“Naraku no Hana (Flower of Hell)” by Shimamiya Eiko: http://www.aimini.net/view/?fid=MEm7fqJXlGmlrAAGt1Uk

Translations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHePauaVAz8

I STRONGLY suggest looking at the translations of this song.  Because, 1. It’s an awesome song.  XD and 2. Because it’ll give you an idea of what’s going on and why she’s having these dreams.

~

“WAH!”

I woke up panting heavily and wiping the sweat off my forehead.

Another crazy dream…

With a sigh of relief, I lied back down in the hospital bed. The dream definitely shook my brain a bit, so I just sat there for awhile, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness of the night.

“I wonder what time it is?” I asked myself. I turned to my right where the digital clock was. My eyes widened and I jumped up on the bed immediately. Like a nervous wreck, my breaths became quick and short as my eyes darted around the room.

This isn’t the hospital…this isn’t my room…I’ve never been here before. Was I kidnapped?

What the hell was going on?

I have to get out of here.

With a cautious eye on the door, I got out of the bed slowly and walked around the room.  My meticulous eyes caught sight of a sword-shaped letter opener.  I picked it up and placed it in my pocket just in case.

I heard sounds coming from behind the only door in the room I was in. Quietly, I crept through the door with the letter opener in my hand prepared like a dagger. The mysterious sound I heard was the sound of someone sharpening a knife. I knew it. Someone is trying to kill me!

A low growl escaped my throat as I closed in on my target. I hid behind the wall to get a good look at who my kidnapper was. Peeping into the only lit part of the whole house at the moment, I saw the back of a male with short black hair. How peculiar that he should be wearing a mask…he must be trying to hide his face from me.

I must escape.

I narrow my eyes at my target and prepare my make-shift dagger. I probably only have one chance at this and I can’t blow it. My life is in dang-

“Hyung~! Noona’s awake!”

My eyes widened at the unexpected presence from in front of me.

That voice…it…couldn’t be…no…

“Oh, you must be hungry. Come in. I’m just about finished making dinner. YooKwon-ah, why don’t you help set the table for our guest?” the one with the knife responded, turning around and smiling at me through the mask.

“…Yoo…Kwon?”

My mind couldn’t wrap around this information. I looked down at the small child in front of me.

It just absolutely couldn’t be true. YooKwon is OLDER than me! I’m sure of it! No, HaNeul, it’s just impossible. It must be a different YooKwon. The kid’s name is probably just coincidentally also YooKwon…who looks like him…and…sounds like him…

“Noona? Are you okay? You don’t look well…maybe you should rest more…” YooKwon suggested with an absolutely adorable pout.

Oh gosh, it has to be him…which means…I must be in another dream….

 “I’m fine. Thank you, YooKwon,” I smiled down at him sweetly and patted him on the head. I walked over to the older male that looked a lot like the YooKwon that I first met. Unknowingly, I started observing him somewhat creepily if I do say so myself.

“Is there something on my face?” he chuckled at me. I jumped back in surprise and laughed nervously

“N-No, I was just…looking at what…you were making…would you like some help?”

“That’s very kind of you, but I can’t ask a guest to help with cooking. Why don’t you play with YooKwon?”

“If you insist…”

I looked back at the YooKwon-replica one last time before I turned to the mini-YooKwon. Must be YooKwon’s hyung…he did say that his hyung looked a lot like him…

I gasped in surprise when mini-YooKwon was standing right in front of me.

“You scared me, YooKwon,” I scolded lightly.

“Sorry, Noona. Look what I made for you!” he cheerfully exclaimed, shoving a paperclip bracelet in my face.

I chuckled quietly at how cute he was, “It’s lovely. Thank you very much.”

“Can I…put it on for Noona?” he asked shyly, looking down.

“Of course.”

He smiled widely again and gently slipped the bracelet on my wrist.

“Wow~ it’s perfect.”

“Noona?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you marry me when I’m older?”

My body froze as I stared down at the innocent child.

I smiled sadly at him.

“I’m too old for you, Sweetie. Don’t you have a pretty girl your age that you want to marry?”

He pouted at me sadly, so I kissed him on the cheek.

“How about me?”

Along with the unexpected voice, a pair of arms s around my waist. I whipped my head back in shock, ready to pummel the intruder. Instead of hitting him, I froze again.

“Y…YooKwon?”

YooKwon, in the flesh. Except older. The one I know now. The one that I grew up with. The one that’s the same age as me.

“Why are you so shock, HaNeul?” he whispered softly with the same smile as the child in front of me.

Something wasn’t right.

Why are there three of them?

My eyes widened as I felt an ominous premonition.

A tear dropped from my eye.

“…what are you going to do…to them…”

The YooKwon hugging me looked at me funny and then laughed, “What are you talking about HaNeul?”

BANG.

The YooKwon who was cooking food fell to the ground.

A pool of blood flooded under him.

He lied motionlessly.

“No…no…please no…STOP!” I screamed as I tried to run to the fallen YooKwon. But I couldn’t because the ‘oldest’ YooKwon wouldn’t let go of me. “Why are you stopping me?! Please! He’s hurt! I have to-”

BANG.

My heart stopped as I watched the innocent child standing in front of me fall to the ground.

A pool of blood followed.

He, too, lied motionlessly.

I felt all the blood rush out of my body.

I screamed loudly in anguish.

“WHY?! Why are you doing this?! Let go, YooKwon! NO MORE! PLEASE, NOT YOU TOO! PLEASE!” I kicked and screamed as I tried to escape his hold. He was next. He had to be next.

“No.”

“Please…he’ll kill you…no…he’ll torture you…he’ll torture you until you die…please let go, YooKwon…JUST LET GO OF ME!”

“No.”

“ING IDIOT! JUST LET GO! YOU AREN’T A PART OF THIS. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!”

“Because I love you.”

“Kim YooKwon. Shut up. Don’t you dare keep speaking…”

“I love you, HaNeul, and I always will. I told you that already and-”

“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!”

“HaNeul, just stop squirming and listen to me.”

“NO, I WILL NOT! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!”

At my insistent yelling, YooKwon turned me around and grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at him.

“LEE HANEUL! WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE?!”

I finally stopped yelling but my tears kept falling as I continued sobbing. His eyes softened at my tears. Slowly, he cupped my face.

“You will never lose me, HaNeul. No matter what you decide to do or what happens in the future, I will stand by you and protect you with all of me. So don’t cry anymore. Even if memories are lost, they can always be created again. Regardless of what you lose of me, I will always come back to you.”

“Why…”

He giggled and smiled.

“Because you’re my adorable girlfriend!”

I stared at him with soften eyes at his bubbly comment.

His gaze turned serious yet gentle.

“And because I love you.”

With a smile, I replied.

“I love you t-”

BANG.

He crumbled before me.

Before I could finish my sentence.

I fell to my knees.

I couldn’t even cry anymore. It felt like my soul left my body.

I destroyed it. I destroyed all of it.

Memories, innocence, love.

I destroyed him.

It’s all my fault.

I dropped the letter opener I had been holding my hand.

Drip, drip.

Suddenly, my hands felt wet.

My eyes traveled down to my hands to find them soaked in blood.

“No…”

The letter opener I dropped was covered in blood as well. But there was a perfect hand print on the letter opener where the blood had not stained, where I had been holding the object.

“No…I…I didn’t. I couldn’t have.”

I ran to the sink and scrubbed my hands furiously. My shaky hands turned raw from the harsh scratching of my own nails on my skin. Yet when I removed my hand from the water, the blood hadn’t come off at all.

“…w-why…I would never…I didn’t kill him! It wasn’t-”

 “…HaNeul…what did you do…”

I turned around to see the rest of Block B standing there. TaeIl, who always looked at me with caring, kind eyes, stared so coldly at me. I shook my head.

“No…no! It wasn’t me! I…I didn’t do it!”

I pulled at my hair as I screamed in denial. My tears flooded out nonstop as I shivered. I could still feel the blood in my hand as I ran it through my hair.

“I’ll always be with you.”

It was his voice.

I slowly turned around and looked between my bloodstained fingers.

He’s still here. He must be.

“…YooKwon?” I called out apprehensively.

I could sense him. He must still be here.

“YooKwon!” I screamed this time, getting up off my feet and running in no particular direction. My heart raced as I searched aimlessly, yelling his name repeatedly, praying for a response.

In my current state, my judgment quickly diminished along with my coordination. With my tears clouding my vision, I tripped over something and fell instantly.

My eyes widened in fear.

My hands had landed in something wet.

My feet was tangled with something stable yet soft.

Reluctantly, due to the fear of my suspicions becoming true, I slowly turned around with my eyes closed.

“Please…please no…please…I beg of you…” I whimpered to seemingly no one in particular as I shut my eyes as hard as possible. I swallowed my saliva uneasily before reaching a shaky hand out at the obstacle I tripped over.

I lost my breath when my hand came in contact with skin. Cold skin. I could only hear the pounding of my own heart and my ragged breathing as I opened one eye.

Immediately, I screamed in agony.

YooKwon was here.

But he wasn’t breathing…he wasn’t alive.

And what made it all so unbearably excruciating…

…was the sight of the letter opener I had earlier skewering the jugular vein in his throat.

My whole world came crashing down.

There were no thoughts.

There were no feelings.

Only pain.

It wasn’t even the feeling of pain anymore.

It was only the suffering of pain.

My screams turned my voice hoarse, but there wasn’t anything else I could do.

“There you are~ how much longer did you plan to run from me?”

I stopped screaming, panting heavily while choking on the lack of oxygen. I turned to the mocking voice behind me.

“…who…who are you?”

It was as if I was staring into a mirror. Except that the mirror image of myself was glaring at me.

“I’m Truth, you ing wimp,” she sneered down at me in disgust. “What’s the matter? You aren’t having fun anymore in your fantasies?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Did you have fun running around while I wasn’t around, Anxiety?”

“My…my name is HaNeul…” I whimpered back.

“Yeah, we all are. You’ve been trying to force HaNeul to run away, you twerp,” growled ‘Truth’ as she pulled me by the ear.

“Ow, let go, you’re hurting me!”

“Did this teach you nothing? You’re ing with her poor mind by trying to ‘protect’ her. How dare you lock me away? Get out of there now!”

Suddenly, another splitting image of myself manifested itself, glaring at this ‘Truth.’

“So it’s you that’s been ruining everything! You placed that Kim YooKwon in everything, didn’t you? I tried to erase him from her memories. He’s nothing but a hindrance to our existence!” hissed ‘Anxiety.’

“You’re an idiot. Kim YooKwon could be the key to surviving. How many other parts of HaNeul will you screw up before you realize that? There is only so much she can handle on her own and shielding her from the truth will do nothing but ruin her.”

“Then shall we just sit back and do nothing?! We’ll die from her instability!”

“YOU’RE the one making her instable! Lying to her and causing her to fear!”

“She will not be able to handle the truth!”

“AND THIS IS BETTER?! What exactly are you trying to do?!”

“I…I don’t know anymore! But anything is better than the truth!”

“You just don’t get it. This is no longer white lies, Anxiety. You’re feeding her poison.”

“JUST STOP!”

Both of them immediately became silent at my outburst.

“Just…what is going on…I’m so confused…who are you guys and what just happened here…and…I don’t understand.”

‘Truth’ walked over to me and sighed.

“You’ve been at war with yourself, HaNeul. Your anxiety has caused you to make up to fill in the blanks to cover up the truth. Now tell me, do you want to finally face the truth or continue living this lie?”

“I…”

“HaNeul, you can’t! I’m trying to protect you! This is all for your best interest!” exclaimed ‘Anxiety.’

“By…killing YooKwon in front of my eyes? Making me try to hate him? Why? Why was it always YooKwon?!” I questioned, almost in anger.

“Because…he is your weakness. And he will be your weakness in the future if you don’t separate yourself from him. He made you soft! And you must protect yourself!” ‘Anxiety’ argued back.

“I’m tired of protecting myself. It does nothing but hurt those around me when I can’t recall the precious memories that we have built from the past. You tried to destroy it all.”

‘Anxiety’ stared at me in fear of what I would say next as ‘Truth’ smirked victoriously.

“I want to know the truth.”

~

I opened my eyes again.

Another dream?

No…I must be awake this time.

I got up slowly, so the blood doesn’t rush too quickly to my head. When I found it difficult to get out of bed, I realized that there was a body on my blanket, preventing me from getting out of bed.

“Here again, YooKwon…you should really be resting properly at home…” I whispered to myself as I looked down at his sleeping face. It was probably pretty creepy, watching him sleep, but he looked so peaceful, I couldn’t help but smile. As I some of his bangs out of his eyes, I lost my smile. He had been overexerting himself lately. His skin was paler than I remembered, there were bags under his eyes, and he looked malnourished…I couldn’t have been the cause…could I have?

I retracted my hand immediately. My ‘Anxiety’ started to flood all reasonable thoughts I had. My memory began to fade as the lies I built to forget all my pain started to take over again. I was going to lose myself again.

My breaths became shorter and shorter. My mind was spinning in agony, trying to sort out truth from lies. My head throbbed at my mental confusion. I held my head with my hands in an attempt to stop the world from spinning.

“HaNeul?” YooKwon groaned as he slowly woke up, probably from my twitching. At the sight of my distress, he became concerned and held my hand. “Are you okay? Did you have another bad dream again?”

I looked up at him. At his alarmed, loving eyes. At the way he was looking at me.

And suddenly, I felt much better.

As if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulder.

I felt much better.

“It was a horrible nightmare. You were in it.”

His eyes turned hurt from my words, but I couldn’t help but smile.

Before I could stop myself, I launched myself into his chest and hugged him tightly around the neck. Perhaps to make sure that he was real. That this was Kim YooKwon, the idiot that left such a large impression on me that I couldn’t forget him, no matter what I did. That this was Kim YooKwon, alive and breathing. So I hugged him as tightly as I could, because I didn’t want to lose him.

“H-HaNeul?”

His voice, his presence. The uneasiness of my dream lingered within me. He was there, he’s still there. He hasn’t been taken away from me.

“Just hold me for a bit, you idiot.”

At my sudden request, he twitched a bit before finally wrapping his arms around me. His hold tightened immensely while his body engulfed mine as if he was trying to protect me from being hurt. He buried his face into my neck as I felt his tears soak my shirt.

“Don’t leave me anymore…”

I chuckled a bit at his request as I felt my own tears threatening to escape. But before they could, I wiped them away. I started to pull back from the hug, only to have YooKwon tighten his grip on me. He was afraid I would disappear again if he let go. Softly, I whispered words of assurance to loosen the death trap he had on my waist. Reluctantly, he released me but held my hand as insurance, just to make sure I wouldn’t vanish.

“YooKwon?”

“Hmm?”

“Could you tell me the story of how we met again?”

=====================================================================

So a bit of a crazy chapter, but a few questions have been answered!

Now you know there is a presence over HaNeul’s head that worries her. But who is this presence? :)

So I’m sure you guys did not quite understand why there’s 3 YooKwon’s in her dream. The presence in her dream that killed them destroyed all parts of YooKwon that she is afraid would get hurt by being around her. Mini-YooKwon represented his innocence, Cooking-YooKwon represented his memories and Present-YooKwon represented his love.

Also, do understand that although “Anxiety,” “Truth” and “Dream HaNeul” all seem very different, they are all parts that make up HaNeul as a person. So even though HaNeul seems very cool externally, she is CLEARLY having a lot of issues internally.

Why is “Anxiety” trying to protect HaNeul from YooKwon?

You’ll just have to wait and see…

Also, happy birthday to ZE:A’s ever so cute and manly magnae, Kim DongJun! You really need to stop mind-ing us with your puppy face and horse muscles…it confuses us great and makes no sense…

Updated: 2/11/12

~Kira :3