Dear Hyomin,

            Hyo, sorry, I really… need someone to talk to right now. I don’t know what to do. I… I don’t know what to… do. I… I didn’t know it would hurt this much, Hyo. I have never felt like this before in my whole entire life. It so in’ hurts…

            I always thought girls looked so pathetic crying over guys. I thought stuff like this only happens in movies. I’m so messed up right now… I don’t have a freakin’ idea what to do. You’re the only one I can think of who would understand.

            I haven’t been fully honest with you about everything, but I’ll tell you now. Do you remember Jieun back in high school? She was in our class, sophomore year. We were close, right? She’s in the same University as us now, and she’s taking the same course as ours. She also went to the same grade school you and Eunjung did, so she kinda knew Jungie too.

           The thing is, Jieun and I got together at the mall with our high school friends last semester break. And, such coincidence, Eunjung was at the mall to with his high school friends. I wanted to tell my friends about what I feel about Jungie, but Jieunie came to me.

            “That’s Ham Eunjung, right?”, she asked me.

            And I said, “Oh, yeah! That’s him.”

       “He’s in your class, right? And you two are friends?”, she asked again.

            “Yup~ and yup!”, I replied.

            “I think he’s cool. His appeal is sooo… uggh! He’s handsome.”, hearing those words from her, I wasn’t so sure about telling them about what I felt anymore.

            Wherever we went, Eunjung and his friends were there too. I saw how Jieun kept glancing at him. Then, when we were chatting with our friends, trying to catch up to each other’s lives, love life was well… mentioned. One by one, everyone told about who they currently like, and has anyone liked them, stuff like that.

            When it was Jieun’s turn, my hearts was banging in my chest, I prayed that what I was expecting wouldn’t happen, but no. I was right.

            “That guy we kept seeing, Jiyeonie’s friend, Eunjung. I like him.”, she told us.

            That time, I found out how hard it is to fake a smile while holding back tears. All I thought back then was that, “You don’t own him, Jiyeon.” “She’s your friend, Jiyeon.” “You don’t have the right to feel this way, Jiyeon.”

            When it was my turn, I couldn’t bear to tell them the whole truth, so I just left Jungie out of my story. I told them about the guy who liked me, and about other guys whom I think are cute and all. The rest of the day is blurred in my memory now, but I remember telling some of our friends about Jungie, but not Jieun.

            Ever since then, Jieun kept asking Eunjung’s all-about: What is he like?; What he likes?; What he doesn’t like?; etc. Me… well, I was trying to be a good friend, so I told her everything she wants to know.

            On her birthday, last summer, she invited me and our high school friend for a night swimming. Her college friends were there too. They told us to keep Jieunie by the pool because they’re preparing a big surprise for her, so we did what they asked. It took a long time for them to prepare the surprise, so I just went home. While I was on my way, I received a text from Jieun.

From: Lee Jieun

Message: JIYEON-AH~!!!! HE’S HERE!!!!

HE’S HERE!!! HAM EUNJUNG IS HERE!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

            My heart broke inside me when I read it. Why was he there? I replied asking her if it’s for real, and she said yes. Then I told her that it wasn’t my doing. I wasn’t the one who invited him.

            The next week, I met Eunjung on my way home. I was walking alone and he asked me were the gang is, and I said you guys already went home. I felt so awkward walking with him so I walked a little fast, making him think that I’m in a hurry and that I don’t have time to talk to him.

            But then, he mentioned about Jieun’s birthday party, “I was at Jieun’s party last week.”

       “Yeah?”, was all that came out of my mouth.

            “Uh-huh… I tried to find you, but they said you already went home. You were the only one I knew in that party.”, I can’t deny that my heart fluttered when he said he tried to find me.

            “Really? Well, it was getting late so I went home.”, I said.

            Maybe he got the message that I was in a hurry so he said goodbye. “Okay then, I’ll see you around”, he said.

            When we enrolled for this semester, I found out that I was the only one in the gang who’s gonna be part of the special class. I’ve never felt so alone in years. That day, I texted Jihyun Oppa and Jungie begging them to enroll for the special class, but Jungiesaid that he’ll go where Jihyun Oppa goes, and Jihyun Oppa said he’s not qualified for the special class anymore.

            So basically, here I am alone, while the rest of you are in the regular classes. Today is one of my high school friend’s birthday. This afternoon, I went to meet my high school friends again. Jieun was there too, and I was sitting beside her.

            She said she wants to show me something, and she gave me her phone. When I looked at it, it’s a conversation: her conversation with Ham Eunjung. They’ve been texting since the semester began.

            The words I read from Eunjung’s messages… it’s just… it didn’t felt right. It didn’t sound like Jungie at all, but I knew it was him. The Ham Eunjung I know is Jungie as a friend. The Ham Eunjung texting with Jieun is Eunjung as normal guy flirting with a girl, and I hated it. At the same time, it hurts.

            I faked a lot of smiles today. I swallowed back a lot chokes, and I held back a lot of tears. Now, I’m letting all out. I know I said that as long as he’s happy, I’m happy too. But right today, I realized that it’s easier said than done. I was hurt before when he was getting hurt. Now I’m still hurt because he’s flirting with someone else. He’s flirting with my friend Hyo… Why does it have to be my friend? What am I supposed to do now?

            Before we went home, she was walking with me really, really happy. She said, “Thank you so much for helping me with Eunjung. There has to be someone you really like, Jiyeonie. So, just tell me and I’ll help you too.”

       Those words, hurt like sh*t. Now, I’m here writing a letter to you while tears keep on falling down my cheeks. Now tell me Hyo, what on earth am I supposed to do now?

Love,

Jiyeon