I’d never cried so hard.

No, scratch that. I’d never cried so hard in a train. Or in any other public place. But there I was, choking on my own tears with the remains of my mascara smeared all over my face and the issues I’d used to wipe my eyes with. Not only did I look like a walking disaster, I also felt like one. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t care what other people thought, and even the curious or pitying glances I’d received didn’t stop me from crying to my heart’s content.

I had been dumped twice, and that was enough of a reason for me to bawl like a newborn baby without shame in front of people I didn’t even know.

But I wasn’t crying because of our breakup. I was mad and frustrated with myself, having finally realized how stupid I’d been by protecting Luhan the whole time and treating my close friends like they were the ones at fault. Saying goodbye to Luhan had helped me to open my eyes properly and see how much I’d messed up, especially with Sehun. Being in love had its dark and ugly side, which I’d just experienced. Sometimes, the feeling was so strong that you’d overlook the big and obvious flaws you saw in the person you loved. You’d close your eyes and ears to maintain the perfect image you had of him and push away everyone who dared to challenge it. That was exactly what I had done, and I felt so bad for not realizing it sooner.

But somehow, even with this mess that was happening to me, I found myself breathing out in relief. I finally knew where I stood and could move on without any regrets. Luhan had clarified everything, and we’d broken up properly. There was no going back now; no future with Luhan, no Luhan at all in my life. I felt like I had just finished the long drying-out I needed. I could now take a deep breath, roll up my sleeves and pave the way to my happiness, leaving the painful things behind and fixing everything I had destroyed before.

Starting with Baekhyun.

He definitely deserved an apology, and no matter how hard it would be to apologize to someone I despised so much, it wouldn’t be fair to leave the situation as it was without a single apology. I had treated him with no respect, and I felt incredibly bad about it. The only problem was that I had no idea where to find him, and I was more than convinced he would be the last person coming to our café after what I said to him.

But I didn’t want to make another mistake. I didn’t have time for it. Although the idea of Baekhyun being the person I had to protect from death was still so surreal to me, I decided to give it a try. The long ride back home was enough time for me to study the advice my future self had given me in my dreams, and Baekhyun matched perfectly with her description. Maybe in the future she knew, I already was close to Baekhyun, which also meant I had to get close to him now. Since we still didn’t know each other very well, nor had we established a good relationship, I was pretty sure his death wasn’t going to happen anytime soon – which gave me more time to fix things properly. But I wasn’t going to test my theory. This time, no matter how hard it was or how much time it would take, I was going to find him and change the future.

I wanted to protect him.

Well, easier said than done. No matter how determined I was, I obviously needed help to find him. Apparently Sehun was the only person who knew him well that I could think of. He was also the person currently wishing to choke me and toss my body out the window, which didn’t exactly make things easier for me. But I couldn’t really blame him; he had a right to be mad at me after what I’d said and done.

So holding a bag with five bottles of soju and two large pizzas – an essential part of my apology – I headed to Sehun’s apartment, praying for him to be home. I needed to ring the bell once for him to open the door. Seeing him with his hair pushed back, fully dressed in skinny jeans and a black button up shirt with rolled-up sleeves and the first two buttons left undone, I knew he was about to leave for a party.

“What are you doing here?”

I was getting that question a lot these days, wasn’t I? I lifted the bag in my hand and shook it engagingly with a sheepish smile on my face. “I came to do something that eighty-five percent of the people on this planet can’t do properly.”

Leaning against the closed door with his arms crossed, he narrowed his eyes in suspicion and then raised his brows in surprise. “Don’t tell me you’re going to perform a random tongue twister in front of me, holding onto a bag with alcohol,” he said with a serious look on his face, and I couldn’t help but snort with laughter, making the whole situation even more suspicious to him. “Wait, how much have you already drunk?”

“None.” I rolled my eyes and extended the bag in his direction, encouraging him to take it. “I came here to apologize.”

“Oh.” His lips twitched as he eyed me and the bribe I’d brought with me. “This should be interesting.”

I should’ve known that Sehun wasn’t going to forgive me so easily. He was going to derive as much satisfaction from me stuttering an apology in front of him as possible, and I really couldn’t do anything about it. I deserved it and couldn’t complain. I air into my cheeks and let it out slowly, thinking what to say first.

“Well,” I stammered, looking to the side and hoping to find the remains of my courage that had vanished the moment Sehun opened the door. Feeling his eyes boring a hole into my face, I decided to say everything that was on my mind. I lifted my head with determination to look at him properly. “As you said, I was out of my mind, acted like a and made everyone’s life a living hell. I insulted you and Baekhyun for no reason and I feel horrible. I want to turn back time, but I can’t, and the only thing I can say is that I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

He observed me in silence, never taking his eyes off mine, and I shifted uncomfortably under his stare, waiting for his answer. Was he going to forgive me?

“Do you really mean that?” he finally asked, tilting his head to the side, still leaning against the door with his arms crossed. I nodded, chewing guiltily on my bottom lip, and then he hummed with understanding before speaking again. “Then kneel down.”

That took me by surprise, and I almost choked on my saliva. I fought the urge to let a loud ‘what the hell’ leave my mouth and instead looked at Sehun with my eyes wide. His lips pressed together into a thin, tight line told me he was dead serious, and I wondered to myself if it really was necessary to kneel down in front of him. But before my pride could strike up again, I found myself bending down without a word of protest. And before my knees touched the ground, I felt Sehun’s hand on my arm, pulling me up.

“Whoa, I was just joking,” he assured, looking at me with eyes full of surprise and amusement. “I didn’t think you would actually do it.”

“I’m really sorry,” I muttered, suddenly feeling weak and tired. “I really am.”

“I know you are.” He patted my head gently. “But have some respect for yourself as well. You think too much of what is appropriate to do, and trust me, that’s never good. Don’t do everything people want you to; just do what you want to do once in a while, Su Jin. And please,” he pleaded, “stop being Luhan’s puppet. That guy is destroying everything good about you.”

I managed to let a short laugh. “You don’t need to worry about it anymore. The Luhan era of my life is finally over. We broke up today.”

He eyed me suspiciously again, narrowing his eyes. “Again? You two want to set a new Guinness world record, don’t you?”

“No.” I hit his arm lightly, smiling a little at his ridiculous comments, which obviously were supposed to lighten the atmosphere and make me laugh. “The first time, it was just me throwing out a random ‘let’s break up’ before he had even explained everything to me. I wasn’t really ready to hear him out that time. But I’m glad it’s over now.”

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter