At the same moment that I lifted my hands in panic to cover the quiet cry of bewilderment which left my mouth, Baekhyun turned to look at me, and his brows shot up in surprise, disappearing under his damp blonde hair. He surely hadn't expected to see me awake, at least not yet. I quickly pulled the blanket closer, as if it was the only barrier I had left between the two of us, and covered my entire body up to my neck. If something had happened between me and Baekhyun, it might have been a silly move, but it still gave me the comfort and protection I desperately needed. Baekhyun silently studied my face, dropping his gaze for a mere second to my hands, which were squeezing the blanket – and then the surprised look in his eyes changed to a mixture of understanding and pity.

I swallowed hard, not sure if that made me feel more relieved or sick.

"Are you better now?" he asked after a few moments of silence, his voice hoarse as if he'd also just woken up.

Staring at him, I debated whether his question was rhetorical or he’d just asked out of politeness because, just by looking at the poor and pitiful picture I presented, he should’ve already known there wasn't any chance of him receiving a positive answer. I was still slightly drunk, my headache was enormous, and – to top it all off – I had just woken up in my co-worker's bed with no idea what had happened between us during the night. And I was too ashamed to even ask him.

So instead of answering his question or letting him know about the giant black hole in my memory, I decided to explain my behavior – although still not quite sure what exactly I'd done – and throw the most heartbroken apology possible at him, in a voice dripping with regret and promises of never doing it again.

"I'm so sorry," I began quietly, unable to bring myself to lift my eyes and look at Baekhyun. My cheeks were already burning with guilt and shame, and I shut my eyes tight, trying to find my courage. Instead, another pang of conscience flooded my mind, making me stutter the rest like the fool I actually was: "I-I don't even know – I mean, I d-don't do things like this – God, I j-just... I mean..." I stopped, not really knowing anymore what I'd meant to say in the first place. I took a shaky breath, trying to calm down, feeling the sudden need to bawl like a kid.

Is this how people felt when they hit rock bottom?

"Nothing happened," Baekhyun suddenly spoke, startling me with his voice so calm and full of patience. He opened the closet, turning his back to me, and his next words almost disappeared into shelves full of clothes. "I couldn't get your address out of you and Sehun left earlier than expected, so I just brought you home with me." He quickly peeked over his shoulder to make sure I was listening, and I bit my bottom lip hard when our eyes met. His were blank, deprived of any emotion, as if he wanted to distance himself from this mess as much as possible. He motioned towards the door with a quick jerk of his head. "I slept on the couch."

The unwelcome tears gathering in the corners of my eyes blurred my vision and I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to cry. This was the moment I should have felt a sense of relief washing over me – should have just breathed out and laughed it off. But I didn't feel any of those positive emotions. Surprisingly, Baekhyun's words and his clear declaration of having not even touched me during the night didn't make me feel better. I was petrified at my behavior, at the lack of control I possessed over my own life. Everything was slipping through my fingers, and I had a feeling it would continue, even if I clenched my fists. The past days, weeks, and months had been too much for me to handle alone. I was just hopeless in everything I'd done. And maybe it was the effect of the alcohol still running in my blood, but I suddenly missed my home, my parents, and, most of all, my old life with Luhan. Everything had been so easy back then.

I thought I had it all figured out now. I thought I was over all the pain and misery, thought I was working my way back up to that peak of happiness I'd fallen from a couple months ago. But all this time, I’d just been getting slowly dragged down by the sneaky remains of my feelings for Luhan, by the hurtful comments, by the false belief that I had everything under control.

How could everything have turned into such a complete disaster?

"Hey." The mattress sank due to Baekhyun's weight, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him sitting down next to me, already fully dressed. I quickly wiped away the tears running wildly down my face, and he heaved a sigh before speaking again. "There's one very important rule in this house. No crying. You can do whatever you want otherwise, but don't you ever dare break this one."

I jerked my head up to look at Baekhyun in surprise, trembling as another sob escaped my lips. Why was he being so nice?

"Didn't you say that rules were meant to be broken?" I managed to retort, pulling the covers closer to me.

"Smartass," he smirked, handing me my jeans and a clean t-shirt I recognized as his own. I took it from him, and the fragrance of his shampoo and cologne made my stomach knot up again, making me want to leave everything and run to the toilet. I felt Baekhyun's eyes on me, and I tried to pull myself together before he felt even more uncomfortable in my company.

"I'm sorry," I uttered again, trying to steady my breath, and Baekhyun sighed with resignation, tousling his hair in an attempt to make it dry quicker. The towel he’d had on his head before now hung around his neck.

"Don't apologize," he said with his head hung low, making it hard to understand his words. "Just stop crying. I'm scared that crazy taxi driver will find me again to personally kick my ." He paused to look at me, and a hint of a smile teased his lips, despite the fact that he was trying to look offended. "He lectured me on how to treat a lady when you were crying in the backseat of the car for the entire thirty minute ride till we finally got out. Even my father doesn't bother to speak to me for that long."

"Oh God," I mumbled in embarrassment, hiding my face in my hands. I was so mortified I could hardly speak, and my head sunk into my shoulders in shame. Baekhyun's quiet laugh rang in my ears as he stood up from the bed. I heard the crack of an old wooden window near my bed, and a fresh, cool breeze rushed in a moment later. I took a deep breath, feeling the unpleasant suffocating feeling melting away as soon as the cold air caressed the skin of my exposed arms, shoulders, and face. I shook my head once more as tears pooled in my eyes again. "God, I'm so sorry... I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like... everything’s just gotten out of control."

"We’ve all been there; it happens to the best of us," he assured me with a slight, almost unnoticeable teasing note in his voice. It was poor consolation, and I couldn't help but wonder if he actually spoke for himself. I didn't know why, but the sudden urge to say the truth out loud grew inside of me. I felt the itching need to tell him about my insecurities, about every single one of my mistakes, about my longings and fears. About the fact that I didn't mean for yesterday's party to get out of control - that I meant my whole life.

And then I thought the better of it. But before I could close my mouth, the words were already spilling out, exposing every single emotion I’d been trying to keep to myself. "I wasn't only talking about last night.”

"I know." He leaned against the windowsill with his back to me. "Me too."

Not sure what to say next, I decided to stay silent. It sounded as if permission to openly investigate his life had been given to me, but I didn't dare cross that line yet. Then the determined part of me took over, and I ended up fearing it could be my one and only chance to get something out of him. I peered at Baekhyun in confusion, looking for any answer to my questions in his posture. Half of his body hung out the window as he watched the view outside with his elbows propped up on the windowsill, forearms dangling from it. He looked lost in his own thoughts. No. Just lost. As if he didn't know what to do next with the passing hours, days, years.

His quiet, almost hushed 'We've all been there’ echoed in my head, leaving me wondering again if he’d once lost control over his own life. Had he gone through the same damaging time when everything was falling apart and the only thing you could do was dodge the falling pieces of everything you’d accomplished, before they hurt you even more? According to my future self, yes. I, on the other hand, still wasn't so sure, because Baekhyun was more on the partying, fun side of life now. Although I had to admit that he always seemed to have an oddly pained look in his eyes, as if deep inside, something bothered him. You couldn't see it often, as he usually joked around with Sehun and wore his I-am-too-cool-to-care façade, but there were moments – short ones, lasting a few seconds at most – when he would put his guard down and the vulnerability locked deep inside would crawl out.

Like the day we'd had that fight and I'd called him useless.

The memories of it flew back to me like a boomerang, crashing into me and bringing with it an unbearable guilt growing in the pit of my stomach. Bitter back then and confused-with-life drunkard now. Yup, that was me – a helpless girl trying to get her together, but instead miserably falling down over and over again. Maybe I was the one who needed someone to guide me and pull me out of this misery.

Suddenly, a terrifying realization stopped my heart from beating, making me freeze. I quickly recalled all the information and facts that I knew about the future. It had all started because I was supposed to save Baekhyun, but wh