04 - Kyung's Funtastic Office Party, Oh Yeah!

For the rest of the day, I'm forced to avoid paper airplanes and catapulted paper balls from all directions, and it's all thanks to Kyung and his stupid Prank War. He insisted on me working from his office, but I think that's even worse than letting myself get hit. Thanks, but no thanks.

Somehow, I end up getting invited – no forced – into going to some office party and the countdown to 3 o’clock proves to be useless. Despite my complaints of needing to feed my cat (I don’t have one, but it’s a pretty damn good excuse), Bomi explains that yes, Fluffy can wait a few hours, and no I’m not allowed to go home because neither is she and she needs a girl to stay with her in this dreadful event.

My life--so-much meter seems to be broken, because when I think that it's at its highest, something else hits it way out of the park. It goes by the name of 'Kyung's Funtastic Office Party'. Yes, you heard right. Kyung's. Funtastic. Office. Party. 

And before I tell this story, I'll give you a little taste of the end: it definitely was not funtastic like the title promises.

According to Bomi's condensed summary of Kyung's Funtastic Office Party (or simply 'KFOP' in short because 'Kyung's Funtastic Office Party' is a hell of a name to keep on repeating), KFOP serves for, but not entirely limited to, three main purposes:

The main one that everyone in the building associates the event with is 1. The official kick-off celebration to Prank Wars, which is, if you hadn't noticed, Kyung's favorite week as much as it's Yukwon's; 2. Because Kyung's very much afraid to get pranked while intoxicated in the clubs he frequents at, and feels much more safe partying around those he loves oh, so dearly. (There is also a momentary prank ban during KFOP, but this rule mostly applies to Yukwon who can't seem to control himself unless there's a rule); and, of course, 3. Kyung loves partying more than life itself, so  yeah! (Direct quote from Park Kyung)

While Bomi forced me to attend because she didn’t want to be alone with the others, Kyung said that it's because we're partners and I'm just as vulnerable as he is. But in all honesty, I'd imagine my apartment would be a lot safer than a building that could be (and probably is) lined with dozens of y traps.

In any case, that didn't stop him from dragging me to his office kicking and screaming like a tantrum toddler right at the end of work. "When you agreed to be my partner, you also agreed to follow everything that I say," he told me like I'd been the one to make this decision.

"I didn't agree to anything!"

"Yeah, yeah. Okay. Sure."

When the time comes, Bomi’s already put my hair down, brushed some makeup on my face, and I find it really strange that she’s trying to doll me up when she knows that’s the last thing on my mind. Do I even want to go to this thing? No. Have I said it? Many times. But do I have a choice? No.

Kyung invites some leggy bottle blonde, and her voice alone makes me want to jump out of the nearest window. (And it’s not because I’m jealous, because, trust me, I’m not. This girl is plenty enough irritating to develop a reasonable disliking for, and she doesn’t need to piggy back on my attraction to Kyung as a reason for it.) Besides, I don’t even think about Kyung enough to get jealous. Ha.

Her curvaceous body is somehow squeezed into a gut suffocating tube dress two sizes too small, and her s – along with everything else – pour over the top of its generous neckline. If someone saw us, one would think that we’re a group of mall rat teenagers, and our leader paid some STD ridden e to pretend to be his girlfriend. If that’s the case, then he’s paying her too much and she should actually be paying him.  

I’m overanalyzing this, aren’t I? I should stop.

Oh yeah, and Yukwon also brings along his petite librarian girlfriend with a cute blush on her equally-if-not-cuter round face. She doesn’t really say much, but that’s a hell of a lot better than being an obnoxious blabber mouth like Kyung’s arm candy.

Anyway, aside from those two, I was pretty familiar with everyone else (Minhyuk, Taeil, Jihoon, Bomi, Yukwon, and Kyung) – well, as familiar as a three day (and counting) employee could get.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” Bomi asks, and it’s like she can actually read my mind, but she’s just asking to casually bring the subject to conversation.

I take another sip of my drink. It’s beer, but I’m starting with the weak stuff and moving up. “Nope. Why should I be?”

“Because that’s what he wants,” she says.

I eye him from over the mouth of my cup, and as if he feels me looking at him, he looks at me too. He gives me a friendly wave and I trade it with a head nod because I’m still drinking and a smile would be disastrous. “What makes you think that?”   

“Let’s just say I heard him talking to Zico about it during break, and Zico, being Zico, gave him the worst advice in the world because he knows Kyung’s stupid enough to listen to him. That's why that e is here."

“He didn’t.”

“Oh, he did.”

I don't even know this Zico guy, but I already feel the strong desire to choke him out with my own bare hands. Now, this was all before I knew that the tie boy with the deep frown was actually the Zico everyone was talking about. If I did, planning the revenge would've been so much sweeter. 

I down the rest of my drink and set the glass down on Kyung’s coffee table. “Where is this Zico, because I need to talk to him. A little fist to face, then knee to balls, then we should be good.”

“He probably avoided this whole thing. He doesn’t like girls like Gogo.”

Gogo is the e impersonator. Or actual e. Who knows? In any case, she smells ey.

“Then please introduce me to him tomorrow, and we'll have a nice little talk.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

Halfway through the night, I can see Kyung slowly try to detach himself from Gogo’s iron hold once he realizes I don't really show much interest in his jealousy plot. Gogo doesn’t seem to notice, though, or maybe she does a good job of pretending not to. Either way, she doesn’t look like she’s going to let up anytime soon and Kyung’s now transformed into her arm candy.

“You’re killing him,” Bomi laughs, watching amusedly as Kyung winces in pain and tries to wiggle his limp arm out of Gogo's ample cleavage.

As mean as it is, I can’t help but laugh myself. The boy cornered me into being his partner and coming to his party, after all. I think I deserve my own slice of revenge. And this time, it's voluntary. 

While Yukwon’s caught up in lovers’ lane with his cutesy girlfriend, his phone rings and he looks physically pained by the sound of his ringtone. Not only did he have to juggle a mouthful of pizza and a lapful of girlfriend, but now he has the struggle of trying to balance the two and retrieve his cellphone from his back pocket (which is in a pair of skinny jeans, might I add).

He presses the phone between his shoulder and ear. “Um, yes?”

…

He looks up from his phone. “Yeah, we’re all in Kyung’s office. Are you coming?”

…

“All right. I’ll send you up. Wait a sec.”

He locks his phone with his chin and taps his girlfriend’s legs so she can get off of him. He walks over to the door, and before he opens it, he gives everyone a heads up. “Jaehyo’s coming. He says he has two large bottles of vodka, and a bag of Cheetos, by the way.”

I turn to Bomi. “Jaehyo?”

She hides a smile, and pulls me in like she has the meaning of life on the tip of her tongue. “He's the world’s cutest janitor, and when I say ‘world’s cutest,’ I’m not lying at all. He only works on Thursdays and Fridays, though, so you haven't seen him yet, but I can honestly say that’s two days more than Minhyuk works in an entire year. “

Minhyuk shouts ‘hey!’ from over her shoulder and that’s when I realize that he’s lying on the ground against the back of Kyung’s couch and he’s probably been listening to us talk crap about Gogo the e for the past hour.

Bomi rolls her eyes. “You and I both know it’s true.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Yukwon swings back in a few seconds later, and I’m surprised to be the first one greeted. However, it’s not Yukwon’s voice I’m hearing.

Cute Bus Boy aka Jaehyo jumps through the doorway, and in a result, Yukwon is forced to support his stumbling body against the door as Jaehyo sneaks in.  Poor guy.

“Dahee!” He pulls me into a bone crushing hug, and although this is the first time I’ve actually hugged the guy, I can’t really complain about his shameless squeezing. It’s nice. Yes, embrace me.

Intense screaming on Kyung’s end finally breaks us apart. “I called dibs, Jaehyo! Move off!”

Not so intense but still kind of intense yelling on Jihoon’s end and all I can see is a blur of red pass before me as he makes a beeline for the bag of Cheetos under Yukwon’s arm. “How’d you know? These are my favorite!”

Jaehyo takes the honors of explaining how we know each other, and he even uses the adjective ‘beauti