Freeze

-

A dark shadow sweeps over the jungle, circling rapidly before descending into the trees and landing with a dull thump. The animals hiss and become wary, but when the shadow solidifies into the two figures, one supporting the other, it becomes clear that they’re only humans.

Kris looks at the tree he’s landed next to, where he knows Yixing is currently sleeping. He in a breath and makes a move to climb, when-

“Kris. What do you want?”

Kris whirls around, goosebumps rising. Standing a few feet from him, leaning easily on a tree trunk, is Yixing, who almost looks like a ghost in the pale moonlight.

“You’re too obvious, Kris. I could see you coming from miles off.”

Kris is caught off-guard for a moment, but soon regains his purpose, ignoring this last statement and heading aggressively for Yixing, slamming him into the tree. He puts his face up close to Yixing’s until he’s sure Yixing can feel his hot breath tickling his skin.

“Look, something happened to Tao - a snake bit him. You can probably tell, he’s not doing so well right now. So you’re going to heal him, you hear me? I know your power is healing! Do it. Do it!” Kris finishes with his breath coming in ragged gasps.

Yixing looks at Tao, eyes narrowed, then makes his way cautiously to Tao and leans over to examine the wound. Kris watches anxiously.

“Well? Why aren’t you doing anything?”

Unbidden, Tao makes a whimpering noise and then lapses back into silence.

“Goddamit, please, Yixing! Can’t you see it’s hurting him? I-I’m sorry I threatened you. But I’m begging, please help him!” Kris’s eyes are damp, his mind wholly on Tao.

“Of course,” Yixing replies softy. “You don’t even need to ask. But it’s not that simple. You see-”

At that moment, Yixing suddenly feels the strange sensation of being held down by an invisible force. It’s almost as if the air is rippling back and force, and he’s immediately on alert. Judging from Kris’ face, he feels is too.

“What is that? Who’s there?”

But Kris puts out a weary hand. “No, it’s Tao’s power. He can... he can control time. It’s incredible. But the poison... I think it’s messing around with Tao’s mind. That’s why time is fluctuating like this.”

“Ah.” Yixing focuses back on Tao. “As I was saying, my powers aren’t that simple. I...”

-

“...can’t control them when I’m nervous, or under pressure. I’m very sorry, Kris. I will try my best to save him, but I can’t guarantee that it will work.”

I frown when I hear Yixing’s voice. What’s he doing here in the jungle? And what a coincidence that on a scouting mission to check out the other environments, I just happen to run into him. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I guess I’ll stay quiet and check out what’s going on. The voices grow louder up ahead, and I take cover behind a bush, peeking through a couple leaves.

It’s Yixing, alright. But he’s not alone. Kris and Tao are with him as well. And from the way Tao’s eyes are glazed with pain, I can guess that he’s not in good shape, not at all.

Suddenly, the very air seems to freeze.

“It’s Tao again,” says Kris, answering Yixing’s questioning look.

Yixing takes a deep breath and focuses, hand held over what must be the wound, though it seems like it’s awfully small. But Yixing just can’t seem to do it. Kris is pacing back and forth nervously and breathing down Yixing’s neck and Yixing just seems to be getting more and more jittery. Finally, he sits back, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do it.”

The air unfreezes, and in that split moment when Yixing delivers his verdict, I see Kris’ face change from despair to a wild kind of abandon. He pulls out his knife and lunges toward Yixing.

Maybe it’s Tao again, maybe not, but as I break through the bush and a cry escapes from me, it seems like time has slowed down, because I’m just in time to push Yixing away and grab the blade. And with no further ado, I plunge the blade into Kris’ arm, a violent haze clouding my mind. The resulting, agonized yell from Kris is strangely satisfying, much to my horror.

Ignoring the startled look on Yixing face, I grab his arm roughly. What comes out of my mouth next surprises even me.

“I need you for your powers,” I mutter. “You’re coming with me.” When he makes no indication of moving, I give him a little shove.

“Did you hear me? Get moving. Now.”

And slowly, reluctantly, Yixing follows me as I march out of the damned place, leaving Kris and Tao behind.

-

Kris watches as Minseok and Yixing disappear into the undergrowth.

Tao is dying, and Kris can’t do anything about it. He picks up Tao again, holds him tight, and prepares to take off again; to where, he doesn’t know. But he has to do something.

Before he pushes off, a strange cackling noise that makes Kris’ bones go cold fill the air. It almost sounds like somebody laughing.

-

“Where did the poor baby think he was going?” Luhan croons sweetly as he looks proudly at his creation. Kris is tied up with vines and strapped to a tree, where more vines encircle his neck and tighten slowly. He makes a horrific choking noise, clawing for air, and looks at Luhan with a fire in his eyes as he loses oxygen. Luhan, annoyed that Kris is not begging for mercy, tightens the vines as much as he can with a single flick of his mind, and Kris’s face slowly turns purple, before his head finally flops down limply onto his chest. Not long after, a cannon sounds.

Luhan claps in delight. “Now he’s just like Sehunnie!” He stands up delicately and examines Kris, smiling. “Look, he didn’t close his eyes, not even at the end. What a dear!”

It isn’t clear who he’s talking to, as the clearing is empty of everyone except Tao, who now lies quite still.

Luhan hums a short melody, and then heads off, stopping to look back and wave cheerfully at Tao. “Have fun, darling! Have fun!”

Much to his surprise, Tao doesn’t wave back.

-

The trees echo with the strange, garbled words of a pale teen collapsed on the ground, who, after a while, sighs deeply and speaks no more. When his cannon finally goes off, the clearing makes for an eerie sight: an unmoving boy strapped to a tree, and another boy on the ground who is equally still. When the hovercraft materializes with a faint buzzing noise, it’s almost as if the peace of the clearing has been disturbed. But afterwards, when both boys are gone, it’s too easy to believe that they were never there at all.

-

Baekhyun kicks up dirt happily as he skips over the orange rocks, hoping that some of it will get into Chanyeol’s face as revenge for Chanyeol doing the same thing to him earlier. To his satisfaction, he hears a sputtering noise, followed by sounds of protest.

“Baek! You know I didn’t really mean it earlier... it was just for fun!”

Baekhyun turns to face the boy, who’s wearing a disgruntled expression, and laughs. “But Chanyeol, this is only for fun, too!”

When Chanyeol makes a mournful face, Baekhyun relents and slows down, hugging the other good-naturedly.

“You should really know by now not to be mean to me, Chanyeol. I’ll always get you back!” Chanyeol laughs, too, and pats Baekhyun on the back.

“I know, I know. You’re getting too tall for me to tease anyways.”

Baekhyun snorts. “Yeah, right.”

“Really!” Chanyeol says, smiling. “By the way, can you pass me some water? My throat’s feeling a bit dry.”

Baekhyun nods and digs the water bottle out of his backpack. Chanyeol takes it gratefully and downs a few swigs before returning it to the pack.

“We got pretty lucky, didn’t we?” he reflects. “Just think, a few seconds later and Luhan might have targeted us.”

“Yeah... I’m glad we picked the desert, though. Neither of us mind the heat very much, and we can definitely survive comfortably, as long as nobody comes to pick a fight with us.”

“As if!” Chanyeol chortles. “Jongin could be a real threat, but he’s too caught up in protecting his precious Kyungsoo, and I doubt the others even have powers close to ours. It’s only Luhan we need to worry about, and I think he ran off to the jungle.”

“Luhan...” Baekhyun sighs, face solemn. They speak no more about the matter and busy themselves setting up camp instead, laying out their sleeping bags and collecting a small piles of twigs and dead wood. Chanyeol lights the fire with an easy flick of his fingers, and Baekhyun entertains himself by creating smoke rings and watching them float lazily into the dark.

They’re interrupted by the Capitol seal, which flashes Kris and then Tao’s face in successive order. Baekhyun in a breath, and Chanyeol stretches his limbs languidly. After the seal, there’s a heavy tension in the air, but neither of them want to broach it.

In the end, it’s Chanyeol who picks up the conversation after they’ve snacked on some dried fruit. In the light that comes from the unsteady flicker of the flames, Baekhyun can see bright red and gold dancing fervently in Chanyeol’s eyes. He’s so concentrated on watching it, absolutely fascinated, that Chanyeol has to call his name twice and snap his fingers in front of his face to get his attention.

“Hello? Earth to Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun comes to with a start. “Oh, sorry. I just spaced out.”

“It’s alright.” Chanyeol pauses. “Look, so I know you don’t like this particular subject, but we should talk.’

Baekhyun props himself reluctantly. “Fine. We kind of have to, anyways. Shoot.”

“Well,” Chanyeol starts, “somehow we completely missed those two cannons going off, which is ridiculous. But in any case, Kris and Tao were a powerful team. Did you see the little hourglass symbol on Tao’s picture? Time control, that’s a big deal.”

“So?” Baekhyun shoots back. “They’re dead. They’re out of the running. I don’t know who did it, but we should be thankful. That’s two less people in our way.”

“That’s not the point.” Chanyeol’s voice sharpens in a way that has Baekhyun closing his mouth immediately.

“The point is, we can’t just stay out here forever and try to live it out. We can’t treat this like a game. We have to take the offensive.”

Baekhyun’s eyes grow wide. “Chanyeol, you can’t be suggesting... but we have arrangements made already, remember? We’ll leave Jongin and Kyungsoo alone, vice versa for them, and hopefully it won’t come down to the four of us.” His face pales. “Oh god, I still remember playing with them before the rebellion... Jongin’s mom would make snacks and lunch for us. I could never face their parents afterwards if I was responsible for their deaths...”

Chanyeol waits as Baekhyun’s voice trails off. “That’s not what I’m suggesting, Baek. You know I would never go against a promise I made. I’m just saying, we can’t hang around expecting everything to go our way. We need to stay wary of Jongin and Kyungsoo as well, whether we made a deal or not. That’s all I mean by going on offensive. I mean, we’ll take action if we need to, of course. But we were fortunate they were discussing their powers and we heard secretly from outside the door. Teleportation and earth control are a powerful combination. Who knows, they might even be the ones that go against their word in the end. You get me?”

Baekhyun slumps over, voice heavy. “Yeah, I get you. It’s just - well, it sounds silly, but I was hoping we could get through this thing without really, you know. Killing anybody?”

Chanyeol drapes an arm over Baekhyun’s shoulder and replies with a slightly softer tone that before. “I’m sorry you have to do this. I would do it for both of us if I could.” Baekhyun shudders and nods, and Chanyeol hesitates before continuing.

“When there’s only the two of us left...”

“No. We’ll leave that for when it comes.”

Chanyeol, with a pained look in his eyes, complies and falls silent. Baekhyun turns to face him, features twisted in sadness, and they both share a moment of understanding that it may not even be the two of them left in the end.

The silence is again broken by Chanyeol, who puts a hand on Baekhyun’s leg and sighs. “Baek, remember that I said I don’t break promises. And now, I’m promising that I’ll stay with you forever. A promise is a promise.”

Baekhyun just nods, eyes doubtful but at the same time still desperately hoping to believe the truth in the words. Chanyeol searches Baekhyun’s face, and finding only a kind of weary hopelessness, leans forward and kisses him gently on the lips, lingering a moment before pulling away. Baekhyun sighs and leans into Chanyeol, eyes closed.

A slight thump interrupts the two, and Chanyeol, though initially startled, springs up and rushes forward to pick up the silver parachute that has just landed, holding it up triumphantly. He sits back down and offers it to Baekhyun, who picks at the strings with forced enthusiasm and finds a hot bowl of hearty soup inside. Chanyeol’s smile seems to light up the night, and he whoops in excitement. Baekhyun celebrates along with him, but when Chanyeol turns away, a shadow of disappointment flickers across his face.

He should be happy that Chanyeol’s plan worked. It’s all just for show, anyways, and now they’ll get to enjoy a hot, rich meal. After all, Chanyeol doesn’t really want to kiss him. Chanyeol doesn’t really mean it when he says ‘I love you’ to him before they turn in, because everyone in the whole world is probably watching and listening. It doesn’t matter if the ‘I love you too’ Baekhyun whispers back is real, because Chanyeol won’t ever know.

It’s all just an act to Chanyeol. But that’s a good thing, right, if it brings them sponsors? So why is it that as Baekhyun bundles into Chanyeol’s arms for the night, his heart hurts so much?

-

“You want us to pretend to act in love!?” Baekhyun exclaims.

“Shh... keep your voice down.” Chanyeol glances around the training center furtively, but nobody appears to have heard. “Yeah, so Baek, what do you think? I’m a genius, right? That’ll get us sponsors for sure!”

“...It’s a good idea. I guess.”

“Oh, cheer up! It’ll work, you’ll see!”

“If you say so.”

-

Luhan is unconcerned by the soft rustling noises that seem to be following him as he walks through the jungle. He knows it must be another tribute, though whoever it happens to be, they’re doing a pretty terrible job of being discreet. The sounds continue as he continues another half mile or so, and suddenly, abruptly, they stop.

“Aha,” Luhan murmurs under his breath. This is what he’s been waiting for. His stalker is preparing to reveal himself. Luhan takes an exaggerated step forward and looks around as if he’s confused, though really he’s just trying to pinpoint the unseen tribute’s name.

“Stop right there.”

Luhan stills and turns around calmly as Jongdae steps out from behind a tree. The transformation in Jongdae’s appearance is remarkable: in just these few days, his hair has gone wild, and his features are smeared with dirt. It’s his eyes, though, that really catch Luhan’s attention. They are wild, haggard... this is the look of somebody that has nothing left to lose, and Luhan knows in that moment that he is a dead man. He can still win his own victory against Jongdae, though, and he knows exactly how he’s going to do that.

“Jongdae!” Luhan smiles sweetly at him. “How nice of you to show yourself. How are you? How’s Joonmyun?”

Jongdae’s eyes grow wide, and he steps closer to Luhan, who doesn’t flinch or move at all.

Luhan puts a hand over his mouth. “Oh, how insensitive of me! I’d forgotten, Joonmyun’s dead, isn’t he? I do remember killing him, after all.”

A burning rage fills Jongdae’s eyes. “You- you dare...?” He whips his hand forward, and Luhan is blasted by lightning and goes flying across the clearing. He hits a tree and falls like a rag doll to the ground. Amazingly, Luhan picks himself up and laughs, and Jongdae sees with revulsion the blood flowing from his broken teeth.

“Have we made little Jongdae angry?” Luhan croons. “Does he want revenge for his precious Joonmyunnie?”

Jongdae lets out a cry of outrage, and shocks Luhan again, not enough to kill him, just to keep him alive. Luhan cries out in agony and falls again but looks up, hair hanging in his face and eyes gleeful.

“Does it hurt, Jongdae? Knowing Joonmyun is dead, and you will never see him again?” He’s shocked again and again by Jongdae, who takes a sadistic pleasure in seeing Luhan writhe around on the jungle floor. And still, Luhan taunts Jongdae after each strike.

“Ah, Jongdae, you have so much anger inside of you. Sehun died too, but do you see me acting like you? The trick to coping is... you don’t.” He giggles maniacally. “That way, there’s no pain, no need to get revenge. Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you were the one who killed Sehun, my ally. And here you are, trying to kill me too. A life for a life wasn’t enough for you, wasn’t it? My my, you are so selfish, Jongdae.”

He rambles on and on, watching carefully as Jongdae’s face gets redder and redder, as the shocks become stronger and stronger. He’s almost succeeded: the end is almost here. All it will take is one more taunt, and Jongdae will be driven over the edge.

“Remember, Jongdae.” Luhan whispers so softly that Jongdae has to come closer to him to hear. “Remember that no matter how righteous you feel torturing me, you are a murderer too. You are no better than me, and you will never will be. Remember.”

It’s enough. Jongdae, unthinkingly, and mind filled with images of a dead Joonmyun, shocks Luhan with the strongest lightning he’s able to muster. Luhan’s caught mid-laugh and dies instantly, face frozen in a grotesque smile.

“No!” Jongdae scrambles forward as his mind clears itself slowly of its rage. He can hardly bear to touch Luhan, but it’s just as he suspected: Luhan’s pulse is gone. He had always planned to kill Luhan, but only after hours of drawn out pain and agony... not in a painless instant, like this.

And as he stares at Luhan’s body, he realizes that this was Luhan’s plan all along, and he has played into it completely, like a child.

“No, no, no...” Jongdae sinks to his knees and dissolves into tears. How could he have been so stupid? It’s Luhan who’s lying on the ground dead, but Jongdae’s still the one who lost. The game has barely started, and he’s lost everything.

“ you, Luhan. you!” He pulls himself up and kicks Luhan’s body savagely.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he mutters to himself. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”

He screams, hands covering his face, and a bolt of lightning arches through him.

“Joonmyun!”

Jongdae’s body falls to the ground and twitches once, twice, and then no more.

-

Kris and Tao, Luhan and Jongdae... they’re all gone now, too. Yixing and I watched the sky quietly last night as the Capitol seal flashed in the sky and the faces of the four followed: first Jongdae, then Tao, Kris, and Luhan. It should make me happier, knowing that my chances of winning are growing, but I just feel sad and so, so tired. Soon, there will be nobody but one person left among us. Eleven lives extinguished, just like that.

I’m shaken out of my reverie by Yixing’s soft touch on my arm.

I keep my eyes on the ground. “What is it?”

Yixing’s voice sounds uncharacteristically tense. “Minseok, listen. Over there.” He gestures to the side.

We listen for a moment, but I hear nothing. I open my mouth, ready to tell him off, when the sound of not-so-distant voices drifts over, loud and clear.

We stay still, trying to discern who it is, but as the voices approach it becomes obvious that it is Kyungsoo and Jongin. As they come closer, the panic in my chest rises, but it’s too late to make a run for it. Yixing seems frozen in fear, his skin even paler than normal, his eyes staring straight at the direction the voices are coming from.

There is nothing but a small copse of trees between us and them now, and we wait for the inevitable face-off, for the branches to be pushed back, for the fight we cannot win. Their footsteps, made loud by the crunch of the snow, continue toward us steadily.

Somehow we are incredibly lucky, because amazingly, unbelievably, they stop just shy of the thin leafy barrier that separates us.

The breath I let out is like the wind, thin and drawn out. From the corner of my eye, I see Yixing loosen up a bit, and we wait to see what will happen next.

Jongin and Kyungsoo are still talking loudly, which confirms my suspicions that they are not following us and think they are completely alone.

Jongin’s laugh drifts over suddenly, low and happy.

“...love this place! It’s beautiful, don’t you think so, Soo?”

Then, Kyungsoo. “...really is something. I like it much better than the jungle... that place was creepy.”

“Yeah.” A sigh. “We have to go, though. I don’t know why that sneaky little rat Baekhyun would pick the desert to meet up, but we’re not in a position to be picky. We have to win this, and we need support for that.”

Another sigh. “Don’t remind me.”

And then: “Let’s just go.”

They head back off in the direction they came from, away from our hiding spot, and once their voices fade away I finally relax completely, moving around a bit to get warm again. Yixing peeks around the trees, scouting for other tributes, but there’s no one. He turns to me, a quizzical look on his face.

“Kyungsoo and Jongin sure move fast, don’t they?”

I look at him, confused. “What?”

He waves a hand in the direction the pair went. “I mean, they only just left and now they’re completely gone. You’d think we would be able to at least see them for a little bit longer, especially on the open ground, since they didn’t go into the forest or anything.” My face must still look blank, because he hastens to finish, cheeks flushing red. “I’m probably wrong. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I reply. I go over to where he is and look out over the expanse of land. He’s right; Kyungsoo and Jongin are nowhere to be seen, and that is slightly strange given that it’s not even snowing.

“Hmm...” As hard as I think, I can’t figure out at this moment how they were able to move that fast. Something else is bothering me, too, but Yixing voices it before I do.

“They’re forming an alliance. With Baekhyun and Chanyeol.”

“Yeah, I gathered that, from the conversation we just heard.” I shake my head. “Kyungsoo and Jongin want to win badly, don’t they? And the fact that they’re teaming up with Baekhyun and Chanyeol tells me something about their powers...”

“...They must be powerful.” Yixing finishes my train of thought again, and I nod, aware of how much I have already gotten used to his company, even though I told him I only needed him for his powers. I knew it was a risk, and now I am regretting my decision to save him more than ever. When the time comes, how can I possibly let go? How can I turn ‘we’ into ‘I’?

Yixing distracts me yet again as he begins to speak. He’s good at that, and that makes me apprehensive as well. I can’t show anybody my weakness, I can’t let anybody realize just how much I crave human company out here in this lonely arena, but it seems like he’s already figured it all out.

“I thought I should tell you,” he starts as we begin trekking deeper into the snow, “about what happened the first night with Jongin and Kyungsoo.”

I listen as he describes his meeting with Kyungsoo and Jongin in the jungle, about Jongin’s aggressiveness and how it was only thanks to Kyungsoo’s intervention that Yixing was able to walk away unharmed. I store it all in my memory: Kyungsoo is Jongin’s weak spot, Jongin will do anything for Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo still has some softness left in him. It may all come in use one day, if we meet with the intent to kill.

After Yixing’s account, we continue in silence, lost in our own thoughts. The rest of the day is peaceful and uneventful, and the sky begins to darken before we know it. After a time, we come across a cave, and although it is on the smaller side, we both fit inside and I decide that it’s enough. We’ve traveled far enough that if anybody wants to come after us, they won’t have an easy time of it. If we keep going, we might not be able to find another place to camp out before night truly arrives, and that will mean trouble. I check with Yixing, and he’s of the same mind. For now, then, this little cave will be our home, and we will stay here as long as we can.

The first thing we do is look through our supplies. Yixing is basically empty-handed, but I still have a good supply of food packets. We decide to save them for later, since we’re unthreatened right now and have time to hunt for game, so I leave Yixing in charge of the cave and head off into the woods to see if I can find anything.

The snowland turns out to have plenty of game, and I am easily able to catch a snow hare in a respectable amount of time. Yixing’s eyes widen when he sees me coming back with the hare, and I feel stupidly proud of myself when he smiles.

The sky is well on its way to an inky black by the time we manage to get a decent fire going outside the cave. Correction: I actually just stand around while Yixing gets the fire going, since I didn’t bother with the station at training. He shakes his head and laughs when he realizes I have no idea what I’m doing, and takes the rabbit from me, cooking it efficiently while I watch, slightly envious. The meat is delicious, and we eat without conversation, finishing quickly because it’s just so good.

Yixing sits back when we’re finished and lets out a happy sigh. “One hundred percent homemade!” We laugh, and in that moment, sitting by the fire with the heat warming our bodies, it’s so easy to forget where we are and what we are doing and that this night could be our last one. I let it go. I won’t think about it tonight.

We could spend the whole night like that, just sitting there in the silence, and we almost do, but Yixing brings something up, and I am eager for conversation.

“Minseok,” he questions tentatively, “do you ever feel weak? Helpless?”

I plunge my fingers into the snow and make designs. There is no question about my answer; I will not lie.

“Yes. All the time.”

“Really? It doesn’t seem like it.”

I look up sharply at Yixing, surprised. “It doesn’t?”

He shakes his head.

I draw in a breath slowly, trace an angel in the snow. “This is the Hunger Games, and you need to act fearless to survive. We know that better than anyone else. So of course, I try my best, because what else can I do, you know? But I always feel as everybody can see right through it.”

“Like you're transparent.” Yixing pronounces the words as if they are delicate.

“Right.”

There’s a brief silence.

“You’re not, though,” Yixing says suddenly. “With some of the other tributes, like Tao, I can tell how scared they are, no matter how much they try to hide it. But you... you’re unreadable. I can never tell what you’re thinking.”

I shake my head, surprised by how much Yixing seems to notice. “Look at yourself, Yixing. You always look so peaceful, so unworried about everything. I think that even now, the others don’t know what to make of you.”

Yixing smiles. “That’s good to hear, even if I don’t completely believe it myself.” He looks at the ground. “But being unreadable isn’t the same thing as being brave.” He takes a deep breath, and then looks at me, eyes glistening.

“I’m so weak, Minseok,” he chokes out. “I can’t hurt anything, or anyone. I was hoping my power would be fire, or lightning, or something strong that would be feared, but I ended up with healing. Of all powers, healing.” He stops abruptly, searches my eyes for an answer.

I don’t know what to say, and my words come slowly as I muster my thoughts.

“I understand.”

“Do you, really?”

“I do,” I answer, and it’s true. “We’ve all been in your position before, where we feel helpless and scared and good-for-nothing. And because everybody around us seems so strong and brave, it feels terrible, truly.” I pause, look straight back into Yixing’s eyes.

“But what I’ve come to realize,” I continue, “is that that feeling isn’t weakness. Not being able to hurt and kill people isn’t weakness. It’s sure a hell lot harder to do than to harm others. Think, Yixing. We’re in the Hunger Games, where the winner is the one who kills all the others. I don’t think anybody except for you would retain that humanity and hold onto it so closely. But you need to, because it’s something precious. That’s what’s really brave, staying true to who you are.”

Yixing stares at me, turmoil evident on his face.

“I’ll... I’ll think about what you said.” He says finally. “You’ve forgotten something, though.”

“What?”

“Peeta. He was somebody else who worried about turning into something he wasn’t. About being something the Capitol made him into.”

And we don’t dare say it out loud, but we look at each other and see the same thing in each other’s eyes.

Katniss.

Because the girl on fire worried about these things too. And now she is the one running the games, she is the one watching children kill each other. She is President Snow.

We can’t discuss it, not here. But I wonder, secretly, and I know Yixing must wonder as well: how has everything come to this?

Yixing changes the subject then, and the tension seems to drop ten-fold, even though the new topic is just as serious.

“I think,” he says, “that it’s my fault Tao died.”

I can see the guilt swimming in his eyes. What can I say? That I am glad we have one less tribute to contend with? Yixing will be horrified. I’m beginning to understand that Yixing is not the same as the rest of us, by a far shot. And judging by the conversation we just had, I think he knows this too.

“That’s the way the Games are,” I reply, and it sounds harsh, but it’s true. “There was nothing you could have done just then. Even if you had managed to get your powers to work, Tao was already too far gone by then. Kris knew it, too. He just didn’t want to believe it.”

It’s a blatant lie on my part, since I know next to nothing about poison, but I’m hoping it will make Yixing feel a little better.

“Yes,” he answers mournfully, and I cheer silently in my head as he goes on. “But what if it happens again? What if you’re poisoned and I panic again? Then it really will be my fault.”

Just as I’m opening my mouth to reply, the Capitol anthem plays from above, and we sit back to watch, but it has been an uneventful day and there are no faces in the sky tonight. I’m relieved and apprehensive in equal parts.

After the seal disappears from the sky, we decide to head inside the cave. Yixing watches as I pile up snow at the entrance, and then freeze it solid so that we have at least some protection.

“You won’t freeze,” I assure him, because he looks slightly wary. “Just stay close to me.”

We huddle up together in the back of the cave, but I feel a sharp pain in my finger as I’m settling down. It’s a cut I unknowingly collected, probably from the sharp edges of the cave. An annoyance, but nothing more. Still, Yixing holds out a hand when he sees the bright red welling from the cut.

“Let me.” I don’t protest, and watch as he holds his palm over the cut. There’s a warm feeling, and then the cut seals up. It’s fascinating, really, to see how his power works, though Yixing seems out of breath.

“It’s nothing,” he says, noticing my scrutiny, “just that I haven’t practiced much with my power so even little things like that are strenuous.”

I think back to the first couple times I used my own power, and nod in understanding. “Yeah. I get it. We’ll practice more when we have time.”

We finally settle back down, and as I’m drifting off into sleep, Yixing murmurs sleepily, “I’m glad we’re allies, Minseok.”

“Yeah,” I mumble back, and I’m too tired to add anything else, like how the key word is ‘allies’, not ‘friends’, and how this isn’t going to last forever.

I think Yixing gets it, anyways, because the silence that follows remains as I fall asleep, and even after I have.

-

I’m woken the next morning by the sunlight seeping in through the block of ice. Yixing is already up, yawning and rubbing his eyes. I get up slowly, stretch, and move the ice away from the entrance with a small push.

It’s a beautiful day outside. It must have snowed overnight, because the ground is covered with a coat of unblemished white and the trees look like they’ve been frosted with icing. Yixing joins me at the entrance as the sun rises, and we take in the scene with quiet appreciation.

After a time, I head back inside and grab a packet of crackers. I could hunt, but I don’t particularly want to right now, and besides, the crackers will go bad soon if we don’t eat them. We munch on them until there’s nothing left, not even crumbs.

I look over the area we have made our own and feel a swelling of relief that we have traveled so far into the snowlands, because in this place I feel secure and alone. As I stand there, I feel energy start to rise through me and suddenly I am eager to move, to hunt, to do something.

I call out back to the cave, letting Yixing know that I am heading out, and leave after his sound of acknowledgement. Once I’m in the forest, I build up speed, going faster and faster until I’m sprinting through the trees. It feels so good, with the wind in my ears and the sharp, clear cold all around me, that I feel as if I could do it forever.

When I finally slow down, I am exhilarated and more alive than I can remember feeling for a long time. On the way back, an elk passes near me, and I hunt it down swiftly, offering up a silent prayer as the animal’s eyes go dim.

Back at the cave, Yixing helps me cut up and store the elk meat, which we do by freezing strips in blocks of ice. The meat will last us a while, and I won’t have to hunt for a couple days now.

Yixing suggests we practice our powers for the rest of the day, and I agree. We might not get another chance in the future, so this day is as good as any. At first we practice separately; I walk around freezing things, and Yixing heals all the little bruises and injuries he’s acquired so far. Later, when I get bored, I decide to help out Yixing. We work on his breathing, on being calm during stressful situations. I ask him to recall something that might induce panic and then help him breathe through it. We don’t know right now if it will help him in a real situation, but it feels as if we’re progressing, and Yixing says when we’re done that he feels much more prepared.

In the late afternoon, Yixing comes up with yet another idea: digging a tunnel out and under the back of the cave so that we have an emergency escape route. It takes the rest of day, and it’s hard work, but we finish when the night is still new and collapse in the cave afterwards, tired but happy. The tunnel starts in the back of the cave, goes underground, and comes up a little while away from the cave. It’s not much of a distance, but it might be enough to save our lives.

Yet again, we find out that it’s been an uneventful day, as the Capitol seal and anthem are the only things projected that night. It makes me nervous, knowing the Capitol citizens are getting bored and will want some action. After that, we eat some of the elk meat, but I have no appetite anymore and we turn in early after covering up the tunnel opening with some snow and branches. I freeze the cave opening shut again, and we sit in the darkness telling old childhood stories and laughing, though our laughter is tinged with bittersweet longing. A time when Jongin actually smiled, when Luhan’s future looked bright, when Kyungsoo was confident and self-assured - these are the things we talk about. We fall asleep on that second night in our cave with old memories running through our minds, and as we drift off, Yixing wonders pensively out loud what could have possibly gone wrong between the twelve of us best friends.

The sad thing is, I don’t know either.

-

I'm so sorry, guys. I know it's been like half a year. I'll try to speed things up a little, but I can promise that this story will be finished. Thank you everyone for bearing with me and giving this story a chance!