"I can't tell you right now. I still have to find out if it's true or not. But believe me after I know, one of us - you or me - will get hurt." With that I left her alone and went into my room.

DongHae's POV

After I went into my room I just simply grabbed my iPod, put the earplugs in my ears, turned the music on with its full volume and lay on my bed for about an hour. Then I went into the the kitching - the light was turned off, same thing in the living room. I went to ________ room and opened the door and saw her lying on her bed so I got back to my own room. I searched for my cell phone and called my parents. They didn't live with us because of their work they had to go to Thailand. I let it rang for about 5 seconds then someone said:
"Sawasdee ka." (word for women to say *hello* in thai)
"Ehhm, hello ? Here is DongHae .."
"Oh, Hae-ah. How are you?"
"Uh, it's you umma ? I'm quite .. er .. okay"
"Quite okay ? Hey, what's the matter ? Tell me."
"Erh, well, it's hard to say, you know I don't know how to begin."
"Just say it. Tell me everything. You know I always listen to you."
"Uh, well .. what did you do when you first fell in love ?"
"Me ? oh, I ..."
"NO, better not tell me. I think this would take hours. Maybe I should just start, huh?"
"Just tell me, I'm not going to shout on you or anything else."
"Okay, there's something wrong with me - I think. You know, there's a girl who's really, really close to me, who cares for me, who helps me with everything and who's just amazing but I can't take a step further to her. It would destroy our lives. When I look at her so many memories are coming up in my mind. So many beautiful and memorable memories that I won't have with any other person. I can't imagine how it would be when I lose her. That's what I'm afraid of."
"You love her. Is that right ?"
"Mom, I don't know if I love her because it's impossible .."
"Hae, this isn't impossible. You just have to think about how to explain this her."
"How can it not be impossible and what should I explain to her ? There's nothing to explain .."
"Think carefully. Since when do you know her ?"
"I know her my whole life long, Mom !"
"No, not quite correct."
"Wha .. what do you mean - not quite correct ?"
"I told you: Think carefully. Since when do you know her and how did you meet her ?"
"Mom, what nonsense are you talking about ? I don't get what you mean .."
"Hae, for now just sleep and think about it again tomorrow. If you've figured it out then give me another call. Sarang Hae."
"Mom .. ?" Damn, she hang up. But what the hell does she mean ? Since when do I know her and how did I meet her ? Oh gosh, she's giving even more headache.

Soon I fell asleep and while I dreamed I got the answers to the questions that my mom asked me.

Your POV

When I woke up it was already 11 AM. How could I sleep so long ? 
I went into the kitchen and made me something to eat. Seemed like DongHae also had a long night. There was no trace of him being out of his room. I took a  shower, washed the dishes and then watched TV.
At about 1.30 PM DongHae finally came out of his room. It seemed like he didn't sleep well.
"Are you okay, ? You look so exhausted."
"I'm fine. I just couldn't fall asleep properly. What are you watching ?"
"Oh, don't you know it ? It's a new drama. Heartstrings. It's just soooo cute."
"Really ? Could be interesting. Make some place. I want to watch. Eh .. please"
Wait ! Hae and watching love dramas ? NO WAY ! What's wrong with him ?
After we watched the drama for about 20 minutes I looked at him and could feel that he wasn't really interested in it. Also, it seemed like the situation was a bit uncomfortable for him. I just didn't know why. After thinking about it for while I moved a bit further away. I could feel how this relieved him. I just didn't know why. I decided to just ask him - ask him straight forward.
"HAE ! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU ?!"
"Nothing."
"NO ! There must be somthing wrong with you ! Why would you behave like this ? You're my brother so why shouldn't I notice it ?"
"Notice what ?"
"Notice that you're not like you actually are. There must be something wrong .. and the worst is that I don't know what's bothering you .."
"It's not a big deal. I can't blame you for it. I just can blame myself."
 
When I heard this word -blame- I felt like something was punching into my heart. It began to beat so fast and then this weird thought came up in my mind again. Yeah, I also couldn't blame him. BUT I could blame myself. Because I'm his sister. His dongsaeng. And I have no right to blame him for this. It's my fault that I couldn't distingiush between family and feelings. That's all so damn impossible because he's my brother - not just my friend.

~To be continued :)

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Soooooo~, it's now 12.55 AM here and I finished the 4th chapter ^^
I hope you all enjoyed it ♥
And because I'm an ELF I need to say this here once again: Teukie Oppa, please don't overwork yourself with too many shows ! We don't want to see those news that are about you being hospitalized. We ELF really worry about you ! Take care about yourself more and stay healthy ♥♥♥
And to my dear readers: You, too, should take care about yourselves and stay healthy ! :)
Sarang Hae~ ♥ ^^