It was quiet until they reached Jiyoon’s apartment door. Chunji restrained himself from questioning anything, thinking that it was only Jiyoon being not well. The girl had been trying her best to fake everything while she’s still with Chunji. When in fact, she felt like her soul wasn’t there with them anymore since the words came out of CAP’s mouth.

“Thanks a lot, Chanhee.” Her attempt to calm her heartbeat down just caused her panting instead. “See you later,” told her with a smile plastered on her face, hoping that it looked as sincere as possible.

Chunji who had been watching her all along could only worriedly show a faint smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to be accompanied until your dad got back home?”

Jiyoon gave a weak yet sure nod. “I’m gonna take some meds and sleep anyway. Don’t worry.”

“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything, okay?” he couldn’t hide the truth that he actually was still worried about her. “I’ll make my way to help you no matter what.”

“I appreciate it. I’m keeping that in mind. Thank you,” replied her. “Please tell CAP Oppa I’m sorry for leaving too early, also for taking you along with me.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that anyway,” Chunji laughed a little. “I’ll do it as soon as possible. I’m sure he understands the situation. Your health is more important though.”

They stared at each other in silence for a moment. Awkwardness cannot be avoided, indeed.

“I... I should leave now. Get well soon, Jiyoon-ah,” he broke the air first. “Hurry gets some rest.”

“Thanks for the wishes. I will,” said her, showing another positive nod. “Be careful on your way, Chanhee. Don’t speed.”

Chunji couldn’t stop a wide grin to spread on his face, ear to ear. “I promise I won’t, Miss Kim.”

“Good to know. No matter how annoying you are, I won’t let you die young,” her joke got a hiss from him.

“I’m going now,” told him before leaving a light kiss on her forehead, which sent chills down her spine in the remembrance of their past. “Ya, don’t act like you’ve never been kissed by me. Take care, Jiyoon-ah.”

Her mind simply couldn’t process anything at the moment. “Y…yes I will. Bye, Chunji.” She hurriedly went in and closed the door as he’s out of her sight. It only needed a second for her sobs to break.

So that’s it. Arranged marriage it is. Changjo is getting married soon and it’s not me whom he’s marrying to. It’s not you, Jiyoon. All the things you had weren’t more than just your best daydream. They’re not real. They’re fake, just as fake as you to Chanhee back then. Now you see who stays and who goes. He lied to you all along, Jiyoon. He’s not there, he’s never been there. He knew what’s coming already. He never intended to take you out for real. You’re not more than just an escapement to him until the deadline comes. You’re just an escapement. You’re just easily used. He didn’t love you for real. He would stay for you if he did. He made his runaway to you and now it’s you whom he’s escaping from. He’s an escapee and you just haven’t learnt of that. He doesn’t stay. He won’t. He knew that this is coming sooner or later. He knew. He already knew. And he lied to you.

The voice of her mind was distracted as she ran to the toilet, feeling the nausea came up again. Sobs and pants were back on their way after. Dragging herself out of the toilet, she barely made it to her bed just to let bigger and deeper sobs flew out of her lungs. She shut her eyes closed for a moment before opening it again just to shoot a blank stare on the ceiling. She let out a shaky sigh realizing that it’s not just another nightmare she had.

The cycle kept repeating until midnight. She passed dinner time without coming out of her room after simply telling her dad that she had it first. She couldn’t even imagine how she’d look at that time which undoubtedly would be questioned from A to Z. Chunji had been texting her for times, but that’s not what she needed. She didn’t want any of that. It’s not him she wished to be around her. Lee Chanhee wouldn’t change a thing. Changjo would, although Jiyoon herself wasn't sure about it. He still had the chance anyway.

She was hurt, indeed. Changjo had hurt her countless. But that’s what made her tough and be what she was at the moment. She had been shaped from all of the hardships they went through in a short time. Changjo made her. Then he left, merely leaving her in despair.

******

Morning sunlight woke her up. Dizziness was the first thing which greeted her. She’s just awake for less than two minutes before she ran to the bathroom again, feeling that the nausea had gone worse. Putting an effort to freshen herself up, she spent a moment to wash her face although she was still panting hard from the throw up. Her guess on the previous night was right. She looked terrible, she got to admit. Nobody wanted to see her in that state, even herself.

She forced herself to go to the kitchen. Morning news accompanied her breakfast time. A toast would help her to live the whole day, she thought beforehand. The only toast she’s having had been eaten halfway when the bell rang. She was impressed how half of a toast could energize her to run towards the front door. But what she saw from the camera only turned her disappointed in the early morning. She slowly walked back to the living room couch without bothering herself to let the guest come into the house.

I’m sorry, Chanhee. It’s better this way, she sighed heavily.

The bell then rang again for three times before it finally stopped. He’s gone already. The guilt was there, to reject him for the umpteenth time. It had always been there. Nonetheless, she couldn’t lie to herself that she wanted it that way.

Lying and faking everything hurt. It’s tiring. I hope you’ll understand, Oppa.

The rest of the day was spent wisely, at least to her. She got a lot of physical rest although it wasn’t really it to her mind and heart. She tamed down her nausea by forcing herself to eat another toast for her late lunch. The couch was so cozy all of a sudden to her that it made her fell asleep for hours after. Noises from the TV and her ringing phone in her room couldn’t budge the tired Jiyoon.

It was around half past 7 in the evening when her dad’s voice woke her up. Sure enough she was that drained to be able to spend her afternoon sleeping for hours, she thought. She blinked for a few times as she tried to gather herself back.

“Jiyoon-ah, your friend is visiting. He’s waiting for you in front.” It’s his second time repeating his words since the daughter hadn’t seemed to be sober yet. With a flash scan, Jiyoon could tell that he just got back from work from his appearance. “He’s been waiting for you when I came.”

She sat up and stayed still for a moment. “Who’s it?

“I didn’t ask his name. I haven’t met him before though,” he simply shrugged.

“Would you please tell him that I’m sleeping?” she hadn’t moved any inch from her current position. “I don’t really want to see him right now,” she sighed.

Her dad looked at her for a moment before he went to the front door, fulfilling his daughter’s wish. “Done. His name is Chunji,” informed him later when he got back.

“As expected,” she said shortly before getting up to get herself a glass of water.

“Your boyfriend, huh?” her dad’s question caused her to stop halfway.

It was only replied with a laugh and she casually continued her walk. “No, he’s just a friend,” she answered for real as she’s back from the kitchen. “Why? Playing protective?” she elbowed her dad, teasing him.

He hissed. “What’s wrong with asking you such thing? I just have to.”

“Being jealous, then?” she smirked. “I’m not going anywhere, Dad.”

“Do you have a boyfriend currently?” her dad shot it right away without bothering himself to respond on her previous words.

The smirk vanished in a blink, undoubtedly. She couldn’t help to turn silenced from the question and drowned into her own thoughts about it. “Is that important?” she asked back.

“Just wondering, maybe you’ve got a boyfriend to my unknown,” explained him nonchalantly as he’s busy with his phone.

Jiyoon stared at him who’s clearly wasn’t looking at her. “If I say yes, then what?” she mindlessly challenged.

“Good to know,” he said, gaze still stuck on the phone screen before he finally raised his head to look at her.”But don’t get too attached on him. You’re just getting your heart broken. I’m warning you.”

She snorted. “I have though.”

“I’m not surprised at all,” he laughed a little. “How long have you been going out with him?” he had put his phone aside, getting interested on the talk.

“Me? And him?” she hissed at the query. “A bit longer than this talk we’re having right now probably.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “That short? Really, Kim Jiyoon? Oh, come on!”

“Well, I’ve known him for a month, but that’s not important anymore,” she chuckled bitterly.

“Who’s it?” the curiosity made him questioned everything. “A guy I know?”

“It’s not important anymore, Dad.” She rolled her eyes at him, annoyed.

His furrowed eyebrows were still there. “So, I’m confused here. What are you with him now?”

She smiled meaningfully before answering his question. “Nothing.”

******

There were tons of messages and missed calls from Chunji waiting for her in the untouched phone. She had a quick scan on the preview just to know what she had already known. It’s just him being worried as hell and wishing her a quick recovery, telling her to rest and such. She didn’t have any interest on sending at least a short text just to shut him up at the first place, but her little heart still had its kindness to send him one eventually.

It didn’t take long for her to think about Changjo again after the unwanted and unexpected talk with her dad. She really had no idea what they were. By that, she had no idea what stance she should keep the whole time either. Being honest, she still loved him, she did, the same the way it was from the start. It never changed. She was negative that it would change. She was hurt, indeed, she couldn’t lie about it. She hated him, she did. But the love she got for him had bore it all. It healed the deep and unwanted wounds and scars given by him.

She had never been in love that way. People might think she’s crazy enough to stay and pretend everything’s fine. It’s a good thing that nobody knew about it. She had spent her time pretending until the truth was revealed. She might be the best pretender, but in the end it just led her to nothing. The one she had been waiting for was going towards the opposite way of hers. They would never meet, unless faith circled the straight lines for the two lovers. But it’s unlikely to happen as no one would dare to bet any cent on it.

She had lost her way. She was stuck on her place, the current place she’s standing, going nowhere, tired from her short journey. She’s wasted enough. Truth slapped her both ways. The time for her to decide her stance had come. And to her, there’s nothing better than nothing.

******

“Are you still vomiting these days?” Jiyoon who was preparing breakfast startled when her dad suddenly appeared behind her.

“You shocked me!” she grunted first instead of answering the real question. “It’s getting-“ she was about to lie, but her body worked against her will. She had already gone to the bathroom in a flash.

Her dad stared seriously at her once she came back. “Worse,” he finished her words by himself. “You have to go to the doctor today before you throw all your insides up. This is mandatory and I don’t want to hear any whine. You have to. Clear enough, Kim Jiyoon?”

She sighed between her unfinished pants from the vomit, “Copy that.” She walked past her dad and finished her cooking. “Your breakfast’s ready,” announced her as she brought one serving of pancakes to the dining area.

“And yours?” her dad was made confused. “You have to eat, Jiyoonnie,” told him after witnessing negative reaction of her.

“Fine, I’ll get myself a toast.” She rolled her eyes. “At least I eat, okay?” she argued first as he was about to nag again. “Now enjoy yours, Sir.” She flashed a smile and went back to the kitchen to fulfill her previous words.

She took a shower and drove to the hospital soon after her dad went to work. Driving was the only best option she had. To her it’s better than seeing crowds on the bus and trains which could make her sick. Other than that, she didn’t want to ask Chunji a favor since she would have to meet him if she did so.

Jiyoon had no idea since when she hated hospitals. No matter how bright the hospitals’ lights are, it would still be gloomy and eerie to her. She got to deal with it regularly on her early days which caused her to avoid going there as she grew up.

Her luck was there that she had finished basic tests under 15 minutes. Syringes didn’t scare her, they annoyed her. She could only wish for her consultation session to come as soon as possible so that she could escape faster from the bright white hell. After spending approximately another 15 minutes putting music on her ears—as an attempt to reduce her nervousness on the hospital, her turn finally came.

“Good morning, Miss Kim. Been a long time, finally,” the doctor greeted his regular patient in the previous years. “I’ve been glad not to see you here knowing that you must be all fine, but unfortunately you seem to be missing me to chase me down here,” he joked. “What is it, dear?”

Jiyoon sighed heavily at his words, “Dad made me went here since I haven’t stopped vomiting for days. I don’t even know if it might have been…weeks? I don’t know.”

“How could you survive during those days? Your stomach indeed has grown stronger,” he got up from his seat and gestured her to go to the patient bed for him to have a check. “What do you feel until now?” he continued asking as he started his work.

“Nausea, bad one, and also dizziness which sometimes turn into headaches,” explained her. “Those are the ones which bothers me most. I just can’t stand it. At first I thought it was only my gastritis and light flu since I was quite tired in the past weeks, but the nausea hasn’t stopped until now.”

“Now let’s analyze your tests’ results.” He took off his stethoscope and walked back towards his seat with Jiyoon following behind him. He was then reading the documents from the tests she had had earlier. “There’s nothing dangerous, gratefully. It’s all fine. Your gastric isn’t messing up with you anymore,” he laughed to calm her down. “I’ll give you a shot to ease the nausea and just some basic vitamins for your health. You have to take care of yourself more from now on, Jiyoon-ah.”

Her relaxed face muscles finally could form a smile in the last hours. “Glad to know that, Doc. I will try my best.”

“You’re prettier when you smile, Jiyoon-ah. You know that. Stay healthy, okay? I want to meet you somewhere else with a smile, not a sad face like you just did earlier,” the old man said. He wasn’t a stranger to her due to the frequency of her visit. She listened to his advice just as well as she did to her own dad’s.

“I will try, Doc. I will. Let’s meet again later with my healthier self,” she chuckled a little.

The friendly doctor laughed along with her. “After you get the shot, please meet Doctor Cho. Her room is down the hallway. I want her to give you better advices and specific vitamins you need to take further,” told him as he wrote down the prescription.

Jiyoon frowned. “What for? I thought you said I’m all fine?”

He calmly smiled as he handed her the paper. “So that the little angel inside you can grow healthily and won’t dare to tease its mom with endless nausea anymore.”

A/N:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA not funny, Jongsoon-ah. I love you all x

btw, Blablablast and I got a new angsty fic titled "1995", starring TEEN TOP Ricky, BTOB Sungjae, VIXX Hyuk, and TEEN TOP Changjo. Here you go: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/977007/1995-angst-changjo-drama-ricky-hyuk-sungjae

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