“WHOO!” He hoots as he slams a pile of exam papers on the desk between Minseok and Sehun. “Am I Einstein or am I Einstein?”

“Neither.” Both of them reply automatically.

“Eh? Why are you like this?” Jongdae complains even though the corners of his mouth are twitched up in a large smile that falters only slightly when he sees Sehun’s troubled expression.

“Ay, dongsaeng, whatsa matter?” His smile isn’t as wide anymore, but he’s still smiling. This time though, it’s a softer smile, one of concern and comfort. Sehun opens his mouth, and is just about to repeat what he said to Minseok when Jongdae slaps Sehun’s back.

“LOL JK IDC.” Both Minseok and Sehun sigh as Jongdae laughs his hearty laugh, but Sehun has to admit, it makes him feel much better.

“Seriously though.” Jongdae continues once he’s calmed down, and he pulls Sehun to him even though he’s the shorter one. “Everything will work out, okay?”

Sehun closes his eyes and sighs, leaning into the embrace, because even though Jongdae is a troll half the time, he can also be kind when the situation calls for it.

 

 

 

“Sometimes I want Kyungsoo back as my cabin mate.” Minseok whispers to Sehun as they both watch Jongdae hum loudly. “I mean, look at him – he’s so loud all the time it hurts my ears.”

“Maybe that’s another reason Jongin got rid of him.” Sehun mutters back, and the both of them laugh good-naturedly. Jongdae spins around and sends them a suspicious gaze, then turns back to continue what he’s doing.

“Oi, Minseok. Baek and Chan wanna meet up tomorrow at 2 to do our project.” As they discuss their plans, Sehun’s eyes widen in realisation.

That’s it! That’s exactly what he needs!

Sehun’s rushed out of their room before neither Minseok nor Jongdae can ask him where he’s going. Minseok and Jongdae stare at each other before shrugging.

Teenagers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung!” Sehun shouts as he barges in the door and regrets it afterward. He sighs a relief though, when he doesn’t see Chanyeol and Baekhyun making out.

In fact, Chanyeol’s not here.

“Yes?” Baekhyun had jumped a little with the sudden noise and sits up from his bed.

“Can I talk to you?”

-

“Oh, I see.” Baekhyun replies softly when Sehun explains his situation. They sit on Chanyeol’s bed silently for a while, Sehun waiting anxiously and Baekhyun contemplating.

“I just don’t know what I should do…” Sehun whispers, and once again Tao fills his mind. He knows Baekhyun can help, he knows Baekhyun is strong. He knows Baekhyun comes from a rich and strict family, but for some reason they know about his relationship with Chanyeol and they even accept it. He knows it’s been hard on Baekhyun, but he also knows that Baekhyun had overcome it.

“Well …” Baekhyun begins, and Sehun stiffens, listening intently. “You’ve just got to follow your heart, don’t you?”

Sehun’s speechless.

“I know that sounds lame,” Baekhyun adds, “but it’s really true. You’re lost for the moment because your heart’s trying to tell you to do something and your head tells you to do another. If you follow your head, you’re going to be at a crossway, because we all know our heart is the stubborn little one out of the two. Eventually you’ll suffer and it’s going to be harder for you, and you’ll still end up as confused as you were at the beginning. If you listen to your heart’s desire, though, things will turn out differently. If it doesn’t work out with you, then that’s it, you learn something more about yourself, but if it does, then that’s something special, isn’t it?” Baekhyun turns to smile at Sehun, and Sehun can’t help but think Wow, this hyung sure talks a lot.

“What’s the point of hurting both you and Meatball?” Baekhyun continues. “If you cut him off, he’s going to take it as hard as you are – remember, he has his own problems. Also, if you’re scared of the world judging you, they’re not really – you’re only judging yourself. If your parents can’t accept it, so what? You’re nearly eighteen years old, Sehun. You’re growing up, and they can’t hold you back anymore, no matter how hard they try. This is life, Sehunnie, and in order to have fun and really live, we need to accept ourselves first. So why don’t you start trying?”

“I…” Sehun’s at a loss for words. “Thanks.”

“Go talk to him,” Baekhyun urges gently, “and keep talking to him until you know of your feelings for him.”

Sehun nods, and runs out the door.

 

 

 

 

 

“Where’ve you been?” Tao demands when Sehun returns. Sehun’s still confused, but Tao’s question and how normal he still is makes it easier.

“Nowhere.” He replies and rolls his eyes. “What are you, my mother?”

“I-I was just curious, is all!” Tao stutters and sends a small glare towards Sehun’s direction. “Gosh, no need to be so mean.” He pouts slightly.

“I don’t know what to do with you.” Sehun sighs. And your natural aegyo.

 

 

 

 

 

“Lu Han~” Sehun calls as he approaches the smaller man and winds his arms around Lu Han’s waist. “Lu Han~”

“What do you want, brat?” Lu Han deadpans, but he lets Sehun hold him.

“We haven’t talked in ageeeees! We used to be besties, remember?” Sehun purrs. “I was thinking, maybe we coul – ”

“Sehu, just get to the point.” Sehun chuckles – Lu Han always sees through him.

“There’s a question I don’t understand – ”

“Hand it over.”

“Thank you~” Sehun grins widely and gives the smaller one a big squeeze.

 

In the other side of the classroom, someone’s looking murderous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m home~” Sehun announces cheerfully when he steps inside his room, but Tao doesn’t move – he continues to look at his computer screen.

“What’s with you?” Sehun asks, but is in too much good spirits to care. Tao grunts in response.

“Well, whatever.” Sehun shrugs as he gathers up some books. “I’m going out for a while. I’ll be back.”

“Going to meet your new boyfriend, huh?” Tao sneers, and this time turns around to glare at Sehun. He’s not happy. Even that is an understatement - he's furious.

“What are you talking about?” Sehun laughs. “Since when did I – ”

“Don’t lie to me.” Tao spits. “You were flirting with him the whole morning! Why would you hide this from me? Either way, woo hoo, congratulations on your getting together.”

“What? Who? When?” The look on Tao’s face sobers Sehun up.

“This morning!” Tao hisses, as if the very thought sent him on edge. “You were all over the Chinese boy.”

“Lu Han?” Sehun gapes in shock. “I was just – hey, he’s your friend too! Why did you just call him that?”

“Doesn’t matter, does it?” Tao growls. “He’s not much of a friend, not telling me he had a boyfriend who’s my roommate.”

“No! You misunderstood!” Sehun explains, exasperated. “I was only trying to get him to do my work, that’s all!”

Tao stills for a moment, confusion spreading across his face for a short while before morphing back into anger.

“So?” Tao shouts. “Either way, you seem so lovey-dovey, and you touch everybody! Today you patted Minseok-hyung’s head, wrapped your arm around Jongin’s shoulder, held Yi Xing’s arm, leaned your head against Chanyeol-hyung’s shoulder, grabbed Baekhyun-hyung’s shoulders, sat on Junmyeon-hyung’s lap, freaking patted Kyungsoo’s , let Jongdae-hyung backhug you, and embraced Lu Han for freaking 2 and a half minutes?”

Sehun blinks. There’s a tense silence between them as Tao glares and catches his breath.

“Wait …” Sehun receives Tao’s murderous glares. “You… don’t tell me you’re jealous?” He laughs, because this will definitely make Tao splutter and go red and deny everything until they’re normal again (and also because he wants to have that little fantasy in the world where their feelings are mutual). Because he’s afraid that Tao will realise that the reason he’s the only one Sehun doesn’t touch is because he’s special. 

Tao thinks for a split second before answering.

“Of course I am!” Tao yells. “How can you just go all touchy with everyone else but me? What am I, an outsider now? Dude, I’m your roommate, I’m supposed to be closer to you than anyone else!”

Sehun blinks.

“Wait – you’re jealous? For real?” His heart races against his chest, and suddenly he feels dizzy. He wonders if he's in a dream.

“What am I, then?” Tao rolls his eyes as his tone turns sarcastic. “Delighted? Oh my god, Oh Sehun! I’m so glad that you’re giving me the cold shoulder, because I’m so masochistic!”

“You didn’t want to touch me at the start…” Sehun mutters to himself, dazed and hella confused, but Tao heard.

“That was because we hated each other back then! I…” Sehun loses track, because right then Tao starts speaking in fast Mandarin.

“I don’t understand a thing you just said!” Sehun points out loudly, and Tao speaks a few more sentences before reverting back to half Korean and half Chinese.

"Speak Korean, moron!" 

“I’m saying I like you, you idiot!” Tao shouts, his skin turning darker and darker as he becomes more agitated. “More than a friend, more than a roommate! Do I have to spell it out for you? You’re so damn clueless sometimes!”

“Well sorry I’m so stupid!” Sehun retorts. “How am I supposed to know how you feel when I don’t even know my own feelings half the – wait. WHAT?!”

They seem to have woken up at this point, and both their eyes are wide as they stare at each other. Tao flushes.

“F-Forget what I said.” Tao’s a dark shade of red now, and it seems as if all his anger has dissipated into nothing. Sehun steps closer in shock and Tao moves backwards.

“You … you like me?” Sehun asks, and his mouth drops open as he takes one more step closer. Tao backs against the wall.

"You ... You like? Like me?" Sehun stares at Tao. 

“I – no – Yeah, so what?” Tao’s voice is defensive as he speaks. “I’m not going to take advantage of you or anything, if that’s what you’re thinki – ”

Before he can finish though, Sehun had placed his hands on either side of Tao’s head and pressed his lips against Tao’s. He did it all without thinking, because right then his heart is calling out, telling him what to do, and at that time, Sehun decides to trust his heart. Tao’s eyes widen as he stares at Sehun and he doesn’t stop even after Sehun’s pulled away.

“What was that?” Tao breathes, words coming out strangled, as if his breath had been out of him. Sehun rolls his eyes, but there’s a slight tint of pink hovering on his cheeks.

“That means I like you too, idiot.” Sehun replies, his face growing hotter, and he decides to cover his embarrassment up by leaning in and taking Tao’s lips again.

Tao’s lips are not as soft as he imagined them to be, but still very satisfying. The first time he had kissed Tao was only by instinct, (and also because he wanted Tao to shut up). The second time brings a tingly feeling all over him, he feels his brain drop dead. It’s after a while that Tao kisses back. Warmth sparks inside Sehun, and he doesn’t think he’s been this happy in a long, long time.

 

 

“So, what are we now?” Tao asks once they pull away, and Sehun loves the way Tao looks dishevelled and flushed like that. Suddenly Sehun feels shy.

“I-I don’t know, I mean …”

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Tao asks seriously, and even though that’s not needed, Sehun knows this is what Tao wants – he wants it to be real, to be official.

“Only if you reply to my ‘Ohorat.’” Sehun smirks cheekily, but he’s glowing. Tao smiles. He’s glowing too.

“Yehet.”

---

After writing this story, I've discovered a newfound love for Tao ;;

Also, I've written this story in hopes of keeping the members, especially Tao and Sehun, in character. The boarding school they're attending is EXO high, btw.