D e s p a i r   a n d   I n s e c u r i t i e s

The blonde young woman tapped her fingers against the bench's arm rest. Her heart was oddly beating at a normal pace. However, a strange feeling in her gut signaled her that something about this experience, was simply off, as always.

She would like to believe the effort she was putting into it was gratifying at the least. Making it seem like sitting around and waiting, day after day, for some form of miracle to happen was sooner or later going to bring a positive outcome in her life. However the harsh and brutally honest truth was, that it wasn't. She hated it. Every single second of it, she despised it to the maximum extent. Yet the only thing that could move her to keep trying... was them...

Every time a surrendering thought arised in her mind, she saw them together, smiling, dancing... dancing in their own perfect and sickening world of happiness that in no means admitted Chaerin's presence, and she remembered just for what reason she was battling so badly against the rebellious emotions that were trapped inside of her heart.

And then she sighed... and moved on, returning to her harsh reality, sitting in one of the several benches at one of the several parks the city possessed. Every day hoping that would be the day something magical would finally occur. A desperate illusion, imposible to reach.

Then, as if life wasn't fair enough with her already, she got tricked once again into believing there was hope...

“E-Excuse me, are you Chaerin by any chance? Lee Chaerin?”

Chaerin looked to her side towards the source of that low-pitched voice, finding a rather awkward man in his twenties standing next to her, observing her.

“Uh, yes, yes I am... pleasure to meet you” She extended her hand and shook it with his. A brief period of silence passed between the two until Chaerin decided to speak. “You must be Park Chanyeol, am I right?”

In all nervousness he replied “Oh, yes, nice to meet you...too” and shortly after cleared his throat.

“First time?” Chaerin asked.

“Is it that evident?” Chanyeol nervously laughed.

“A little” She chuckled. “But don't worry, so is mine” She lied. Lying about not having any past dating experiences, when in reality she had been taking part in an awful lot of these encounters was indeed, Chaerin's way of soothing herself. Telling herself that every blind date was the first, and not the second nor the tenth made the bitter feeling of failure lessen. Temporarily at least.

But deep in her heart she still knew this was the date number eleven and not even once did her heart accelerate its palpitations at the sight of the man standing in front of her.

Not even once...

“So, do you work or study?” The extremely common question escaped from Chanyeols lips as he then proceeded to take a sip of his sweet caramel macchiato. The caffeine worked wonders at lessening the male's nerves.

“Studying, I want to be a magazine or newspaper editor in the future” Chaerin's voice resotaned on top of the other customers' voices as the two sat at the terrace of a beautiful café, located at the centre of the town. “And you...?” She asked, trying to sound as interested in the conversation as possible, out of respect for the male sitting in front of her. He was a nice guy filled with nothing but good intentions... but he simply wasn't made for Chaerin... Or that's how she felt at least.

“I'm just studying as well, for the moment at least. I'm trying to graduate from engineering college and afterwards I'll try to get an internship at...” The words kept coming from Chanyeol's mouth but Chaerin simply couldn't hear them, nor the voices of the people surrounding her... or anything at all. For a brief span of seconds, the whole room lost its sound.

...And she simply drowned into her personal ocean of thoughts, recalling every date and every man she had met over the last weeks. Again, reality soon kicked in. Yet another failure would soon be added to her memories...

It almost seemed absurd how reluctant her heart was in terms of giving in into the experience of loving someone new.

The date continued as bland and uninteresting as Chaerin feared and expected. As always, not even the most minimal sense of accomplishment ran through her mind; the feeling of disappointment however, still remained present.

By the afternoon she was already at home, mentally exhausted, lacking self-esteem, and dejected.

Not even the sweetest of chocolates could comfort that bitter heart of hers.

...Nevertheless, she still ate them.

From a moment to another, and without any possibility of thought, Chaerin found herself sitting at the kitchen's table, eating the remains of a tasteless chocolate cake her sister had prepared in the previous days. With anger and frustation Chaerin ate, and in a mechanical fashion she found herself emptying her plate. Omitting any type of reasoning or thought she simply digged into the dessert with her fork, chewed and swallowed, and repeated until she finished the whole serving in a matter of minutes.

She doubted it, but a little tear suddenly seemed to be tracing a trail on her cheek. Upon the realization she quickly dried it with the back of her hand and bit her lower lip with much strength, knowing that once a second trail of tears emerged, she wouldn't be able to stop it. Like a broken water dam that's about to collapse. If Chaerin let herself get carried away in the waters deep inside her mind, reaching out to surface would be an impossible task.

The sound of the front door being opened alarmed Chaerin. She fixed her hair and clothes and put the used plate on the sink, pretending she hadn't been on the verge of a mental breakdown just seconds ago.

The unpleasant sound of a pair of heels rabidly clicking against the marble floor echoed over the silent condo. Chaerin grimaced, being conscious of the hell of a storm that was approaching.

 

Sigh...

 

“I swear by my father's corpse, one day I'm going to murder someone!”
 

More than a storm, a hurricane at its worst state suddenly invaded the house, sweeping away all peace and tranquility that could have ever existed.
 

“Welcome home, mum” Chaerin muttered under her breath.
 

As per usual, not the slightest glimpse of her beloved mother could be caught by Chaerin's eyes. Truth was, the Lee's weren't the most functional family that ever existed and Chaerin was more than aware of that. Not being able to see her mother's face for days because as soon as that woman transpassed the front door, the only direction she was headed towards was her bedroom, was something that as depressing as it felt, Chaerin was accustomed to.
 

In the end, humans have the wonderful or terrible ability to adjust to any type of circumstances. This was just one of those situations which one simply had to learn to incorporate in their life.
 

Like a rescuer appearing at the moment of collision, an incoming call suddenly emerged in Chaerin's phone.

 

The name's Bom, Chaerin's undeserved savior.
 

Softly tapping her phone's screen, Chaerin spoke.
 

“Bom, what's up?”
 

“Please tell me you're in the mood to do a good deed for someone” The brunette replied without any previous greetings.
 

“Maybe... depends on what that deed consists of... and who that someone is”
 

“Well, this is the thing, a friend of Seunghyun is throwing a party next week in celebration of finishing his career of something of that sort” Bom started.
 

“Go on” Chaerin squinted her eyes.
 

“And... I would like to know if there's a possibility that you could come with me. I know how you feel about crowded places filled with unknown people, but I'm desperate Chae. If I go with Seunghyun alone, he will be too busy with his friends. Besides, the party is going to be full of people I've never met. With you there my anxieties would lower... dramatically. So, can you please accept?” Bom desperatedly pleaded on the phone.

 

Chaerin bit her lips and nervously fiddled with her fingers. The thought alone of being caught up in that situation was enough to make her feel anxious.

 

"I don't know Bom, the loud music, the strangers... it doesn't sound promising"

"Please, I'll pay you back; pleease..."

"...Fine” She finally said, Bom's sigh of relief could be heard over the other side of the call.

 

“Thank you Chae, you don't know how happy that makes me” Bom's voice instantly livened up.

 

After hanging up on the phone, Chaerin served herself a glass of water and gulped the whole liquid instantly. She then found herself breathing deeply, anxiety running through her body like electricity.
 

This is going to be a hell of a ride.
 

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this new update! And yes, the Chanyeol in the story is this Chanyeol (but not as in Exo's Chanyeol, just a regular guy). Thought it would be fun to make a special cameo of him :) P.S.: Did you check out the story's new trailer?~~