04.5 - Kyung's Funtastic Office Party, Oh Yeah!

If I've ever imagined Kyung's entire body pressed against mine in the mens' bathroom of our workplace, this is definitely not the way I've envisioned it. But of course that's never happened. Ever. 

In any case, I should be focusing on the not-at-all-funny fact that Zico may or may not have illegal substances floating around in his body, impairing his internal organs as I narrate this whole shenanigan. The man can't even tie a necktie, let alone cope with a potential drug addiction. 

Speaking of important things Zico can't do, Zico can't throw up. Or Zico won't throw up. He's staring down at the toilet bowl with his hands on his knees, but it's obvious he has no desire to throw up anything anytime soon. And we have a very important problem because the clock is ticking and Zico's babbling about things that (a) I don't care about, (b) don't matter, and (c) are wasting precious time -- his precious time. Furthermore, Kyung's still not waking up and I can't even begin to think of what to do with him next.

"I'm almost positive Kyung wouldn't drug me," he says, but by the tone of his voice, I can tell he's saying this more to convince himself than because it's actually true. "I've known him for almost ten years, and-"

"Zico, just throw up. We can talk about Kyung being a crappy friend later. Come on. It's not that hard, I don't think-"  

I can't even finish my amazing speech, because Zico's already stomping down on the toilet lever like he actually has something to flush. He paces out with a hand clapped over his forehead. "No, no, no. I'm not throwing up. I hate throwing up, and I don't care if I have a bomb in my stomach, I'm not throwing up. Wait, on second thought, if it was a bomb, I actually probably would, but this isn't as bad, so..."

As he paces the bathroom like a worried-sick parent in the midst of an asthma attack, I realize I should probably do something about Kyung and the fact that he's unconscious and maybe that's really bad considering he could also have drugs in his system. I drag him over to the stall Zico's been gracious enough to flush for us, and stick his face in the seemingly clean toilet water hoping that's gonna help. 

It only takes a few seconds for him to flail around, choking and spitting water all over the place. Good 'ole Kyung. Finally we're getting somewhere.

He sinks down onto the tile of the bathroom floor and against the toilet blinking rapidly and probably wondering what the hell is going on.

Before I have the chance to ask if he's okay and all of that jazz, Zico's pouncing on him from across the bathroom, with his hands around Kyung's neck in a rapidly tightening chokehold. He reaches over into the toilet and grabs some more water to splash in Kyung's face. "Park Kyung, tell me now, are there drugs in my body! Did you put drugs in my drink?!"

Kyung looks just as surprised as he does, struggling to remove the claw from his throat so he can speak. "Drugs? Who the hell brought drugs to KFOP?! I'm gonna kill-"

I don't even get to hear the rest of his sentence because I'm already making my way out of the bathroom, evaluating every single one of my decisions up until that point and regretting every last one of them.

KFOP is officially my least favorite event in the history of ever.