♛ Title: You are mine!

♛ User Name: KB2STS

♛ Story link: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/474738/you-are-mine-infinite-myungsoo-woohyun-you-sadistmyungsoo

♛ Genre: Angst

▬▬ The Review▬▬

 1; Title (3/5)

The title is written incorrectly. It should be written as ‘You are Mine!’ Like the others I have reviewed, it’s best to keep note that usually the first and last word are kept capitalised. Also, this is a far common title- many stories on AFF have the same thing.

2; Poster (4.5/5)

I love your poster and it’s well made! The only flaw was that it didn’t quite match up to the story, well, yet. I think a tragedy was beginning in the end, so it might match up with the poster eventually.

3; Description & Foreword (2.5/5)

I’ll hate to give you this mark, but there are problems all over the place. There are grammatical problems and also, I’ll advise you to write your character introductions in sentences, or at least, capitalise your words.

If you are going to tell the audience that there is a marriage, then you should include the happening of the marriage within three to four chapters, which you didn’t do. This often leaves the readers in confusion.

4; Plot(9/15)

When he pauper falls in love with the rich, when the main characters are in a love hate relationship- the plot you are using is a common cliché found in Asian dramas and also mangas, which isn’t a good sign. I have yet to see a plot twist, so I cannot acquire you a high score on this. But it’s everyone’s favourite, so I guess, it’s acceptable.

5; Characters (9/15)

Yumi and Myungsoo’s personalities are just as cliché as the plot. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s not a good thing- this depends all on the reader. I personally don’t mind as much, but some people will. The story has just begun, so I cannot tell if there is any character development. I reckon Yumi should be a little more evil, which will spark the interest of many people.

7; Flow (4/5)

There was no approximation of time. I felt like it was only for three days; however it was actually already half a year! That was quite a shocker. Be a little more clearer with time, please.

8; Grammar (7.5/15)

One, the tenses constantly changes from present to past.  This is extremely befuddling. In the first half of chapter one, the story is in present tense, however, there was turn afterwards. You said ‘Myungsoo hissed,’ however, it should have been ‘Myungsoo hisses.’ There were a few other cases of using past tense instead of present tense. As a normal tip that I give out, stick with one tense, preferably past and you should be okay.

Two, you put ‘his’ instead of ‘he’s,’ and you wrote ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re.’ These are common mistakes which everyone makes in some stage of their lives. To figure out which one to use, say it. You would be saying ‘his’ and ‘he is,’ and similarly, saying ‘your’ and ‘you are.’ This will stop you from falling into the trap!

Three, you used multiple point-of-views, which is a deathly trap. I’ve seen heaps of young girls fall into this trap, on this website. Just stick to one perspective: first, second or third. You need to note, that in many famous books, a majority would use third person. If you are unsure about the point of views, please click the link in between the brackets. (http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/first-second-and-third-person).

9; Punctuation (7.5/15)
Basic stuff should be note- where to put the commas and full stops. You have yet skilled this.

But before I baffle on about this, I must first teach you this. People on Asianfanfics tend to write ‘?!’ or ‘!!’- But it’s actually incorrect. It should be, let me take, an example from your story:

‘the only thing I want to tell him is that I will not sell the land but what?! HE ISN'T HERE!!’

How it should be written:

‘I only wanted to tell him that I will not sell the land, but what? He isn’t here!’

Now! Let’s get back to what I was originally talking about! You should always put a comma after one has finished their conversation. From what you wrote:

"So you will be working starting tomorrow." said the one who interviewed me.

What you should have written:

“So you will be working, starting tomorrow,” said the one who interviewed me.

The best advice I could give once again: type it, read it out and if it sounds right, then it is right. That is, unless you have speech problems. This could help you with both in oral and in writing! I overcame my awful English by doing this!

10; Vocabulary (2/5)

There is a fair amount of redundancy found within your work. This clearly indicates your knowledge of words. To broaden your amount of vocabulary, I’d advise you to read more books and when you meet a word you do not understand, find its meaning and write it down!

11; Layout (1.5/5)

There was no impressive layout done, there was lack of effort.

12; Personal Enjoyment (3/5)

I had trouble understanding your story and your plot was a bit too cliché. But, I guess it is okay. I mean, you have MYUNGSOO! I love that y- creature.

Total Mark: (53.5/100)

▬▬ Author's Notes▬▬

I tried to be as nice as possible, but I'm a harsh marker. But then again, I have strange standards. Don't be pooped out by what the mark is, just look at my advice. It'll help you generate a better story with better English! 

CHINS UP AND I HOPED YOU LEARNED SOME THINGS!

(http://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/Editor)

A special present for you. I felt bad.